The Outsourced Self: What Happens When We Pay Others to Live Our Lives for Us

She lives in San Francisco with her husband, the writer Adam Hochschild; t. Drawing on hundreds of interviews and original research, Hochschild follows the incursions of the market into every stage of intimate life. From dating services that train you to be the CEO of your love life to wedding planners who create a couple's "personal narrative"; from nameologists who help you name your child to wantologists who help you name your goals ; from commercial surrogate farms in India to hired mourners who will scatter your loved one's ashes in the ocean of your choice-Hochschild reveals a world in which the most intuitive and emotional of human acts have become work for hire.

Sharp and clear-eyed, Hochschild is full of sympathy for overstressed, outsourcing Americans, even as she warns of the market's threat to the personal realm they are striving so hard to preserve.

Yet as Arlie Russell Hochschild shows in The Outsourced Self, the market - ever more specialized and global - is very much present at home. Many aspects of private life - love, friendship, child rearing - are being transformed into packaged expertise to be sold back to anxious, time-starved Americans. From dating services that train you to be the CEO of your love life to wedding planners who create a couple's "personal narrative'; from nameologists who help you name your child to wantologists who help you name your goals ; from commercial surrogate farms in India to hired mourners who will scatter your loved one's ashes in the ocean of your choice - Hochschild reveals a world in which the most intuitive and emotional of human acts have become work for hire.

Clear-eyed and empathic, Hochschild puts a finger on the most important unacknowledged trend of our time. A Publishers Weekly Best Book of the Year From the famed author of the bestselling The Second Shift and The Time Bind , a pathbreaking look at the transformation of private life in our for-profit world The family has long been a haven in a heartless world, the one place immune to market forces and economic calculations, where the personal, the private, and the emotional hold sway.

From dating services that train you to be the CEO of your love life to wedding planners who create a couple's "personal narrative"; from nameologists who help you name your child to wantologists who help you name your goals ; from commercial surrogate farms in India to hired mourners who will scatter your loved one's ashes in the ocean of your choice - Hochschild reveals a world in which the most intuitive and emotional of human acts have become work for hire.

The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times by Arlie Russell Hochschild

We've Long Imagined the Family as Being Apart from the Marketplace, the one realm where the personal and the private hold sway. Yet as Arlie Russell Hochschild shows in The Outsourced Self, the market has quietly invaded our homes in a huge variety of ways - as we turn to dating services, wedding planners, eldercare workers, eldercare managers, life coaches, and sometimes even surrogate mothers across the world to bear our biological children. How, Hochschild asks, do we keep personal life feeling personal?

Even if we never buy anything, why are we beginning to think of personal life as businesspeople look at profit and loss, return on investment, and the bottom line? Can't we find a better balance? Clear-eyed and deeply empathic, The Outsourced Self captures the most important unacknowledged trend of our time. We've long imagined the family as immune to market forces, the one place where the personal, the private, and the emotional hold sway. Yet as Arlie Russell Hochschild shows in The Outsourced Self , the market-ever more specialized and global-is very much present at home.

Many aspects of private life-love, friendship, child rearing-are being transformed into packaged expertise to be sold back to anxious, time-starved Americans. This book had much that I was expecting which is why I bought it and some that I wasn't expecting which is why I had to read it to know what it says , and omitted some of what I was looking for.

I was looking for more of the universal outsourcing, but this book was mostly about wealthy people hiring middle class people to tend to luxuries. Outsourcing kids birthday party planning and the disastrous daddy-done party by comparison , the wedding planner, the grandma-visitor, etc.

What I was hoping for was the more universal aspect of detaching ourselves from music, from love notes, from stories. We are embarrassed to sing because we don't sound like the highly autotuned voices of recording stars. We buy cards from Hallmark to say "I love you" or "My Condolences" and we just sign our names without risking a personal note that might not say things "just right.

My students don't even know the standard and traditional kids' stories that have lasted centuries. How many know nothing of Jack and the Beanstalk, and only the Disney versions of mythology Hercules , or history Pocahontas , or foreign lands Mulan and Alladin. So, this book was a quick read, brings up a minimal bit of criticism, and begins the conversation that should go so much further.

