Horrors of History

The police found Rathbone covered with blood and completely out of his mind. According to a widely repeated but unconfirmed report, he claimed that there were people hiding behind the pictures on his wall. Rathbone spent the rest of his life in a lunatic asylum, where he complained of secret machines in the walls blowing gas into his room and giving him headaches.

He died in , becoming the last casualty of the Lincoln assassination nearly half a century after the fact. Incidentally, the house in Hanover where he lived is looking for a caretaker! This could be a new start for us, Wendy. When most people picture the High Renaissance, they probably imagine Italian folks in posh clothes admiring the works of da Vinci, Michelangelo, and others.

What they do not usually picture is this:. Albrecht Durer "Naw, man, I'm clean.

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Now hurry up, I got other clients. Yes, while Renaissance Florence may have been a good place for the arts and parkour, if Assassin's Creed II is to be believed , at the same time, Italy experienced something more closely akin to a zombie movie during the first major outbreak of syphilis in Yeah, before antibiotics, this particular STD was less "secret shame" and more "literally rots your fucking face off.

Meaning, it was not out of place to see victims shambling around who had lost "hands, feet, eyes, and noses to the disease. As horrifying as the thought of having undead genitalia may seem, the worst part is actually the phrase "within a few months" -- that means that the afflicted somehow lived for months in this condition, the whole time screaming with pain as their flesh "was eaten away, in some cases down to the bone.

In short, for a brief period during the time of the great Renaissance masters, it was common to see people, never mind a whole army of Frenchmen, walking around with their faces falling off their exposed skulls until they finally dropped dead. Why the fuck wasn't this in Assassin's Creed II? Italy's Mount Vesuvius is infamous mainly for erupting so hard on Pompeii's face that the entire Roman city and all its dick sculptures, since it was the sex capital of the empire remained buried in ash for the next millennium and a half.

What you may not know is that the gods were actually merciful to Pompeii compared with the horror that went down in Herculaneum, which was a smaller city situated even closer to Vesuvius when it started ejaculating magma everywhere. Erik Moller Pictured, from left to right: Vesuvius, Herculaneum, and Pompeii.

What Pompeii experienced was a classic disaster flick: Herculaneum, on the other hand, experienced a full-blown supernatural horror movie due to them being hit with " superheated pyroclastic flows of molten rock, mud, and gas ," which is a fancy way of saying that a whole bunch of people went like this. The human skull is loaded with lots of liquids, and if you heat it up super quickly, it reacts much like a hamster in a microwave. We know this because that's precisely what happened at Herculaneum when everyone in the city was hit by a cloud of gas with a temperature of nearly 1, degrees Fahrenheit.

In less than two-tenths of a second, "skin vaporized, It just happened all on its own, just as Mother Nature intended. Here's hoping this doesn't happen to the fine folks in Naples, who stubbornly insist on living in the precise spot where Vesuvius patiently waits to wipe them out again.

There are so many horror stories in war that some just get lost in the pile. That's too bad, because often by discussing things in broad, heroic strokes -- the bombings, the invasions, the cities reduced to rubble -- you lose sight of the more personal horrors that occurred day-to-day. The committee's primary concern was food shortages made worse due to people feeding their pets, so to curtail this potential problem, they sent out a pamphlet called "Advice to Animal Owners" You can see where this is going. UK National Archives Keep calm and kill your cat. The pamphlet advised the population that if they could not send their pets into the countryside, " it really is kindest to have them destroyed " the wording suggests that it was written by an early Dalek prototype.

How did the British population take this order? With protests across the Isles, surely? Within the course of a week, , family pets were "destroyed. Also, please note that this took place during the summer of -- i. The Pax Romana is known for being one of the most peaceful periods in history: The Romans figured, "Meh, the empire is big enough now," and took it easy with all the head-chopping and back-stabbing as much as they could, anyway to focus on more productive things like fine-tuning the laws we still use today.

How else could Rome have held itself together for so long without routine garbage pickup and laws designed to keep people like serial killers off the street? Bibliotheca Augustana And every potential killer on the street went to Rome eventually. All roads led there. Actually, scratch that last part. The first recorded serial killer in history reigned like a mad queen for 15 years during this period: Her name was Locusta, and her career reads like what would happen if Hannibal Lecter was given his own state college.

Locusta's macabre story starts in the mid-first century A. Fortune smiled upon her when Agrippina decided to poison Emperor Claudius , and can you guess who she turned to for help on that one?

That's right, Locusta, who subsequently received a pardon for her lethal dose of girl power. Luis Garcia She used the "He looked pretty dead even before I killed him" defense. So, what did Locusta do with her freedom? She got busted one year later in 55 A. Fortunately, the new Emperor Nero needed her for another job, and Locusta was pardoned once more so she could whip up a deadly milkshake for Nero's year-old step brother Britannicus. After that hit, Locusta was awarded a sweet villa and even pupils to aid her in her arts.

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