Lighten Up: Seven Ways to Kick the Suffering Habit

This will positively affect your productivity! This is another simple trick to get you out of that horribly depressing state. This might also be the easiest trick for some of you. Movement or motion distracts the brain from trivial moodiness. Whenever you are feeling lethargic, bored, sad, or low — simply start walking.

This is especially beneficial for those who are at a stationary job or in a stationary home environment. Sitting in one place for too long can cause a hindrance in blood and oxygen circulation, which, in turn, disturbs hormonal chemistry in the brain leading to bad moods and irritability. When you feel low, distract yourself. This trick will be tougher to implement because when you are down, that is where you are: Watch television, play a game, call a friend, read a book, listen to music, take a walk, do those damned crunches.

However, indulge in uplifting activities. Most of us misunderstand this step. I will talk more about the misunderstandings in the last two tips. Just remember to push yourself against the lethargy to break free from your state. This is an important trick to gain control of your raucous emotions. You may have heard that depressed people use television as a distraction. Well, we are not talking exclusively about depression, but television can aid in boosting your happy hormones all the same. Sadly, some of the most loved programmes on television Indian Tele are often melodramatic.

Melodrama is pumped and pressed without restriction — right from soap operas to popular reality shows. The key here is to uplift your mood, which can only be done by switching to a comic episode. Pick out your favourite series. Laughter will ease your tension. You will attain clarity! There is nothing worse than listening to depressing music during low moments. Only a fool would believe that listening to sad songs when sad and angry songs when angry helps one move on.

Remember, our aim is to get OUT of the low phase, not sucked into one. That is what sad songs do — they keep us ruminating about our sadness without offering a way out. Instead, listen to upbeat music. Listen to tunes that make you want to dance, that make you want to move around. It all boils down to what you want: I hope these tips come in handy in your situation. If you can, at the least, follow only one method and I can guarantee the results. What do you have to say about these tips? Do you follow any of them?

Do you think these methods will be any good for you? I am waiting for you in the comments. I am feeling down, just loose the interest in life. No spark in life,,,,, how to overcome from this situation,? The kind inside us has been killed by yourself…. Yeah this ideas will work, though i must point out that not the same ideas will work for everybody, like for the part where you suggested upbeat music, on the contrary, when i am in a foul mood, listening to RnB helps drown the mood away and soon i get caught up in the singing will forgetting my worries, All the same, these ideas are great.

I definitely agree with movement and activity. I never thought allowing your self to be sad could be a good way to lift your spirits but your right. All the above helped! The tips mentioned in this post are indeed uplifting. Especially I liked the one — Be sad and express your emotions. Venting them out will make you feel lighter. I really needed to see this right now as I am going through my finals!

A good cry is catharsis and I totally agree. We need to let go of this emotion and let it take its course. I wanted to visit mom because she lived 20 mins away but I told myself that preparing for my exams was more important. I called her and she told me she was eating then dropped the call on me. My sister who lived with my mom sent me a message at 6pm that evening saying my mom had a stroke.

I rushed to the hospital to be with her. During the CT scan they made me pin her down even though she was in so much pain. The monday the doctor told us my mom was fine and that she would be discharged. There was nothing wrong with her. We took her for all her check ups prior to the stroke. A week later Thursday, 31st May my mom died. They said she was coming home. They said she was fine. My mom was not ill so why. I lost my father and mother within 10 months of each other also. It was a horrible experience and continues to be a horrible feeling.

I try to make it everyday and am making some progress but it hurts so bad. I was 57 yrs old and still cry like a baby. Try to make time to go through the grieving process of shock, disbelief, anger etc. Miss them so much!!!! I lost both of my parents within 14 months. My mother died April 30, and my Daddy died July 1, Thank you so much for this post. Losing my dad December 1, , I never knew how hard my heart would continue to break. I miss what our future was to hold, sharing memories with my boys. Nothing can prepare you for the loneliness of grief.

I avoid most get togethers and holidays due to sadness. I hate those that have parents even thought I still have and cherish my mom. The emptiness never goes away. I think these are all awesome and spot on. I lost my wonderful soulmate -best friend-lover of 37 years marriage and 44 years of love from first sight this August 9th. She had stage 4 lung cancer that spread t her brain. We were downstate NY for it and we had to wait another week to leave and come home upstate to Buffalo where we had just moved into our retirement home, So yes we only got 2 months of retirement starting March.

