Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

At first blush, these questions might make you think of someone we would diagnose with depression. The dissatisfaction or disconnectedness that Webb describes is not the type that leads to debilitating clinical depression or even an occasional bluesy setback. This is, in a sense, a chronic condition that shapes the lifelong behaviors of many adults — even, again, those who were raised in a seemingly normal family environment and who are functioning members of society. The concept is based primarily upon attachment theory, which details the degree to which intimacy, safety, and connection needs should be met by parents from infancy.

Harlow used rhesus monkeys to test the preference between a mother made of wire who provided food and a cloth mother who provided only warmth and no food. In each trial, the baby monkeys preferred the cloth mother over the wire mother, despite the lack of edibles. For more information on this study, take a look at the actual video footage of the Harlow experiment. Running on Empty describes twelve parenting styles that can lead to emotional neglect, each one detailed with vignettes.

No parenting style is perfect, but a look at the twelve problematic approaches Webb discusses can provide insight into both your own childhood as well as how you function as a parent, if you have kids. One point that Webb makes again and again is that all of the parents represented in her twelve problematic styles are, for the most part, well-intended — they want the best for their children.

But in most cases, the emotional engagement is simply not there. Webb also offers a practical chapter for readers on how, as a mother or father, you can evaluate and, if needed, correct your own behaviors to avoid emotionally neglecting your children.

While Webb does a wonderful job explaining the new emotional neglect concept and identifying parenting styles that may lead to complications in adulthood, there is one major issue I found with the book: There is an undertone that all bad things that happen in adulthood should be blamed on bad parenting. Regardless of their earlier childhood environment, I believe adults are responsible for their own actions and behaviors — barring, of course, developmental disorders that require constant care.

Webb dances a tad too close to a slippery slope on this one. Still, I do not think that her intent is to completely absolve adults from responsibility, even if her writing sometimes points in that direction.

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And other than that issue, I would recommend her book to anyone interested in parenting, childhood, their own lack of confidence or belonging, or what might have gone wrong. Want to buy the book or learn more? In over twenty years of practicing psychology, many people have arrived in Jonice Webb's office, driven by the threat of divorce or the onset of depression, or by loneliness, and said, "Something is missing in me.

In the world of human suffering, this book is an Emotional Smart Bomb meant to eradicate the effects of an invisible enemy. Paperback , pages. Published October 1st by Morgan James Publishing. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Running on Empty , please sign up. Lists with This Book. Feb 26, Nicole Fraser rated it it was amazing.

My novels are part of my activism. I just finished reading the 5-star book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD, and I highly recommend it to anyone who relates to this topic, whether for themselves or someone they care about. Emotional Neglect is Dr. Webb is a natural writer. She communicates authentically in clear, conversational prose; her pacing is excellent; and the content is cohesive and effectively organized.

She writes with both compassion and directness so the reader feels respected and understood, not patronized. Chapter 4 addresses suicidal feelings, an important addition to this section. Webb devotes Part III to sharing helpful strategies for adults who are affected by emotional neglect. The content focuses on awareness, understanding, self-care, and healing. A chapter for therapists is included as well. In the preface to Running on Empty, Dr.

I started to see Emotional Neglect everywhere: This is a doctor we can trust to share the journey to healing. I had no idea there was a name for the emptiness I felt all these years. No one is a perfect parent and some people come from better homes than others but if you feel like something is missing and you don't know how to deal with life normally, for example by not having any self discipline or self compassion or too controlling or don't know how to love properly or feel shame or guilty over things instead of delving into problems and correcting them this may be something worth reading.

I learned s I had no idea there was a name for the emptiness I felt all these years. I learned so much yes I can't review this right Nov 21, Lauren rated it it was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed being able to learn about myself while reading this book. Emotional development occurs in early childhood and throughout the young life, and without emotional boundaries and guidelines from loving, involved parents, emotionally neglected children may end up repeating the cycle of emotional abuse, o I thoroughly enjoyed being able to learn about myself while reading this book.

Emotional development occurs in early childhood and throughout the young life, and without emotional boundaries and guidelines from loving, involved parents, emotionally neglected children may end up repeating the cycle of emotional abuse, or simply not being able to take care of themselves personally. The manner in which Dr. Webb presented her scenarios was very interesting and made it so that it would be relevant in some way to any person who was reading the book.

