Becoming Stronger in the Lord During and After Divorce
God was speaking to him all along but he was too proud to just walk back and admit that he was wrong but he wanted to so much….. He wanted to give our marriage a chance and he loved me and wanted to be with ME. Notice she said she had faith less than the size of a mustard seed when she first started to approach the Lord for His help.
This means that you do not have to have large amounts of faith with the Lord to get the show going with Him. God will take whatever level of faith you are operating at with Him and then move to help you out with your current situation as long as you are directly seeking after His help and are willing to fully surrender the entire matter into His hands. The next thing she did right was to enlist the aid of three powerful prayer warriors to help her with her prayers to the Lord. This is what is called the prayer of agreement. We already have an article on how powerful of a strategy this is with the Lord.
Also notice she went into a very heavy seeking mode by searching out every good book she could find on marriage, prayer, and spiritual warfare. And this woman went into a very heavy seeking mode. I believe when God sees this kind of intense seeking activity, He is really moved, and sometimes that is what will get Him to move to answer the prayer.
Another thing she did when she went on the offensive was to plead the blood of Jesus around the situation. If you have a spouse that has left you for another person, it would be our recommendation to plead the blood of Jesus around them, and then plead the blood of Jesus against any demons who are trying to get in the middle of this, along with pleading the blood of Jesus directly against the person they are having the affair with. All in all, as you read her incredible testimony, the thing that stands out is her fierce determination that she was not going to let her marriage go, and that she would take a hold of God and keep praying to Him until He brought her husband back home to her.
We want to personally thank Crystal for allowing us to release her testimony on our site, as it will help show others that God can move to restore broken marriages, no matter how hopeless things may look in the natural. Read below or add a comment My husband of 28 years and High School sweetheart left me a month ago out of the blue. I was totally blindsided. We have always been close and best friends, but this last year has been a very difficult one. He lost his job of 19 years and his boss made it very personal. We both work full time.
He had gotten a new job , but has not been satisfied, the stress of the kids living with us was constant because I was also babysitting every night while the daughters worked and then the weekends were taking care of the kids and grandmothers. He was going to the gym three nights a week for the last three years.
He has been on a weightloss journey and looks great. However, this woman saught him out at work and they started working out together. He was along side me helping with the family the whole time and when he came home from work or gym each night I would make sure to spend time with only him. We are both Christians and I think he feels so ashamed that he cannot forgive himself because his father cheated on his mother and he swore he would never do that.
I have told him I have forgiven him and God can make something beautiful out of this. He does not see it or want it. He is so closed off and within the month has sought out an attorney for a disillusionment.
I am praying and believing in complete restoration. The Lord also laid it upon my heart this morning to start a 21 day fast. In the name of JESUS I plead the blood over my husband and my marriage and plead the blood against this woman and every evil tool of satan and that this disillusionment would not succeed and our marriage restored. He wanted to still care and take care of our family, but wanted out of the relationship. He traveled for years with work and now finally had a job at home, but still traveled a little. During this time, he has tried to get the love back somewhat but his determination is not there.
He now has stayed away for the last 2 months seeing if separation will help feelings come back. For the scales to fall off his eyes that satan has put over them. This is a man that used to tell me that he would never leave me no matter what I did. This is a man that brought me to church as we dated and served the Lord through music, but now he has a different attitude. I know he loves the Lord and I know he still seeks him. In March of , I found out my wife had cheated on me.
Is the NT ethic so very different that all those commands cease to directly inform Christian ethics? That seems really strange as well, especially as the NT writers clearly see their own teaching as continuous with the OT. So I completely disagree with your point 1. I think your point 1 renders OT moral instruction completely useless for Christians. Anywhere where the NT is silent, the OT is silent also as far as Christians are concerned — even if has said something on the matter. And that seems odd. Quite the opposite, I think the NT writers ground part of their authorisation from the continuity of their teaching with the Law and the Prophets.
How about Mt 5: Where in the Law is it implied that you should not make an oath but just say yes or no? As for assuming that the Law carries through into this last age, this is fraught with problems. For example, in this topic, Jesus redefines adultery as occurring even when a man looks at a woman with lust in his heart Mt 5: How do we resolve this? You might try to use Jn 8: The problem is that neither Jesus nor the apostles give us any guide as to how to remove problematic laws from the Law — instead the assumption, contrary to your claim, seems to be that the Law no longer directly applies.
This hardly makes the Law useless. In this way the tiniest part of the Law will never pass away. In your proposal, however, huge chunks of the law the sacrificial system and much of the civil law will necessarily pass away. So the NT, informed and grounded by the OT, has quite an adequate foundation for Christian ethics without needing to implement the Mosaic Law. I understand that there are differences over this issue, but I think that it is nonetheless an important one and I think that there are correct and incorrect positions.
And that is the clear implication of not bearing false witness from the OT. A wise understanding of it, something equivalent, but higher? I think that would be news to them. That was part of my point that the principles abide, but not always the concrete forms. The people of God are no longer a nation in a single location, and so there are no longer the kinds of statutes needed for that kind of institution. Ananais and Saphira die, but all or most other believers would have been guilty of the same thing in their heart.
I needed to go elsewhere to begin to get a sense of a better way, however. I can send you my paper which provides the Biblical support for my view. You can either send me a paper on your view or point me to the resources which provide better Biblical support than that of Five Views. We can take it from there. To my mind, it would be better to accept their words at face value, and simply say you think they got their interpretation wrong.
A sin punishable by death is not equivalent to death, otherwise, according to Jesus and Paul, none of us would have a marriage, since we all have sinned deserving death. So there are two conclusions I have: We should do that with our own views, too, of course. No, because the view at the time was that marriage was a sacrament — and therefore Church business, not government business. Luther rejects that view from his reading of Scripture. Not even Jesus was requiring that when he said that to lust was to have committed adultery.
