Just Beyond the Veil: Stories of Death and Dying, Grief and loss

The dearest kindest man I have ever known. I was married to a Monster for twenty years then alone for 13 years before finally agreeing to date him hesitation being my strong suit. I had four years , one and and half married to the best man anywhere before god took him home. I am so thankful for the people I grew up with it Oregon who truely understand. I feel changed, older, and have missed her since the moment my dad called to tell me. But it still feels unfair and too soon. I want to talk to my friends about it, and I do to some extent, but the harder stuff..

I buried my best friend, soulmate, and husband of 28 years on March 5, He died two blocks from my worksite in a horrible car crash, coming to pick me up from work. He was only I was not allowed to see his body until the funeral service; the funeral director and my father said there was too much damage, I would regret seeing him like that. My brother had the car towed away, our brand new sports car, and I never saw it.

My dad and brother said it would be too traumatic. And everyone around me is pushing me to pack up his things. I cried for hours after having to wash the glass he left on his nightstand because it was growing mold. Has anyone else gotten angry at platitudes well-meaning people spout?

I visit the cemetery every day, and my brother told me I needed to stop doing that. Nobody understands the depths of my grief; he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Will anything be right ever again? I wish someone had told me I would feel like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle.

I also wish someone had warned me of this whole new culture of widowhood. Some wives act weird when I speak to to both wife and husband. I am thankful for this post and appreciate all of the comments. They have helped me! I lost my Dad on 28 April I know he had been really ill but he seemed to be defying all medical people and just kept going.

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. When I finally got there I then became mediator between sisters and our mother who divorced Dad in I was always really close to Dad while my sister was closer to Mum I know they have always spent a lot of time together and I assume they still do. I still miss Dad every day even though when he was alive we could go for weeks without speaking at least he was there at the end of a phone.

I wish it was still that simple. My Mum had died at 32 with kidney disease…i was 9, my sister 2 and brother I became Mum…4 years later , living in a troubled N. We were rehoused about 3 miles away and I knew no one, Dad , bless him spent all his time working to keep us.. I wish that you could report spam comments. I enjoyed reading this list! Thank you for your time and effort you put into this! Its something I have never experienced in my life before and certainly a life changing experience. My Mother died four months ago now and I miss her so terribly.

Although she was old and her death was inevitable, the loss and grief goes deep into the core of ones soul. We just had the funeral for Daddy 1 week ago a Saturday- Feb 24 He was barely I am the oldest of the 3 children- My dad died unexpectedly while in the shower- he had a Tonic Clonic seizure. Among some other pieces of advice I will mention: I was at my DDS when my grandma called and told me. I was just about to get work done and letting novacain set in. I was all alone, feeling judged and hyperventilating.

I had to have my husband come get me. So then I had to start the planning of the funeral. I pretty much stayed awake from that Tuesday night til I crashed that Saturday evening. My Dad was my BBF. The first man who loved me, and adored me. We were so close that we would talk on the phone for hours times a week and constantly fb message. He ended up receiving over guests.

He was much loved. He was a knockout-rockout musician of many instruments and sang better than any country singer, maybe only rivaling Garth Brooks. And he could rock the house, impressing the most bitter critic doing Skynyrd lead vocals and electric guitar. Have barely cried since the funeral. But I know the thunder is rolling and the storm is due very soon.

God bless each and every one of you.

April 1992 General Conference

My husband died two years ago, it was his 38th bday. It was ruptured brain anuerysm, i only had 9 hours with him at the hospital. I was just 29 back then. Two years later, hid clothes are still hanging by the closet, his bathroom toiletries are at pur cabinet, some of his things are still neatly packed just they way that he had left it. But most days are just too painful, i would talked to him inside the car and would visit his grave everyday. It feels like i will never ever stopped grieving, its like i always end up on the day that he died.

I lost my husband on He came in to my life 15 years ago after the trauma of an emotionally abusive first marriage and the subsequent parental alienation of my son towards me, fueled by lies and deceit. My second husband gave me love, comfort, and helped me renew my trust in others and rebuild my self-esteem. He had a stroke in bed next to me at 9: My grief counselor has become the most important person in my life. I feel lost and untethered. I have functional days and very very bad days.

My brother passed away in November of Sometimes I feel like I cannot think anymore…I wish I could talk to someone about how I feel but find it hard. I lost almost all of my family members after my mom passed. I have very few people left in my life. People I thought would be there with me and for me walked away.

