Be Still and Know: Breath praying through loss

I would do anything to hear the words mommy. I wish the pain would just be more kind. Oh precious fellow travellers. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. Still no cause has been found. My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. He had been dead over 10 hours so what we found was brutal, excruciating. The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode.

This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. Love and understanding yo all of us. My mom passed away July , 6 months later my boyfriend passed in January I hate my life and wish to die daily. Robert, I totally sympathize with the unresolved grief. I lost my mother and I was her caregiver in early basically congenital heart failure, but she fail on what I consider a good day for her and never recovered and passed away the next day. And exactly one year later, her mother passed away due to heart failure. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother.

Those are two very different relationships but the loss is felt for both. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. I pray the memories of her life will last forever. I hope that your grief process will ease very soon for you. I feel your pain.. I cry everyday for my friend.. I am just into my second year and the intensity of grieving seems to have increased. I am about 17 months out. It is different now, but not easier. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning.

I feel the same way about Clay. He has been gone for 15 months. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. I feel your pain every moment of every day. My Bill was my soulmate, best friend, husband and the love of my life for 40 years. I feel I have no strength and he would want me to be strong.

I try to keep moving forward but sometimes feel stuck. I was always even keeled but now experience such unusual highs and lows. Even negativity so unlike me! I guess I just have to accept this as part of grieving process and try to keep moving forward. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life.

I feel for all of you so much. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. Opened the door and he had passed during the night of a pulmonary embolism. I did the grief therapy, grief counseling, etc. People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. That magic one year mark does not cure your hurt. I have trips planned, do volunteer work, try to be active in my church, but I realize the hole in my heart will never heal.

A Prayer for Funerals

I could care less. One day at a time. This ache in my heart is unbearable I just want to wake up and feel normal not this horrendous heart ache! The thought of living yrs without them is so very hard. It is 13 months and 20 days since my soul mate died.. I have two dogs so I hide away.. I work full time so am OK in work but I am so lonely without him..

I have no close friends outside of work.. I make an effort to go out and socialize but am surrounded by couples.. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. The one I turned too for deep discussions, uplifting when I was upset over something and just encouragement when needed. I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly.

Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. They have kept me going. I have recently started a new job and have found that at my age, it is so much more of a challenge than it was just 10 years ago. I do not socialize, even at church. I just come home and enjoy the dogs and just survive the day.

Now that I am starting the second year, I am finding it is much harder to be that strong person that everyone thinks I am. I hate crying and find myself doing it more and more lately. The holidays are going to be a struggle this year I am finding out. I know how you feel. I will be praying for both of us. I also lost my husband to pulmonary fibrosis although he also developed two tumours on his lung. He battled his fibrosis for around eleven years, never giving up and walking the dog faithfully every day until this horrible illness got a final grip on him.

I find this second year a lot worse than the first. I have been crying for him now for two days solid, praying every night that he will come for me. I just feel as if I have been abandoned and lonely. I pray that these feelings will pass soon as I am so fed up crying. I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised.

We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. I lost my son and then his father days later. He left me 2 dogs, one pregnant one. I kept two puppies and suddenly have 4 dogs that I enjoy, more than church more than people. Most shy away from me because?? Most I am more alone in Han ever except for me little gang of adorable dogs. Im just so heavy hearted hearing everyones stories.

I lost my husband of 34 yrs to a brain tumor 7 weeks after diagnosis. It has been 14 mths now and it doesnt get any easier, if anything harder as it becomes more real. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. Love to all i feel your pain. I understand your grief. I too have felt the way you feel. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. I can tell you the only thing that keeps me going day to day is not wanting my children or loved ones left behind to feel how I feel right now.

Your children would feel the pain you feel if something happened to you! We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. I read a lot about near death experiences and it has helped a little bit. We are still here because our mission here on earth is not complete. There are still things in life you must accomplish.

I too try to get back to normal but I realize this is my new normal. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief. My husband was murdered and four months later my beloved dog died. I feel just like you have expressed. Thanks for your wirds. Lee in July This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. Killing yourself is not going to bring your husband back nor is it going to help the ones you leave behind, we all have to travel this route that is a fact. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions.