For instance, she had the same three or four children, and these kids were shown in different scenarios with different emotionally neglectful parents to help you understand what story might play out. It was very insightful, because many of the parents were obviously well-meaning, but it showed how even the most caring parents can still be neglectful in some way or another. After the listings of the different types of parents, in the second half of the book, Dr.

This section includes worksheets with questions, as well as tools like tables to keep track of efforts taken, such as a table to keep track of efforts made to be more self-disciplined. Again, neglect is not always on purpose, but is many times the result of all the demands placed on any person trying to keep up in modern society. First a word of caution. The Questionnaire and the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect have not been validated through scientific research. There are no articles so far in the psychological literature.

The author mentions this in the book. If you look at her questionnaire, it combines the questions used by the popular clinical questionnaires on anxiety, depersonalization-derealiza First a word of caution. If you look at her questionnaire, it combines the questions used by the popular clinical questionnaires on anxiety, depersonalization-derealization disorder and depression.

Imposter syndrome not a disorder in DSM-V is also thrown in for good measure. The claim is then that subclinical versions of the aforementioned disorders occur together and are the result of parental neglect. Neglect does not mean abuse. For example, in the 19th and 20th century an authoritarian parenting style was common. An egregious example is "Crying it out" or Ferberization, where you leave the child to cry by herself to let her learn to self-soothe. Today we know that this eventually causes adult attachment issues in those children.

Children of depressed people may not be depressed themselves but some of their needs may be neglected in some way. The Boomer generation suffered from authoritarian parenting and the tide turned to Permissive parenting, where you try to be a friend for your child and do not set boundaries or push their children as hard. No parent is perfect but particularly in the age of nuclear families where you have only two parents as opposed to an extended family caring for you, there may be chronic patterns of neglect of some subtle type, which can lead to issues down the road for those children.

All this said, the book is based on sound scientific research and the authors' clinical experience. There is nothing essentially new in this book. It combines a variety of already known techniques and packages them in a form suitable for an adult who suffers from some mild subclinical issues.

Should you read this book? Check out the questionnaire on the authors website. If you answer yes to at least six questions, you may gain something from the book. Apart from those, another vital question to ask yourself is if you suffer from what the author calls The Fatal Flaw. Do you have a nagging feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong with you?

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If yes, then you are suffering from Childhood Emotional Neglect and should learn the concepts in this book. The book is divided into three parts. The first discusses parenting styles, right out of Attachment theory. The second expands on each symptom in the questionnaire. The third presents information on how to cope. This third part should really be read by everyone. Even if your parents taught you these concepts and strategies, you can forget them in the business of daily life if you do not recognize them explicitly.

As is common in therapy books, information is presented in the form of vignettes, i. Aug 30, Lori Johnstone rated it it was amazing Shelves: I am SO thankful that I found this book in a search. I have a huge need to try and be a better person, and try to be the best parent I can be to my own children. What I respect most about Running on Empty, is that lack of blame.

You don't come out of reading this book blaming your parents, you come out of it, saying, okay I didn't get that thing from my parents, since they didn't realize I needed it. They raised me the way they were raised, and they did their best. It doesn't mean that it didn I am SO thankful that I found this book in a search. It doesn't mean that it didn't effect me, and how I teach my own children. We can do better for future generations and Dr. Jonice Webb gives us amazing strength of will to go forward and change the world.

Oct 25, James rated it it was amazing. This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Since as far back as i can remember, I was a person that put others' needs first. I could be remarkable compassionate toward others but less so with myself.

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb

I could sit for hours listening to someone else's problems and feel what they were feeling but when someone asked me how i was feeling. I have no idea how i feel about it. I couldnt begin to know where to start. For a long time I treated this inability to be emotional as a plus, a virtue. With so much extreme em Since as far back as i can remember, I was a person that put others' needs first. With so much extreme emotion around me growing up, I found a way to receive some attention and praise for my needs by pretending I didn't have any.

Don't rely on anyone else for emotional support because there wasn't enough to go around. I reveled in the autonomy that it gave me. This strategy allowed me to survive, by the skin of my teeth, a major depressive episode in high school. It wasn't until after college that i realized i needed to work this out with a professional. It is rare to find information that is so spot on like this book is.

