Knowing and Not Knowing in Intimate Relationships

To ask other readers questions about Knowing and Not Knowing in Intimate Relationships , please sign up. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Aug 05, University of Chicago Magazine added it Shelves: Based on interviews 37 people gave about their most intimate relationship, this book explores the detective work, the truth telling, the deceptions, the willful ignorance, the paradox of wanting to be known and also wanting a partner not to know certain things, gender patterns, family of origin precedents, and much else that goes into knowing and not knowin Paul Rosenblatt, AB'58 Coauthor From the coauthor: Based on interviews 37 people gave about their most intimate relationship, this book explores the detective work, the truth telling, the deceptions, the willful ignorance, the paradox of wanting to be known and also wanting a partner not to know certain things, gender patterns, family of origin precedents, and much else that goes into knowing and not knowing in intimate relationships.

Knowing and Not Knowing in Intimate Relationships by Paul C. Rosenblatt

Bradford marked it as to-read Jan 30, Caitlin Cohn marked it as to-read Jul 08, Clare added it Sep 06, Super Sayan marked it as to-read Oct 29, John B added it Jan 10, Jose A marked it as to-read Nov 08, There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Books by Paul C. Trivia About Knowing and Not K No trivia or quizzes yet. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. Consider the opinions of your parents. It may be difficult to hear negative opinions about someone you care about but sometimes your parents may have a better perspective on long-term outcomes.

Depending on your dynamic with your parents, they may have trouble articulating their disapproval. Relationships with parents can be complicated. It may be difficult to be open and honest but keep your communication respectful so as not to escalate the situation. For example, while you may think that you are hiding your emotions, you actually may be coming off passive-aggressive or snarky. Remember all healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and communication. Whether you are trying to strengthen your relationship with your partner or maintain the relationship with your parents, trust and respect have to be present for a lasting relationship.

If you plan on hiding your relationship, ask yourself why sacrificing your parent's trust is the only option. Will your parents become physically or verbally abusive if they found out about your relationship? Your mental and physical health is your first priority.

See a Problem?

Your parents will always be protective so show them that you are old enough to handle the responsibilities of a relationship. Firstly, show your parents that you are responsible and can follow all rules. If your parents think you are too young for a relationship, be on time, do your chores, and study. If you can gain your parents trust, then your parents will soon realize that you are mature enough to handle a relationship. Understand the risks of premarital sex. Parents often forbid relationships for fear of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infection.

Ensure that you and your partner truly understand these risks. There is a real possibility that if you are not prepared and you do have an unwanted pregnancy or contract an STD, your parents may not be there to support you or just can't help you e. Know that you should be respected by your significant other and that they should listen to your choices. Compromise is vital in a relationship but this is one area where neither party should have to compromise their beliefs.

Know that if you are eager to take the relationship to another level but your partner isn't ready, you have a duty to respect their choice. Never pressure your partner. Be discreet about your affection. You never know who is watching. A trusted friend may accidentally tell your parents in passing, not knowing that your relationship is a secret. Stealing kisses in public and other forms of PDA may seem harmless but remember that if your parents find out they may think that your relationship has already crossed further into the intimacy threshold.

Buy one new cell phone secretly. If it is possible to do so, owning a separate cell phone can help you on concealing information, but please remember that you must hide your new phone properly or you will be in trouble. However, it is not advised to do so. Delete the messages on your phone when you sleep or leave your phone unattended.

It is recommended to delete partly instead of all messages because you may get suspicious if the messaging history is blank. It is best to use Incognito mode on a browser when your are online. Otherwise, erase browsing history after you have been online. However, erasing browsing history may look suspicious if the browser history has never been erased on a shared device, but if you use Incognito mode you don't need to worry about this. It is also possible to use the masculine or feminine form of their name.

For example, Brian becomes Brianna and Stephanie becomes Stephen. Tell your partner not to post anything on social media sites or send instant messages. If you have a social media account or use other instant messaging apps, your parents could check up on you or hear from someone else with access to your account.