This breaks my heart to read. My dad died 20 months ago. I found him passed away from a heart attack on my 27th birthday. I still feel completely ruined. But more so I feel awful for my mom. I know she feels depressed. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would.

I wish that I could help. If I could take your hurt away I would. They always say it will get better. I hope you have survived you thoughts of taking you life. Please do not do that. My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of He recovered well, but took his life in January I am in Year 2 and do know how these thoughts can creep in.. But sucuide leaves so much suffering for those that remain.

Hang in there for you and family. I hope we both gain some life of normalcy.. My husband became an alcoholic 8 months before he took his life. We were married 28 years and I miss him so much and we have 2 grown boys. He did this June so all 1st have passed but now is the hardest part for me. I just found a counselor that I will see the end of July.

Cry daily cannot stop crying. Very hard for us left behind. Hi Sharon I have just been reading through this site and found your response to mine…like you.. I go to work.. I feel exactly the way you do. Finding him was torture. Crying every day is my normal now. I will say all the craziness going on in the world and especially in the U. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Being s mum of our two little girls takes up everything I have to give, the major part to this aching missing, remembering.

My spouse died suddenly also. I felt like it was me who died the first year and I was a ghost in my own life. Come home, turn on the lights, walk through an empty house, empty life. I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. Things are familiar, but not clear, not altogether solid. Sometimes I feel so angry and out of control. I lost the only person who ever understood me and this is what that feels like.

192 thoughts on “Grieving in the Second Year After a Loss”

I know exactly what you mean. My husband died 16 months ago. We were the very best of friends and partners in life, did everything together. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard… yet I am left feeling empty.

Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable. On December 1, my papa grandfather passed away unexpectedly. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. He was my everything. It seams harder now than the first year.

I am always wondering will it ever be better or will life just be like this,just go through the motions. I lost a son 16 years ago my mother passed 5weeks before he did,I made it threw that but this so different,no one can understand that ,this hurt goes beyond that for me,does it ever get any better?

My husband of 54 yrs. I too keep wondering if it will get any better. This second year is as hard as the first. The emotions ambush when I least expect it. I try to filter the thoughts in my mind so as not to feel the pain. I pray that time will heal. I also have been through hell. Losing brother niece nephew going through breast cancer and my husband of lung cancer. This is now the third year and reality is now is hitting me,but I have to care for my mother ,and to ensure that my children and grandchildren who loved their grandfather so much to give them some stability.

I am at 29 months of losing my bff. I am so lost — still. I have our two dogs my puppies that keep me going. Thanking God for the time I had with my husband — we were together 36 years — but it seems harder now. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy.

I had to sell my house — I could not afford it — so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. He was my life and it feels over. Christmas is upon us. I am hosting the in-laws. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones.

All the best to all of you. Allie, it has to get better. I look back and I see I am better, but not altogether well. I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. I am taking that as progress through the storm. It is still painful, sorrowful, and lonely. Feel it and carry it as far as you can. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown.

It starts like a small fire being ignited in the pit of my stomach that begins to swell and push upward. My heart seems too heavy to carry inside this body. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever. Losing a Brother I hear very little about. It is not a accounted for grief. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder.

His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. And then it did happen. He was forty four the first heart attack. With By pass surgery. We got to have him with us another fourteen years or so. A battle every day to overcome his heart disease with swollen limbs from heart failure.

I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. He never opened his eyes. I Sang to him while he was there passing. The grief is unbearable today as last week, last month, last year. I cry when no one is home. I miss him so much and loved him so dearly. My older brother my only sibling. He looked after me when I was young and we had such conflict too.

He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. Mom now 80 and I looked after him. He was told he had six month and he lived shy two days of six months. I beg for him to come home every day. Death is so final. I made the decision to bottle all my emotions inside of me and sooner or later they had to come out which they did about a month ago. I just miss him so much. You know ever since he passed away. Idk what to do anymore. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard.