I feel like I am a different person now because of my grief. Every day is a struggle. This list helped me realize that its ok to be the new me and that some days are going to be awful and that is also ok. My son had gotten a girlfriend at 14 and I remember my disappointment and the lectures about unprotected sex and how having children at an early age can halt your dreams. I actually woke with gratitude in my heart and on my lips. My heart and my stomach hurt so badly for weeks, and my only wish was to go be with him, in spite of having 4 more beautiful, deeply loved children.

I do believe I will get on with life, and that there is more joy to be had. God bless us all who love — and who grieve — so deeply. The Lord is close to the broken hearted.

You should add to the list the fact that it is common for all of your friends and family to ignore you when you are grieving, expect you to get over it soon, and will never be there for you. Seriously, the silence is so much more painful than the loss. God this is the truth. Do not be surprised if in the period before, and for a while after, the death you find yourself saying and doing things which are very unusual for you and which you later regret. This is your sub- conscious going haywire whilst it tries to adjust to the new circumstances in which it finds itself.

It is not you. Eventually you will return to something like normal but it will be a new normal. You will truly be a different person — kinder, gentler, warmer and more understanding with other people. In my own case I even smile at babies and often get a smile back — a wonderful experience. I like to think that the spirit that was once my wife is now part of me. Two souls in one body is a comforting thought as I face the future alone. The depth of your grief cannot be measured in proportion to your relationship to the one you lost…mother, father, sister, brother, friend, spouse, or any other loss.

You will grieve more for some losses than for others, and for different reasons. I lost my sister recently, suddenly. She had a stroke while we were walking down the street. No health issues, no warning. How do you keep going with half a self? So many people grieving on here.

My mother was killed by hospital negligence. My daughter was almost killed by hospital negligence. I watched them both. This is turning on my family. I do not want the company of anybody. I am strung out. My nerves are shattered. I have to look after a lot of people. People look to me, they depend on me. I will not go for counselling. One size fits all, a bloody insult. I will not go to the doctor and take his knockout tablets.

They are an uncaring breed. My thoughts are more and more in the bad times. Your guts are knotted and your head is screaming. You are pleasant with people. I could write forever. There is more and more and more. Why is it up to me? I just want to be left alone — to wallow. What does anybody know?

They are not me. If they could all be just fine, because I worry, but just leave me alone. I lost my home and business in hurricane Irma in September. My mother died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. We suspect medical malpractice, but await the autopsy report. My invalid father will likely have to go to a nursing home, which breaks my heart, as Mom cared so lovingly for him in their home. Your words express my feelings exactly. I thought I was doing quite well with my material losses, after all, things can be replaced.

I believe I will get through this, but right now it seems utterly insurmountable. Thank you for expressing so accurately what I am feeling. VERY suddenly and unexpectedly. One minute talking and 15 minutes later I went to check on him outside and found him. He was only 39 years old, and was very active and healthy. We had no clue that his asthma was even close to as serious as it turned out. I am even still waiting for his ashes to arrive there was a mix up with the address. And am also still waiting to be able to retrieve his personal effects.

And every time I wake up I have to remind myself that it happened. I find myself waiting for him to come walking through the door several times during the day and night. And I am stuck, I have a hard time even leaving our bed because I feel like he is with me there.

Any advice on how to begin even talking the smallest steps in beginning the process of grieving? I am so lost, and unsure, seems like I am unable to take even baby steps without him. The heartbreak and the pain never goes away, you just eventually find a way to live with it, but it takes a long long time.

Allow yourself the time and the ocean of tears that comes with the loss, these do let you start to heal even although it does not feel like it. They come back again and again and each time they are another step in the grief process. But you can only see that when looking back, I personally have found that it never ends, it is always there. For me time does not heal, it just lets me find a way to live with the loss. I have also learned that asking for help to cope can be very valuable. Not just from the help received but the fact that you reach a stage of even able to ask for help is another step to coping.

He was only 36 and it was the day before my 33rd birthday. He was healthy and doing great. We were about to move into the next chapter of our life together and had started talking about trying for a baby. I woke up very early in the morning to find him getting ready to go have coffee with a friend.

64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief

He told me he loved me, kissed me, and told me to go back to sleep. I remember going back to sleep thinking that when I woke up again he would be back from his visit with his friend and we could start our day together. I woke up to my cat jumping on me trying to wake me up and I thought he wanted food but he was jumping on me for a different reason.

