Stop Being a B-tch! You’re ruining your relationship!

Meditation helps me calm my mind and separate my thought patterns from who I am. If you allow yourself to be ruled by fear, you're agreeing to the opposite premise: That your thoughts are who you are and that they need to be addressed immediately. Once my mind is clear, I take stock of the facts of the situation. And I do mean the facts. Nothing that could be considered an opinion is allowed here. There is no room for anxious interpretation. In my case, for example, the facts are this: Man is out of town for the weekend at a wedding. Man texted me yesterday to ask how my weekend was going.

The last time I saw him I really enjoyed it. He said he wanted to see me again when he was back. When you look at the facts, as they are, you are grounding yourself in the present rather than in past narratives or future hopes. New relationships struggle when we put too much pressure on immediacy. In my case, I was exhausted from a long weekend upstate with friends with little sleep.

I might also have been a little bit hungover. Once you've identified your feelings, ask yourself what you really think is causing them. Is it one missing text message, or is it the way you've been talking to yourself for the past few hours?

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Is this more about you not liking yourself than someone else not liking you? Rather than taking action against your significant other, focus your energy and attention on yourself. Focus on shifting from self-doubt to self-love. Does this situation still feel as urgent? If it does, then you can address it confidently. You're in the ideal head space for a productive conversation. If not, continue treating yourself with love and see what happens. Insecurity Ruining Your Relationship?

Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Hey Lisa, I am so glad that that hit home for you and even better if it helps you rethink your reactivity. Good luck with it xxN. It is just our fear speaking. We are so much nicer to be around when we can recognise and comfort ourselves in our fear. I am so glad to hear it Faith. Thank you for sharing this, and make sure you come and join our online FB group where there is more of this kind of chat xxN.

This really spoke to me. Now to learn how to let myself be comfortable wth that fear. And try and let it go. Yes, this is the invitation. To turn towards the fear and the pain. Wow that was perfect, it really was what I needed to hear right now. I think I now understand why I have been acting the way I have.

Hey Laura, Great to hear. I am glad it makes sense, now we can start to make sense of ourselves and our partners. Come join the conversation in my Fb group http: Oh my god this hit it right on th head! Nova, The first big step to getting out of this big, dark sucky hole is exactly this realisation. Just seeing this pattern for what it is… fear, is huge. Now you can take steps to try to feel safe and comfortable in who you are.

Come and join my facebook community for inspiration on how to build your inner relationship so that you are ready for intimacy…unbreakablelovecommunity. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now..

2. Examine the facts.

Bitchy, jealous, and a but of everything negative and destructive for a relationship. Any advice to stop fighting with him so much?

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Hi Noelle, You are not alone in this. We love someone and it makes us bitchy.

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Yes, I have heaps of advice for you, come and join my Facebook community where I share heaps of ideas and inspiration on how to build our inner relationship so that we are intimacy ready. You can change what you do but not who you are. Hi Fat horrible America, This is an interesting point, thank you. I think there is a whole lot we can change — while not changing ourselves, but changing our approach, our energy and our attitudes can make huge impacts on how life responds to us.

My boyfriend of 3 years and I have fought all weekend which was very disappointing because we, at 40 years old, I thought had finally outgrew this silly bickering. I nearly brushed it aside and chalked it up to I was justified in all my bitching until my 18 year old daughter told me that I have been a straight bitch for 3 years. Timing of the relationship with my boyfriend is no coincidence of why my daughter hates him. He was a longtime sweetheart and the reason of my affair and then divorce. I worry constantly and fret because the financial security I had is out the window.

The only thing in my life that I feel good about is my daughter and the man I love. I feel like I am pushing them both out the door.

5 Ways You Can Knowingly Destroy Your Husband And Kill Your Marriage

Leigh, This sounds like a tricky situation. I can imagine that you feel anxious. It is great that you are aware that the reason you are being a bitch is that you feel guilt. My advice is to comfort yourself in your guilt rather than act from it. Have you joined my facebook community yet? So glad I found your website. Not sure what song has been playing these words in my head: It means that it is just the voice of fear, rather than what your head was most likely telling you….

I love the sounds of that song. I Tried to follow the link to the Facebook group but i was denied, content not available or deleted. Hey Julie, Oops sorry about that. Here is the link: I just said this the other day. I want to be happy and goofy and loving again. It how I imagined my life to be once getting married. But I refuse to just give up and walk away from it. I can overcome this. Hi Jessica, Our partners are certainly not these perfect angels but you are so right, it is not helpful for us to sit in blame. There is so much that we can take responsibility for and change for the better.