We bought our dream home- to have 20 or so Golden years- our time for the good life. But the grief is never ending- the regrets- anger- denial all the stages hit at various moments-days-times- I can no longer enjoy the home that is now just a house or even better a tomb for me. I too feel as if family has already moved on and forgot. I could be wrong but I dont know- I am so alone but nobody calls. My daughter tries and gets me to go with my grandchildren to events but its not the same- I just feel bad because my wife is missing these times she came up here to have- she lived for the time to be with the grandkids and she was robbed of it all in only 2 months after diagnosis she was gone!

I came here to retire and live the good life and all I did was come up to bury her along with all our hopes and dreams. I have now lost my past-present and future! I am 64 she was only 62 and now its all gone! Why not- you already took my life-now take it all-please. When I see morning sunlight it just awakens the pain all over again.

But again all your points here hit the spot! I hear the hope in your words. I once was in your shoes. It takes a long time to work thru the healing process but it is worth it. Just keep going thru the motions, try to make the best of the day, see the beauty in being alive somehow. I know it sounds weird but it is the only way thru this.

I felt like I was walking 2 feet off the ground for the first 2 years and then I came back to earth…I didnt know it at the time but I do now…and now even though I still grieve my loss I am in control of my grief. I know what I am dealing with. Please try to keep going for your dear loved one. She only wants you to go foreward and enjoy all that life has to give. She is watching from above. All the Best, Gary! Many of us seem to be in the same boat. Who ever thought it would come to this. I yelled at some family members during the days after my husband died.

He lingered for twelve agonizing days in ICU before passing away on the operating table. Not even a phone call to see how I was doing. I guess they will probably wait until hell freezes over! I learned some important things from this situation, however — family cannot always be counted on to be there for you in your darkest hour! And some family members are pitifully weak, selfish and ignorant when it comes to death and grieving! They have no children, so I wonder, who will be there for them?

I had two wonderful sons who made my grief much more bearable — but who will be there for these so-called family members of mine? I lost my mother three weeks ago to lung cancer she was I honestly feel I did most of my grieving whilst she was going downhill over the summer. Love to you all. My father passed 10 years ago, and looking back as I get older I realize just how difficult it was to process.

I had a complicated relationship with dad, and when he passed suddenly it deeply affected me. In the months following his passing, I wrote a song expressing the very feelings I had and complex grief I was enduring. I decided not too long ago to actually go in studio and get it professionally recorded. My mother and father have both passed in the last three and a half years. My mother suffered with kidney,heart, and pain everywhere for 10 years.

She became unconscious, on a ventilator and life support.

How to Uplift your mood when you are Depressed:

They say the hearing is the last to go. I told her I would be alright because it was time for her to go to heaven and she had been sick long enough and that I lovedher and what a great human being she had been. I did not have to have them pull the plug. I think she was trying to hang on forme.

After they pulled the ventilator she had a slight smile on her face. I cried and rejoiced because she is in heaven. How do I know this.? They had to take it and she hemoridged. My dad was in the waiting room not knowing any thing was wrong. He was not mental. He saw a vision on the wall of my mother in a white gown walking up a dirt road. He saw the pearly gates and Saint Petey. Me and our 4 kids need her. The doctor came out soon after and told my dad they pulled me out with forecepts and all her veins collapsed.

Another Dr came down the hall and said the biggest vein is in her foot and saved her. With my dad he had cancer. He got his final wave of energy and thought he was being healed. I didn,t have the heart to tell him this is part of dieting so I never got to say goodbye. Although I told my mother to tell him when she was dying. She was finalising the estate of her mum who died last November — she died the day she was due to fly home. Her burial was incredibly rapid — she died in the Monday and I was at her funeral on the Thursday. There is no rule book for grief and mourning- but a lot of the stuff on this list is right.

So many people gave me advice — alot of it was because they wanted to help. I wish someone had told me that people would rather avoid you than comfort you, and that most of your tears are shed alone. My GF died 8 weeks ago and it is by far the worst period of my life. Everything, everyplace reminds me of her. After 5 years of marriage I discovered that the man I love so much started acting funny and suddenly changed his password that he has been using over the years now and always keeping his phone to himself.

