I Lied, Theres More: with emphasis on friendship

If you hurt your friend, she may not be able to forgive immediately. Do not take it personally if your friend asks you to limit contact with her temporarily. The space can be valuable for both of you. Your friends can have a chance to cool down, and you can take the opportunity to reflect on what you did. Reflect on your friend's needs. You will eventually want to apologize to your friend. The most effective apologies focus on acknowledging the needs and feelings of those you've hurt.

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Spend the time to yourself reflecting on what your friend might need from you. This may be how you lost his trust. For example, maybe you made a comment about your friend's weight. This is a sensitive topic for him, and he reacted poorly. What does your friend need from you to move forward? He probably needs you to be more respectful and understanding in the future. He may also need you to understand which subjects are off limits for jokes. Gain an understanding of your behavior. It may help to understand why you behaved the way you did. If you did something to hurt your friend, there may be a reason for this.

Spend some time reflecting on any factors that contributed to your behavior. Were you feeling insecure or bad about yourself? Many people hurt others due to their own feelings on inadequacy. Once you understand your behavior better, think about how to change in the future. Maybe you lashed out at your friend because you have issues with your own weight.

You could talk to a therapist about your body issues and try to treat your body better through healthy eating and exercise. You can send this letter, if you want.

The 15 signs…

You can also simply write it as a means to get your feelings out. When you apologize to your friend, having written out your thoughts may be helpful. Begin with something like, "I'm really sorry that I hurt you. You do not want to sound like you're justifying your behavior. You can send the letter out to your friend. You can also type the letter and email it. You can request to meet in person to apologize formally. Acknowledge your mistake and apologize.

The first step of a solid apology are the words, "I'm sorry. From there, acknowledge your mistakes. You want to make it clear you understand what you did wrong. I completely take responsibility for messing up and hurting you. For example, "I never should have made that comment about your weight. It was insensitive and hurtful. Your friend will be more inclined to listen to your apology if you seem genuinely remorseful. Be direct about how bad you feel about your actions.

For example, "I really regret being cruel and breaking your trust. Empathize with your friend. You want to make it clear you understand. Your friend is more likely to trust you in the future if she feels you understand the consequences of your actions. Your friend will want to know you've learned your lesson and will not screw up again. For example, "I am so sorry I hurt you in this way, and put you all in a position where you felt betrayed.

There's no excuse for my behavior. After an apology, your friend who was hurt may restate how it affected her as a way of making sure you truly understand how she feels. Be prepared for this: You want to end things on a good note, so ask your friend to give you a second chance. Things may not be normal again right away, and your friend may initially reject your apology; however, leave the door open for reestablishing trust in the future.

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You can simply say something like, "I'm sorry for having hurt you. I know it may take time, but I hope in the future we can be friends again. If you broke trust, your friend may expect you to make up for it in some way. You can offer a concrete means of repairing the damage when you apologize. For example, "I made you this mix CD of apology songs, and I've been seeing a counselor about my own body image issues. Make sure your friend knows this will never happen again. For example, "I'm really making my own mental health a priority right now. I'm not going to stop seeing a counselor until I feel stable enough not to lash out at others.

Ask your friend what you can do. Your friend may set some boundaries with you and let you know what she will and will not accept in a friendship. She may also have some ideas about how you can begin retraining her trust. You can say something like, "I know it's hard for you to trust me right now. Is there anything I can do to show you I really mean it? Is there something I can do to begin earning your trust back? For instance, if you friend found out you were talking about her behind her back, she may want you to go speak with those people and tell them what you said was untrue, and that you were wrong to say those things to them.

Be there for your friend. Show your friend you're capable of loyalty. If he lets you back into his life, work on being a good friend. You want to make sure you do not break his trust again.

Ask your friend how he's doing if he is going through a rough time. Offer to listen if he needs to vent. Never judge your friend. If he expresses something, react with respect and interest. People are likely to trust those who do not tell them what to do.

When a friendship turns sour, more than feelings get hurt | Aeon Essays

Allow your friend to be angry at times. It's going to take time to reestablish trust. In the aftermath of an apology, do not be surprised if your friend is still mad. She may still be stung by what you did, and it make take some time for her to work through that. If you feel frustrated by her inability to forgive you, think about how hurt you would be in her position.

Demonstrate you've changed through your actions. Actions often speak louder than words. After apologizing, try to show your friend how you have changed. Keep your promises, do not talk behind people's backs, and be there for your friend emotionally. You can rebuild broken trust over time. Be consistent and kind with your actions. Eventually, your friend should forgive you; however, do not expect this to happen overnight. It is difficult to trust people, and when trust is broken it can be tough to get it back. It may take many months before your friend completely forgives you. I apologized to him.

He said he forgives me but needs his time and space. It's been 6 weeks. What can I do? Give him time, although your friendship may never be the same again. Some people don't trust after their privacy is invaded. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 9. And they know it. This underlying current of attraction makes talking, texting and spending time together as "just friends" all the more exciting.

It has an erotic edge to it.

Of course, it's only a matter of time until a person's spouse begins to notice this increasingly intimate friendship and get worried. They may ask "Who are you texting? And that's when it starts. The defensiveness, downplaying and deflections. The insults and indignation. Too often, a committed person who knows that an extra-marital friendship is inappropriate will deny, deny, deny that it is.

Instead of respecting their partner's feelings and addressing their concerns, instead of quickly and clearly putting their primary relationship first, they'll do everything they can to ensure their "friendship" continues.

Bad friends

Unfortunately, this often involves turning the tables so that their partner's behaviour looks problematic, not their own. To do this, they may employ any number of "drop it" tactics. This person will act like their human rights are being violated when their spouse asks them to distance themselves from their opposite-sex "friend.

I didn't do anything wrong! Any professional who works with couples will tell you that the vast majority of affairs begin as opposite-sex friendships. They'll cruelly dismiss their partner's concerns: Another tactic is to basically shame their partner into silence. We all know how public shaming is used nowadays: Well, this happens in intimate relationships, too. That's why this tactic works. Nobody wants to be "that wife" or "that husband. Now all of this begs the question: Sure, it's definitely possible. Some people are like that. That's why I always encourage my clients to start by self-checking their own behaviour.

Why "We're Just Friends" Is Often A Lie

Are you the problem? Is your partner so sick of your suspicions or accusations that they're finally taking a stand and locking their phone? Yet more often, I see that pendulum swing to the other extreme. I see spouses who harbor deep feelings of suspicion, sadness and worry with regard to their spouse's opposite-sex "friend," but who nonetheless bite their tongue instead of voicing those suspicions. That's because those "drop it" tactics work so well. Nonetheless, you may need to be "that wife" or "that husband.

The more time, energy and affection your partner is spending on another person, the less they're spending on you.