LUST, LOVE AND MORE OR NOTHING AT ALL
When guys say that they need to first have sex with a woman before they can consider having a serious romantic relationship with her, they're lying.
They just want to have sex without any real relationship. They're hoping that some woman will be lonely and desperate enough to give them what they want in the hopes of MAYBE getting some real love in return. Sorry if that sounds cynical, but that's what I think. You do make an interesting point, though, about there being a conflict between lust and respect. I would agree that respect does prevent lust, but that is because lust actually indicates a lack of respect.
Lust, in my opinion, is more than just strong feelings of sexual attraction. Lusting after someone means desiring someone sexually with the intent, or the desire, to use that person to fulfill one's own sexual desires, with no regard for that person's feelings, or how it affects the other person in any way.
Even if you begin with respect, before lust has developed, it is still possible to develop strong feelings of sexual attraction. I had developed a great deal of respect for my current boyfriend before the feelings of physical desire developed. I think the main problem with this article is the way lust is defined. Lust involves more than just strong feelings of sexual desire, it also involves a lack of respect, and seeing the other person as a mere sexual object. I've also had the experience of having someone lust after me.
I made the mistake of giving in even though we never met in person and sex chatting with him online. After he had gotten what he wanted, he had no more use for me. He stopped talking to me, unfriended me, and deleted all the virtual gifts that I had sent him. That's what happens when the person lusting gets what they want before they've developed any respect for the other person.
They just use them and then throw them away like garbage. I went into a lot of detail that should answer your question. I find that idea interesting that love and lust become neutral. The way you explained it, it makes sense. You just need to combine them! Learn how to combine Love and Lust and Respect will come in time. They become good or evil when altered by our perception or situation. Just imagine a couple. They stay in the same house, they have fights, ups and downs, extreme situations, moments when they want to quit As time passes they grow to know each other better, they function better together, and they trust each other.
Can Love and Lust Coexist in a Relationship?
Lennard Curvan, Thank you for your very detailed and meaningful contribution with your comment. I would think your thoughts are a guiding light for those who struggle with these issues. I started reading this article about the three main teams love, lust and respect. I think this is quite an interesting article. However somewhere down the line, my head started spinning from all the different thoughs.
This is even though they are quite interesting. First I just wanted to say that in defining anything we sometimes come up with many answers. This is simply because the answers we have for any topic is answered based upon our triditional, cultural, religious, social or other wise background. When we meet someone we can have great love for that person, maybe even the other way around, great lust, maybe just respect, or even a mixture of all three.
I will not comment about what is wrong or right. I will just keep that to myself not being selfish. What we should realize is that our relationship is really based on an agreement that we will stay together for life. We are not perfect so for what ever reason if that didn't happen, try to do it right the next time.
The love, lust, and respect you have the rest of your life to work on. You can perfect your combination by learning and cultivating new habits to make things better. The best thing in that situation is to see how you can better serve the other person. In time, you both can grow and change for the better.
You want more love. Learn how to be more loving and eventually it may come back to you. You want more respect, be always respectful and it will return back to you. You want more mutual feelings lust as you will say , cultivate that and you will eventually reap a great harvest. If all of those things don't work. Thank God for the patience, the longsuffering, the kindness and all his wonderful attributes you are learning from just trying to be a better person in your relationship.
Life is to short. Learn to be the best you you can be, for others. Eventually you will leave this world a better place. We all have to go sometime. Our habits don't just affect the person that is close to us.
The Difference Between Love And Lust, According To Relationship Experts | HuffPost Life
We leave a little piece in the puzzle of life that affects the entire outcome of humanity for eternity. She-Wolf - Sounds like that arrangement is working for you. That's all that matters. My spouse and I have been together for at the time writing this 13 going on 14 years. We have times where we just do a quick kiss then go to bed then, there are times we are on each other still acting like a couple of horny teenagers. Neither of us has really felt the need to get married not that we haven't talked about it. Timetraveler2 - Gee, I sure hope not! There is even another aspect to this What you're discussing with regards to respect and lust is the old "Madonna" complex.
Once some men gain respect and admiration for a woman, they begin to view her much in the same way as they view their mothers. No normal man would ever dream of having sex with his own mother! David, And in return, I thank you for validating my thoughts on this matter. It's probably more common than we realize. I've recently made the decision to commit to a woman whom I've been enjoying wonderful sex with, and it's almost like my physical desire for her has disappeared overnight.
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Take Control of IBS!
- The Science of Spiritual Marketing: Initiation into Magnetism;
- Smash!Crash!: with audio recording (Jon Scieszkas Trucktown);
- Learn How To Eat Right For Your Brain.
- Accessibility Links.