I wish you all the very best and all the courage in the world. I have been nasty, mean and more than a bitch to the one man I ever loved. He has walked away now because it got too much. Where do I go from here? I am sad to hear that you lost your man Julia. What to do from here? We are bitchy and mean because we are projecting all our uncomfortable feelings onto them. If you need one on one support, I can help. Or I have the perfect little program that would help you.

So me nd my boyfriend have been together for 3months now and i know he is the one! But things are rough lately! And my bitchy self at the beginning of our relationship has hurt him real bad! Hi Shania, I understand it is tough. We are so terrified of being hurt that it makes us crazy. Take care of yourself. Deepen into your gratitude for who he is. Remind yourself that you are just afraid. All the best xN. My mum abandoned me as a child and did… very bad things to be when I was younger. I understand my self now. Hi Beth, I am so glad this has helped you make sense of your responses.

It is not easy being intimate, but so so worthy.

I wish you all the very best in life and love xNicole. This totally helped me realize why I am such a bitch to my boyfriend. I guess being hurt so many times from exes takes a toll on someone. Hey Cali, I think realising that intimacy is triggering your hurt can help you understand yourself and step away from the reaction of anger and bitchiness a bit. I wish you all the best. Yes you are right i do feel like i am not good enough… how do i make this right if he makes a point of it to show or tell me that nothing i do is right in his eyes… how am i supposed to believe i am good enough?

Hi Lala, Honey, you are actually good enough. The thoughts that you have that tell you otherwise are only there to try to keep you safe from an unpredictable world. They come from the part of you that cares so much about you that it wants to keep you safe because you are worthy.

Your partner criticising you is just him trying to keep you with him. It is control and manipulation. It comes from the part of him that is not feeling safe and loveable. I have to change or my fear is going to true. He is going to leave me and I moved to another state for him.

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I think what is going to work best for you at this moment in time is being really kind and loving to the part of you that is freaking out. Remember it is just a part of you, it is not all of you. There are other parts of you that are confident and clear, but this part is running the show. She needs some love. She needs love from you. Can you be kind to her? She has said to me ,i hate you,if she really felt that way ,she would not care about ,my health , and she would have left a long time ago.

I know she must trust me ,to vent like she does, i do not know why she does this. Maybe too smart ,for her own good, i. I imagine this behaviour must be quite mysterious from the other side. Too right, she still loves you. In my experience the bitchy behaviour feels a lot like hurt. It is as though our expectations of happy ever after have left us feeling like everything is inadequate.

You sound like a good man Bob and she is a lucky woman to have you standing by her. Hey Nicole do you have any advice for me? So my boyfriend was a jerk all yesterday call me names and stuff and he never is like that. So the only time he wanted to be nice was when we were in bed together and by that time I was mad because of the fact that he wanted to be nice to get some. And halfway through I realized that was the wrong way to handle things and by that time he already stopped because he was mad because of the fact that I was quiet.

Well he ignored me the next day and slept far away from me so I had to force him to talk to me and told him I was sorry and I was wrong to do that. Desiree, I can see why this problem feels so uncomfortable for you.

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The truth is that this has nothing to do with you not being into him. The truth is that you were hurt. Your partner, may not realise that you were hurt, so I think that the best approach here is to be honest. Let him know in a way that is not blaming him and not angry, that you were hurt because you want to feel connected and close.

This could be a deepening conversation that helps you understand each other. I wish you all the best Nicole. Little disagreements here and there, but nothing major. I need to know what I can do to help myself before things get bad. Perhaps there is a sense within you that things are starting to get a bit more serious. See what comes up for you. I am here for a session if you need some guidance.

Thank you for this article. I have been with my new boyfriend for roughly six months and he is truly amazing very optimistic and also very patient. It was very helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much for your feedback Sara. I hope that this sparks the consciousness needed to be the woman you want to be in your relationship xxN. Reading this was like you had been there to experience it all with me. My boyfriend says im super passive aggressive which I am! Hi Migeulina, I am so sorry to hear this.

I have a program that would help you. The awkward moment when your fear is that they are not enough? Hi Lilly, I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way but I hope it also feels empowering for you. My husband sent me this link… yeah how does that make me feel.