I see little progress in me from when he first passed. I keep thinking if I try and do things like he used to, he will be happy when he comes back and then I remember. Jackie, you put into words all i have been unable to say. I am do sorry, please know you are not alone! Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part.

I am very active in my church have lovely friends and family but they are busy caring for their own lives. My deep faith in God has sustained me and believe me this is a work in progress. When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. My new challenge going forward. Jackie, you spoke the words of my heart. I lost the love of my life 11 months ago.

His name was Jackie I have not had one good day. Some are just better than others. But they are all difficult to get through without him. We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. Jackie, your words hit the mark, I lost my husband 18 months ago, no warning just woke up to finding him taking his last breath, I called , started CPR after 20 min. They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal.

They only thing was he was not responding to any stimuli, he just so happened to have a little brain damage in the best place possible, but after a week, we decided to let him go, the neurologist gave us no possible hope and his numbers were not getting better. I pushed my way through year one, just knowing that if I could make it through that then all would be better.

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Year two, is called the wake up year. I am at peace with him being gone, I just miss him like none other. He was my soul mate, we did evrything together except our jobs. My heart still beats, but my mind is not into anything. Not sure what God has in mind for me yet, so I just wait and wait. Going to church hurts, even though it is suppose to be a healing place, we spent a lot of time together up there.

I thought I was going crazy, until I came to this post. I now know I am normal again with just a different heart. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. I lost my forever unexpectedly 19 month ago, after 32 years of marriage. I still think about him every day and cry every night. I just so miss him by my side and our endless hours of talks. I lost my wife to cancer 22 months ago.

I thought, in some detached way, that things were getting better. That I was doing the things one does to deal with grief. But lately I find myself overwhelmed with sadness as weeping. I went online to read up on it. I am at the beginning of the second year since John passed. We had 36 wonderful yeayears. I thought they were going lock me up. People told me after the first year it would get better. We did everything together. I feel so empty and lost without her. Nothing feels right anymore. The pain is awful. We were very close. His death has opened wounds of the loss of my parents.

No shoulders left 2 lean on. This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness. Most people think i am handling everything well and going on with my life but behind what people see is a much differant person than what is on the outside.. I feel like you do after my husband was murdered a year ago and then my beloved dog died. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. I am so sorry your husbands life ended so needlessly…. Wendy — I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, I lost mom 14 months ago.

I feel so alone and lost. How do I move on. I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. How could you do this to me? What did I do wrong? How could you leave me alone? Why are you tormenting me like this?! I must have made my mom thousands of cups of tea over the years…how I wish I could sit with her and have one more. It will be three years in three months that I lost my husband. I understand now that he is gone but the yearning has been unbearable lately. It did get easier and the positivity was flowing for about 3 solid weeks but then the awareness that I am alone hit even harder.

He was my other half and I know this. I know that feeling of panic that you might forget something and lose it forever. Like trying to collect hundreds of acorns in your arms and they keep falling while you desperately try to hang on to each and every one. I hope we both find peace somehow, someday. Hundreds of acorns…resonates with me. I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. The pain comes in waves. This helped me a lot. I wish you peace. From the depths of old internet comments comes another incredible gem of a story.

One user wrote the following heartfelt plea online:. The rest of the post has been deleted, only the title remains. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person.

And if the scar is deep, so was the love. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. For a while, all you can do is float. In the beginning, the waves are feet tall and crash over you without mercy.

All you can do is hang on and float. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Take it from an old guy.

And other waves will come. And lots of shipwrecks. I lost my bf 4 years ago and I thought I was doing well. Just trying to move forward in life but the pain came back again and it hurts so much.

6 Prayers for the Dying (and the Mourning)

I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him. I thought that by this time 14 months it would hurt less. I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much. I have a thousand other feelings: I hate her for that sentence. It was only three months from diagnosis to passing in that time my mother was also coming to the of her battle with cancer.

So i lost the two most important people in my life in the same month words cannot describe hurt I felt. I had thirty years of marriage she was everything to me all I had known since eighteen. I had counselling through myself back into work and seemed to be coping acknowledging every milestone with great sadness.

