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Wriggling and other stories

I turned away and sat down in my place,. But I leant my head a little on one side to hear what they were talking about. It seems to me myself that there is something wrong here. It is impossible that this Teploff should bewitch her. We will see further. Ah, my dear, if you know what a figure he is!

He always sits there and mends the pens. His hair looks like a truss of hay. Her papa always employs him instead of a servant. I believe this abominable little beast is referring to me. But what has my hair got to do with hay? You lie, cursed dog! What a scandalous tongue! As if I did not know that it is envy which prompts you, and that here there is treachery at work—yes, the treachery of the chief clerk.

This man hates me implacably; he has plotted against me, he is always seeking to injure me. I'll look through one more letter; perhaps it will make the matter clearer. I was floating in a dream of delight. In truth, some author remarks, 'Love is a second life. The young chamberlain is always here. Sophie is wildly in love with him.

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Her papa is quite contented. I heard from Gregor, who sweeps the floor, and is in the habit of talking to himself, that the marriage will soon be celebrated. Her papa will at any rate get his daughter married to a general, a colonel, or a chamberlain. I can read no more. It is all about chamberlains and generals. I should like myself to be a general—not in order to sue for her hand and all that—no, not at all; I should like to be a general merely in order to see people wriggling, squirming, and hatching plots before me.

And then I should like to tell them that they are both of them not worth spitting on. But it is vexatious! I tear the foolish dog's letters up in a thousand pieces. What does it signify if he is a chamberlain!


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That is only a dignity, not a substantial thing which one can see or handle. His chamberlain's office will not procure him a third eye in his forehead. Neither is his nose made of gold; it is just like mine or anyone else's nose.


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  5. He does not eat and cough, but smells and sneezes with it. I should like to get to the bottom of the mystery—whence do all these distinctions come? Why am I only a titular councillor? Perhaps I am really a count or a general, and only appear to be a titular councillor. Perhaps I don't even know who and what I am.

    If Only This Moss Were Actually Moss And Not A Wriggling Clump Of Horror - Digg

    How many cases there are in history of a simple gentleman, or even a burgher or peasant, suddenly turning out to be a great lord or baron? Well, suppose that I appear suddenly in a general's uniform, on the right shoulder an epaulette, on the left an epaulette, and a blue sash across my breast, what sort of a tune would my beloved sing then?

    What would her papa, our director, say? Oh, he is ambitious! He is a freemason, certainly a freemason; however much he may conceal it, I have found it out. When he gives anyone his hand, he only reaches out two fingers. Well, could not I this minute be nominated a general or a superintendent? I should like to know why I am a titular councillor—why just that, and nothing more? Very strange things are happening in Spain. I have not understood them all. It is said that the throne is vacant , the representatives of the people are in difficulties about finding an occupant, and riots are taking place.

    All this appears to me very strange. How can the throne be vacant? It is said that it will be occupied by a woman. A woman cannot sit on a throne. Only a king can sit on a throne. They say that there is no king there, but that is not possible.

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    There cannot be a kingdom without a king. There must be a king, but he is hidden away somewhere. Perhaps he is actually on the spot, and only some domestic complications, or fears of the neighbouring Powers, France and other countries, compel him to remain in concealment; there might also be other reasons. I keep on thinking about these Spanish affairs.

    How is it possible that a woman should reign? It would not be allowed, especially by England. In the rest of Europe the political situation is also critical; the Emperor of Austria———. These events, to tell the truth, have so shaken and shattered me, that I could really do nothing all day.

    Mawra told me that I was very absent-minded at table. In fact, in my absent-mindedness I threw two plates on the ground so that they broke in pieces. After dinner I felt weak, and did not feel up to making abstracts of reports. I lay most of the time on my bed, and thought of the Spanish affairs. Spain has a king; he has been found, and I am he.

    I discovered it today; all of a sudden it came upon me like a flash of lightning. I do not understand how I could imagine, that I am a titular councillor. How could such a foolish idea enter my head? It was fortunate that it occurred to no one to shut me up in an asylum. Now it is all clear, and as plain as a pikestaff. Formerly—I don't know why—everything seemed veiled in a kind of mist.

    Love and other stories / translated by Constance Garnett, by Anton Chekhov

    That is, I believe, because people think that the human brain is in the head. Nothing of the sort; it is carried by the wind from the Caspian Sea. For the first time I told Mawra who I am. When she learned that the king of Spain stood before her, she struck her hands together over her head, and nearly died of alarm.

    The stupid thing had never seen the king of Spain before! I comforted her, however, at once by assuring her that I was not angry with her for having hitherto cleaned my boots badly. Women are stupid things; one cannot interest them in lofty subjects. She was frightened because she thought all kings of Spain were like Philip II. But I explained to her that there was a great difference between me and him. I did not go to the office.

    Why the deuce should I? No, my dear friends, you won't get me there again! I am not going to worry myself with your infernal documents any more. Between day and night. I went just for the fun of the thing. The chief clerk thought I would bow humbly before him, and make excuses; but I looked at him quite indifferently, neither angrily nor mildly, and sat down quietly at my place as though I noticed no one. I looked at all this rabble of scribblers, and thought, "If you only knew who is sitting among you!