Now, in such a situation the offended party would soon be free to remarry as the offending partner would soon be dead. But if a fellow deserts his wife without her knowledge or consent, forsakes house, home, wife and child, stays away two or three years, or as long as he pleases as now often happens , and when he has run his riotous course and squandered his substance and wants to come home again and take his old place, that the other party must be under obligation to wait for him as long as he chooses, and then take up with him again: This is why I think the Reformers are so much better at this than we are.
Most evangelicals seem to look at a passage like 1 Tim 5: Someone who does take care of their own family is to be considered as an unbeliever, as worse than an unbeliever. He then applies that to the question of desertion by someone who claims to be a Christian. In light of 1 Cor 7, if an unbeliever wants to leave you should let them. In that situation 1 Cor 7 applies. Someone who does not take care of their own family is to be considered as an unbeliever, as worse than an unbeliever.
My comments are riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. But that one managed to invert the whole meaning of the sentence. That hardly seems consistent reading of scripture to me. So even if a non-supporter is worse than a heathen, the victim is still not free to initiate divorce under this analogy. From that Augustinian perspective developed a distinction between what God demands Law and what gives grace or gospel. Luther understands these two distinctions to relate to an anthropological distinction he saw in Scripture — the inner man and outer man.
The inner man relates primarily to God, is the matter of the heart. And here everything works on the basis of grace and faith. This is the realm of the Church. The outer man relates primarily to other people, is a matter of what one does. Here everything works on the basis of justice and merit — the Law. This is the realm of the secular authority. On this view, where does marriage fit?
Is it an issue of grace and faith, an internal matter of the heart? Is marriage part of the gospel? Is it something that Christ died for? Marriage was about how people live in this world. It is part of nature, part of creation. And all those things are part of the role of the state. So marriage is secular, not in the modern sense, but in the 16th century sense of that word. And the institution that should be overseeing marriage is the State, not the Church. Your post above, below? I have someone I encounter regularly and who regularly makes me mad.
Every time I get angry God judges me to be a murderer. So what reason is there for me to not just go ahead and actually murder the person in question?
How on earth does Eph 4: How can I be angry and sin not if I am a murderer when I got angry? If lust simply is adultery then 1 Cor 6: Why waste time calling on people not to commit sexual immorality, and explain the importance of not sinning with your body if adultery is lust? Why waste time calling people not to commit the act when they commit it every time they are guilty of it in their heart?
And, as I said, you can see that God makes this distinction in the NT. Anaias and Saphira die for their sin. But more than them in that room were guilty of that sin in their heart. That has to be an allusion to capital punishment. If getting angry is the same as murder, then everyone who gets angry should be put to death by the state, or at least it would be entirely just for the state to execute anyone who got angry. Therefore, in our public dealings with people we make a distinction between public sins — things people do, and secret sins — things that exist only in their heart.
You punish people, and reward them, for what they do. Well, I wondered at the time if I needed to make that step clearer. But it seems fairly clear that his advice here is predicated on the view that being married and living together go together. The two can stand in for each other. They abandon their spouse, and by abandoning their spouse demonstrate by their actions that they do not consent to live with their spouse. In that situation, what is Paul saying? You have to wait for them to initiate divorce in the courts, his words in v12 notwithstanding? Or is he saying that if they do not consent to live with you then you are no longer enslaved?
That is, there are two ways to end the marriage. You can be upfront and seek a divorce. Or you can be unwilling to live with your spouse. While they are not quite the same thing, they have enough overlap in their significance that either frees the other person from the marriage. In the latter case, the person who is abandoned would then need to go a petition the court for divorce. If you should not divorce a spouse who is prepared to live with you, then surely you either should divorce, or may divorce, a spouse who is not prepared to live with you?
What other implication are we to get from those words? However, if I withdraw that clause, you still have not dealt with the rest of my statement that you quote, and it still stands as a problem for you, as far as I can see. Thanks for that Mark. In Mt 19 where he is asked a question, he declines to enter into the debate at the level it was in at the time, and instead reframes the discussion by going back to first principles.
Thus his statement in Mt I believe Mark has made a strong case for looking at the whole teaching of the Bible, rather than interpreting a single verse in a way that makes it contradict the rest of what Scripture says about the matter. I take then, Malcolm, that either you consider the Mosaic permission: Reading the OT I see that God made many concessions in his relationship with his people, and it seems quite clear that these concessions were never intended to be permanent see Heb.
Take some time and reread Mal 2: Is it giving any hint even the smallest that it is okay to divorce someone? We have continuity here between the Testaments. Otherwise you have a brutal contradiction in Scripture between Jesus and Paul. This just seems to be one of the few areas where those basics baggage? When you quote someone it goes in italics. So when you italicise a quote it goes back to normal text. So the bit I agree with is normal text, and the bit I find problematic in the above comment is italicised.
In other words, answering no questions is not a member of the set of answering a specific question. Regarding Mal 2, how do you see Malachi going back to first principles? What first principle is he going back to? The difference, of course, is that Malachi is not making any statement about the Law, while Jesus is. Having said that, Jesus goes far beyond Malachi in Mt. If you seriously believe that this teaching is already in Malachi, then your reading of Malachi sees a lot more than mine does.
What about wearing mixed fabrics, etc? Finally, 1 Cor 7 allows for the sin of divorce to fall entirely on one partner in a certain circumstance and still bans any Christian from seeking divorce. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
Where else but the Genesis account would Malachi be getting the idea of God making the husband and wife one? Let alone mentioning the Spirit as part of marriage. It is a theological tour de force. The implications are screaming out to the target audience, and are part of the package. No I make that distinction when it matters. That was all that mattered for my argument. Nasty things, mixed fabrics. To the rest I say I, not the Lord that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If x happens you must not do y.
If the wife is prepared to live with the husband he must not divorce her. All that has to happen is that that is the natural implication of the natural way to read his words. Given all the Bible has to say about divorce and remarriage before this passage, and the current understanding of divorce and remarriage in the culture, would his original hearers see divorce as freeing someone from the marriage and so allowing remarriage. Luther and Calvin are not really the sort to go soft on anything, are they?! I believe they saw themselves as strengthening rather than undermining marriage.