The stronger the feelings are in my chest, the lesser they are in my loins. Cannot tell you how reassuring it is to have this article validate my experience. Lust alone ruins; Love respects; and respect may not always love, but it does at times and when that happens, adoration of the respected-lusted after individual takes root To keep things in perfect harmony, love must reign supreme in order to find lust and respect It's a great thought T - I appreciate your wonderful feedback.
Your explanation of your three relationships makes something very clear that is important. That is, the order of the development of the three things. From your experience it is absolutely clear that the best relationship, and a lasting one, has a better chance if respect comes first. Then lust, and finally - love. It is also understandable that lust will always deminish over time as people age.
But respect can never be taken away as long as it is based on truth. And as far a love goes, that's always something that takes time to grow and can continue growing with the right ingredients. I've been in three serious relationships, the first we had an amazing connection. Love, lust and respect were all very strong. We focused our energy on the love and lust side of things and I started losing respect for her, until things became complicated, she cheated and it ended.
The second was mostly lustful, a bit of love developed but again, little respect. I saw this going in the same direction as the first relationship so I ended it. The third one began with the foundation of respect, a little lust crept in, love developed and we got married and had a baby. The lust has dimished, but love and respect prevail.
I often wonder if there was more lust, would it weaken my respect for my wife, and after reading this post I think it might do. Certainly, I see the appeal to having a lustful relationship, it's fun! But I don't know that it is a stable foundation for a healthy relationship as it was detrimental to my first two relationships. Sooner or later, the woman will realise she is not being respected, but lusted after, and I believe most women would rather be respected by their partner than lusted after. I'm now starting to think that lust can be problematic if that part of the relationship is focused on and developed more than love and respect.
How to Tell the Difference Between Lust and Love
I think lust is something that needs to be managed and controlled and not allowed to take over. My 2 cents anyway: I would argue that it is not love or respect, but familiarity and the almost inevitable complacency that develop in a relationship that kills lust and sometimes respect and love.
Why is the death of lust so much more commonplace than the other two? Maybe because it is primal. Maybe it is because it is seen as a cardinal sin in the modern Western world. AmandaJon - That is a very insightful comment. Your explanation is a useful method for all couples who feel that something is slipping away. Thanks for stopping by. Excellent hub Glenn, you gave an insight on a very controversial subject. When you love someone you feel more tenderness and care for this person, but I'm not saying that there can't be lust in their relationship.
I suggest for couples who want to feel lust in their long term relationship to experimentalize, what I mean is to try something different, something unusual, follow your instincts at unusual place or time, maybe then you'll feel lust again. That article is definitely something I'd be interested in - when I get the chance, I'll head over to read it. I know exactly what you mean about language not having the right words. I mentioned in it that Arabic has 40 words for Camel. What it all boils down to is that we can only express ourselves as well as the language we use allows us.
So in English our love of a spouse is not decipherable from our love of peanut butter. I like the way you think. Thanks for the vote up. Great hub, I like your analysis of love and lust - I think the English language tends to fail in this category especially; I love my wife, and yet I love peanut butter In Greek, there are 4 words for love I think:. Laurel - I have to agree with you about that being healthy when you can have both feelings at the same time. It's something that some people need to work on to have a healthy relationship.
November 10 , As a therapist, I see high levels of sexual dissatisfaction among couples in my clinic. Too often it is lazy, lacklustre or non-existent. Many of the people I see cite lack of time, children or work pressures. These excuses seem valid, but the real reasons that our sex lives are unsatisfying are far more complex. Here are a few tips. Get The International Pack for free for your first 30 days for unlimited Smartphone and Tablet access. Of course, as time went on, the newness wore off. To re-create lust, you need to find new things to do with your partner.
My husband and I signed up for a cooking class. Neither of us had ever taken that kind of class and when we did it together, it fueled the lust. Anything new can inspire those feelings of freshness and excitement. The second strategy is to add surprise or mystery. At the beginning, everything you learned about your partner was so interesting and exciting. Of course, as time goes on in a relationship, you feel like you know your partner almost too well.
You know what they like to do on Sundays, you know that they snore when they sleep, and they chew with their mouth open. Send a flirty text in the middle of the afternoon. One of the wives in my long-term study on couples said she made a treasure hunt for her husband. He went around the city without her, following little notes she left for him, and he found the experience full of adventure.
Post navigation
The third and final strategy is to do arousal-producing activities together. What relationship scientists have learned is if you do an arousal-producing activity with your partner — like exercising side by side, watching a comedy show or a scary movie, or going surfing — your adrenaline rush can actually get transferred to your partner and your relationship.
Now I realize this may sound like a lot of work.