View all 3 comments. Nov 27, Jacqueline rated it it was amazing Shelves: I've been a fan of Arlie Hochschild's sociological research for years. This book continued to be well-written for more than just an academic audience. I highly recommend it. For my longer review, you can see my blog post on it. Oct 21, Carmen rated it liked it.

I liked this book. Hochschild surveys the commercialization of intimate life, as the market plays an ever-larger role in how we go about dating, getting laid, marrying, parenting, caregiving, dying, etc. Spurred on by the advance of capitalism and the collapse of community, people increasingly seek market solutions to human problems.

I was most creeped out by the dating, dying, and surrogacy sections. Nov 05, Isa rated it it was amazing. This book shows how people nowadays are getting more and more used to outsourcing even the most intimate tasks of their lives. I totally recommend it. It was an OK commute book. I think it doesn't go far enough and focused too much on trying to humanize "characters" so grouchy readers don't judge them. I didn't need that. Some parts of this will definitely make you laugh at people in a good way and some might remind you why you don't like people. Feb 09, Frederike rated it really liked it.

It gives an intimate look into how the nuclear family is changing our perception of caring for and about others. However, the biographical story-line that tries to connect the different parts of the book falls a little short.

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Jul 24, Brock rated it really liked it. Jan 04, Julie Dawson rated it it was amazing. I received an ARC Advanced review copy of this book. Years ago in a sociology course, we discussed the mythology of convenience. In particular, the myth versus the reality of the washing machine. A convenience that was suppose to help reduce the amount of time required to do laundry that ended up increasing it. As a child, we didn't have washing and dryer in the home.

So we had to go to the Laundromat once a week. That meant we had "school clothes" which would get removed and hung Disclaimer: That meant we had "school clothes" which would get removed and hung up immediately upon getting home from school and "play clothes" which often got worn every day for a week unless they got so dirty mom couldn't stand to look at us anymore.

And once a week, we'd go off to the Laundromat and spend a couple of hours doing laundry. When we finally got a washer and dryer, things slowly changed. Play clothes no longer got worn every day of the week, because it was so easy to do a load of laundry. School clothes didn't need to be hung up and worn a second time before getting washed. Over time, the once a week for two hours job of doing laundry because an every day task.

Hochschild provides an amazingly intimate look at the commercialization of our family lives. Interwoven with her own personal narrative about her quest to find a live-in care giver for her elderly aunt Elizabeth, Hochschild discusses everything from matchmaking services to wedding planners to professional nameologists that help you select baby names to marriage counselors, nannies, party planners, and "wantologists" who help you figure out what you really want.

In all cases, one of the underlying themes is how our modern conveniences have made us more busy, not frazzled, and more in need of "professionals" to take care of tasks our parents, aunts, uncles, friends, and neighbors once did. As Hochschild navigates the often Byzantine realm of life coaches, rent-a-friend services, surrogate motherhood, and more, we bear witness to a society full of people who have lost the ability to trust their own instincts over the marketplace when it comes to finding a balance in life.

Many of the individuals profiled in the book are otherwise successful career people who, despite their financial success, can't find the confidence to tackle family issues without the help of a consultant. The author has a wonderful ability to dig to the root of the matter. Particularly on the subject of elder care in America, I found myself crying several times as her interview subjects shared their personal experiences as both consumers and service providers.

I found myself growing angry at the strange disconnect between the wealthy consumers and their undocumented nannies or the surrogate mothers in India who rented their wombs to rich couples in exchange for enough money to feed their own families. Every personal profile hits the raw nerves beneath the shiny marketplace of the self.

The overall presentation is thoughtful and insightful. In many ways, this is the story of one woman trying to understand where the idea of family and community ends and the marketplace begins, and finding no clear answers. Jun 09, Diane rated it liked it Shelves: The premise of The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times is that Americans are increasingly turning to the Free Market to meet intimate needs formerly met by friends and family. Unlike previous books of hers I have read, most notably The Time Bind: Hochschild weaves in her own personal narrative of her Aunt Elizabeth to give the bo The premise of The Outsourced Self: Hochschild weaves in her own personal narrative of her Aunt Elizabeth to give the book a more personal and accessible tone and Point of View.