I found Mike only if you feed away for me and he was gone. He had faulty heart valve. No one should have to face this kind of torture and you said that you felt so alone. I was surrounded with people but felt completely alone in my own way. That of course only made things worse. I wish that there was something I could say or some advice I could give you to make the pain go away. Forging a new path, one that is different from the path we had planned together has been necessary but excruciatingly painful.

The only thing that has gotten me through is knowing with all my heart in some way, he is still here with me. If you are open to it, I promise you that your partner is with you too. I too lost my life partner. We were together 12 years, raising 3 children, and we had so many dreams and plans. He died suddenly 2 weeks ago at age Nothing feels the same. We were engaged but not married so I too found myself amounting to nothing when it came to and comes to decisions. I had to ask his estranged brother for permission to make the funeral arrangements.

Everything has been a mess and I have been fluctuating in my moods trying to understand why this happened to us. Now I feel numb in a very closed off way. I think it difficult to find others who truly understand what this kind of loss feels like. Just know you are not alone. And as already said it is so hard when people in your life do not know the person you lost, it only adds to the feeling of their existance disappearing as if they were never there. He was 2 weeks shy of Still learning the grieving process but someone should have told me that having photos of your loved ones from the past show up randomly on Facebook, etc are shocking and can trigger huge emotions.

We lost my father on the 25th of September at I took a week off work and that was the result, depression and anger. I called my gp and he told me to call the local cancer charity as they do counselling — they are over subscribed so I was told to call someone else, who never returned the call. I feel so confused and low, I had one day back at work then a day off, work seems to pull me out of this.

Anyone who can help, please help. When you wake up focus on getting to the shower. After shower I say ok what to have for breakfast? People do want to help. Only you can communicate that. I wish the best for you x. It will get better. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a little over a year ago and some days I still feel like I am missing half of myself and that nobody understands. But, I have found great support online, on sites like this and through grief groups that the local Hospice has. I hope you can join one of those becuase you will feel like you are not alone and that is very comforting.

It is hard when nobody calls, or talks about your parent that died. It just stops and that is so hard to deal with. I try to bring my dad up in conversation whenever I can, it makes me happy. The sadness will come in waves and you will stop thinking about their last 24 hours less and less. Happy memories will replace those thoughts as time goes on. Hang in there and be good to yourself. I lost my mom on Dec 6th, too. I can relate to everything you wrote.

64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief

I took care of my mom for 5 weeks before she died at home of cancer. I know it will get better, but any time alone is just so hard. I did everything with her for the last 10 years. She was the one I talked to and now I have very little support. My dad is grieving in his own way, separating himself. So I put on a fake smile and keep busy. I hope you are healing. My wife of 44 years passed away four years ago after a four year battle with the dreaded cancer. I have run the gamut of emotions, I have listened to advice, comfort, and thoughtful words from family and friends, and, like most of us, I found some solace.

She, like many others, was to me, a life-long supporter of all that I did, a comfort during loss, a joy in the good times, and my champion at every opportunity, but like most of us, sadly, I took all this for granted, thinking because I loved her, that was enough. Being sorry is my burden to bear and if God sees fit to grant me peace, then maybe someday this pain and regret will go away. Dear John, I really feel for your loss, especially the regret of things you did or said to your wife. I lost my son, aged 29, following his mental ill health.

I would tell him that he was the best and most valuable person in our family. And how much we miss him and love him. Sadly without that chance to go back and relive our life with him, where we would all do everything right and say all the right words, at the right time, we are all just here, in the present, and there is nothing we can change in the past. So, what is the answer?

I think you are spot on. He is the one who can forgive our mistakes, but we also, to move on, need to forgive ourselves. We get it wrong at times, but your dear wife and my dear loving son would have forgiven you. Thank God for the years you had together. John, I too learned many things I never expected to learn when my darling wife of 41 years was killed instantly in a car accident not long ago. I would like to tell you just one of them if you will hear it. Love is not an emotion. Joy, sadness, anger, fear, all of them come and go; here one minute and gone the next.

Not so with love, because it is not an emotion. When it comes, it takes up permanent residence because, unlike emotions, it is not a reaction to circumstances, it is a very real thing; a gift from God, who, being love Himself, abundantly spills this commodity out of heaven upon us imperfect creatures to wonder at.

The easiest way to understand this is in the love that instantly shows up when a baby is born. Both mother and father would now give up their lives for that which did not exist. Love shows up with the baby and takes up residence among them. The same thing happens when a man and a woman enter into sacred union. Even though they may not recognize the source, God blesses them with a measure of love that abides between them. They can water it, tend it, feed it, and set it out in the sun and watch it grow, or they can let it die.

