Not Afraid to Wait Saving Sex until Marriage

They are denying themselves the pleasure of their body, something that they truly own and should utilize to its maximum. And that body is not getting any better as time goes by. The ability to experience the joy of discovery, the innocence and shyness of sex tends to wear off as the cynicism of the world and world experiences increases.

The joy of new and uncharted exploration becomes impacted by other things, other fears, other doubts. The longer one waits, the more - suspicious - it seems. I have seen this many times. A higher level of skill is expected; expectations and means of seduction are more sophisticated. I never recommend to anyone to throw away their virginity without thought. You will always remember the first time, and you will remember whether it was a joyful, fretful or meaningless experience. You can only give your virginity once, so you need to consider the value of the gift you are giving the other person and hope that they appreciate it.

Being deliberate about the time frame is smart; being arbitrary and capricious about such a large milestone is reckless. But waiting to achieve some arbitrary goal before having sex is simply a waste of joy many will regret putting off for so long. When you are in college, and then after college in the workforce, you will have the opportunity to meet a lot of men, some of whom may be sexually appealing to you. If they are, and if they are not cheating on anyone and are equally interested in you, it will be a fine thing for you to have sex when you are ready. Have sex as an adult, with adult men, until you find what you want.

I recommend against that very strongly. Your friends were, at least partially, right. Sex, while not the only thing that matters, is still an important part of any relationship, especially in the long term. I was 20 when I lost my virginity. My wife was 25 when she did. Wait until you are in a relationship and a time in your life when you are moving to thinking about it. Forget your friends in this. As for waiting until marriage, there are a lot of reasons that a marriage can fail.

Sex is one of them. You leave a lot of unanswered questions.

Is marriage really on the decline because of men's cheap access to sex?

Sex is a really big area, and as a young adult you have no idea of the possibilities that even exist. Or the possibilities that can exist as different roles and desires. What if your partner is very, very dominant and has certain expectations of a wife? Or is a closet submissive. It can and probably will be problematic. So you definitely should make sure you are sexually compatible before marriage if sex is to play any role in your marriage which it usually does. If you are not comfortable with having sex right now you should not have sex right now. Throughout the next few months, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, " Teen Sex: If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here.

No, I am not a virgin. How is it possible that I believe in waiting for love and am not a virgin? Simply put, I fell in love. There is a lot more to it than that, though.

We were so different from each other, but we complimented each other in the best ways possible. We both come from two completely different cultures, yet we thrived on learning more about the other. He brought out my silly side while I mellowed him out with my seriousness. We saw every animated kids movie we could. In a short amount of time, I fell hard and I fell fast for him.

I had made myself a promise to wait until marriage when I committed myself to my faith. Over time, I began to change, though. If anything, I was more faithful while with him, despite him being Hindi and I being Lutheran. He knew about my values and morals and respected them. I had never done a lot of the things we did and he never wanted to push me too far. And that made me love him even more. Four months into the relationship, he told me he loved me.

We had danced around those three little words for so long, scared to jump off the cliff alone. He was so nervous and scared when he said it; my heart, however, was leaping for joy. I did not mean to imply anything between coming from Haiti and being religious. C I did not take this article as one purposefully trying to change my mind on whether or not to wait, but that is what I am trying to do.

I am trying to see which way I should go. Is there any valid reason in waiting, and if not should we become as intimate as we both wish to be, or would such an intimacy degrade our relationship and ruin the love we feel for one another? I am trying to see what from your experience also applies to me in the hopes of helping me make a better decision. However, it does seem to be a trend especially in the very conservative south of the States that some groups of people are more obsessed about sex than the rest of the world seems to be. I cannot apply this to any individual in particular without meeting them first and assessing if they follow the perceived trend or not.

I agree that sex is more than drinking alcohol. However, I disagree with the view that sex is ultimately a sacrosanct experience over which religion should have control. If so, I would agree with you. However, I disagree that people should take sexuality more seriously than they already do. I disagree that what needs to be changes is the intensity with which we regard sex, instead of the way which we think about it.

Some people do take sex too lightly, and do it as often and with however many people they feel like it. Instead of taking sex more seriously, should we not teach them to have sex more respectfully, both of themselves and of others? That is not good either. There are atheist girls out there like myself who have decided to wait.

And thank you for your post — I was worried that there were no atheist guys out there who would wait, but now at least I know there are some. What made you decide to wait? I made this personal decision a few years ago, and out of curiousity, I Googled to wonder if other atheists did too. This page came up. Not saying everybody, of course, but priorities are different for the majority of young people. And even that is pretty unrealistic, with the increasing rates of divorce and all.

I too made this decision without the thought of religion in my mind. When I made my decision, many of these reasons were the reasons I had. I definitely would not lower your standards or be made to feel too specific or guilty for having a strong list of qualities than you want in your future life partner.

You are marrying them or committing to them for many, many years. Why set yourself up for disappointment? I truly believe if you are waiting then already you are a deep thinker and take relationships seriously, to a certain degree, so why not do something properly. While some people fall in love with a man or woman with a past and learn to accept it, I do not share that moral or sentiment. Move to another continent if you have to. Do whatever it takes to make your life long dream come true. It all comes down to how much you want something. Do you want children?