It's strange to see myself reflected so much in this book. Its clear to me that emotional neglect has been a powerful unseen force in my life. I was hesitant to read deeply when i started this book. I like many i know staunchly defend my parents as loving committed people, which they are. However they are human as well. The best parent in the world will make mistakes. The emotional neglect i experienced was not out of spike or hate but from a culture and time that surrounded my parent as though it was passed like osmosis, unspoken from their parents to them.

The acknowledgement of emotional neglect isn't meant to shame your parents but to take an honest look of what you did not get growing up. If life seems a burden or colorless. If relationships seem like a dangerous puzzle and you don't know why. You owe it to yourself to read this book and reflect sincerely on it.

I am a fan of good pop psychology in general, but Webb's theory of emotional neglect is one I have not read and that strikes me as wise and worthy. It explains a "something is missing" sense that even people with generally good lives can walk around with, and the anecdotes are very helpful in understanding the many ways we might not have had our emotional intelligence and development nurtured in childhood. Emotional neglect is not abuse. It is an empty space, not a space filled with hurt, so it' I am a fan of good pop psychology in general, but Webb's theory of emotional neglect is one I have not read and that strikes me as wise and worthy.

It is an empty space, not a space filled with hurt, so it's therefore difficult to pinpoint what it is in our past that leaves us feeling lost and empty. The book is aimed in part at suffering adults, in part at parents wanting to properly nurture their children, and in part at psychotherapists.

This is still a theory and Webb hopes to see empirical research take off on it soon, Me too--it's an extremely compelling approach. This is not a scolding, blaming book. Rather, it is insightful and encouraging. With so much pop psychology around there is not much that grabs my attention in this genre these days. However, 'Running on Empty', has been a rare exception. In this lightening-speed age it's easy to overlook to role emotions play in our lives.

After all, emotions are an integral part of human physiology. Jonice Webb takes great care to point out that the basic premise of the book - emotional neglect - is not intended as a way to blame our parents for shortcomings. Rather, she shows how this de With so much pop psychology around there is not much that grabs my attention in this genre these days. Rather, she shows how this deficit can be a generational approach to parenting, passed down the line usually unintentionally.

Needless to say, there is a lot of emotional neglect about. As I read through this short but weighty book the list of those I would want to recommend it to grew and grew. Insights about different parenting styles, and how they can result in various degrees of emotional neglect abound. There are worksheets for those who need some kind of structure to help start to pay more attention and therefor gain greater control of their emotional self.

More than anything, this little book helped answer the life-long question, 'What's wrong with me? In this way the book has the potential to change the way we operate - change our life! Self-help books are hard to review, because the book can be very helpful but poorly written, or very well written and problematic. Or anywhere on either of those spectrums. Also, Self-help books tend to prey on the very insecurities they promise to fix. Which is a depressing thought. It turns out that all parents do make mistakes in raising childr Self-help books are hard to review, because the book can be very helpful but poorly written, or very well written and problematic.

It turns out that all parents do make mistakes in raising children and in many cases this ends up with emotional problems or voids as an adult. Jul 10, Kiarash Korki rated it really liked it Shelves: This is a book about healing old wounds. The information provided in the first half of the book is priceless. In the second half, the writer tries to describe a well-formed healing process in order to actually use that information and help yourself with the struggles.

Although I see that a lot of effort is put into the process, healing is a matter of time and effort and practice. It can take a long time. So don't expect miracles. Of course, that does not affect the quality of the book in a negat This is a book about healing old wounds. Of course, that does not affect the quality of the book in a negative way. After all, knowledge is healing. Jul 24, Ewa Lenartowicz rated it liked it. I would say that this is a good book but you have to be a little careful when reading it.

The book is written in such a way that sometimes you get the impression that parents did neglect you on purpose. When you don't keep this in mind this book can fuel your anger.

Running on Empty : Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

The author should have made it more clear that parents behaved in this way unintentionally, they simply didn't know better, this is what they received and they simply did the best they could having such poor tools to raise a child. I I would say that this is a good book but you have to be a little careful when reading it. I found this book very informative and it helped me to work on some of my issues I have in my adult life but it didn't help me at all to address the emotions of anger, sadness, abandonment, betrayal