I Wasnt Raised to Play by Their Rules

Her poetry collection about motherhood, Amnesia, was published in from Finishing Line Press. Her debut novel, The Wolf Tone, is also about motherhood from many different angles.

How to Handle Your Child’s Video Game Obsession Positively

Find her online at christystillwell. Thanks for this, Christy. My kids use iPads and White Boards at school, and we do not own a video game system. But I think I do need to come up with a policy. Thanks for your input here. In regard to a policy, it seems to me that a steadfast one really does help avoid struggle.

Id rather have my children be online learning and socializing than be in front of a television for hours watching real wives of whatever or kardashian crap. For close to a century now we have spent 7 hrs a day being hypnotized by bad news ,bad programming and our kids play online talking with others and its supposeably bad. I dont think either is good excessively. Everything in moderation is the key here.

A little comment about the Xbox. The rationale behind it was that it would help to prevent or limit? And these other kids often have big sisters and brothers, who may play games that may not be appropriate for my kids, age-wise. So my kids and I discussed what games they would like and could play, I bought them, and I found that they would be more incline to stay at home, or invite their friends to our place for a game.

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For us it works. Wow, flo, great point. I grew up without being allowed to have a gaming system or to watch much TV, and I was required to play one sport and one musical instrument at all times my choice of which. I planned to duplicate this with my kids, because I ended up reading so much and developing a love for music and the outdoors that I think I would have really missed out on if I had been spending a lot of time gaming, which is definitely fun but addicting! Your approach sounds very well-reasoned!

One sport, one instrument. I want to know how you felt about this sort of upbringing? Did you resent it at all?

Did you find it difficult to uphold along with your normal studies? This is such a great point.

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So, unless I always want to be the hostess, then you make a great point. Having your own system at least means a. This really helped me because im doing a project on videogames and this gave me some information!!! Thank you for this. The suggestions for transitioning from game time back to the real world was particularly helpful. I want to make them happy! My son happens to struggle extra hard with endings. Ends of vacation, end of a movie, end of playdate, end of weekend, and, today, end of summer. So this just makes end of screen time even more difficult.

And it is always difficult. Sometimes there is less fuss than other times, and I always have to prepare myself for the heart catching sadness. I have tried hard to resist buying a game system for my kids but eventually I gave in because I realized that he was really interested in computers and nothing I do can change that. So now I own an Xbox, Wii and we let the kids play on our old laptop. At first when he was young, setting time limits was easy, I set a timer on the TV and it shuts off at the time limit we settled upon. As he got older, he is now 8 yrs old, he refuses to use the timer as a means of ending game time because many games require you to save your progress.

So now the arguments center around when he can save his game and exit. I want to be a fair parent. Do you have any suggestions for ending game time on time? The single most important thing a parent can be is rational. With that in mind think about this logically: Your time limit forces him to either give up his time playing and quit potentially very early, or go over the time limit until the next available save point. Not the lesson you want to convey. Thank you J for your eloquent response. You have touched many points of parenting I think I have forgotten amidst the frustration of enforcing the rules.

I think I also need to look at the bigger picture as well. I think my kids understand the rationale for the rules but exercising it is a whole different matter that takes self-discipline. When you can beat them, join them! After racking my brain, I remembered there were times when I sat down and played video games with him and we did stop close to the time limit. Thanks for this exchange. I love the idea of sitting with your child and playing, or being involved as a way to wrap up. Having said that, though, I also think part of this is the sadness issue Angela L spoke of.

Saying no, or enforcing a limit, brings up that very unpleasant experience of disappointing your kids. And its part of life. This is a good point and occurs frequently with my son. We do maintain a time limit, but I agree that having a measure of flexibility is key. McElwee your article has given us something very important: Unfortunately it teaches us this by example.

I Wasn't Raised to Play by Their Rules: Garry L. Jones: www.newyorkethnicfood.com: Books

What is the difference between coloring and drawing on sheets of paper or on a tablet? Are you aware that there are games intended for adults 18 and older for every console, the PC, and even cellphones?

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Only without the danger of a soldering iron or expense of components and a breadboard? I grew up a gamer, and my children will be raised as gamers. I urge anyone reading this not to go down the path of ignorance and superstition. Look, I love technology as much as the next person, but my child needs to understand that with the game time there are responsibilities a person has to accomplish before they can spend time in front of a video game.

This he understands and grasps quite well. Some of them have educational, creative value—I agree. Just the other day, my son somehow managed to snag 3 hours of Minecraft time because I finally gave in to playing it with him I had been scared of getting addicted to the game as my husband recently did. We played in creative mode and it was fun to design and create a house. My son even built a house underwater in the nearby lake. It was pretty industrious! His brain is active and he is being creative.