The media has been shoving b. You can have it all. If you want someone who is totally pure and totally gorgeous whatever your version of that may be , believe you will eventually receive that and you will. I have many friends who share none of my morals and that is fine, but there is a definite line drawn and a lack of intimacy. I just want to add a little side note… the whole point of what I wrote is that we all have personal decisions to make… even if you believe in pre-destiny or fate, etc. Many people are negatively influenced by the media and others.

You have a right to be fulfilled and safe in the most powerful relationship of all as an intimate couple. We are literally not all made for the same life path, and that is okay. But since when did it become okay for the weak ones who are less evolved and intelligent in my book- call me self indulgent but I keep it real to bring down the strong ones? Us virgins have to keep quiet way too much. It is a personal choice but there needs to be way more attention in the mainstream media about this. Hey Leo, thank you for this post.

Not Afraid to Wait (Saving Sex until Marriage): Vickie Gillison: www.newyorkethnicfood.com: Books

I am a person that does believe in God but when people say they wait because you will go to hell and the Bible says so I feel it is just ignorant because they are not using their own judgment to make their own choices. I have had sex before but I have recently made a guy friend that has inspired me to wait and this article basically gave me my answer.. But I feel that out isthe best voice.

Thank you so much for writing this. But there have always been so many questions… what if I never find the right guy? How much do I compromise? I want to wait until marriage. I think the best sex would be with someone that I not only love and want to spend my life with, but someone who I know respects me and knows me as a person. You can find out a lot that way. I always wondered if atheists had their own set of morals. Now, I know that some do. Of course, it always depends on the person. It should be with someone you really feel special about. And if I do get pregnant, I hope that the man will have enough courage to marry me.

I know, I know, I should not allow a boy to pressure me into having sex, and he is not. I suppose that is what happens when one tries to comment with a slow phone…. Torn, look at it from his opinion. Maybe he wants to marry you also. But what you are saying is that you do not trust him enough to be your husband. He is just a boyfriend to you.

Is he someone you would marry? In his head he might think that you do not think so since you are unwilling to treat him like you are married. What is the most meaningful part of a marriage? Devoting yourself to someone you trust? Or the document and ring?

He may want to further the relationship and bond with you. But you are saying you do not trust him and he is not husband material. It must be painful for him. Love the article and thread,I know about half dozen abstinence believers but their all overly religious. Its cool to see a few atheist abstinent believers all in one place.

It does become pretty tough after getting close to someone for close to a year. And Leo that linked article was ridiculous its basically instructing you on how to deal with yourself because your settling for less than you desire. Best of Luck to all in their Aspirations. Fantastic article and very insightful points. As a non atheist but non religious person I found this article very helpful in not only confirming my own moralities and thoughts, but also as an great argument for my non waiting friends, and more importantly, boyfriend.

Thank you, I enjoyed reading very much! Im Mormon and I comety agree with this. Its common sense to wait till marriage. God had very little reason why I chose to wait. This list is exact. Love this article, I personally would like to see more focus on communication and less on sex in the world. Definitely not morbidly obese. And I can confirm that he is pretty darn hot…. This article and comments gave me a lot of hope. I thought I was the only atheist out there who was abstinent. Thanks for giving me hope. As someone who did have sex before marriage but got married very young, even that was excrutiating because there comes a time when you realize that sex is interesting and fantastic and different with each person.

If you deprive yourself of having more than one person for years you are missing a huge part of the human experience. You people are morons. What an absolute waste. That person missed out because why? Now all he has is regret. You people baffle me. At least religious people have a more legitimate reason.

You have spewed nothing but garbage. Anyway, to make a long story short, given my own preferences, I like using non-religious reasons to support my choices. Thank you for this article. It will make my decision to wait a lot more satisfying to defend. This is amazing, I actually wanted to cry with joy when I saw that there are men out there that are non-religious and want to wait till marraige!

Personally im not athiest, or particularly religious, just brought up in a liberal household that believe theres something but not a major god.

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Im definitely an unusual character but both men and women have told me im quite good looking! Thanks for this post. I am glad I am not the only one who thinks like this. I always thought I was considered to be old fashioned.

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People can be so judgemental. I know religious people who have had sex before marriage. Each to their own I guess. But for me personally, I choose not to have sex before marriage for various reasons. I want to let the gentleman that I love and care so dearly to know that I am committed to them and they are my everything. I am not one for wanting short term relationships. I want my first boyfriend to be my last. It is so much more than that. Sex can wait till after marriage. Instead of the bs home-grown dose of guilt and shame at an entirely natural act, this post uses logic.

Logic, and not religion, is my reason for waiting. It should be all-giving. Good for you guys for being open-minded about a very beautiful concept. While I respect your choice to wait I am an atheist but I am not a member of this site , I feel like the title implies that all atheists wait until marriage to engage in sexual intercourse. Can you back them up with a source please? Many unhappily married people do not divorce simply because of their religion. How do you learn what you like with one partner? A healthy self-image comes from your mind.

For a lot of people, sex is about pleasure and pleasure only, with no strings attached. If it is to you, then I think you should rethink the reason you feel the way you do. Not everyone is humping each other in the club, as you describe. I found your article to be a bit condescending is this entire website like this?

Most would agree that a lover is someone who is willing to sacrifice anything for their beloved, and for the good of their beloved would walk trough fire. Not just someone who has sex.

And yeah, great article.