I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids. So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better.

I lost my mum 13 months ago. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster. Trying anything and everything. All the time still being a mum myself to 2 young children who were close to her. Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. I took time off work teaching to nurse her at home to the end. What followed her death was aweful. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that.

Not up and down but flat and down. It has helped reading your experiences. My dad passed away Mar This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. I miss him more than last year.. My siblings grieve with me, maybe they handle their emotions better. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified.

My baby girl passed away 6 months later. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. I feel like i literally have a hole in my chest and it makes me unable to breathe. Its almost like drowning. I was 18 when we got together. He was my first love. We were together for a year. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. Well when we were together for about a year I decided to leave him because we argue a lot, jealousy and thoughts of cheating. Well a couple months after he was killed.

The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. Never would I have thought that things were going to happen the way they did. I blame myself a lot because I tell myself what if what if. Life is so unfair. And it still hurts. I try to keep positive and remember that the love I have for him is stronger than anything in this world. The advice I can give you is stay strong. Things will get better and you are not alone. A lot of us are going through the same exact thing you are going through. What has kept me going through this time is remembering that he would want me to be strong and keep going for him.

He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. Amber whatever you do. I lost my father 18th month ago sudden stoke he was with me I thought he was suffering from a low and I was treating him for that as he was type 1 diabetic. I felt Helpless blamed myself. I still grieving my life totally revoved around them especially when mum got sick.

I feel I no purpose and all alone. I too have just entered the 2nd year after losing my beloved husband of almost 30 years. It was supposed to be just an ordinary weekend, and the day before he was feeling great, and the next evening I am driving him to ED. He died from septic shock brought on from diverticulitis in a little over 30 hours.

I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. I watch other couples even older than us, and wonder WHY? Why did he have to be taken away from me? We loved each other so much, and we finally found each other after earlier years of misery from other relationships. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. We were married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a very strong family and friend network I feel so alone. I feel very teary of late and missing him so.

I just feel this big void in my life and I just I will be never happy again. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. Hopefully as more time passes it will get easier. He died suddenly in war. I miss him every day. There is a heaviness that is constantly on my chest. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. My health has been severely affected with a flare up of an autoimmune disease which ironically and surprisingly has helped teach me to live more in the moment and not have too much anxiety about the future.

What is more suffering compared to what I have lost? I have less control in things than I thought I did. It is almost relieving to have a physical representation of what is occurring on the inside. The medications are harsh but necessary. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. They got to return to their life. For me, Everyday is a shocking reminder that my husband is not with me. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night.

Life is not stagnant. Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. It can be so isolating. My life feels now like I am walking on a tightrope carrying a boulder in my arms. I have to keep tip toeing forward. But the slightest wind comes up or I lose focus and the boulder threatens to plummet me downward.

Thank you Jesus for steadying my arms. You are with me. This pain is not forever. I hope everyone gets to love and be loved that much. The pain is worth it and no one is spared. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. When I came out, I went looking for him. There he was, motionless, in the bottom of our pool. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out.

As a result, he drowned. We loved nothing more than simply being together. Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the grief-slog of these past 14 months. I had always been an optimistic, happy person.

If only I could land in some port, any port, perhaps I could find my footing again. But for now, that seems unlikely because when I dare to look out, all I see is the hazy, drab-blue sameness an endless ocean. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. Just like so many of you who have graciously shared your journey here, when grief came, I too found myself unable to stand, lying on the floor and calling out his name, over and over again. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless.

On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. As many of you have attested, over time, episodes of intense grief begin to happen less often yet they still wallop the same punch when they come. I am now in month 14 and the feeling that I mentioned earlier, that in some way my purpose in life was to grieve, has begun to abate. Strange as this may sound, I am now finding life even more difficult. Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything.

All this frustrates me on top of everything else. I am trying to live in hope that things will get better. I keep telling myself that he would want nothing more than for me to live out my life in a way that is rich and full. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left.