    Even the chief clerk would bow himself to the earth before me as he does now before the director. A pile of reports was laid before me, of which to make abstracts, but I did not touch them with one finger. After a little time there was a commotion in the office, and there a report went round that the director was coming.

    Many of the clerks vied with each other to attract his notice; but I did not stir. As he came through our room, each one hastily buttoned up his coat; but I had no idea of doing anything of the sort. What is the director to me? Should I stand up before him? What sort of a director is he? He is a bottle-stopper, and no director. A quite ordinary, simple bottle-stopper—nothing more. I felt quite amused as they gave me a document to sign. They thought I would simply put down my name—"So-and-so, Clerk. You should have seen what a reverential silence ensued.

    But I made a gesture with my hand, and said, "Gentlemen, no ceremony please! He was not at home. The flunkey wanted not to let me in, but I talked to him in such a way that he soon dropped his arms. I went straight to Sophie's dressing-room. She sat before the mirror. When she saw me, she sprang up and took a step backwards; but I did not tell her that I was the king of Spain.

    But I told her that a happiness awaited her, beyond her power to imagine; and that in spite of all our enemies' devices we should be united. That was all which I wished to say to her, and I went out. Oh, what cunning creatures these women are! Now I have found out what woman really is. Hitherto no one knew whom a woman really loves; I am the first to discover it—she loves the devil. Yes, joking apart, learned men write nonsense when they pronounce that she is this and that; she loves the devil—that is all.

    You see a woman looking through her lorgnette from a box in the front row. One thinks she is watching that stout gentleman who wears an order. Not a bit of it! She is watching the devil who stands behind his back. He has hidden himself there, and beckons to her with his finger.

    The Mantle and Other Stories/Memoirs of a Madman

    And she marries him—actually—she marries him! That is all ambition, and the reason is that there is under the tongue a little blister in which there is a little worm of the size of a pin's head. And this is constructed by a barber in Bean Street ; I don't remember his name at the moment, but so much is certain that, in conjunction with a midwife, he wants to spread Mohammedanism all over the world, and that in consequence of this a large number of people in France have already adopted the faith of Islam. The day had no date. I avoided every appearance of being the king of Spain.

    I felt it below my dignity to let myself be recognised by the whole world, since I must first present myself at court. And I was also restrained by the fact that I have at present no Spanish national costume. If I could only get a cloak! I tried to have a consultation with a tailor, but these people are real asses! Moreover, they neglect their business, dabble in speculation, and have become loafers. I will have a cloak made out of my new official uniform which I have only worn twice.

    But to prevent this botcher of a tailor spoiling it, I will make it myself with closed doors, so that no one sees me. Since the cut must be altogether altered, I have used the scissors myself. I don't remember the date. The devil knows what month it was. The cloak is quite ready. Mawra exclaimed aloud when I put it on. I will, however, not present myself at court yet; the Spanish deputation has not yet arrived. It would not be befitting if I appeared without them.

    My appearance would be less imposing. From hour to hour I expect them. What can possibly keep them? Perhaps France has a hand in the matter; it is certainly hostilely inclined. I went to the post office to inquire whether the Spanish deputation had come. The postmaster is an extraordinary blockhead who knows nothing. What do I want with a letter? Letters are written by apothecaries. Madrid, February 30 th. It has happened so quickly that I could hardly take it in.

    The Spanish deputies came early this morning, and I got with them into the carriage. This unexpected promptness seemed to me strange.

    We drove so quickly that in half an hour we were at the Spanish frontier. Over all Europe now there are cast-iron roads, and the steamers go very fast. A wonderful country, this Spain! As we entered the first room, I saw numerous persons with shorn heads. I guessed at once that they must be either grandees or soldiers, at least to judge by their shorn heads.

    The Chancellor of the State, who led me by the hand, seemed to me to behave in a very strange way; he pushed me into a little room and said, "Stay here, and if you call yourself 'King Ferdinand' again, I will drive the wish to do so out of you. Slater makes mid-barrel recovery to avoid wipeout at Pipeline Masters. Connect with ABC News. Got a news tip? Editorial Policies Read about our editorial guiding principles and the enforceable standard our journalists follow. What's the score in the cricket?

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    What gets your goat about your employer? There's a survey for that. Media Video Audio Photos. And this is my son Nafanail, a schoolboy in the third class. This is the friend of my childhood, Nafanya. We were boys at school together! You were nicknamed Herostratus because you burned a hole in a schoolbook with a cigarette, and I was nicknamed Ephialtes because I was fond of telling tales. Go nearer to him. And this is my wife, her maiden name was Vantsenbach, of the Lutheran persuasion.

    What grade have you reached? I have been a collegiate assessor for the last two years and I have the Stanislav. The wife gives music lessons, and I go in for carving wooden cigarette cases in a private way. I sell them for a rouble each. If any one takes ten or more I make a reduction of course. We get along somehow. I served as a clerk, you know, and now I have been transferred here as a head clerk in the same department. I am going to serve here. And what about you?