He is always on calls and getting his phone off him is like trying to take a bone from a hungry dog. I told my best friend about it and she told me about a particular hacker. This has been wonderful to read. I lost my rock, strength, my everything my husband on August 4, We have two wonderful boys. I try and not see me cry all the time.

But they have been my rocks through a lot. Grief really changes you. He was 49 and it was sudden and out of the blue. I have to keep reliving that day, because I keep thinking he is going to show up. It is a living nightmare everyday. Crying yourself to sleep every night, and waking up crying!!!! It was very sudden, being a car accident.

Anyway, the knowing that you will never get to talk ever again ever. Knowing he will never come home and walk through the door ever aha is terrible.

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I have now started grieving for the next two closest people to me — my mom and my husband — even though there is not a single thing wrong with them, save for bad genetics. I have realized that anxiety is simply an impatient version of grief waiting for its cue to enter — and it is perpetually waiting in the wings for me. Usually at the same time. As an atheist with no children, I truly fear for what will become of me when the last two that I love the most are gone.

What do I do with me? I have no faith to hold me here. No children to be obligated to care for. The last two people keeping me tethered to this world will likely die before me. I am certain I will not be able to find joy without them here. I will only be a burden to anyone who is left. My mom just passed away almost 2 weeks ago.

She was 57 and battled stage 4 metastatic melanoma for 9 years. Little did I know this was the last text my mom was going to send me. Crying in fact DOES come in waves and completely out of nowhere. I cried when I told her my goodbyes in the hospital, I cried when everyone said their goodbyes to her. I cried at the viewing and funeral, very little. Now i catch myself crying very little and very randomly over the smallest things. I lost my mom on All my other siblings had the time to say their goodbyes and have their conversations but my niece and I were on duty.

I made myself take a few moments alone to say my goodbyes but the other thing no one tells you is that the person you are caring for may become angry with their caregivers. Mom did and that could not be the furthest from who she was normally. I had been her primary care giver for her 6 year cancer battle, and it was an honor to be by her side. Though the last 2 weeks were different brutal really.

I relive that final 24 hours more than anyone knows. Not sure I will ever be able to let those go. Oh… Hospice… who knew how little help or guidance you really get from them. I sure as heck did not. Family feuds— from what i know now are not uncommon but lord are they unnecessary and horrible. I lost my beloved husband. It comes out of no where. She found out May 10 four days after her birthday that she had pancreatic cancer that had spread to her liver. We were counting on chemo but she died the week she was supposed to start treatment. She took a major turn for the worse mainly because of acute liver failure and lived for only six more days after going to the hospital.

I talked to her a lot and made her as comfortable as possible while she could still tell me what she needed. Not being able to talk back and forth with her was particularly sad because we had wonderful, heartwarming conversations over the years. Like the loved ones dirty socks still lying in their bedroom floor or whenever you see their favorite candy.

The biggest surprise for me was the physical aches and pain. The physical sickness I feel from grieving. It like the flu almost. But last much longer. My mother has only been gone 2 months but the waves keep pounding me. Sometimes, without even realizing it, you not only mourn the loss of a person, but you mourn the loss of a life you thought you were going to have. My mom died a few months ago. We were very close even though we had a difficult relationship. My whole body aches. I recently lost my husband of 10 years. He died of hypertension just 2 days in hospital.

He died 15 June ,I am still in shock. He left me I was 9 months pregnant and was due the following week he died. I could not do body viewing and I did not go to bury him. I have recently been blessed with a baby boy and I have 2 beautiful girls. T have lost my dad but death seem to be new. I have all the feelings and emotions you can think of,my world is upside down.

This is also a very good post which I really enjoyed reading. It is not every day that I have the possibility to see something like this.. With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? Do you know any methods to help prevent content from being stolen? I definitely love reading everything that is written on your site. Keep the tips coming. I wish I had known how physical grief could be.

I thought I had some kind of disease until I figured out it was literally the weight of the grief I was carrying. No one really understands how deeply we hurt for our loved ones, it makes you realize how alone you truly are. I watch her videos almost every day, I touch her on the screen, wanting to feel her soft skin and warm breathe on my face, her smell….. She passed on March 19, , I held her in my arms on the way to the hospital and kissed her and told her I how much she meant to me and to our other family members, she brought them up, she nutured them and helped to make them whole. I told her that if she cannot breathe I will breathe for her.