She takes the narrative from dating to marriage to birth to middle age to death, and the book is well-structured and researched. However, some parts seem far-fetched to touch many or most Americans, i. Other issues such as Home health aides and caregivers and "car managers" for elderly parents seem timely and more relevant Hochschild offers interesting thoughts about government and free market "creep" into personal intimate areas of American family life in throughout, but particularly in her concluding chapter.

This book is about the destruction of community and the turning over of things families and friends used to do to the market.

The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times

From dating services to date for use to mothers to rent out their wombs to bear our children, to life coaches, rent a friend or rent a grandma the market is replacing the things we used to do as a part of a full life. We now are beginning to pay strangers to be our friends, take care of relatives, plan weddings and birthdays and give us a funeral that is personalized bu This book is about the destruction of community and the turning over of things families and friends used to do to the market.

We now are beginning to pay strangers to be our friends, take care of relatives, plan weddings and birthdays and give us a funeral that is personalized but not personal to our individual tastes for a fee. The author talks about how the wealthy outsource intimate aspects of their busy lives so they can keep up at the office while low paid caregivers who are underpaid and work long hours provide care to family members. Since the advent of neoliberalism and worship of the market a fulfilling life can be yours if the price is right.

This has to be one of the more depressing books I've read this year. Hochschild's report on the changing dynamics of relationships in the internet-age is at times frightening and almost always thoughtful. An exploration of the idea "where does one draw the line? My issue with the book, which probably result from having lived my entire life with the intern Hochschild's report on the changing dynamics of relationships in the internet-age is at times frightening and almost always thoughtful.

My issue with the book, which probably result from having lived my entire life with the internet, is that Hochschild occasionally seems a bit "future-shocked. But, like I said, these instances are few and far between, and the book is worth reading regardless. Apr 12, Kelly rated it really liked it Shelves: Overall, a good look at how the market has shaped our personal lives.

Through interviews and personal experiences, Hochschild shows how people have given over personal chores and responsibilities to the market. From online dating and wedding planning to familial skill evaluation and elder care, she argues that the market has rushed in to perform once communally-sourced duties in what they claim is a more efficient way.

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Hochschild relates several interviews with people who have been hired to take Overall, a good look at how the market has shaped our personal lives. Hochschild relates several interviews with people who have been hired to take on these outsourced responsibilities and shows how their jobs caring for others impacts their lives.

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Most of the outsourcers interviewed were wealthy, and it would have been interesting to see how and what those with lower incomes outsourced. This did not affect my review in any way. Jan 12, Janice Liedl rated it it was amazing Shelves: Another great piece from Arlie Hochschild, whose writing in sociology I have always found to be rewarding reads. From "The Second Shift" to this examination of the trend to consult experts and hire outsiders to manage surprisingly intimate parts of peoples lives, Hochschild offers some nuanced analysis of modern living's pressures and prospects.

Framed with the ongoing story of her own family's experiences of courtship, elder care and more, all linked to the story of her fiercely independent aunt Another great piece from Arlie Hochschild, whose writing in sociology I have always found to be rewarding reads. Framed with the ongoing story of her own family's experiences of courtship, elder care and more, all linked to the story of her fiercely independent aunt who wants to live on her own as her body fails, this is a gripping yet easy read.

Not at all academically remote, "The Outsourced Self" appeals to any modern reader who wants to get a handle on how we've come to a world of love coaches and more. Apr 11, Sara rated it really liked it Shelves: The story of Hochschild's search for a long-term care solution for her ailing elderly aunt frames this study of the marketing and consumerism that now afflicts our intimate lives. I've been a fan of Hochschild's works for some time, and found this to be a very readable, personable account of the various fields which have become consumer based, from dating and wedding planning, to child-rearing and party planning, elder care and friends-for-hire.