From what I understand, the Catholic medieval position on divorce and celibacy often made marriage a bit of a farce, with the church often turning a blind eye to mistresses. Rather than being honest and saying the parties were married, and are now divorced, the church instead pretends they were never married at all! Against all this, I see the Reformers struggling honestly to understand the Biblical intent and apply it to the everyday world.
Unlike Marcion, he is not writing off the Old Testament, but aiming to contextualise it, in the light of its fulfilment in the New Testament. I gave a couple of arguments for that. One item in that set was to show that you could also pick out a couple of important features of his approach and show that they are shared with Marcion — both have the same distinctives.
Luther himself saw Law and Gospel as discontinuous and made the distinction between these two basic to his theology. This distinction has continued to be central to Lutheran theology, and I think that it is both biblical and important. But I also think that the traditional approach needs to be modified by greater attention to the salvation-historical perspective of the Scriptures. And it is necessary to stress at this point that the New Testament teaching about the law is first, and most basically, teaching about the Mosaic law.
Marcion incorrectly thought the OT was bad and came from an evil god. Luther thought we were justified by faith alone and apart from what we do. But to get it you only had to modify one thing. Stand on your own feet and argue the case from the Bible. Moo can do that and do it well. Perhaps you should take this up with Moo, Wayne Strickland book editor and Stanley Gundrey series editor. It might be good for your blood pressure! But going and bothering the guys involved about the name they chose? This is now a very long and complex discussion. I get the point, but am not sure it is quite as simple as or as restricted as that.
But I will think on it. You provide as evidence that Jesus cannot be providing a complete list of exceptions, the fact the speaking in inspired Scripture, Paul provides a second exception in 1 Corinthians 7. I find this suggestive evidence for the point you make above, and had not thought much about that before. Tone is harder to read in these threads than in person.
You are saying that there is a moral consistency from God throughout Scripture, such that what is said in the Mosaic Law, such as in Ex Principles, not always precise concrete details. Mark in particular, I think, sees a really strong consistency all through Scripture and very little contrast to Moses and the Law, for example in what Jesus says. Mark, you indicate following Luther that reading 1 Tim 5: In this case, I had wondered something similar about this in the case of the person who separates as a professing Christian but acting like an unrepentant unbeliever, leaving the other person free.
To indicate where I am at tonight, in regards to the sort of views ably defended by Michael and Mark,. Possibly — at a vibe level — too much continuity and not enough contrast. Thanks for writing it. Although I also agree with Malcolm that Jesus is in a sense putting the question to one side altogether. No, it was tongue in cheek. I have been a bit grumpy at times as I have been yet again implicitly called someone who holds to a position for unbiblical reasons because I want to compromise with society rather than pursue true holiness.
My point is that they are coherent. Anyone lost in the thread can just read your comment to see the key points from at least my point of view. Thanks for writing this up. Vv give yet another ground for divorce. If a single guy marries a woman slave given to him by his master, he has to leave her and the children behind when he is entitled to leave if he chooses to go. In these circumstances the choice for the man is either divorce his wife and abandon his kids or be a slave forever.
At the exegetical level this passage seems quite straightforward. Do we have some reason to think this is going to cash out differently there? Is there some reason why a monogamous free wife would have less protections than a polygamous slave wife? The following things would then be the case not exhaustive:. Not even in the case of hard hearts. God would not justify sin. God would only permit divorce when the marriage has been voided. Hence, it probably has implications for the grounds under which divorce is justified for more than that particular situation.
These are really serious things, and the Bible treats them as roughly on a par with sexual immorality. Overall I think you are saying if this protection applies to a slave wife caught up in polygamy, then how much more or at least why not should it apply to a free wife of monogamy? So, thanks, Sandy, Craig and Mark. After all, as Mark has indicated above, God would not permit evil.
Perhaps what Jesus is doing is not tightening the requirement for divorce but heightening the importance of forgiveness even once the requirements for divorce are met. But hanging a ground for divorce on a text where the key word is a hapax? Not proof texts, but principles are the key. But on this question we seem to go for something more like the Regulatory Principle and look for texts that can act as proof-texts. Personally, I think that there could well be situations not covered by Scripture where divorce is permissible.
Where the spouse is deliberately and sustainedly committing emotional abuse of the children, for example. Or where the spouse comes to the settled conviction that they are a different gender from what they are born with, and starts behaving and requiring everyone to relate to them as the other gender, undergoes surgery and the like — they still want to be married, but they want it to effectively be a same-gender marriage. Those are there to tell you something about the nature of marriage and divorce as a whole. Not expecting any particular response. Over the last few years, I have spent much time ministering to divorced people, most of them Christian.
I run a regular divorce recovery group and also often meet up with people one on one. The overwhelming message I hear is that our ministers have often not thought deeply about this matter. The work that Mike and Mark have done here is gold and I appreciate Malcolm being the good-humoured foil as well.
I would love it if a local book were published on the matter, because it is so prevalent. We also need to do some serious thinking about the issue of domestic violence.
I was recently talking to a former victim of domestic violence about this thread. At my last divorce recovery group, I had three young ladies, all victims of domestic violence, chatting about this issue. Their unanimous view was that our denominational theology had offered them no help. This is a minority group, of course, but they are incredibly vulnerable. I hope our preachers will give this issue more thought and attention. Hence my gratuitous and inaccurate comments about evangelicals. Packer noted it decades ago as part of his promotion of the puritans as part of the cure. But we could be, and if we were, among other things it would greatly help those in the hardest situations, like divorcees or victims of abuse.
Some extremely talented preachers with very distinctive preaching styles who are themselves men of exceptional integrity and who would never abuse a woman and Sydney is gifted with several can adopt that method and still send a clear signal that abuse is wrong. I think the rest of us mere mortals have to actually spell-it-out-in-words.
We have to apply the other maxim that goes the rounds in our circles — what is unstated is first assumed and then is lost. In my view, anyone whose pattern of life is to abuse their wife or wife their husband has denied the faith. Conclusions can be found in para 4. It is probably helpful to note that most ministers get so many requests to conduct weddings for divorced persons, including many people who seem lovely and have sad stories, and including many divorced Christian brothers and sisters, that they would love to be able to freely do so.