She is mine and I am hers and that will be forever. Such a great list. I really appreciate with this. I will must share it to others and also to my facebook page. Thanks fo rthe sharing such a informative article. I lost my brother in law, Chance, more of a big brother less than a month ago. We were very close. I never knew I was going to feel crazy when Chance died. I tune out the world and hear songs and his voice so clear like he is sitting right next to me. I still send him messages telling him about my day and how his daughter is doing.

I miss him and I will love him forever. I do wish I would have let him stay in my house where he would have been safe guilt. I told a close friend that I intended to create a page on instagram directed to other males that very close to their mothers. Itreally a great and useful piece of info. I am satisfied that you shared this useful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. The dream always finds a way to rear its ugly head and you grieve it all over again.

In 17 years, through guilt of being alive, I have systematically lost everything my beautiful husband and I worked so hard for, that I now have nothing. I ruined my relationship with my beautiful girls, and I am still so very lost. I wish my doctor had visited me after my husband died… or someone had put me somewhere for my own protection from myself, until I could cope.

I still cry everyday with grief for jom. I lost my son on June 24, I was devastated to say the least. That scared me because at that time I was doing good just to breathe. So maybe people should be careful on advice to a person who is in the beginning stages of grief. I was afraid that if I was never going to get better then I may have to be placed in an institution.

I know now logically what people meant but at that time I was not thinking logically. One day at a time and I manage to get out of bed, work and function. Just hold off on advice the first days afterwards. I lost my absent dad a few months ago. So when he died suddently I just feel like the restablishment of contact came too late, when things were just getting better he left this world. It feels like a cruel ending.

She was very functional and we had a loving life. We had both acknowledged that I would outlive her, so should have been prepared? No, sudden unexpected death of even a terminally ill person hurts terribly; maybe more so in the fact that we knew the end was nearer than we would have liked.

People may mean well, but this is about YOU and what you need right now. It sounds like his toothbrush is important to leave where it is, so leave it, my dear. These responses really are as bad as we think they are. Let me assure you that there is nothing wrong with you at all, Dawn. Please find ways via the internet or other, to be with people who can support you, and listen instead of telling you what to do xxoo. I am so sad for you that you believe you can do nothing about whatever wrongs you feel you may have done.

I believe that you can do so, and I believe your wife already knows how much you love her, and the great sorrow you bear. John, have you heard anything about continuing bonds? While this is a problem, it also suggests a solution, as you can seek resolution through working to make amends to her, just as you would have in life. He passed away suddenly at 53 and since then, I feel completely lost. He is the first thing I remember when I wake up, and the last thing before I fall asleep.

I was crying all night and then I found this site accidentally. But I think the only thing that gets better with time is your emotional control in front of others. It still hurts so badly and you miss that person so much. English is not my first language, but I hope you will understand me and some could maybe find yourselves in my words and feelings.

Suddenly losing a beloved has not only the grief but the shock too. Losing my mom was an ongoing affair…years of sliding down the path of dementia. Outbursts, and her struggles to stay in control, could be intense, sometimes with her striking out. But there were times of exquisite sweetness; I slept with her several times, to keep her safe when my father was away. It always made her smile and the energy in our hearts would glow. I sang her Sufi chants several nights a week, while she was in bed at the nursing home in her finally year, readying for sleep.

These memories of loving more then, have sustained me in her loss. She is Always with me! For some of us, writing thank you notes and letters after a death and funeral or memorial event is part of the healing process. I wanted everyone to know how very much I and our son appreciated their caring thoughts and deeds. It is not always a cruel thing as stated in this list and is an incredibly personal decision whether to write them or not.

As I read through these posts, my heart is broken for each one of you. Our grief is so individual and so real. My fiance, the love of my life, my soulmate passed away suddenly on March 22nd. Like so many of you, we had so many beautiful memories and so many plans for the future. I find myself pretending to be okay.

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I go out to dinner with friends. I pretend that I am happy. I, too, have experienced this. I cling to the people who are there and who do their best to the best of their ability.

So now I sit and I wait and I fear for the future. I know that I will never have another, I know that I will never love the way I loved this man. My heart is broken. They do not know. How can one be strong when half of her heart is missing, one of her lungs is gone, half of her soul and spirit are gone… And the other half that remains is so deeply wounded. I do agree with all of the ideas you have presented in your post. They are really convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too short for newbies.