I laughed hard at that. Not at you, but with you. Every part of me wanted to share that news with him. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. Those kinds of moments are among the hardest because they bring us face-to-face with our new reality by reminding us of how much we miss the profound bond of love that we experienced in doing the simplest things together. Thank you all for sharing your stories of grief. I have been plotting along now for 2 years 4 months.

It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. I am functioning okay—taking care of my responsibilities. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. I struggle to find ways to fill the time and have struggled to find friends who get it. Most are still married and although sympathetic really have no clue. I have joined some new groups mostly for the socialization but it does not fill the void. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou.

I lost my husband 2. We lived with this prognosis over our heads for 8years…whilst I watched it take my lovely able bodied husband to a man who could do nothing for himself. The 1st year of grief …my heart physically ached that I thought it would break. This 2nd year is unbelievably hard. I weep and wail and feel as though it happened yesterday.

We both had been married before and had children. Now no one mentions my husband…only me … I want to say his name and share our memories…. I try to do things volunteering etc…. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later. I am struggling still so badly. I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet. I cry every day and so depressed and lonely. I just keep hoping and praying it will get better. We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.

My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end. I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt. Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better. Just coming up for the first anniversary in mid November, I am feeling wretched and exhausted. I have good friends and a lovely daughter, but she is in a bad place with it all too. It is definitely worse now than at the beginning, I was numb for a long time, but now i am exposed and raw, and I can cry for England.

I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. Hello, I lost my husband May suddenly and we have a small child who is now 5. The first year was a whirlwind of emotions and things that needed to get done.

Year 2 started and reality set in and the pain and heartache is unbearable. I know now that he is not coming back I will not be able to hug him again or have our nightly conversations before bed. I am really hoping as time goes by it gets better. I wish you all peace. He lived with leukaemia for 7 years and it was being managed and seemed to be doing well. Then put off the blue, he had a seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumour, which we were later told was inoperable and high grade.

In other words, there was nothing they could do. We were and still are devastated. I have 4 grown-up children and 3 grandchildren and we are close but as others have said, there is a vast hole where he belongs. I still cry most days and miss him more than words can say.

I keep busy and that helps but I only have to look at his photo and that starts me off! He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. He looked after us all and I want him back so I can look after him! It helps by turning a negative into a positive but it also stirs up emotions afterwards. There are no winners, are there? Sending love and hugs to you all put there. We have to keep going and keep strong!

I lost my husband of 44 years 14 months. Sudden death is what they called it, his kind and gentle heart just stopped beating. I never got a Happy Birthday from her The past 5 years. She never wanted us 3 girls, never wanted a relationship with us. Her death has left such a big hole in my heart. Her last phone message to me was horrible, and unbelievable. I just read your comment about your mother. I swear to God I thought you were talking about me and my two sisters.

We lived the life you are speaking of and sadly we do not speak to each other at all. It is so sad to think a life passed and so much hurt and regret and endless questions still exist. My sisters name is Jodi. I really think this is about us. He was only He fought so hard for 2 years, he loved his life, our cats and he loved me. I would give anything to see him walk through that door again. I miss him terribly. My husband was Survived 22 months, it was ahead will and lots of work but he lost his life July 17, One of my best friends died Monday night July 31, We had been in a relationship for 15 years, but had not seen or talked to each other for almost a year, because of a falling out.

I have to tell you that I have never experienced the type of absolute overwhelming grief like I did yesterday when I found out that he had died. When we would have a disagreement…. This is going to be one of the hardest things in my life to come to terms with. I am 42 lost my husband in a tragic accidentwhen I was 29…my daughter was 9months. I look and her and I crack all over again. I feel she was robbed of a loving father, of growing up in a nirmal happy family. I had to be brave and find a job so that we cld survive.

Nothing makes me happyanymore. My son was murdered one month ago today. He was an attorney and was murdered by the ex-husband of a client that he represented in a divorce. It was senseless, almost random. The killer then committed suicide and left his own two small children without a father. My son was married but did not have children. He was a good man, a good husband to his wife, a good son to his mother and a good brother to his younger brother. I am proud of the man he had become. At his funeral, all the other attorneys and judges said what a kind, gentle man he was.