But it is genuine issues of conscience that prevents them in some cases. How clearly and compassionately they communicate these things is another matter. Personally speaking I know that whenever such a conversation comes up, I tend to tense up, because I know so much is at stake for people at a deep personal level, and ironically getting tense about it probably doesn't help the communication process, and probably doesn't communicate empathy or sympathy.
Still, for the sake of clarity, my conscientious reading of the Scriptures has for a long time led me to the view that: I certainly would not encourage women to return to potentially dangerous situations. Just fixing the link to the Doctrine Commission report. Sandy, I appreciate your thoughtfulness and hard biblical reflection in this area. I have great concern at both ends of the spectrum. One commentator above suggested I might be soft on divorce. In the past year we have publicly rebuked and excluded from fellowship at Barneys two adulterous former members.
At the same time, I am concerned to press the point if I feel those who are qualified for remarriage — or, dare I say it, vocational ministry! In your view, does Jesus lay out an absolutist position or not? Your statement on domestic violence echoes my own thoughts. In answer to a question Craig raised above. From my perspective, the Reformed position is a subset of mainstream Christian scholarship which I am currently participating in at Biola, just via an MA, lest anyone think too highly of me.
I note, however, that the Reformed position attracts many careful thinkers and so I want to hold my position up to scrutiny against it. And yes, I have a personal stake in this discussion someone very close to me and being convinced of the biblical legitimacy of remarriage would be a burden off my mind.
Unlike Malachi, Jesus is quite willing to set aside the permissions of the Law Mk He is not merely pointing to a violation of the spirit of the law in a particular circumstance, he is recasting the entire approach to marriage. Regarding 1 Cor 7. Thus I need to find the general principle on remarriage. Fortunately Jesus addressed this as Paul notes in v. Thus my summary statement.
After all, Malachi is condemning divorce following from treachery and hate, is he not? I think that, between my original post and your reply, we may have the response to your objection. To emphasize how free you are? If that was the case, why not spell out the freedom to remarry as he does with the widow? However, they are not free from them, as a widow or widower is. It seems to me that you have to demonstrate conclusively that Paul was contrasting the situation in vv. Firstly, there seems to be a presumption of the burden of proof on those who would allow divorce with freedom to remarry under certain conditions.
Secondly, I remain thoroughly unconvinced by your handling of 1 Cor. Again, you have, it seems to me, attempted to make it into something of a systematic theology with absolute statements regarding the prohibition of divorce. In this context — and the context of causeless separation in the Roman Imperial social environment — he argues that a woman ought not to separate from her husband, the presumption being without cause. After all, it is this command, and not the command for a husband to not divorce, that is derived from Jesus.
Perhaps you could find another use of this verb for a similar meaning…anywhere in Scripture, perhaps? Lastly, I think you may have overstated your case, as a friendly caution. Never make the conclusion stronger than the argument, which you have rightly qualified! Now, I could be wrong, but surely you are not asking me to restrain from making claims that could be wrong. Yes, no condemnation implies, for example, release from punishment, but it is a separate concept in its own right.
Regarding my presumption of the burden of proof for exception claimers, let me try to explain my thinking. When the Scripture whether it be Moses, Jesus, Paul, or whoever makes a general claim about an issue of ethics such as Jesus did about marriage, grounding it in first principles , I assume that this sets the boundaries. Changing the moral grounds is not a trivial activity, to be done as an aside. Marriage seems to have certain realities in this world, which Jesus seems to be revealing.
Feeling free to redefine that seems rather extraordinary to me, I must confess. You are claiming that the readers of 1 Corinthians which the Holy Spirit knew would include a lot more than just the Corinthians are expected to insert an invisible assumption from an unknown to many culture which is never hinted at by the actual text? Does this strike you as a good way to communicate? If you take this approach it seems that the possibility of invisible assumptions could lie beneath any scriptural statements, including ones like Acts 4: Finally, regarding the Greek for bound being used to indicate enslavement to something other than covenental matters, how about its use in 2 Pet.
Being faithless and divorcing are synonyms here. Malachi, in contrast, is addressing the Jews who were were divorcing their wives in an unfaithful way simply to get married to these foreign women, in this case. I think Malachi is addressing the men of Judah who have been faithless in divorcing their Judean wives in favour of foreign wives.
He uses first principles to condemn this abuse of the divorce permissions. His condemnation is for those who have faithlessly divorced their wives, not for those who have divorced faithless wives which, as Joseph was going to do, was well within the bounds for a faithful Jewish husband, under Jewish law.
Re 1 Cor 7- yes, my previous comment was a little muddled. I thought it was worthy of note that when Paul quotes Jesus vv. Only Paul commands a woman not to divorce her husband vv. Actually, if you want to take it that way, Paul is only telling women married to unbelievers not to divorce. Do your provisions fit under a definition of the word separate? Every time we read the Scriptures we draw on extra-biblical data not indigenous to our culture.
Were you brought up speaking Greek and Hebrew? Rather, my exegetical strategy is to look at the entire, relevant scriptural context. In the case of 1 Cor 7 that includes Jesus words in Mk 10 and Mt 19, in particular the most general statement on marriage and divorce which is found in Mk Within the context of this carefully grounded, universal statement I then need to interpret any other material I have, such as 1 Cor 7.
That gives me great confidence in this particular foundation. Many thanks for your response. Nevertheless, I think it has limitations, and I hope it will be updated sometime. Well, I believe the section on the Old Testament is extremely abbreviated — certainly not up to scratch for a diocese that prides itself on biblical theology! There is no mention of Exodus 21, for example.
Other passages are pointed to as proof texts, but not exposited. What does it tell us about marriage? There is much more could be done here. I also think the report is very deficient in the area of domestic violence. This is not explained. But I think we also need something better. I agree with Moo on the issue of Law vs. Gospel, I agree with J. My main focus, since my university years twenty years ago , has been to hold a set of theological views that harmonize with one another and with all scripture. In other words, if I find myself holding a view that is outside the totality of the orthodox range of views, then I really need to question that view.
I cofounded a ministry Think Christianity some years ago which helps churches teach the Christian worldview, and the worldview approach has been a big part of my thinking for the last decade. Regarding domestic violence, this secular article discusses how some conservative Christian women are struggling with the issue —.
Well, you had the courage to write on something like this. I think that deserves a lot of credit. Many wonder whether it is their God-ordained duty to simply endure it. And yet that is sometimes the message. They seem to express more of a concern for protecting marriage from divorce and remarriage than protecting the woman from violence.
They are more concerned about the evil of a wrong divorce and a wrong remarriage than the evil of physically beating up your spouse. Humanity was not made for the Sabbath, but the Sabbath was made for humanity. When someone abuses a marriage such that it cannot achieve its ends, the evil thing there is the abuse of the marriage that prevents it reaching its ends. If you think it is marriage not being able to reach its ends that is the great evil then you will fight to preserve the marriage at almost all costs.
No-one likes to see a marriage end, but faithfulness to Christ in this situation was to leave. Women are more important than marriage. And, if we have any knowledge, we should know that we have to be prepared to give the signals that it is good to get out of abusive situations, for one of the dynamics in abuse is the abused party believing that they should accept it, that they deserve it, or the like. Many who do, go back. When you have someone who sees that they needed to get out, that needs to be endorsed.
It can be done without throwing marriage under the bus. This has to be addressed before it occurs. A culture needs to be established that says that abuse is unthinkable for a Christian. It is to break your marriage vows, just as surely as sleeping with someone else, or filing for divorce would be. What you pledged entails you not abusing your partner. My reasoning is that if we take these seriously obviously not equating them precisely with the physical sins, which involve far more consequences , then we will have a very humble view of humanity.
We will see that people are shot through with sin, dire sin, and we will be less enthusiastic to prioritise certain more visible sins like divorce, say over less visible, but still dire ones like anger or lust. Attack everything from multiple directions — lust and adultery, anger and violence, preach up the meaning and nature of marriage and preach down the things opposite to it. Scripture gives examples of a wide range of approaches of turning us from sin and to godliness in a wide range of areas. I have no authority to make that claim, in the sense of having a text.
In my view that is a train wreck for ethics and is everything that you are accusing me of. Let me spell it out in small words. Obedeince to the Bible in things it does not address, not avoidance of its demands are the goal of my approach. First up, I apologise to Malcolm and people reading for a constant churlishness on my part in this conversation. I think Michael, Craig and Sandy have done a much better job of exemplifying the graciousness and hospitality that should characterise comments than I have. I can at least offer that.
The method is as follows:. I think there are other grounds that are either stated, or are necessary implications of things that are said. And none of them seem to me to be comprehensive. Moo raises the question as to what ethical content is in the Law of Christ and covers the option that there is none — nothing said by Jesus or the apostles forget the OT is an enduring authority for believers. Nonetheless it is there. Please check these websites for tons of resources surrounding marriage restoration… I am finding that standing in God for a marriage is HARD WORK, but I am honestly seeing results and positive changes happening within him, our children and myself.
Praying him back home now without spiritual change taking place will only land us right back in the same situation and I have experienced that time and time again. I have begun to pray for the other woman in his life and am learning to love him unconditionally after the 7 months it took for the Holy Spirit to work anger, bitterness and self-righteousness out of me.
My husband has even started to share things with me about the relationship with other woman. Faith without works is dead, so pray without ceasing, fast, declare, confess and believe for your marriage. Do all of these things in an effort not to waver or be double-minded and God will move in your life. He will not rebuke you for asking. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. You must do what it says.
God Restores a Broken Marriage
Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. My wife and I are both believers. However, I have struggled with verbal abuse and anger my whole life. She is an extremely passive individual, whereas I am extremely emotionally needy. She has been having an affair with another man for over one year. She filed for divorce in September. I have many faults, but I am on my face working to become a better person. Why does it seem that God is answering and responding to her prayers, but not mine? We ALL sin and so none are innocent. That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: Or He could be blessing her in the hopes that she sees His hand working and repents.
He is a merciful God. And this is assuming that He is the one blessing. Hasatan can also give you good things that look like blessings that are designed to ensnare you. For we are not unaware of his schemes. And for those three times, I drifted for three months each. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. He served me with divorce papers and i did not want to sign it as i believe in my covenant with God. He kept phoning for the signed papers and i eventually conceded. I believe that God can still save this marriage, as we did not have marital problems, but financial problems was the carrot that got him into this manageress bed. He is living a li e and God will save Mico i need the prayers of believers as i believe that witchcraft is involved. He is blinded by this woman and sees her as an angel. God is greater than any force please pray for Mico and i.
So true, if we remain faithful to God and cling to him, satan cannot move us. Remain faithful to God and the worldly things wont affect you. If your spouse is cheating on you and you are affected to a point of divorcing him then you become part of his sin. You are not guilty of anything and you have to be careful that his actions does not lead you into sin. God is the only one who gives true happiness, we cannot rely on another person to make us happy. First seek the kingdom of Heaven and evrything else will be granted to you! A year ago my husband announced he was leaving—moving in with another woman.
The OW other woman divorced her husband. In September, after her divorce was final, my husband filed. The bad part is, our son has to go visit every other weekend and witness his father with another woman. However—my husband has been on the fence the whole time. He nearly came home in October. December, he was talking about coming home. In February he told me he meant his wedding vows and I told him he needs to back up those words with action.
In March, after our last conference heraing, he told me he hates divorce…and I said, well, then why are you doing this? His family does not approve of his actions. My mother-in-law said that he told her that he prays a lot and wants to know what God wants him to do um, hello!
I believe that the Holy Spirit is speaking to my husband. Please pray that my husband gets up the courage to leave this adulterous relationship. Please pray that the divorce does not go through. He had even mentioned to me about praying that the OW is out of the picture. I keep seeing this battle going on.
