Im The Guy The Bartender Tells His Troubles To
Joke A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away. After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him, "Pour me a 15 year old scotch before the trouble starts.
After finishing that drink, the man tells the bartender to pour him an 18 year old scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender is becoming a little worried, but pours him the 18 year old scotch.
Before the man finishes his 18 year old scotch, the bartender finally gets up the nerve to ask: A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke? An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
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When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss. But it hasn't affected me brothers though. One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter? The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time? Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women? Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.
A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup. The bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you a beer, just don't get any ideas.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a horse tending bar, apron and all, wiping out a glass. He stares at the horse for a minute without saying a word. The horse returns the stare and breaks the silence by asking, "Hey buddy, what's the matter? You can't believe that a horse can tend bar? An Irishman walks into a bar, and tells the bartender "I'll have three rounds, all at once. Back in Dublin, my brothers and I would all go to the pub and have a round together. I moved over here a few years ago but I still keep the tradition. The Irishman returned for several nights.
One night, the Irishman comes in and only orders two rounds. The bartender shaken, asks "what happened? Did one of your brothers die?
A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender - www.newyorkethnicfood.com
He asks the bartender why the Magi are wearing fireman's hats and the barkeep says, "Well, everyone knows that they came from afar. The Tree Wise Men are all wearing fireman's hats. A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer, and another, and another, etc. He walks out the side door, and a few seconds later, he walks in the front door, sits down, orders a drink, and the bartender asks him to leave. He gets up, walks out the side door, and comes back in the front door and is asked to leave.
This happens about eight more times, and on the ninth, the man exclaims," How many bars do you work in, man?!?!?!?! Two guys are walking their dogs, a black lab and a Chihuahua. Passing a bar, the "lab" walker says, "Let's get a beer. Give me a break. An amnesiac walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you today? Bartender asks, "how's it going? Julius Caesar walks into a bar.
The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a 'martini'? So Jesus walks into a bar and says, "I'll just have a glass of water. A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra. A guy walks into a barber shop, asks "Bob Peters here? A guy walks into a Wedding Reception. He goes up to the Bartender and asks, "Is this the punch Line?
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A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again. Shaking his head, he sips once more. This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can show him something unbelievable, he gets a free beer?
The bartender says alright. So the man puts a hamster and two frogs on the bar and all of a sudden the two frogs jump up and start into a Broadway medley. The bartender said to him, "You could have gotten more for the frogs. Guy walks into a bar and pulls a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. Then he pulls out a little guy who site down and begins to play. Customer agrees to let bartender try it, and pulls a grungy old whiskey bottle from his pocket.
Bartender rubs it, and the room fills up with ducks, flying everywhere. Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town! Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et! Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!
An Irishman walks by a bar Ole goes to a bar to meet his friend, Sven. He spies Sven sittin' at da bar, with a dog underneath his chair. Ole says, "Hey, Sven, does your dog bite?
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A baby seal walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What will be stranger? Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes" Man at the end of the bar says" I object to that remark". Guy says "Why, are you a lawyer? A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying. I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.
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So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison. Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes. Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater? Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.
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Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater? Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron. A drunk walks into a bar. So a guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck.