Married or... merry?: The International(?) Greek Book of Marriage, or 40+1 Reasons Not to Get Married!

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We were happy in Australia but the plan was always to come here to live. So when we had everything sorted we moved here permenantly. It has been a real struggle for the kids and I and my husband is no so supportive of the emotional needs that we have had. He listens to his family over me all the time and I feel constantly inadequate and as an outsider.

I have found that my husband really adds to this especially when we argue and he tells me he will put me on a plane back to Australia. I can understand how you feel. We live in the U. Even when I was in Morocco for a summer, my husband had to go and help his cousins to get married, etc. It is part of their way of being. I thought this was great.

It helps reading different inputs. He lives here but his parents are overseas. We have been together 5 years and are getting married very soon. We have certainly had our ups and downs with everything mentioned even where we will be buried. Our biggest problem is the difference in religion and his family living so far away. At one point we actually ended our engagement because of our differences.

For a long time it was living hell. He worries every day that something will happen to them. I know part of him wants to move back there. Is it worth potentially messing up both our lives maybe even our future kids lives? The whole situation is scary. I would like to believe that no matter what obstacles are ahead we will work them out as a team… But i know it may not always be possible.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Hi i just read your article now and it really hit me. My husband is a japanese while i am filipino. Just got merried last december and i moved to his country last march. Right now i am not happy! I mean i am the happiest person to marry him but please, differences killing me. I am now suffering from home sick, i want to see my family, i want to talk in my language and i also want to be the same independent woman before! We use english in conversation.

Right now, i am on my effort to learn his language so at least there is no barrier. Thanks for the collumn. Interesting to read these comments. We have been together 39 years. Our marriage has been like the ocean…somedays calm somedays crashing waves. Different cultures and different religions can add a spark to life. That spark can also ignite so easily into a raging furnace.

We have been in Cyprus for the past nine years. Husband happy here, I hate being so far from my daughter and grandchildren in England. One partner will always be homesick. We made a hard choice when we married, we have survived. It depends how much you are willing to put into a marriage, and how much you expect to get out of it.

I wish you all strength and perseverence , because you are going to need it. I am a Korean from Kazakhstan and my boyfriend the love of my life is a Korean from the Netherlands a complete banana. Not that it was bad but it was just not my thing. I always believed that I will leave the country and that my future husband would be a foreigner. At the age of 18 I went to my historical land, which is Korea for the first time and it happened that I met my boyfriend.

Both of us came to learn more about our roots and history. Race or culture was never an issue for me, but once I got older I started to realise that it is better to marry someone who is close to your mentality and at the same time I still wanted to meet a foreigner. And somehow I ended up with a foreigner like I always wanted and who is also a Korean. It feels weird that we both have the same heritage and at the same time we are from two completely different cultures and we speak different languages, our mentality and way of thinking is sometimes so opposite and I still feel that he is my soulmate and that no one in the world could be a better match for me.

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It is amazing how we are so different yet so perfect for each other. It unbelievable how destiny can bring two people together who are just right for each other. I would give up everything I have here in order to spend my life with the man I love. There is no conflict other than the acceptance or betrayal he may cause with his own family.

And I completely understand if I am not great enough for that kind of loss. Hello Im filipina and my boyfriend is canadian. We live together 6 years already, within that years we always fight about cultural differences, especially helping out my parents or family. For me it is really important for me to help my parents, its hurt me a lot everytime his saying something that why parents cant help their self. Which is he dont understand that i am just paying back my parents what theyve done to me when i was a little kids until we grown up..

Of course as their child, i cant watch them and just sit if they need financial help. I am contented to give them enough that they can eat 3x a day. I always explained that to him but he will never understand. And thats makes me feel alone and homesick when he argue that to me…what can i do am i wrong or selfish. You are neither wrong, nor selfish.

It is a major cultural difference. Know and handle it as such. Thank God my husband Austrian truly listens and has an open mind and accepting.. Its speaks for your character. What utterly rude tripe. Another historical reason, many children of less well off familiy emigrated during s. Much like ecinomic migrants may end up doing , who work in UK nursing homes. When we are young and or in love, we may feel we can accept or tolerate many things.