The problem my husband and I face, is the constant hounding and irritation we endure when we try to do something as a family AWAY from the house and away from the game system. Today we went to a dinosaur exhibit with bounce houses and robotic dinosaurs. It was pretty much a dinosaur fair for families. As a kid that love dinosaurs, we expected him to enjoy himself, but instead he was more concerned about getting home to his games. We enjoy video games too, and we love playing as a family. As a family, and as a young individual we want to foster creativity and activity in the outside world in addition to technology.

There is a great big world out there to explore and experience in person. I think that balance is all the parents here are trying to achieve. My husband is a software engineer with a Ph. He works for a tech company in Silicon Valley, and we are both gamers from way way back in the day. We well and fully know that Minecraft is not the same thing, at all, as sitting slack-jawed in front of a screen with no thought or strategy. But my husband and I, even though we loved our video games and still do…when we were kids we also had other things we enjoyed in life. We played some sports not well, but we still did it anyway and we played outside with our friends and we went to the beach in the summer and we went sledding in the winter, and we liked these things.

Let me use an example. We took them to Universal Studios last year. Two boys, ages 7 and 9, prime ages for this kind of experience, right? Well they had fun in the park for about 45 minutes, and then started advocating to go back to the hotel and play on the iPad for the rest of the day! If I was at an amusement park, I was riding rides and eating cotton candy and playing carnival games and browsing the gift shop and heck, just walking around taking it all in.

Nothing in real life ever even slightly competes with the screens, for them. That is what worries me. They are good boys and they obey whatever limits I put into place. But they always act like life in between screen sessions is something they are reluctantly enduring, not enjoying. My husband and I have tried a lot of different things in terms of how much screen time we allow, when we allow it, what needs to be done first, etc. Some things work better than others just in the flow of our days.

But no decision we make seems to change the basic dynamic that screens are always what they want, all the time, and nothing else will ever live up. THAT is the part that worries me so much, you know? Thank you so much for posting this. Video games quite literally build your brain. Parents need to do research before posting articles like this. You would never limit reading time for your child, would you? Video games are even better than reading books at developing many skills.

Please do not limit video game time for your children. Help them understand what skills they are building. Keep in mind this for real video games, not brainless stuff like Candy Crush. My husband played video games before and after the kids were born. We had friends who strongly disapproved, but gaming was something the two of them enjoyed doing together. It was valuable, quality time. We made a decision for our family to allow for it, so our son grew up gaming with his daddy.

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My husband slowed down on gaming about three years ago, but our son still enjoys it. My son asserted that the type of games he plays require longer time frames to get anywhere and chose to play less frequently but in longer bursts of time. Three times a week he sets a timer and respects the timer. He knows where to go to review games, how to make decisions for what is appropriate or not , and he engages our son in the gaming conversations that bore me to tears.

It is important to him. We constantly need to re-evaluate. I seriously believe that this very issue, accepting that they like things I may not, is my biggest challenge as a parent. Thanks for this helpful post! I have four boys and currently we pretty strictly limit screen time for them. They are nine and under. I will use your tips for myself! My children loves video gaming and I am very happy to read this wonderful post.

I am also thankful to you for sharing this wonderful information with us. What happens when your 9 year old sneaks into the home office at 5. It is like, hang the consequences I will sneak anyway, How to deal with that? For console games xbox, PS4 I simply took the controllers and hid them so they would have to ask me for them when they wanted to play.

For PC games I have all of my computers locked with a secure password so it requires that I log them in for them to be able to access it. We also have a family computer and I use software that allows me to control the specific times the kids are allowed to use the computer, Internet, etc.

If my children were to sneak on any device then that game would be gone from our house forever. If it continued to happen video games might be gone forever from our house. I delete any game that causes issues such as arguing or getting overly upset while playing. I have the same issue with my 9 year old. This summer, she plays online video games starting in the morning when she gets up until past midnight.

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She does this almost everyday. I work full time and my husband is home. When I arrive home from work, my daughter is still gaming. I am so upset! The other day, I had a talk with my daughter about limiting her time online. Those parents set limits on certain types of behaviors -- but not on feelings. Psychological control involves not letting kids make some of their own decisions, not allowing privacy, and encouraging feelings of dependence. If the difference still seems fuzzy, here's an explanation from Nancy Darling:.

Parents also give us a stable base from which to explore the world, while warmth and responsiveness has been shown to promote social and emotional development. By contrast, psychological control can limit a child's independence and leave them less able to regulate their own behavior. What can you do to show that you care? What can you do to maintain some degree of behavioral control without straying into the psychological control zone? In the study, "caring" was measured by agreement with statements like "Appeared to understand my problems and worries" and "Was affectionate to me.

Then feel free to set limits you feel are appropriate. Feel free to have expectations. But then go one step farther: Talk about why you set those limits and why you have those expectations. Then allow your kids to talk, and make sure you listen. You may be able to control certain behaviors, but you can't control every opinion -- so don't try.

Show that even though you might disagree, you still respect their right to see things differently. Showing respect is a great way to show you care. And make sure you let your kids make as many of their own decisions as you can. The best way to learn to make smart choices -- and to take responsibility for our actions -- is to start early.