So why was he killed?

Grieving in the Second Year After a Loss

I keep thinking that it was all a mistake or a nightmare and that he is alive and well. Then I realize that I am just thinking crazy and I fall apart all over again. Will it make you happy? Take 10 mins, quiet your mind and listen to your own body answer these questions.

I wish you all the best. My mother-in-law died tragically 4 months ago and everyday seems to get worse. She had been going to the hospital to see and take care of her mom so much — who had just had a heart attack and then a blockage. She went home to shower. I will always remember her last text to me that day while I was in class. I said I was leaving school soon and we would see her at the hospital. I called and texted as I was leaving…nothing…. A fire started in her home while she was in the shower and had no idea. I have nightmares of her trying to make it out like she did.

The firefighters found her right inside the front door when they broke in the door. How scared she must have been. Why would this happen to her? She deserved the world. She was revived 5 times from her home and to the time she died in the hospital 5 hours later. My M-I-L and I were very close. She was the person who could say the littlest thing to make me feel better about whatever redic thing it could have been. She has been in my life- was in my life — my whole life, basically.

I feel so lost as she was who I could talk to about my husband. We have been thru a lot. He was injured while in the military and she really helped us deal and get thru the days. His mom was who he felt he had left. I go and hide to cry. The first couple months- I did anything to keep busy and I handled all of her final arrangements. I wanted to do it. Now that they are in school all day- I started from scratch and went back to school to get my pre-reqs. My mother-in-law was my biggest fan, biggest supporter of this. She knew what it felt like to want that and not be able to. How can I do all of that and try to get thru each day without her.

Thank you for sharing.

Poems and Prayers for memorial prayer cards - Boakes Funeral Home, Inc.

Now I am lost and lonely. It feels like I will never know happiness again. My son 7 Just keep asking questions and sometimes feeling down.. I have a hole in my soul over the loss of my mom, but I want her memory to be actively moving me toward filling holes that I can fill. Five years back my best friend my soulmate for 25 years her thirty two year old son was killed crossing a road.

My children and her children were always together. My children will never fully recover from this loss. I had never known sadness like this. What really has helped my friend and me to cope with his tragic death is that she has reached out to so many other children in need.

By helping children of fathers who have committed suicide, we have found a purpose to lift them up by sponsoring for their education. I am a hospice nurse caring for people at the end of their life cycle giving support , caring. You would think I would be better equipped with coping, but not so. I am living for Him and my God. God will never leave me nor forsake me. It is well with my soul. Whenever your dear is in the serious level of cancer or hearth attack and doctors has dishoped her this maybe ignite a little hop in you search and read about cryonics plz for your dear put this massage in anywhere helpful or if you wanna comprise with die watch the wonder of the universe documentary serials.

I nursed my husband for ten years with vascular dementia. I am so sorry. I have PTSD from the loss of the love of my life 20 years ago- we were so young-I blame myself for not going with him that day. He was a great fisherman, he was very well known in Pinellas County Fl, Bahamas, Dry Tortugus and private islands owned by the rich and famous. I was by his side as much as I could handle it but it was a Sunday we had been in car n boat accidents and was always blessed he was going with the owner and an eye doctor plus they had nitrox. I loved the family he worked for , they treated me like family.

That is where I was waiting for them to come back from a dive trip. Bad feelings started coming which happened to be the approx time my husband was left down on the 3rd dive in the middle grounds-just cuz they wanted him to get a large hogfin — duh the owner of the boat and the doc did the 3rd deep dive with nitrox- needless to say my husband blew a cerebral and pulmonary embolism. He beat them to the top. I was told I was still part of the family. I really needed them for closure. Instead they spent 3 mill on a guest house and begged me to take a couple hundred thousand for his life. I was a kid-stuck in a private room alone with the owner crying his eyes out being told I would still be part of the family and they would help me when I needed.