But while it lives, it never fails. See 1 Cor 13 for all the attributes love has. The love that God loaned the two of you has gone John. She took it back to the Giver and presented it to Him for safekeeping. You will see it as it really is when you go. Your emotions have lost the object of their affections. Not just your wife, but the love that God gave you for each other.

Pain and regret does not come from love.

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3. sharing our stories :: Hospice Whispers;
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5. Doors of Death - Russell M. Nelson?

Forgiveness comes out of love. She taught you that. It is not honoring to your wife to live with emotional pain. John, you have very eloquently put into words exactly what I am going through. It must have cost you to do that. My husband passed away on 2. Nov from an excruciatingly painful bone disease coupled with dementia.

I am haunted by all the selfish because I could not emotionally control myself , hateful things I said to him when he was most vulnerable. And yet he forgave me just before left — a simple gesture he had used several times before. His daughter said to me consolingly: I have changed since he left.

I am trying to be a better person through the realization of all I took for granted over the last 42 years. If there is a heaven, I want to be worthy to join him again one day. People will prey on you after your loss. I wish someone had told me how very different each grief journey can be. I expected the same process when Mom died as I had experienced with Dad. But it was so different. I needed a lot more support the second time. It was like the first one was happening all over again.

I was told during a grief counseling group I attended that grief is cumulative. I found that to be very interesting,. I hope you find some happiness in the new year. I have come to realize we were so concerned strong for our surviving parent we didn t actually get to grieve. On top of that we are now an orphan with no parents. It is a very hard process the second time around. So much unresolved grief from our first parent that it is truly a different process and so painful.

It will get easier in time, but will always leave a void. If you want to know how to make extra bucks, search for: I dearly loved a guy who was the loveliest, kindest and funniest person anyone ever was lucky enough to meet. It was the first time I thought I stood a chance with him. I never saw him again. My best friend, his ex girlfriend of years ago, told him and our group of friends terrible lies about me. And that was the end of that. So I never saw him again. So, 19 years later, in March this year I heard he had passed away in the previous December. I am completely destroyed.

I married a lovely man and have beautiful daughters, but I am broken. Broken for a lovely man who deserved the world more than he got, broken for not having been in his life even just as friends and able to fundraise, to assist in anyway while he fought a terrible illness. Broken for the time I did not get to share with him. Broken for the promise and potential that did not get to be explored. Broken for the most loveliest guy to go through something so horrible when undeserving others are still living good lives. I think I am being unfair to my husband and children as I am not the happy person from before, but all I can do is honour him by remembering moments we shared, things he said and did, and wish to go back and do things over.

I stumbled onto this site and your post. However, I believe had there been something there between you nothing would have stopped him from contacting you again. It was not meant to be. Neither of you sought the other and now that the knowledge of his passing has caused some grief in your life you have taken the time to express remorse. I feel sad for your husband and children. If you feel as badly as you expressed then I must surmise that you married a man and offered him a consolation prize, only part of yourself.

Your children too are being short changed by not showing them all the love that you have for their father. Children learn how to love and forgive by what parents teach them. I am sorry you feel so broken and suggest you also need counseling to understand what was never meant to be. Not every person we meet in life will be the best of friends with or to us.

Whatever her motives, or judgement is something you have put on her and may not have the same truth you believe. Forgive her, forgive him and most importantly forgive yourself. Either learn to be in your marriage with all your heart or let your husband go to be loved the way everyone deserves to be loved, Completely….

I wish you well. I lost my daughter on January. I have never left a comment on a website in all my 31 years of life. Your comment was sickening. Selfish selfish pity party selfish. I know how you feel, because I am in a very similar situation myself. Like you, I fell in love with him suddenly and unexpectedly during one long night of talking. Unfortunately, I had just moved in with that friend, and she was still utterly heartbroken over him, and I knew there was no way she could ever manage to stay friends with me if I dated him.

My story diverges from yours a little, because he sent me a love letter the next day, and asked me to be with him. Anyway, I told him no. There was a specific reason why we would never have ended up together, and we both knew it, so I felt like I had to choose a lifelong friendship over a temporary romance. We stayed in touch for years afterward, and hung out on occasion just as friends.