Create an alternate account that you can use to be romantic with your partner. This is a very useful tool when dealing with long distance relationships. You can ask a trustworthy friend to collaborate on stories for your parents if you're on a date.

Such a friend can also be a great cover-up for phone calls or texts. Using them as an excuse if they don't agree to it is unfair to your friend. It is best to hide all the gifts safely. It could be at the outside of your home at your trustworthy friend's home, rent storage, your partner's home etc. It is strongly advised not to keep the gifts at your home because your parents could find these gifts easily if they are intended and diligent to scan every corner of your house thoroughly.

You're going to draw attention from your parents if you suddenly lock your closet or room. You can also agree to treat each other to lunches or movies rather than giving physical gifts. Prevent your friends from commenting about your relationship to anyone.

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Whether it's telling people in passing or posting on each other's social media pages, convey how catastrophic it would be if their innocent comment made its way to your parents. Social media can be especially dangerous because you never know who is connected to whom.

Ask your friends politely not to post any incriminating comments or pictures. It may be a wise idea not to let anyone take any pictures when you are in a group setting with your significant other. Use multiple social media accounts. The great thing about social media is that the larger sites are free. Set up as many accounts as you need to cover your tracks. Remember your password and only log on when using a device not shared with your parents.

Set up a shell email account. Not only would a fake email account be advantageous because your parents won't recognize it, but you should also use it to set up your fake social media account. Remember that your parents can search for you on social media based on your email info. Adjust your privacy settings on social media. All social media will give you an option to filter what information you share with the public. Go to the Settings Menu and set up your profile so that only you and your partner have access to it.

You can also select a few friends to be able to view your profile if you deem them trustworthy. You will have the opportunity to filter your updates and postings so that you can block your parents from seeing. However, the best way to block your parents from seeing is not to post anything incriminating at all. Provide false information when creating shared social media accounts or when together in a public gathering. Remember that your parents can search social media sites via your date of birth, phone number, last name, school, or job.

Don't make the mistake of creating a false account without ensuring every detail won't lead back to you.

Change your profile name completely. Don't use your middle name, your name spelled backward, or the name of your dog. Anything remotely close to you may end up giving you away in the long run. It's better to exercise extreme caution. If you get into an argument with your partner, try not to show your parents how angry or sad you are. Don't emote in public for it to get back to your parents. Find an outlet to release your emotions. It may be difficult to be unable to share your emotions so research ways to prevent emotional outbursts.

For example, taking up boxing may work to vent frustration while listening to upbeat music in headphones may be enough to cheer you up after an argument with your partner. Only you know how to handle your emotions. Keep track of what you are telling everyone.

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If you are lying to a lot of people, it will become difficult to keep track of all the details. Keep your stories consistent and try to keep it as simple as possible. The more details you add, the more difficult it will be to remember them all. Frame your partner as a platonic relationship. Don't let your parents get suspicious you are hiding a relationship from them by letting them know that you have a platonic relationship with your partner that demands your time.

Introduce them openly and talk about them the same as any other platonic relationship in your life. For example, if you introduce them as your coworker, you can talk about work-related issues and meetings and how you and your partner have supported one another through deadlines. Meet your partner at places that you would not normally go to and that your parents are not aware of.

Change your social calendar so that you leave no chance of getting caught by your parents or someone who could tell your parents. Better yet, find out your parents' schedule. Not only will you be able to have peace-of-mind knowing where your parents are but you will also be able to meet your partner as far away from them as you can. Ask yourself if you feel like yourself around your partner.

Your partner should accept you for who you are and your parents may not be able to see beyond the age difference.

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Once your parents see that your relationship is healthy and that you are a better person for it, it will be easier for them to see beyond the age gap. Look ahead and see if the age difference will affect you in any way.

Knowing and Not Knowing in Intimate Relationships

Your parents may be fearful that the age gap may widen as your relationship continues. Your parents may be fearful that you are growing up too soon or that an older partner is taking advantage of you. A big age gap if you're a minor and your partner isn't may also be illegal.