I am in a very hopeless situation and do not know what else to do. My wife of 8. We have 3 beautiful kids together 8, 6 and 2. She left me for my friend who i guess in hindsight was never a friend. We are both Christians, but along the way I stopped being the husband God wanted me to be and sadly to say I started serving myself. I was verbally abusive and had even slapped her once. I am so ashamed of myself. This friend she left me for about 2 years ago his wife cheated on him and we were all there for him and I even remember telling him that he was going to meet a great girl someday.
It hurts to know that girl was my wife. I deployed to Guam and while I was over there my wife and I were skyping and sending facebook messages telling each other how much we missed one another and loved each other. Things were good and our marraige was on the right track for the first time in a long while.
And then all of a sudden it happened. She told me that she was in love with him, hated me and that the kids will be happier. I tried to get her to go to counseling with me to no avail and she told me that the love between us is not there anymore. Like most men do I did the wrong thing and begged and pleaded to her. Told her that our family will hurt more than she knows, that I love her so much and that God wants us to be together, we made a commitment to each other before God.
She did not care and even told me that God has given her peace about it and says that God wants him and her to be together. She now lives with this other guy and he finalized his divorce about a month ago. I pray all the time, I have christian fellowship once a week. And I go to individual counseling. Another sad thing is I am in the military, 12 years active duty and we are stationed in Alaska and her new man gets restationed in 11 months, which even before I returned from Guam they had already been talking about moving away together.
The divorce was hard and still is. I love my wife and I love my children. I struggle with the fact that my children may end up growing up without me for the majority of their lifes. I will only get them in the summers if not. God tells us to rejoice in all things and I have been trying to do that, but sometimes it is hard when. I know he chastizes us to draw us back to him. Does God really want her and him to be together? Does he really want our children to be raised by this other man who is not a christian but a diest?
I feel very Overwhelmed and I miss my family and I know that I will always love my wife and I cannot love another woman again. When I vowed my love to her I meant it. The whole thing is tragic. I have been with my husband for 24 years we have been married for 8 years. Before we got married my husband was a crack addict but God saved him and now he has been clean for 6 years. Since our marriage we have been separated several times this last itme it has been on and off for 4 years. We meet a couple at our church and became friends with them and I actually worked with her husband at the same company.
In the time that they joined our church they got a divorce and we help this woman through her divorce and she became real close to my husband and I did not think much aout it at first and i did speak to them about what I was feeling, they said they understood and would stop. They have now had an affair and for the last four years it has been back and forth.
I filed for divorce only because I wanted my husband to be happy and I was tried of the lies from both of them. We have been through many trias and test but I have tried to remain godly and I have tried to forgive but it is hard because it just continues. I tell my husband if he wants to be with her than be with her and leave me alone. I do not want a divorce because I do not believe in divorce. I have decided to never divorce because I love my husband but I know God told mne to walk away and it has been confirmed through different people and my spirit will not let me rest until I do.
Things can go along good for a week or two but then I go back to I need to walk out of this relationship and let God work on both of us. We do love each other but this constant rollercoaster is too much. We have had many encounters and mishaps and we have had legal issues as well. I am just so confused because my husband says he wantys me and our marriage but he will not commuicating with this other woman. I try to understand that we all know God and how do they continue to go to church every Sunday but still do this terrible thing?
I know God is not hearing their prayers but I continue to ask the Lord to save their souls. I have been praying for God to deliver me from unforgiveness, resentment, anger and hatred. I am trying to be a good wife and I still treat my husband well but I do not trust him at all and he has given me no reason to trust him. I feel like he has done this thing but I continue to try and make up for it. Everyone tells me to divorce him and leave him alone and that he will regret it one day but i love my husband and I want our marriage to work.
Pleas help me I am just lost right now. Marchelle and Derrick, I feel for both of you. A spouse leaving you for your best friend or a close friend is the saddest scenario when it comes to unfaithfulness. Peace is not something given out to someone like a gift. Yeshua Jesus IS our peace. What happened with your wife is she ignored her conscience thus the work of the Holy Spirit and stifled Him completely. She has grieved the Spirit. If they want to act wickedly by breaking their covenant with you and God, then it is out of your hands.
We are told to Yeshua is our refuge in times of trouble and so we must continue to obey Him, and pray and read His Word. He has sent you away without making it official so he cannot claim any rights over you. That means that he can remain in the home, do his DUTY as a provider in paying the bills etc. You can do your job in taking care of the home, food, etc. If one or the both of you moves out, that will put a financial strain most likely on you, if he is the bread-winner. So rather than separate physically, make him uphold his financial responsibility, without the loving kindness that comes with a wife.
He has to know there are consequences to his actions. So make him think about it. Thank you so much for your advice. You are so right I have no trust in him even when he is in my sight and did tell him that. He thinks that this behavior is okay and he continues to blame everyone but himself even God. He says he asks God why he put him in this situation or even tested him with this situation.
I tried to explain to him that God tests us all but in testing He gives us a way out. I told him before he did this God gave him a way of escape and he did not listen. I know I have to separate because I have no peace and I feel just so unhappy. I am so insecure about myself and I use to have so much confidence in myself. I have literally given all of me to my husband and marriage and now I am trying to find me.
I do thank you for the advice and it is just confirming all that God has told me. I have literally made my husband and this marriage my God and I know that is wrong and I am going to change this because I know that God is my real source of happiness and fulfillment. I have to make my heart do what is right and I think it is just that I have been with him so long that it comfortable even though I am miserable.
I have to work on me and love and value me as a person and know that this is not what God intended for me. Please do email me because I could not see how to email you about the covering part you were talking about. Marchelle I really understand your pain right now and it is most days unbearable.
Conclusion
I pray for you. Carol, Thank you for your encouraging words and for listening. You are right your words do not make me feel any better but I do appreciate them. Only a relationship with Christ that is all encompassing can take away our sorrow. I would however like some more insight from you as I do respect your view.