As we become older and more mature we often go back to our roots and or our goals maybe different. Being in an international marriage and different religions I find as I get older it becomes more difficult and the excitement of traveling and differences becomes unbearable. In some cases it may work beautifully in many cases it is extremely difficult. Especially if it is a westerner Christian and middle easterner Muslim. Wish I would have chosen a different path. It only gets harder. Hi, This is very interesting topic. It really hits me hard. I am from SE Asian and my husband is British.

We have been together 13ish years marriage 11 years and lives in his country. My husband is very good man kind, honest, intelligent and love me very much. We both have good jobs and nice house. I should be very happy! It used to be once in a while and now it is getting worst. My job is well paid IT which I really hate. It a pain everyday to think about to go to work. However, I have managed about 10 years now. I always think if i am in my country I can chose to do the job that at least I have a feeling for it. There are so many choices and opportunities. People in my company are nice enough but few of them just made bad joke about my accent and pronunciations.

It is not a big deal but can be really annoying if you hear that often. I work hard and work well with people, I have 2 MA degrees from U. Work is one thing but it not really cause me this upset I kind of accept it in some level as my husband is worth for me to be patience or give up career but I just feel out of place, feel lost,feel trap in this environment.

As an Asian woman, I have more freedom here but I have to learn how to be patience and fight with my pride and ego. So it is like winning a lotto to be here. It really hurt my pride as I come from nice and well respect family. To be honest, if it is not because of my husband I left this country long time ago. My boyfriend and I do not even fluently speak the same language. He speaks French and pretty basic English, and I speak no French at all.

Sometimes I catch myself talking in some sort of 3 year old broken English language to him and wonder if this is even good for my mental health or sanity, haha, but I do love him. Within half an hour of joining, I had a message from my, now wife, I nearly ignored it, because I was fifty four, and she was thirty two, that age difference concerned me. However I decided to make contact and see what happened, she was from Colombia, black, had a good job, close to her family, with no wish to move. I on the other hand, was white, a pensioner, albeit a young one, living alone, with no ties, but happy where I was.

After two and a half years, do I regret that decision? One thing that really bugs me, is when I go out shopping to shops I have used before, they try it on, one price for Gringos another for locals, I let my Wife take the lead, and I try to stay out of sight until she has a price to play with, then I appear. I find that Colombians do not have the patience to listen, they hear someone talking Spanish with a foreign accent, and switch off, and talk instead to my Wife, this infuriates me, and does lead to a feeling of isolation, my Colombian family have adapted, and talk slower, taking the time to listen, but unlike in Spain, where I had many Spanish friends, here I have none, it is just as well I am happy with my relationship, or my own company.

My Wife can speak American English very well, and understands it even better, but she rarely uses it, only through a lack of confidence, so we speak Spanish as a matter of routine. I am not fluent by any means, and Spanish in Colombia is different from Spanish in Spain, in the same way that English in England is different from American English, so I have had a number of adjustments to make.

Do I miss family and friends back in Europe? We recently made a trip back to the UK for my Wife to meet my family, and close friends, but it will not be a regular jaunt. As for children, we are still trying, and if we are lucky enough to have one or two, then they will be brought up multi-lingual, they will make their own decisions as to where they want to live, as they will have the added option of British Citizenship if they want it, we will ensure they have as many opportunities as we can give them.

Cheers and good luck! As a venezuelan oil brat who spent the first 14 years of his life in Venezuela before Anglican boarding school in Quebec and over 30 years living in Canada, I experience some of the same frustrations you do, down here in Argentina. And I am fully bilingual. So, this localism is part of Latin American culture, and there are an e-nor-mous variety of dialects and accents across the continent. We think of moving to Canada every so often given the latest economic crisis, but despite some of the frustrations, I am a happier man down here with my wife and son.

So best of luck. We currently both live in America but he is originally from Holland and well even though I was born here, most of my family is from Mexico. These 10 reasons all have valid points that I will not deny I have felt at one moment in time. While we do not have kids at the moment, I often worry when we do where they will be raised and which language they would consider their first, second or third. While we do have our fair share of cultural misunderstandings especially coming from a very macho male and ultra masculine culture and him being a bit reticent it brings forth a bit of arguments, but at the end of the day every couple has misunderstandings.