Then I made it a year and met someone that reminded me of my love-I met him at a psychiatrists office. We both thought we were not patients. I got married lost what widows benefits I had-and now have a permanent injunction that he is not allowed near me, obviously still not in my right mind I was diagnosed with a muscle disease and was told I would be lucky to make it to Next the temporary marriage created a wonderful sis in law of 12 years and she helped me so much mentally.

I will always love her and never thought I would lose her too. We were both experiencing the same medical problems and both diagnosed with cancer within 2 days of each other. I begged her not to get treatment 13 years of nurse-I see strong positive minds make it longer and more comfortable Being very religious and having a spouse and 3 children- they scared her they told her she would only make it 3 months without 5 with. Lots of prayers-she made it one year and the worst year I have ever seen anyone go through chemo.

At one point they said things had stopped growing so instead of waiting- they tell her its best to go on very strong caustic chemo to make sure it stays gone. I did get to see her one last time, unlike my husband. She looked so peaceful as she must have known it was finally going to be done. I touched her beautiful face-to my surprise-she opened her eyes and smiled like I remember seeing her.

She was taken to a better place at 10 pm that night. God bless u all. O Jody I read your life story and it absolutely broke my heart. My prayers are with you. May the Lord fill u with his peace and may u find comfort in his rest. I lost my big brother 5 Oct I am forever changed. Each day I live is one day closer to him. The worst are the dreams that his alive. This is one of my favorite. I have just lost the love of my life five days ago… He was on his way home from work when a drunk driver hit him head on causing the airbag to deploy and than setting the car on fire.

I am so lost and want to be where he is. I cry all day and the quietness of the house is unbearable. I miss everything about him. His smell, his smile, his voice,his touch…. I miss him holding me tight which always led to our love making more memories. The day he died is the day my heart was ripped out of my chest. Lisa, you are not alone. I lost my husband in a mountain accident 3 years ago.

They will come back. Second piece of advice is to take great care of you, get counseling, whatever it helps for you to cry and let the pain and feelings out. The WYG website and resources helped me a lot, especially the podcasts. Hello Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss and my heart truly breaks for you. He was sick for a 6 years with horrid multiple myeloma but had been ok until just recently.

I had to take him to the ER with what I thought was pneumonia and he never left. I am so alone in my house that is no longer a Home and I cry all day. I am sending you a hug and wish I could do more to take away the pain. Nights and mornings are unbearable. My wonderful twin brother passed away 9 months ago having lost his life to alcoholism. The overwhelming sense of grief is surpassed by the intense sadness I feel about his unhappy life. I lost a good friend to alcoholism a year and a half ago, since that day I have seen his family come undone.

This family use to be very close, but I am afraid they will never be the same. I am a volunteer at a bereavement center where I help facilitators with group therapy. My friends family have refused to get any kind of therapy but I truly believe they would benefit from reaching out. If you have never tried group therapy I strongly suggest that you give it a try. You have a long road ahead of you but try to remember your not alone. Good luck on your journey Kay. I feel your pain. I lost my brother to alcoholism a year ago. Its a hard one to cope with but things will ease, be gentle on yourself and realise that these things take time.

I am sending you a big hug as I know what you are going through xx. I lost my husband just 2 weeks ago. I found him at the bottom of the stairs. Sadly,he was an alcoholic. I have a book now in making which requires me to sample ideas of scholars like you. Please could you help me with practical life experience about the tragic errors which have made you to abandon your faith for a while and their possible solutions.

Every idea made will be documented for rebuilding our spiritual lives. I could get thru one of the other was here to support me, but losing both has ripped my heart out. The quotes on here have helped me many times. I will never, ever get over this hurt and feeling of loss, but in time I will learn to live with it, and maybe even smile again. Oh Melissa, your story resonates so with me, but the other way around.

I lost my beautiful husband of 21 years at 48 in Feb suddenly and unexpectedly and then my Dad 10 weeks later. I was reeling from one, and then the other and there have been so many times when I have wished for just one more day. I am having a cryey day today and its days like this that I find this website so good in helping me to sort out and articulate the mess of my internal emotions and irrational thoughts.