Could you please extend them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post. She was not diagnosed until weeks before she died. Im a ONLY child and Her 2nd husband passed in of a stoke and we did not know. We thuoght it was just a flu since he had flu like symptoms. We missed the arm not being able to lift up.

Im not even a Christian anymore and this person just keeps on saying this stuff and it does not help me. No it does not. I miss my mom everyday. Sometimes my days ate good. Mothers Day im with a friend and mother. And ppl expect you to be all gine and happy like nothing ever happened.

May be if that person lost their brst friend and mother abd was her catetaker of 2 lsst years…. I lost the love of my life on January 26, he had turned 55 on Jan The dearest kindest man I have ever known. I was married to a Monster for twenty years then alone for 13 years before finally agreeing to date him hesitation being my strong suit. I had four years , one and and half married to the best man anywhere before god took him home. I am so thankful for the people I grew up with it Oregon who truely understand.

I feel changed, older, and have missed her since the moment my dad called to tell me. But it still feels unfair and too soon. I want to talk to my friends about it, and I do to some extent, but the harder stuff.. I buried my best friend, soulmate, and husband of 28 years on March 5, He died two blocks from my worksite in a horrible car crash, coming to pick me up from work. He was only I was not allowed to see his body until the funeral service; the funeral director and my father said there was too much damage, I would regret seeing him like that.

My brother had the car towed away, our brand new sports car, and I never saw it. My dad and brother said it would be too traumatic. And everyone around me is pushing me to pack up his things. I cried for hours after having to wash the glass he left on his nightstand because it was growing mold. Has anyone else gotten angry at platitudes well-meaning people spout?

I visit the cemetery every day, and my brother told me I needed to stop doing that. Nobody understands the depths of my grief; he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Will anything be right ever again? I wish someone had told me I would feel like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle.

I also wish someone had warned me of this whole new culture of widowhood. Some wives act weird when I speak to to both wife and husband. I am thankful for this post and appreciate all of the comments. They have helped me! I lost my Dad on 28 April I know he had been really ill but he seemed to be defying all medical people and just kept going. The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. When I finally got there I then became mediator between sisters and our mother who divorced Dad in I was always really close to Dad while my sister was closer to Mum I know they have always spent a lot of time together and I assume they still do.

I still miss Dad every day even though when he was alive we could go for weeks without speaking at least he was there at the end of a phone. I wish it was still that simple. My Mum had died at 32 with kidney disease…i was 9, my sister 2 and brother I became Mum…4 years later , living in a troubled N. We were rehoused about 3 miles away and I knew no one, Dad , bless him spent all his time working to keep us.. I wish that you could report spam comments. I enjoyed reading this list! Thank you for your time and effort you put into this!

Its something I have never experienced in my life before and certainly a life changing experience. My Mother died four months ago now and I miss her so terribly. Although she was old and her death was inevitable, the loss and grief goes deep into the core of ones soul. We just had the funeral for Daddy 1 week ago a Saturday- Feb 24 He was barely I am the oldest of the 3 children- My dad died unexpectedly while in the shower- he had a Tonic Clonic seizure.

Among some other pieces of advice I will mention: I was at my DDS when my grandma called and told me. I was just about to get work done and letting novacain set in. I was all alone, feeling judged and hyperventilating. I had to have my husband come get me. So then I had to start the planning of the funeral.

I pretty much stayed awake from that Tuesday night til I crashed that Saturday evening. My Dad was my BBF. The first man who loved me, and adored me. We were so close that we would talk on the phone for hours times a week and constantly fb message. He ended up receiving over guests. He was much loved. He was a knockout-rockout musician of many instruments and sang better than any country singer, maybe only rivaling Garth Brooks.

And he could rock the house, impressing the most bitter critic doing Skynyrd lead vocals and electric guitar. Have barely cried since the funeral. But I know the thunder is rolling and the storm is due very soon. God bless each and every one of you. My husband died two years ago, it was his 38th bday.

It was ruptured brain anuerysm, i only had 9 hours with him at the hospital. I was just 29 back then. Two years later, hid clothes are still hanging by the closet, his bathroom toiletries are at pur cabinet, some of his things are still neatly packed just they way that he had left it. But most days are just too painful, i would talked to him inside the car and would visit his grave everyday. It feels like i will never ever stopped grieving, its like i always end up on the day that he died.

I lost my husband on He came in to my life 15 years ago after the trauma of an emotionally abusive first marriage and the subsequent parental alienation of my son towards me, fueled by lies and deceit. My second husband gave me love, comfort, and helped me renew my trust in others and rebuild my self-esteem. He had a stroke in bed next to me at 9: My grief counselor has become the most important person in my life.

I feel lost and untethered. I have functional days and very very bad days. My brother passed away in November of Sometimes I feel like I cannot think anymore…I wish I could talk to someone about how I feel but find it hard. I lost almost all of my family members after my mom passed. I have very few people left in my life. People I thought would be there with me and for me walked away. I feel like I am a different person now because of my grief. Every day is a struggle. This list helped me realize that its ok to be the new me and that some days are going to be awful and that is also ok.

My son had gotten a girlfriend at 14 and I remember my disappointment and the lectures about unprotected sex and how having children at an early age can halt your dreams. I actually woke with gratitude in my heart and on my lips. My heart and my stomach hurt so badly for weeks, and my only wish was to go be with him, in spite of having 4 more beautiful, deeply loved children.

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I do believe I will get on with life, and that there is more joy to be had. God bless us all who love — and who grieve — so deeply. The Lord is close to the broken hearted. You should add to the list the fact that it is common for all of your friends and family to ignore you when you are grieving, expect you to get over it soon, and will never be there for you. Seriously, the silence is so much more painful than the loss. God this is the truth. Do not be surprised if in the period before, and for a while after, the death you find yourself saying and doing things which are very unusual for you and which you later regret.

This is your sub- conscious going haywire whilst it tries to adjust to the new circumstances in which it finds itself. It is not you. Eventually you will return to something like normal but it will be a new normal. You will truly be a different person — kinder, gentler, warmer and more understanding with other people. In my own case I even smile at babies and often get a smile back — a wonderful experience. I like to think that the spirit that was once my wife is now part of me. Two souls in one body is a comforting thought as I face the future alone. The depth of your grief cannot be measured in proportion to your relationship to the one you lost…mother, father, sister, brother, friend, spouse, or any other loss.

You will grieve more for some losses than for others, and for different reasons.

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I lost my sister recently, suddenly. She had a stroke while we were walking down the street. No health issues, no warning. How do you keep going with half a self? So many people grieving on here. My mother was killed by hospital negligence. My daughter was almost killed by hospital negligence. I watched them both. This is turning on my family. I do not want the company of anybody. I am strung out. My nerves are shattered. I have to look after a lot of people. People look to me, they depend on me. I will not go for counselling. One size fits all, a bloody insult. I will not go to the doctor and take his knockout tablets.

They are an uncaring breed. My thoughts are more and more in the bad times. Your guts are knotted and your head is screaming. You are pleasant with people. I could write forever. There is more and more and more. Why is it up to me? I just want to be left alone — to wallow.

What does anybody know? They are not me. If they could all be just fine, because I worry, but just leave me alone. I lost my home and business in hurricane Irma in September. My mother died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. We suspect medical malpractice, but await the autopsy report. My invalid father will likely have to go to a nursing home, which breaks my heart, as Mom cared so lovingly for him in their home. Your words express my feelings exactly. I thought I was doing quite well with my material losses, after all, things can be replaced. I believe I will get through this, but right now it seems utterly insurmountable.

Thank you for expressing so accurately what I am feeling. VERY suddenly and unexpectedly. One minute talking and 15 minutes later I went to check on him outside and found him. He was only 39 years old, and was very active and healthy. We had no clue that his asthma was even close to as serious as it turned out. I am even still waiting for his ashes to arrive there was a mix up with the address. And am also still waiting to be able to retrieve his personal effects.

And every time I wake up I have to remind myself that it happened. I find myself waiting for him to come walking through the door several times during the day and night. And I am stuck, I have a hard time even leaving our bed because I feel like he is with me there. Any advice on how to begin even talking the smallest steps in beginning the process of grieving? I am so lost, and unsure, seems like I am unable to take even baby steps without him. The heartbreak and the pain never goes away, you just eventually find a way to live with it, but it takes a long long time.

Allow yourself the time and the ocean of tears that comes with the loss, these do let you start to heal even although it does not feel like it. They come back again and again and each time they are another step in the grief process. But you can only see that when looking back, I personally have found that it never ends, it is always there. For me time does not heal, it just lets me find a way to live with the loss. I have also learned that asking for help to cope can be very valuable.