I for one am happy our misunderstandings come from unawareness of each others cultures rather than awareness of each others cultures and just being inconsiderate about them and the person. What if we were to divorce? Well in this day and age divorce is not an uncommon thing but I prefer to never think about that option with my foreigner, call me helpless romantic if you may.

I cant imagine the great advantage and opportunities our kids would get for being trilingual! Now being with a foreigner does take a lot of work, dare I say it? We had to face complications that are out of the norm for other relationships like pending resident status, hiring a lawyer, interviews, money put into these things and so forth. But these thing just gave me more knowledge of the world.

He introduced me to another country, culture, and language. The flights are expensive but we budget and try to save money else where, anyone can give up on take outs, dining out so often, or buying those expensive shoes when you know the real worth of these sacrifices. While grandparents may be away, one is still blessed to still have and know their grandparents, know their voice via phone calls, or their face thru Skype as I have not been fortunate to know either of my grandpas due to them dying at an early age. I feel that modern society values the initial phase of attraction and passion too highly.

I think when girls are dating guys, they should be pragmatic and think long-term, asking themselves the following questions: As you can see in the previous posts, many women know their husbands are wrong for them, but they are far from their families and saddled with kids.

So, they are stuck for life. Having your own family around provides a great emotional support. Love your realistic point of view!! And yes the expectation is set and your every move is watched at last in the initial years.. I do not agree with these , because that is how i felt initially with my English partner. Then with time I put more faith in who I am as a person. It helped me to accept new things and now i am used to them as a way of life. I always wanted and strongly believed a marriage is that agreement between two fully grown adults that allows them to trust and accept the other half completely, even if it is annoying to some degree.

It is not about who keeps us on our toes but feeling the most comfortable, and at peace. If you are a strong, non judgmental person, with an open mind, how rigidly religious both of you are, family with understanding parents. It highly depends on who you are when it comes to having issues with a foreign husband.

If you have compromised your true nature and values to be with some one in marriage, no number of in laws and their sweet talks can reassure you when you feel unhappy inside and resent your spouse for it. We met in the US and first lived there together and then in Saudi Arabia and then returned to the US before finally deciding to move to Argentina. We had experienced many of the things on the list but it was all fun learning about each other and sharing experiences while we were both the foreigner in whatever country we were in.

The problems for us really started when we moved to Argentina. At the time moving to Argentina seemed to be the best option as we both missed being so far away from family now that we had 2 kids. Also moving to ireland was not much of an option at the time as my husband made it clear that he did not want to the study involved in getting his degree recognized in Ireland. I was also confident I could make it work hell it had all worked out in the other countries!

I frequently found myself feeling very alone and isolated and although my husband said he understood I could see that he was delighted to be back home. WE are still in Argentina and I am heavily weighting the decision as to whether I should leave the country and him. I am seriously unhappy here and end up frequently crying and depressed and it is not always possible to hide that from the kids now 3 in total. While he says he will leave I do not see him making and preparations to do so.

I think he secretly hopes that if he can keep me here long enough I will adapt. This is having a very serious effect on our marriage as I am beginning to see him as the enemy that is forcing me to stay when I desperately want to leave. And that would mean your husband understanding that your living down here seems not to be an option.

That is the thing that sucks most about marriage and kids—you become part of a unit, and it is very hard to do things with only your own preferences in mind. Who knows, you may even miss Argentina. We have been married only 6 months, no kids, now things are great but I think kids will make it more complicated. We have an ongoing conversation about how to raise them and which country would be better for them, and where to live when we retire, and how to take care of our aging parents, etc. We have many things going for us, a shared faith and family values, the big-hearted acceptance and support of both our in-laws, and the fact that we both grew up rather rootless in families that moved a lot, so we accept living in different places and far from extended family as normal part of life.

I would say look for those three things in yourself and your partner if you are considering international marriage. And these days, we can be thankful for modern technology! Skype calls are so cheap and there are so many ways to share your life and connect with overseas friends and family online. I think my marriage was doomed the moment family and friends found out. Few were against it and even after getting married their judgment and spoken word made it harder. Two cultures can be a wonderful thing in so many ways but very fifficult to maintain.

My husband is Nigerian and his way or even values bring at times unrealistic expectations. He is so good with the kids, very considerate and helpful although his expectations and even actions is contrary to being in Australia. I am disagree with this post I think every thing has some benefits and some problems depend on how we look at them and how we face them. Nothing be perfect I will give you some reasons base on my marriage experience why this kind of marriage could be good for people.