But it was always a little strained, and we never had another night like that. And then I got married, and we lost touch all together. Regret is a tough thing, with grief. I keep looking back and wondering what I could have done differently, and I mourn the time with him that I might have had. I hope it gets better with time. This past first year following the unexpected loss of my husband, I just plowed through, trudging along, marking all the monthly milestones, holidays, etc. Past — Present — Future… And how do you move on from here.

I really wish there was a handbook and a neat and orderly way that some people passed over. I had time to address my dads diagnosis. We laughed and cried together every day before. The time we spent together was the best and worst time of my live. I was expecting something otherworldly, angelic and a beautiful death.

There was no heavenly light, no peace. A year on now, and the thought of the way he passed is growing smaller, his memory is still as large! We all have to go eventually. Wherever that might be. Just care, and love deep. My brother and I took care of our parents for 12 years. My Dad died first after being with us for four years. Some grief experts believe that all loss results not only in grief but also trauma, as the loss is traumatic in and of itself.

Therefore, not all grief will contain trauma but some grief could be traumatic. More agreement exists that the experience of trauma will naturally result in grief in addition to traumatic distress. Trauma often involves a lack of trust, safety, feelings of normalcy, and it challenges our existential beliefs about how the world should be. Those losses contribute to grief that must be mourned in addition to the trauma from which the person must recover.

Therefore, most agree that all trauma involves some form of grief. Teasing out the relationship between trauma and grief is important because the treatment interventions differ between the two. When both are present, the key is determining how to treat both and in what order. In some cases, treating the severe distress of trauma must come first so the person can feel safe enough to do any further work.

There seems to come a point, however, when the person must grieve the losses resulting from the trauma before they can let go and continue healing. I spent a great deal of time healing from a traumatic event and was doing pretty well, but then deep grief arose to which I had to attend. Once I did, I achieved an even deeper healing and freedom than ever before. It profoundly impacted my professional work by giving me a greater perspective and more profound respect for the importance of the role of grief in trauma. There are many ways these factors may combine, or collide, to result in traumatic grief.

If the death was the result of an accident, natural disaster, crime, or sudden and unexpected illness, for example, the seemingly capricious nature of the death can significantly complicate our grief. The death of someone similar to us in some way can also hit too close to home, leaving us feeling unsafe in the world and experiencing the loss as traumatic.

I once performed the crisis debrief for student medics who were the first responders after a significant tragedy at a campus. Many were already fairly seasoned as paramedics and EMTs, but seeing their classmates who looked and dressed like them, whom they even recognized from campus and classes, was just way too much. It blasted past their natural defenses, the mechanisms that protect us from being constantly afraid of something happening to us, and made them come face-to-face with the uncertainty of life. That, as much as anything, was what they struggled with as they mourned their classmates and dealt with the trauma of the tragedy.

If trauma has been a part of your experience, it is worth seeking support for the grief related to the losses that accompanied the trauma. Getting the proper type and amount of support is important, and certainly understandable and well-deserved. I hope you find what works best for you and your unique situation. Much of the poetry in Sharing Our Stories was written and graciously offered to the workbook by my friend, Janie Cook. I thank her for agreeing to open her tender heart, once again, and share it with us.

You can learn more about Janie and her story at the end of this post. To lose a loved one to suicide creates a uniquely complicated grief — one that is often deeply misunderstood, because to take in why someone would die this way requires opening up to their immense psychic pain. Society wants to avoid facing that pain, that fear, and in so doing creates a stigma around suicide that shrouds it in secrecy and isolates those who grieve in silence.

Stigma reveals itself in the language society has adopted to describe a death by suicide. Add to that, the judgmental facial expressions, the shame cast upon your loved one and the walls that go up around you as you try to live with this loss and you see the obstructive and destructive impact stigma can have. We try to remember and have compassion for the fear behind them and then, with as much kindness as possible, offer our words of love in describing who our son was and the lethal impact of his acute, untreatable depression.

Many of the poems were contributed by friend and colleague, Janie Cook, and are shared with her gracious permission. Janie and her husband have two children—a son and a daughter—and live in Austin, Texas. Again, many thanks to Janie, and others, whose words are shared throughout this text. In the midst of our discomfort with death, we may deflect away strong feelings of grief through the use of humor. This can be a challenge for us if it leads us to avoid either our feelings or those of another.

Other times, however, humor can be a very effective tool for coping as it provides some distance from the pain and reminds us that more still exists to live for beyond our grief. It can be hard for some to feel free to engage in or express humor, fearing doing so in a way that is offensive or hurtful to others. After reading this story, you may explore the related reflection questions that are published in Sharing Our Stories: Reflection Questions from Sharing Our Stories: What was that like for you?

