After the Fairytale

Don't break out your violins for this gal just yet. All that cruelty poor Cinderella endured at the hands of her overbearing stepmother might have been well deserved. In the oldest versions of the story, the slightly more sinister Cinderella actually kills her first stepmother so her father will marry the housekeeper instead. Guess she wasn't banking on the housekeeper's six daughters moving in or that never-ending chore list.

In the original version of the tale, it's not the kiss of a handsome prince that wakes Sleeping Beauty, but the nudging of her newborn twins. While unconscious, the princess is impregnated by a monarch and wakes up to find out she's a mom twice over. When the trio is eventually brought to the palace, his wife tries to kill them all, but is thwarted by the king.

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In the end, Sleeping Beauty gets to marry the guy who violated her, and they all live happily ever after. At the end of the original German version penned by the brothers Grimm, the wicked queen is fatally punished for trying to kill Snow White.

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You're likely familiar with the Disney version of the Little Mermaid story, in which Ariel and her sassy crab friend, Sebastian, overcome the wicked sea witch, and Ariel swims off to marry the man of her dreams. In Hans Christian Andersen's original tale, however, the title character can only come on land to be with the handsome prince if she drinks a potion that makes it feel like she is walking on knives at all times.

She does, and you would expect her selfless act to end with the two of them getting married.

The prince marries a different woman, and the Little Mermaid throws herself into the sea, where her body dissolves into sea foam. Now here are four more fairy tales you might not be familiar with, but you might have trouble forgetting. The King's wife dies and he swears he will never marry again unless he finds a woman who fits perfectly into his dead Queen's clothes.

So he insists on marrying her. Understandably, she has a problem with this and tries to figure out how to avoid wedding dear old dad.

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She says she won't marry him until she gets a trunk that locks from outside and inside and can travel over land and sea. He gets it, but she says she has to make sure the chest works. To prove it, he locks her inside and floats her in the sea. She meets a prince, leaves her shoe behind, he goes around trying to see who it belongs to. A brother and sister get lost in the woods and find themselves trapped in cages, getting plumped up to be eaten. Only it's not a wicked witch, it's the Devil and his wife. The Devil makes a sawhorse for the little boy to bleed to death on seriously!

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The siblings pretend to be confused and ask the Devil's wife to demonstrate how the boy should lay on the sawhorse; when she shows them they tie her to it and slit her throat. They steal all of the Devil's money and escape in his carriage. He chases after them once he discovers what they've done, but he dies in the process.

A widower gets remarried, but the second wife loathes the son he had with his first wife because she wants her daughter to inherit the family riches. So she offers the little boy an apple from inside a chest. Together with my allies, my friends, together we broke Aizen, cast him and his empire down.

On my seventeenth birthday I battled Aizen in the hall of the king of soul society and I cast Aizen down. The toll was dreadful. Old Man Yama was forced to call back every Assistant Capitan class or better fighter he could lay his hands on. Last number I heard was over half the rank-and-file reapers had died in the conflict, along with something near three quarters of the lower ranked seated officers.

Might have been rumor, I couldn't tell you. Yoruichi, Urahara, my father, they were pardoned and called in to replace Gin, Tousen, and Aizen. Urahara negotiated that deal. I couldn't even tell you who commands the Shinigami now - my latest news is three years out of date. I assume it's still the old man. His lieutenant fell, Soi Fon's lieutenant was dragged to Heuco Mundo and made into some kind of Arrancar - Renji killed him. I know Kira and Hinamori were presumed dead, I don't know if they were ever found. It was so chaotic at the end, no one knew what was happening.

Snowy was on his deathbed, though he might have survived.

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The others I don't even know what happened - after Aizen fell -. After Aizen fell word came from somewhere, the old man, the forty six, I don't know where. Maybe the king himself, I never actually saw him-. I was told if I ever came near a Reaper again I'd be killed, that they were letting me go, really just letting me escape for my service to soul society. My name would never appear in any official record of events, everyone involved forbidden from talking about it.

It was like Kurosaki Ichigo had never even been there. I'm nineteen now, a student in college. Aizen's cursed war cost me Chad's life.

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Ishida became a litte funny afterwards. The guy with the highest grades in my high school never graduated. Orihime is uncomfortable to be around. We rescued her and we thought she was fine, but she was never the same after the war. She denies anything ever happened, won't or can't admit to herself that she ever had spirit powers. I don't know which of them upsets me more. Ishida, with his muttering and his mumbling, or bright, unfocusedly cheerful Orihime.

Orihime won't see me any more. Ishida's doing a stay in jail right now, he beat a guy up pretty badly. And Tatsuki blames me for everything. She said she'd kill me if I ever went near Orihime again. But that's all in the past. I have to go forward. I'm alone now; Yuzu and Karin were killed when I was sixteen.

Or rather I killed them, I was driving. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'd been taking care of them. Guess I loused that up, huh?



This was before the end of the war; my father and I took them to the academy; more than anything Karin wanted to be a reaper, like Dad and I. It was the safest place either of us could think of for Yuzu. My sisters and my father are supposed to kill me on sight. They haven't of course, I gather there's some some offical looking the other way at the Seireitei, but I only see them once or twice a year. That's once they're through the academy, I've seen Karin once and Yuzu I haven't seen in three years. They won't talk about business or my friends, I hope to spare me the pain.

I don't like to think it's because they've been ordered not to; I wouldn't put it past the society to monitor those unofficial meetings. It's not fair to put my father or the twins in a bind that way. Karin is already a seated officer, she cleared the academy in just under three years and she's already one of the twentieth seats of Seventh. She's moving up quickly and I'm proud of her. Yuzu is still in the academy; she's currently the youngest person in seventh year. The only reason she's still there is because she's focusing on Kido.

I gather Unohana-taicho is already looking to recruit her for fourth. I've moved away from Karakura, I'm about an hour's drive now, going to school by day and killing the occasional hollow by night. The reaper assigned to my town is an older one, I guess he has unofficial orders to ignore me; certainly he's never complained when I've helped him out with a hollow or two.

It was so chaotic around the end of the war. Who lived, who died? How many people I considered friends - of a sort - how many of those people are gone now? I do know that most or all of the Vizard are dead. At least the ones in my group, either that or hiding. Or just gone away. Associating with me didn't do the Vizard any favors. I can see why they might want nothing more to do with me.

You know you I miss? You'd laugh at this, but Don Kanonji.