Each culture has some powers and weakness. We can learn so much from other cultures and improve our self. Between all people miss understanding is normal. You have more chance to be yourself by explain not only common words or cliches ideas about relationship. You can make different travels and learning by your partner very deep about other country and atmosphere. Family are important but not every thing we have.

Parents could not make so many problem in their children marriage when they are so far especially if they have enough respect from children. Having different traditional ceremonies make more fun for life because instead of one new year you have two new year some times or different celebrations. If there is some cultural miss understanding partners can speak about it and it is helpful because we can understand.

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It let us to understand our culture and some positive and negative points we have because of our culture. For having unique child is good chance become they come from different genes and we have more chance for make healthy babies with different talent. You and your children will have more job opportunities because you know about two countries very well and you can assist each other. If you are artists, business people, cultural activist between two countries, translator, researcher. This is more fun than you can imagine. You will understand about politics of different countries and you have bunch of different and new topics for speaking together.

There are so many benefit but you need to be positive, in love, care and respect other people as your culture and country. You should not be very high religious, flexible , brave and adventurer, Interest to learn and teach. If you have all features you are so lucky because you have two worlds and so many new experience and people in your life. What a lucid and thoughtful comment on inter-cultural relationships, Maryam. Pretty much sums up my views on the subject. IMHO, the perspective of this article is a bit narrow, and fails to accomplish what is intended to.

Moreover, not everyone is religious, or attached to traditions. As an agnostic myself, things like burial are not even relevant to me, then cremation is even cheaper in most places. Throughout history people have moved from place to place for various reasons, then things are a lot easier now than they used to. While family is important, it is not everything we have, I must agree on that. I have plenty of reasons to choose a foreigner over a local. The people I identify myself the most with are actually from low-context cultures e. Am I going to change my opinion because of this article?

By the contrary, many comments here, including yours, only reinforce my positive view of international relationships. I have previously commented, but felt the need to come back again!

10 Reasons Why You Should NOT Marry a Foreigner (Like I Did) | Multilingual Living

I think what all the comments here tell us, is that such a relationship will work for some, and not for others. You have to be flexible, otherwise the relationship is doomed from the outset, one of you is going to have to make some serious changes to your life, whether it be religion, culture, or just everyday life.

As I said previously, I had two failed marriages to women from my own Country England , so in itself that is no guarantee of success, you have to work hard to make any relationship a success. Religion is not an issue, I am atheist, my wife and her family are Protestant, despite being in a predominantly Catholic country, I have told my wife, that I respect her beliefs, and as long as she respects mine, then it will never be an issue, if and when we have children, I am happy for her to decide on the religious approach, as long as they have the choice later, on which religious route if any, they wish to take.

I do not believe in indoctrination, guidance should be given and then self choice. I have always been a man who made his own decisions, and then stuck by them, in the nearly three years that I have been here, this is something I have had to compromise on to a great extent, and has been something that has caused more than one arguement between us, however when I have sat back and thought about it, my Wife has only been worried about my security, in a country where Foreigners are more vulnerable as targets of crime, even though as a retired Policeman, I pride myself on being very aware of my surroundings.

I try hard to accept this effort to protect me, because it is done with love. Until I moved to Colombia, my wife had lived in the family home for all of her 32 years, so she is extremely close to her family, the culture is one of music and partying, and I have to admit, it does drive me mad at times, but I never try to stop my wife continuing her involvement in those festivities, I go to the main events to keep everyone happy, but I am not a party animal, I trust and have complete confidence in my wife, therefore I am happy for her to go off with family or friends and let her hair down, it gives us both some space, and I am more than happy to see her on her return.

I know I have rambled on a while, but what I am trying to say, is to avoid difficulties in any relationship, to a foreigner or otherwise, you to have to be prepared to talk, and to listen, if you are not, then prepare yourself for an unhappy or lonely life.

Married or…Merry: 40+1 Reasons Not to Get Married!!

I am an American currently dating a Swiss woman and I am very surprised by the dramatic cultural differences. We approach life in different ways. We express ourselves very differently. She is very much to the point about everything, whereas I tend to talk around things and soften them. She seems harsh to me at times.