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Not just from the help received but the fact that you reach a stage of even able to ask for help is another step to coping. He was only 36 and it was the day before my 33rd birthday. He was healthy and doing great. We were about to move into the next chapter of our life together and had started talking about trying for a baby. I woke up very early in the morning to find him getting ready to go have coffee with a friend.

He told me he loved me, kissed me, and told me to go back to sleep. I remember going back to sleep thinking that when I woke up again he would be back from his visit with his friend and we could start our day together. I woke up to my cat jumping on me trying to wake me up and I thought he wanted food but he was jumping on me for a different reason. I found Mike only if you feed away for me and he was gone.

He had faulty heart valve. No one should have to face this kind of torture and you said that you felt so alone. I was surrounded with people but felt completely alone in my own way. That of course only made things worse. I wish that there was something I could say or some advice I could give you to make the pain go away. Forging a new path, one that is different from the path we had planned together has been necessary but excruciatingly painful. The only thing that has gotten me through is knowing with all my heart in some way, he is still here with me.

If you are open to it, I promise you that your partner is with you too. I too lost my life partner. We were together 12 years, raising 3 children, and we had so many dreams and plans. He died suddenly 2 weeks ago at age Nothing feels the same. We were engaged but not married so I too found myself amounting to nothing when it came to and comes to decisions. I had to ask his estranged brother for permission to make the funeral arrangements. Everything has been a mess and I have been fluctuating in my moods trying to understand why this happened to us. Now I feel numb in a very closed off way.

I think it difficult to find others who truly understand what this kind of loss feels like. Just know you are not alone. And as already said it is so hard when people in your life do not know the person you lost, it only adds to the feeling of their existance disappearing as if they were never there. He was 2 weeks shy of Still learning the grieving process but someone should have told me that having photos of your loved ones from the past show up randomly on Facebook, etc are shocking and can trigger huge emotions.

We lost my father on the 25th of September at I took a week off work and that was the result, depression and anger. I called my gp and he told me to call the local cancer charity as they do counselling — they are over subscribed so I was told to call someone else, who never returned the call. I feel so confused and low, I had one day back at work then a day off, work seems to pull me out of this. Anyone who can help, please help. When you wake up focus on getting to the shower.

After shower I say ok what to have for breakfast? People do want to help. Only you can communicate that. I wish the best for you x. It will get better. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a little over a year ago and some days I still feel like I am missing half of myself and that nobody understands.

But, I have found great support online, on sites like this and through grief groups that the local Hospice has. I hope you can join one of those becuase you will feel like you are not alone and that is very comforting. It is hard when nobody calls, or talks about your parent that died. It just stops and that is so hard to deal with. I try to bring my dad up in conversation whenever I can, it makes me happy.

The sadness will come in waves and you will stop thinking about their last 24 hours less and less. Happy memories will replace those thoughts as time goes on. Hang in there and be good to yourself. I lost my mom on Dec 6th, too. I can relate to everything you wrote. I took care of my mom for 5 weeks before she died at home of cancer.

I know it will get better, but any time alone is just so hard. I did everything with her for the last 10 years. She was the one I talked to and now I have very little support. My dad is grieving in his own way, separating himself. So I put on a fake smile and keep busy. I hope you are healing. My wife of 44 years passed away four years ago after a four year battle with the dreaded cancer.

I have run the gamut of emotions, I have listened to advice, comfort, and thoughtful words from family and friends, and, like most of us, I found some solace. She, like many others, was to me, a life-long supporter of all that I did, a comfort during loss, a joy in the good times, and my champion at every opportunity, but like most of us, sadly, I took all this for granted, thinking because I loved her, that was enough. Being sorry is my burden to bear and if God sees fit to grant me peace, then maybe someday this pain and regret will go away.

Dear John, I really feel for your loss, especially the regret of things you did or said to your wife. I lost my son, aged 29, following his mental ill health. I would tell him that he was the best and most valuable person in our family. And how much we miss him and love him. Sadly without that chance to go back and relive our life with him, where we would all do everything right and say all the right words, at the right time, we are all just here, in the present, and there is nothing we can change in the past.

So, what is the answer?

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I think you are spot on. He is the one who can forgive our mistakes, but we also, to move on, need to forgive ourselves. We get it wrong at times, but your dear wife and my dear loving son would have forgiven you. Thank God for the years you had together.