He only tries to guide his children. If they do continue to live in sin then does it mean that her and him our meant to be and are our children meant to be raised by him, being an unbeliever, a diest, than their own father? This really tears me apart. It does not make any sense that this has happened, I know it has drawn me closer to Christ and I have learned so much of myself and have continued to better myself through counseling and reconnection with Christ.
I know that my children love me and I love them so much. I know that if her and I were to reconcile that our relationship would be so much stronger. All of these things seem as though I have learned in vain. Like I said earlier I will always love my ex wife and no woman on this earth will ever be able to feel the void she has left in my heart.
I feel as though the lessons are in vain, because I will never love again. And even if I was to, it hurts know that if my ex came back to me to try again that I would definitely try and work things out and go back with her, only leaving the other in the same pain I am in now. I cannot put another through that same pain. Am I meant to be alone because it seems like that is the only option I have.
It hurts seeing 8. So many dreams crushed because of her choice to divorce me, because of her choice to be with him.
MORE IN LIFE
It makes me wonder, did she ever really love me or is he so great that his love overshadowed mine and that they are meant to work out. Maybe she never wanted me back through this because she thought it was pathetic that I would forgive her for the unthinkable and that in her mind a man should not do that. I still hope for us to be reconciled and our family restored. I pray for this literally 1, times a day. I feel as though I being the one that has come closer to Christ and that our marriage was tested and that I passed the test being for forgiveness and working through things and her being the one who failed and not only giving into temptation but choosing it full time that I am the only one suffering.
I do not know what is going to happen, but I pray for our children. Her and I see each other almost everyday and as long as we only keep the discussion about our kids we can remain friendly, but if anything else come up she goes on the warpath, which is why I started hiding my pain from her and keep the topic on the kids. I continue to praise their mother in front of them and when she is not around and I never mention the other man.
I am going to miss out on their childhood. Please pray for them, me, my ex and this other man that he may wake up and realize what he and her have done and continue to do is wrong. How could he put me and my children through the pain that he not so long ago went through himself. He gives us instruction in His Word but we humans have the option to follow it or not. And He cannot go against His character so He will never force someone to obey Him and do the right thing because He wants our TRUE love and obedience, not forced love and obedience. By listening to her flesh and feeding in to her desires, she has not only invited Satan into her life, but has given him legal license to rule her life.
First — God is our covering, our protection, our refuge etc. But this is based on our oath or covenant with Him. When the Israelites at Mt. We too agree to obey Him. Now…getting to my point…. Since she broke her oath with not only you, but with God, she is no longer under His covering, His protection, His anything. She is a rebel basically. An oath is legally binding.
Testimony – God Restores a Broken Marriage
While God remains sovereign in all things, He will not override a heavenly legal system which He instituted. Think of all the times when Israel sinned and how they had to go outside of the camp. Going outside of the camp is not God rejecting them. Light and darkness cannot mix and so the darkness must be removed, which is why they were expelled.
Light and darkness cannot mix and so the one in darkness leaves. God is not going to keep a marriage together if one or both parties break covenant with each other or Him, even though He instituted marriage. Our earthly marriage is just a way to communicate with us about a bigger picture and that is our marriage to the Father. We are here to serve God, not ourselves. We breath in order to serve God with our very lives, not see to our own happiness which will pass away along with everything else in the world.
There is so much to say on this subject. Let this sink in because this sort of thing is not commonly taught in church. This is an interesting thread. It tears my heart to read of so many families breaking apart, so much heartache. My wife left me in September of last year and refuses to speak to me or our kids they are not her biological kids, but she has been in their lives since they were 2 and 6; they are now 14 and She just snapped and said she was not coming home anymore, that she still loves me, but that she needs to find herself. She cut off everyone we know as a couple and has started a new life at a different church.
She filed for divorce in April and we are headed for an absolute divorce in September, if God does not step in. But He will step in. Our marriage will be restored. Here are a few things that the Lord has shown me over the past months. People are bad and it is the people in the marriage that make marriage bad, difficult, unbearable, etc.
God needs to fix the people, not marriage. People are broken, marriage is beautiful. Free will is simply the freedom to make decisions. However, there are so many variables that influence our decision-making process that our free will really boils down to the influences in our life. Time and time again we read how God stepped in and literally took the will of man away. Even in 2 Tim.
Through the pain, it is hard to believe, but if you do not believe, you are walking through the wilderness for longer than you need to. Israel wondered in the wilderness for 40 years because of their constant complaining and disbelief. God can do anything. There are no stipulations, rules, or guidelines for God. But do you believe that? Satan will allow you to see and hear all manner of evil simply to get you to doubt because he knows when you doubt your prayers are hindered.
So do whatever you need to do to believe that God is answering your prayer and watch how quickly the mountain is cast into the sea. We cannot tell people to be happy in the Lord while their spouse is sleeping with someone else. God did not tell Jesus to be happy while His people were rejecting Him. He cried and agonized over His people. It is painful for your own flesh to reject you. But the battle is already won. God wants you to believe in Him. Once you get to the point of believing, He will move.
Or—someone else may pray and believe for you and your spouse will come running. Other than that, God is waiting on you. Hang in there, Everyone. God sees your pain. He is hurting more than you are. Believe that He will do what He said He will do. Your doubts will cripple you. Sometimes I think the pain might actually kill me. And if so, do you have any additional insight for someone still walking through the fire, so to speak? Believer — What happened? Was your marriage restored? I love the testimonies of people standing for their marriages, as mine has faulted and my wife wants a divorce.
According to the lawyers it is quite mean, and there is no regard for the two children and they have also been deceived and are being used to cause hurt. I think it would be very beneficial to hear testimonies of lost causes that were restored. Hearing that people are turning to God is good, and to seek His face…. Wow, this lit up my spirit with faith! This is the truth!!! My husband and I have been married for 11 years and we had a lot of role reversal in our marriage. It went right over my head maybe God caused this to happen at the time because it was ultimately meant to be?!
My Husband gladly adopted both my nephew and my daughter and then he wanted to have more kids right away. He also had severe sexual issues that came from his childhood and also porn I would find out later. He always refused to go to counseling from day one even though I begged him countless times. I realize now through all this minus a few times I was always fighting in my Flesh, not in the Spirit!