Marriage is difficult enough without all of these cultural differences on top, right? Having said that, it can also be an adventure if one is up to the challenge. She has a lot of great qualities and I am trying to adapt, as is she. She speaks fluent English. I am learning German and having lots of fun doing it. We both love to travel. She is good for me in a lot of ways and I hope I am for her too. One thing for sure is I will not rush into anything.

Before I get married, I would want us to successfully live together for several years. That will be the test. He is atheist, though both of his parents are Jews and I am Christian Orthodox, he has dark hair, my natural hair color is blonde.. You see, it actually sounds ridiculous. And it never mattered. He understands me and gives that extra sense to my life. I married very young, in fact I am still pretty young, we date 2 years prior to our marriage, met by accident on some forum, then used FB and Skype, get to know each other, became great friends, fell in love.

And distant relationships are not easy. So I decided to move to Israel , which is harder than to move to most of the countries. Yes I miss my family and friends but I am happy to be with my husband, I also have a family here now and even met some awesome people, few of them became my good friends. I talk with my family every other day, write to my mother and my friends every day, no matter how tired I am, we send each other gifts and we are planing on visiting them this winter. Israel is full of immigrants , great food, sea, history, I love their customs and it is interesting for me to learn about everyday life and people.

My husband, at other hand loves Serbia, nature, people, food, I often cook some Serbian food upon his request, he even learned decent amount of Serbian, he keeps in touch with my family, etc. We respect each others culture and tradition. We decided that we will give our best to give them love, support and education , rest is on them.

As I said before, we are both still very young , I can not say that in 10 or 20 years I will feel the same and think the same but currently I am and it is fine. Sometimes I get nostalgic or tired but then I asked myself where would I be with out my husband and I remember how I missed him when we were apart.

We spent more than 8 months apart after we got married because of procedural reasons, so I learned to cherish and love every little moment, kiss or touch. Hopefully we will stay strong and in love, but if you want to be happy and achieve something in life in general you have to be strong. Wish you all lots of luck and love! Love is worth of trying and for sure worth of a sacrifice! Update to post from March 9, at 2: OK, so here we are.. My wife is going to leave me tomorrow. Baby-girl will be one year old. And my heart is broken in milion pieces.

Guys, my final advice: If you see any weekness like unreasonable jelousy, if You ever feel in your relation in doubt, be sure to end it as soon as possible. Or be stupid like me with hopes, that next day She will be better — be sure that it is going to end in worst drama you have never could imagine. Hi all, this has been very interesting reading.

1. Forced marriage - Wikipedia.
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6. REPHAIM;
7. 10 Reasons Why You Should NOT Marry a Foreigner (Like I Did).

Been married 10 months, together for 4 years. I cried in the bathroom at work a lot!! I had a bit of a melt down yesterday, because a woman at work lost her husband, he had a heart attack out of the blue. Anyway, the easy thing for us is that New Zealand is actually pretty similar to the UK, so not that many cultural differences and barely any language ones.

Although I do find hot Christmases quite strange and not very festive. Overall, I do feel lucky — for me I met the love of my life, we are just the happiest we could ever be. There was really no option but to be together. But still, you never know, we may move there with them at some point.

Interesting website and article. A lot of wonderful responses! I was over-the-moon excited that my doors were open to a 3rd continent! No relatives for the holidays, the first-holy communions.. And miss the families the rest of the time.. Life is so relative! Yes, skype is over-rated.. In order to feel close to that extended family, they need to know the language, thoroughly. Being an immigrant is never easy. But I know, my husband will be the first to understand when I feel an immigrant in yet another land.. I tell myself, it can only be better! No friends, no family. Since my basic need in life is people, I think I already have a good start!

We have amazing friends! And my children will have grandparents!! Now I just wonder what could the repercussions be.. I have to add to my comment above: That leads to isolation from the general population and then to some resentment ……. I have no children anywhere. Does that make me a fool or a hero? It is definitely hard, but anything that is worth something is going to take work! I wrote a list about my marriage! I identify with these points but I felt we underestimated the challenges we would face in our marriage.