Is it helpful or disturbing for you? Does that line change for you at times? When we experience grief, our thoughts and feelings can be quite disorganized as much of our inner physical and emotional resources are going toward coping with the stress. How do you find gentleness for yourself during these times? My hope is that this excerpt and the entire series will lend a little insight to let you know that you are not crazy, you are not alone, and that you will find your way, perhaps even with the tool of humor at your disposal.

Archive for sharing our stories. Photo of Anna and Richard on their wedding day in For more informa tion about grief and resources on grieving, go to hospicewhispers. Carla Cheatham spent years working in hospice and palliative care and is now a trainer, author, and consultant for professional caregivers around issues of presence, boundaries, self-care, compassion fatigue and resilience, healthy teams, ethics, and more. Learn more about her trainings at carlacheatham.

Grieving while still trying to uphold our many roles is beyond challenging. Often, parents find it particularly hard to help their children grieve while also doing so, themselves. But grieving as a family can be a beautiful thing, as my friend, K. Freeman Ray shared recently on her FB page. I share this with her gracious permission: And then sometimes, by the grace of God, your kids do what needs to be done to fix it. She was holding on for us, for Max [their soon-to-be-born son], really but she was in so much pain, we could see it in her eyes.

We did not take the kids with us to the vet but we did bring her home and laid her to rest here. The thought had never crossed my mind that my shelving my pain, I had required my kids to silence theirs. I thought she was fine, we thought she was fine. In our grief we missed the fact that we were going through this together and it was our job to walk them through understanding their pain but also to be honest with them about our own. You would have loved Max! For more information about grief and resources on grieving, go to hospicewhispers.

Posted by Carla Cheatham on. In the lines that follow here, however, I want to make the case for the importance of ritual. Part 2—The Challenge of a Growing Field As hospice and palliative care grows as a professional field, we face the same growing pains and challenges of any other industry in its relatively early years: Our systems scramble to keep up with our growing companies Our regulations become insanely time-consuming to keep up with As big fish swallow up little fish and the industry becomes increasingly corporate we get the advantage of huge well-oiled machines with resources and systems along with the challenge of figuring out how to keep creativity, personalized and hands-on care, and the mom-and-pop family feel that keeps the hospice heart in our agencies.

So, what do we do? Part I—The Dynamics We Face As a hospice chaplain, bereavement counselor, and collector and teller of stories, I hear a lot of awful ones about bad deaths, made much more traumatic by the fact that they need not have been, for anyone involved. Certainly, there are a LOT of misunderstandings lay persons sometimes have about the dying process that can play into this whole dynamic: For now, please hear me.

No Shame in Grief: But trying to pretty-up our grief and make it Facebook perfect does not serve us well. Do we really want to send each other that message? This morning Elder Boyd K. Recently at the funeral of a friend, I visited with two distinguished brothers—former surgical colleagues of mine—whose lovely companions had both passed away. They said they were going through the most difficult period of their lives, adjusting to the almost unbearable loss of their partners.

These wonderful men then told of their cooking breakfast for each other once a week—sharing that rotation with their sister—trying to lessen their loneliness imposed by the doors of death. That separation evokes pangs of sorrow and shock among those left behind. The hurt is real. Only its intensity varies. Some doors are heavier than others. The sense of tragedy may be related to age. Generally the younger the victim, the greater the grief.

Yet even when the elderly or infirm have been afforded merciful relief, their loved ones are rarely ready to let go. The only length of life that seems to satisfy the longings of the human heart is life everlasting. Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

In speaking at a funeral of a loved one, the Prophet Joseph Smith offered this admonition: Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body.

Knowingly we wanted the risks of mortality, which would allow the exercise of agency and accountability. But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.

Think of the alternative. If all sixty-nine billion people who have ever lived on earth were still here, imagine the traffic jam! And we could own virtually nothing and scarcely make any responsible decisions. Scriptures teach that death is essential to happiness: Our limited perspective would be enlarged if we could witness the reunion on the other side of the veil, when doors of death open to those returning home. But there is another type of separation known in scripture as spiritual death.

Thus, one can be very much alive physically but dead spiritually. Spiritual death is more likely when goals are unbalanced toward things physical. Paul explained this concept to the Romans: If physical death should strike before moral wrongs have been made right, opportunity for repentance will have been forfeited. Even the Savior cannot save us in our sins. He will redeem us from our sins, but only upon condition of our repentance.