Holding On While Letting Go

The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow. Back and forth between loving and leaving, remembering and forgetting, holding on and letting go. The old leaves wither, die and fall away, and the new growth extends forward into the light. You can only DO something. Today is a new day!

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However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty. Take that big leap forward without hesitation, without once looking back. Simply forget the past and forge toward the future.

Letting Go While Holding On

Balloons are designed to teach small children this. It is difficult to tell others that they need to let go of their bad habits. Because people can become really attached to these bad habits. Have you ever tried to warn a smoker about the perils of smoking?

It can be tough. You basically need them to be ready for change and come to you. It can equally be tough to tell someone to let go of the bad things in their past. Yes, these bad things from the past hold them back. But they also make people who they are today. By letting go, they may feel they risk losing some important part of themselves. But the toughest, hands down, is to try to convince someone about letting go of a bad relationship.

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Unless they are ready changes, most people never want to hear negative things about their relationships. Particularly when they know the things are true. But a bad relationship can hold keep you from success in life just as easily as bad habits and a bad past. It means you stop trying to force others to.

Holding on While Letting Go

Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. Sometimes you have to stop caring for a minute. Leave the ones who left in the past, right where they belong, and never look back.

So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one. We cannot love when we feel fear…. When we release the fearful past and forgive everyone, we will experience total love and oneness with all. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. I think the simple answer to that is everything.

When you let go of what holds you back, you also let go of your limits. When you let go of what holds you back, you lift the limits on your life. You can do anything.

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Memories will stay, they always do. On this night, I had reached my limit of endurance. I needed to know whether our son was a danger to myself or another member of our family and whether he would abide by the rules of our home. When I returned from my drive, I conferred with my husband in our bedroom about a strategy to address our current problem. We mutually agreed on a plan and sat down to ask our son for clear, simple answers to some short, direct questions. He said he would not physically harm anyone in our home and would abide by the rules.

Our frankness seemed to open the door to new communication with our son. As I write, he is distributing a few resumes in search of a part-time job a monumental effort — and though I have my doubts that he is ready, it at least has him looking to the future and engaging in a positive activity. Our journey began several months ago, when after a breakup with a girlfriend, our son cut an arm and a leg in a criss-cross pattern over a large area.

A knowledgeable friend assured us that self-harm and suicide were different matters and directed us to find some support. We visited our GP, who decided that our son was depressed after a very few questions and prescribed 30 days worth of Prozac. He said he would see him again in 30 days.

When I asked for a referral to mental health care, he told us that we would find resources in the community. Our next GP did not like antidepressants and reduced our son's dose by half.

He talked of a psychiatric referral, but never followed through. After the frustration of watching my son's health decline and of being told, "I don't have time for this," I asked my husband to accompany us to the next visit, so that we could express the concerns we shared more clearly.

But as soon as the physician saw my husband and I standing in the room with our son, he became defensive and promptly told us he was not comfortable with adolescent psychiatry. He said he felt that he was not the doctor for us. During this time, our son had been cutting himself deeper and more frequently.

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Rather than hide the cuts, he would stand in the open with blood running down his face, arm or leg. At times, he was blank and distant. His suicidal notions became apparent now, and he was determined that he would die. We became involved with Project Alive, and found a worker who became our greatest advocate.

She saw the need for immediate treatment, but it took Emergency Mental Health, an urgent psychiatric assessment, and a few visits to emergency before our son was finally admitted. I had slept in the living room with him for at least three weeks before he was hospitalized. Our son spent almost five weeks in a youth psychiatric facility. He was diagnosed as having major depression and was released with a prescribed antidepressant and no follow-up. While there was a half-hearted effort to recommend follow-up therapy, our son refused the notion of any kind of therapy.

Back at home, things went fairly well for the first week, though we have noticed some odd behaviours. Some of the distressing behaviour occurred towards the end of his hospital stay when he initially did not want to come home. He also directed most of his anger towards me, which added to my distress. Since then, his behaviours have become increasingly odd and entrenched.

He has begun to exhibit some risky behaviours, such as shoplifting and hypersexuality. I started scrambling trying to figure out how we were going to be able to take him with us or whether or not I should cancel my trip and stay behind. I had a minor meltdown after I got off of the phone with the airline because it was my fault. I felt like I had failed. Then something hit me while I was in the moment.

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I have endless pictures and videos to remind me of his precious soul. The hardest part about it all is trying to teach Tatiana the same thing. We all grieve in different ways and Tatiana is naturally an emotional person so when I told her the news, she was devastated. But then it got better. The funny thing is that during our first hours in Dallas we saw a beautiful giraffe mural. That giraffe was confirmation that TJ was in Dallas with us.