I am trying to teach myself his language and how to cook his traditional foods but with great difficulty. I do miss back home though but feels like an outsider when I visit. I have been with my foreign husband for 7 years now, 2 years ago we got married. We have lived in my home country and now live in his. At times I get very lonely and sad, sometimes the D-word crosses my mind too.

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When I look back, I realize that our biggest problem is miscommunication. I am sure there are some cultural differences in the equation too. So, sometimes I just want to give up. Am African and am dating a German for one and a half years now. I have a really good job here and really wears me down that i have to learn German since marriage is on plan in 6months.

I love him so much but he says,moving to Africa is so unlikely because he has an established company which he owns. The thought of practicing medicine in a foreign language is not easy for me…. Corey Heller — Thanks for creating such an interesting topic. I understand what your intentions are here, and agree that , if looked upon as a challenge, then one can see where you are coming from.

I am American and my wife is Ethiopian. We have a nearly 3 year old little boy who is simply put, a hand full. Our son was born in a 3rd country where we both worked, which was kind of interesting. Embassy took care of his Citizen Birth Abroad, U. Passport, and Social Security Card. He is healthy, which is the most important thing.

Most of which was early on in the marriage as we had never actually lived together, although we lived only 20 minutes away from each other. I have found that we have grown closer and stronger as a result of everything that has happened, good and bad. It is actually kind of funny when she mispronounces certain words while speaking English and she laughs when I screw up words in her language as well. We moved back to the U. Visiting has always been great but the quality of life associated with residing here simply was not on par with the amount of daily grind, stress, cost, etc that it demanded.

So, we both agreed that a move to Ethiopia was in order. We have a home there, and my wife a business that she is totally excited about growing. Our son is very comfortable there and I too really enjoy the simplicity of life and freedoms there that I discovered have been somehow lost in the U. Yes, I will miss what few family members here in the U. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you marry someone, native or foreign, that you had to have seen something very special in that person. Be willing to see the humor in things that bother you vice the pain of it because no matter who you are with or where you choose to lay your head down, you and your partner will have to deal with and except some issues as simply being the way things are.

Quality of life is what is most important. There will always be immigration difficulties every where, but do try to find your own little happy place. Except your differences, celebrate your likenesses, and above all……Be thankful for each today. Therefore the culture shock is expected and holiday traditions might not be as missed. Becoming the US citizen does not mean that the person will start to stop missing family in home country, start acting like some who was born and raised here, nor cultural shock is expected.. You know that can be regarded as ignorant remark to call Asians, do you know that?

Well these are the main problems I see: Brazilians are very strong Roman Catholics; and Turks are not very strong Islamically, but they would not like their kids to be participating in Catholic rituals. Great distance between Brazil and Turkey. When two people get married, their two friend groups all become close friends with each other as well because of same language, culture, etc.

This will be unlikely with the different cultures…so there is more discomfort when your common contacts meet. Language barrier-Turkish is very difficult to learn; so a lot of time your girlfriend will be left out of conversations. It has never been a life goal," said Chemi. They live together in the eastern Paris suburb of Le Perreux-sur-Marne. They have not married because "we never really felt like it", although the couple have "got nothing against marriage as an institution", said Henry.

She said they had seen married couples around them break up. Gendreau said "the real commitment for us was to have children". They also have seen friends marry young and almost all of them are divorced. He would have rights if they registered as a pareja de hecho de facto couple , which confers more or less the same economic and parental rights as marriage, but "we reject the state having any role in our relationship.

A lot of our friends feel the same way," he said. Szymon Krawczyk, 27, and Alicja Pawlicka, 26, have been a couple for three years. Krawczyk is a sales specialist, while Alicja edits books. They say they are "very much in love". They cannot afford to get married as they are both on small salaries and are on temporary work contracts, which give them no chance of getting a mortgage. Pawlicka said if they got married and moved into a rented flat and then one of them was to lose their job, they would look pretty silly going back to knock on their parents' door.

Thodoros Karkas and Katerina Kontodimos are typical of Greece's something generation. In an ideal world, where money was no obstacle they might have considered marriage, but hooking up under circumstances of near penury is simply not an option. And as for children, "the money we earn is not enough even for us," he said. A qualified sound engineer and music technology specialist, the year-old met Kontodimos in when she was a student of interior architecture. Eighteen months later — at the height of Greece's economic crisis — they moved in together, sharing a flat in central Athens.