This revelation has changed in me and this is something for the better for sure! We have been in a sexless passionless marriage his choice since basically the very beginning of our marriage and was secretly addicted to gay porn until I found out in Also, God has used this time to bring me to the true focus of what marriage should be..
I have repented and God is already opening doors and changing my heart! Please pray my wife will forgive me I cheated on her and I know I am sorry for it and I have asked god to forgive me. Now I know he will open her hart and speak to her. Staten got a hold of me really bad. I repent all my sins and I know god is going to bring her back one day. I pray every day and night asking god to for give me. He gave me the best woman in the world a godly woman that got me in to reading the bible I never even opened one before I got with her then santen came out of know where and got me keep telling me there was something better out there for me.
I know I will be judged by him. I have read all of JOb now nd it is helping me. Just started on Mathew I want to show her I can be a godly husband to her if she will give me chance if any can help in prayer that god will speak to her hart if god can forgive she should also forgive I love her so much but god is first now in my life and will always be. I tied to change but every time Staten would get in my head and I would make excuses not to go to bible study and not read or pray and I know god is real.
If you repent, which it looks like you have, then the Lord will forgive you. Unfortunately you still have to reap the consequences. Will you pray for her also I know god is my father and just like we do with are are kids we punish them for doing wrong and I know my father is punishing me for doing wrong and I am so sorry. I hope I am still worthy. I hate Staten so much I never want to sin again and play with god.
I know I want to be worthy of being in his kingdom and I want that with my wife and and spend it in paradise. I know the end is near we are living in the last days. I never loved some one so much and now I know I should of loved god first I tried and every time I would open my bible and read the next day Staten would temp me with something I was weak.
Please pray for us. The bible says that a husband should treat his wife in the same way Jesus treated his disciples. He who loves his wife loves himself , for no man ever hated his own flesh, but he feeds and cherishes it, as Christ also does the congregation. Yes, and Jesus and His bride, us , is a picture and example of how a marriage is done. We are to remain faithful to Him, just like we are to remain faithful to our earthly spouses.
We are to forgive just as He forgives us etc. My husband is been with other woman since a few years i was not aware. On the 14 of this month he informed that our 16 year marriage was just a paper and we only have a bond blood referring to my 12 year old daughter. I was shock because this is my husband the one i was suppose to die with. Few days later he send me a picture of a newborn baby girl, informing me they had a baby. He asked me to keep hidden from my daughter because she is not ready to know and when she will be older she will understand.
I am completely devastated and in pane. He is going to Romania with this woman and the baby , I believe she is romanian, and he does not want to have an holiday with us. I was honest with my daughter and I have told her the true, she is in pane and sad. However she wants to keep a secret waiting till the day he tells her.
He says that he will provide for us and he will not take anything from our daughter to give to his new child. I have been praying many times a day, my hope is with Jesus and our almighty god. Please pray for me and give me your advise Thank you. My wife is a serial cheater, pathological liar and abandoned me 2 years ago to live with another man. She has made this affair public and holds papers over my head to threaten me with.
I finally filed and am waiting for the court date. No, she broke covenant and has already left you. She is obviously acting according to her flesh and her lustful desires. If you are a believer, the best thing you can do is to cling to God and seek His face. But as for you, you keep being righteous in His sight and let Him comfort you. And if you want to talk further, click the Contact link in the menu and we can talk via email. My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. My husband has never been able to commit to anything other than his book that he wrote which took him 13 years to do.
My husband has blamed me for being manipulative and verbally abusive. I am totally to blame for being manipulative, I chose to control my free spirited husband and thought that if I could just bend him he would change and become more stable. I threatened divorce allot in arguments to get him to realize how lonely and sad I was. It blew up in my face and now he wants to divorce me.
I am heart broken I have pathetic boundaries and I over stepped his boundaries. My husband went to see a lawyer last week Friday and now I feel hopeless. I cannot bring myself to file for divorce, as I still desperately want to save my marriage and to save our love. He was my best friend. My question is, can I ask God to heal my marriage is it ok for me to ask God hand to intervene and open my husband heart to want to save the marriage. I forgot to say that neither of us have cheated we are culprits of emotional abuse.
I have begun counseling with a counselor from the church and we are focusing on my healing. My husband has chosen divorce as he feels lost and lonely and scared. He feels that at the age of 37 he needs to find himself and believes that getting a divorce and moving to China to teach English is the answer. I feel worse everyday and just dont know what els I can do. He wont take my calls and answers my emails with anger. I moved cities to be with family and now feel like its my fault that we are here.
Hello Kim, Yes, you can definitely ask God to help restore your marriage! And as for you, my suggestion is to give him some space and stop writing letters and let God work. After awhile of fervent prayer on your part, and some time, then write him short notes and admit to things that are you fault — like what you admitted here. Come clean with him and be honest. Can you go to China with him? He doesnt want me to go He says he needs to find himself again and wants to be free with no atachments. I did write him a letter admitting all my faults in the marriage and he just used it against me.
I am giving him space now. I am just feerful that he will rush ahead and get the divorce papers. In South Africa only one party needs to file for divorce and then ten days later you re divorced its quite scary. I have asked people t pry fr my marriage but they keep saying that I need to be prapared for the worste and then their prayer changes to one for me and my healing.
You need to let go and let God do the work. Use the time to focus on yourself and draw closer to God and Hid Word. God showed me that he will restore my marriage, but that it will he at his timing not mine. I thought that it meant that He would not allowed divorce to happened, but He did my divorce was finalized 2 months ago. I was once married and we got divorced. My ex-wife and I are now reconciling and have been at it for well over four years with many ups and many more downs…. Where there is no covenant involved, God sees as an act of the flesh. The New Covenant breaths life Ruach into the Old Covenant, making it possible to obey because we are no longer bound to sin.
So in my understanding, for right now anyway, I still believe that once you are divorced, have sex with someone else, then you cannot remarry the first person because that is considered adultery.