Relationship problems: How to re-ignite your love life
In fact, a survey presented at the Edinburgh International Science Festival found that couples who slept the closest to each other reported having more relationship satisfaction. Walsh recommends forming an agreement with your partner to cut out phones and television at mealtimes and in the bedroom, or deciding together about specific times you will and will not use technology.
If work and family obligations have forced you and your partner to put your love life on the back burner, schedule some time off from your regular responsibilities. Before you go, though, have an honest conversation about your expectations, says Alexandra Solomon, licensed clinical therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. When you fall into habits in a relationship, you may take for granted the nice things your partner routinely does for you.
And even if you do notice them, do you let him or her know you're thankful? Gratitude is important, says Walsh. Instead, she says, try to focus more on the good things and less on the bad. You may try "kidnapping" each other, she suggests, taking turns on different weekends to plan secret activity or destinations. Or try something simpler: Falling in love with someone isn't all about what happens when you're together; a lot of it has to do with what you're doing on your own, says Solomon.
Likewise, Solomon says, it's important for your partner to have a passion, as well. And if you want to remember why you fell in love in the first place, find a way to witness your loved one in his or her most passionate state. Once you've got your individual passions figured out, it's also helpful to have something you can both pour your love and attention into. Often that something is children, she adds, but it can also be a business, a charity, or even a home-remodeling project.
10 sex tips to reignite the spark in your long-term relationship - Health - ABC News
You don't need to spend all of your couple time one-on-one. In fact, inviting friends along once and a while can help you and your partner reaffirm your love for each other.
In a Wayne State University study, people who went on double dates with other couples they were close with said they felt more affection and romantic feelings toward their partners. And the sad truth is, by the time we get home from a date night, we're often too tired to reconnect with our partner physically.
Ms Spierings says the point of a sex date is to set aside time where you and your partner can focus on being physical with each other. Sex doesn't have to be the be all and end all, and focusing on other kinds of physical intimacy can help couples who are struggling with mismatched libidos.
Having a bath or shower together, giving each other a massage or snuggling up on the couch can make you feel closer and more connected. Once they start to feel a little bit aroused and relaxed, the response desire kicks in and they don't mind continuing and participating in more intense physical activities," Ms Spierings says. In a long-term relationship, life is often busy and when things are rushed, it can feel weird to go from doing the dishes to making out with your partner.
Ms Spierings said it's important to ease the transition from daily life to couple time by 'building bridges' and creating an opportunity for intimacy to happen. This could include having a glass of wine or a cup of tea together at the end of the day, taking a walk after dinner or giving each other a neck rub while watching television. While the honeymoon phase is all about getting lost in the throes of passion, couples in long-term relationships need to actively work on building mutual feelings of desire.
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You can talk to each other and really connect. Have dinner, share a bottle of wine, and take a bath together," she says. While sex may or may not eventuate, it's important to spend time away from your screens checking emails and social media.
But there might be other good reasons that can act as your motivator," Ms Spierings says. This might include wanting to fall pregnant, feeling alive and happy after the experience, feeling closer to your partner, or simply enjoying the health benefits of an active sex life. As well as understanding why you want to have sex, it's important to consider the thoughts and beliefs you have about sex — and what it means for you and your partner to have sex.
She said by understanding each other's motivations, you can negotiate the level of sex you and you partner would like to have, and work towards that shared goal. The simple practice of being more "present" when kissing your partner and kissing them for longer can boost feelings of connectedness, she says. It could just be a lingering, lip-biting kiss. It could be grabbing the other person's bottom. It could be gently nibbling all the way up to their ear and back again. People often expect their partner to know exactly what they like, when they like it and how they like it — without ever specifying, says Ms Koens.
You need to say what it is that you might like.
Schedule a sex date
And if you're not sure, then some experimenting together might be useful. According to the sexologist, vocalising what intimate experiences you enjoy and giving clear consent to your partner will amount to "sexy and safe sex". It's easy to be discouraged and give up. People often do much better in their second or third long-term relationships because their early experience taught them what to expect, and gave them a chance to acquire the necessary long-term skills.
Because we lack education and experience, our early unsuccessful relationships often serve as practice for later successful ones. Talk frequently and honestly to each other—about your frustrations, about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything. Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up -- be a team, a partnership.
MORE IN LIFE
Don't get stuck on who's right or wrong. Focus on what will solve the problem. Keep your connection going through communication, sex, affection, understanding and concern for each other. When your relationship lasts for a while, your lovemaking will change. As you get closer, passion no longer grows automatically out of the excitement of the new and unknown.
Rather than allowing your energy to subside, you can allow your lovemaking to change and grow, deepening as your partnership does. Couples who develop a"sexual repertoire which includes a variety of sexual habits, attitudes and options report feeling more satisfaction and freedom to express their love with enough variety that they never get bored.
These suggestions will help you create a variety of experiences together. These are ways you have sex when you don't really have time for a full, leisurely romantic evening: One of you giving oral sex before you leave for work, petting to climax in the car at a drive-in movie, using vibrators to have orgasms without a lot of foreplay late at night, taking a nap and having a "quickie" before rushing off to a party.
This has the added excitement of "forbidden fruit" -- having silent sex behind locked doors while the children are watching TV, sneaking lovemaking in your childhood bedroom while visiting your parents, visiting your partner at work and having quickie sex on the couch in a locked office. This is the full-blown variety: Especially good for anniversaries, Valentine's Day, or anytime your relationship needs a boost.
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Recreate a scene from your dating days, as closely as possible -- the time you met at church and couldn't wait to get home and make love, the flowers you used to bring home as a surprise, or saying all the silly, wildly in-love things you said then. After you've had an argument or a struggle, and forgiven each other, lovemaking can be extra tender and memorable. When one of you is sad or stressed, the other is especially caring and soothing, doing all your favorite things to comfort and relax you.