I am so lost and facing a future stolen without my husband, but there are good days — the kids and my dogs provide most of these — they make me smile. So I stick with them. Someone said to me in the early days to find something that makes you smile and stick with that until you are ready for the next thing.

Its ok for the steps to be small. At the time I thought it was complete bollocks, but as the months have gone by it has turned out to be true. My husband passed away on January 18, and then my Mom passed away on January 23, It has been a difficult journey. I was married for almost 39 years. It is rough when you need and want your Mom and she is not there. It seems that you take a step forward but then two steps backwards. The loneliness at times is unbearable.

I know I have to push forward but it is hard. My memories are what keeps me going. My condolence would never fill the gap occurred in your life. However, those whom we love and want so much to live by my side always can never be lost because they use to live in our hearts and they can never be separated from us until we loss ourself! I happened upon this site while looking for some kind of inspiration to keep going on.

I lost my wife of 12 years 6 years and 5 months ago. The words of Keanu Reeves have helped me many times when I feel overwhelmed: I miss being a part of their lives and them being part of mine. I wonder what the present would be like if they were here — what we might have done together. You are right, Bill. I lost my husband last August. His absence from this world is almost incomprehensible. When someone so kind, so funny and so intelligent and loving is gone, there is no replacing them.

I know that none of us are getting out alive, and this is the way of the world, but I feel so cheated, so bereft. I miss his presence enormously. My darling mom passed away 9 days ago and wondering how i can ever smile again. It is so hard to try and get on with your life.

I am an adult have grown daughters of my own and trying to strong is so difficult. Mom is the first person to kiss you. I just miss her terribly. I am just a mom, just a mom who lost her son almost two years ago. He was only 30 when he passed over. My heart broke that day. I have never recovered. Oh, I get up every day. I go to work. I put on my make up. I talk to people. I tell everyone I am ok. I still cry everyday. I imagine I always will. I grieve deeply, because I loved him deeply. I just plain miss my boy. So, I go about my day…. I have good memories.

I have my other son, Joe and my grand daughter and love them both of course. But one does not replace another. There is a hole in my heart. My son Ryan died of an overdose which makes it even harder to deal with, there is guilt, did I do enough, did I intervene quick enough……Our last time together he was best man at his brothers wedding.

We had a great time! Exactly one month later he was gone. He had been clean and relapsed. I have learned a lot bout the disease of addiction since then. Not sure I will ever forgive myself. After all, I am just a mom…. Hi Jeanne I know your pain; I lost my son almost two years ago, also. Unexpected; he was killed; we had to say a post-goodbye at a funeral home on Christmas Eve because the DIL……it — the loss of an adult child is so horrific; not only did we lose our son but we lost our friend, who had become our peer.

With the loss of my son went also a total loss of my belief system. But I guess there is some comfort, because I am no longer afraid of dying myself, just in case there is an After. But your post has given me a comfort, knowing that another knows. Its not meant mean. Anyway, thanks for your post; I get you. I lost my adult son 3 months ago. It was tragic, unexpected, violent.

I hate waking up to face another painfilled day. I understand how you feel. The loss of a child is so unnatural, it goes against the way things are supposed to play out. I go through the whole range of emotions everyday. Anger, hopelessness, numbness and always the pain…the pain. My son was killed in a car accident on a country road, not striped, intense fog driving his 7 yr old to school.

It took them 25 minutes to cut him out of the car. Miraculously our7 yr old grandson was very sore, had seat belt abrasions, and pain but after almost two days of tests and observations was sent home. My son died in the ambulance. My grandson was brave but scared when Grandpa had to tell him his father was not able to survive the accident. He had just told me while I was rubbing his little hand that he was worried about his dad, and did I know where he was?

It was arranged that my husband tell him with a child grief advocate there to help. It was so hard and heartbreaking. The way his eyes looked into mine I feel like such a letdown to him because he had always been able to count on me before. He lived with daddy and visited mommy 1, miles away.