The Secret Life of Lesbians

Lister, not only a landowner in the 19th-century when women were little more than property, but was an avid traveler, and outdoors person who enjoyed wearing masculine clothes. She was a learned scholar with practical know how for business. Basically, I could not be more excited for this show to air! And since it is approaching, let me share you the story on how my parents knew I am gay. I am 18 years old, an aspiring writer, a college student, an independent mental health advocate, a feminist, a pansexual.

And this is my story. I had no plans. Yup, you read it right. I was caught off guard. The nightmare of every closeted gay. Whenever my mom gets upset and she gets upset way too easily she has this habit of getting our phones and restricting us from using it for days.

Not only that, she asks for its password and blatantly reads everything from my inbox, messenger, twitter DMs, and everything there is. At that time, I was at my gayest. Last month, my mom got so upset she confiscated my phone and as usual, she asked for its password. I was okay with it though, she does that every time. I started crying so hard. What else could be worse than having no choice? No chance of survival. And it hurt that I was right. I literally cried the whole night not minding my younger sister lying beside me.

After an hour, I decided to come out to her my sister out of frustration. All I felt was pain. The following morning, I was left alone inside the room.

1. Self-Esteem (Current Issues in Social Psychology).
2. Anne Ramsay Lesbian Kiss The Secret Life of the American Teenager – Lesbian Media Blog.
3. De la vision de lasno... A la vision divina (Spanish Edition)?
4. Keith Richards: The Unauthorised Biography;

When I finally had the courage to go downstairs, I went straight to the comfort room and stayed there for minutes. They were having bread and butter for breakfast. I was already feeling my stomach at that time so I decided to join them. And that was the first words I heard from my mom that morning. I believe strongly that I was knit in the womb as a lesbian. In retrospect, the clues had been there all along. In high school and college, I wrote poems about girls and women I had crushes on and can also remember falling in love with my best friend at as much as one can 'fall in love' at that age.

I tried to act straight and dated men without any success. I could have continued on that unhappy road but I found a person who loves and respects me and has been my best friend since , and my spouse since last year. She just happens to be female instead of male. I stopped worrying about what anyone thought about my identity and who I loved and had sex with--especially my mother, who made it very clear she did not want me to be a lesbian.

It was very hard on me for a long time because I did not want to disappoint her and I know her inability to love this part of me affected my ability to come out earlier in life.

Unfortunately, she never accepted my lesbian identity but I finally moved past needing her approval and started living my life. I love my life. I love being different and don't want to be like everyone else. Life was way harder when I was trying to be straight. It's as if straight people are saying we just can't imagine how someone who's been in a heterosexual relationship could possibly prefer a same-sex one.

It must be that she has not found the "right" man to "keep" her straight. Amy Dulaney, whose Catholic upbringing did not allow her to contemplate her attraction to women, left her husband after 10 years. I came out late, but I do believe the people who know me see that I am happy being true to myself. She and her husband have been in a redefined relationship for more than 50 years now. Her discovery simply adds another dimension to who she is.

The women I interviewed ask us not to make assumptions about how they define their sexuality and not to categorize them based on our lack of understanding. My sister, Kat Tragos, came out at age 30 and today, at 50, has been in a committed relationship with a woman for close to six years.

• Get Updated.
• Is Secret Life's Amy Juergens a Lesbian?.
• Inside the Secret Lives of Lesbians in Iran - Speakeasy - WSJ;
• Magdeburg. La Furia (Italian Edition);
• "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" tackles lesbianism - AfterEllen!
• “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” tackles lesbianism.
• You Might Also Like.

She believes the Kinsey scale is the way to look at sexual attraction. I fall somewhere in between, tipping the scale toward homosexual. I have been attracted to, and fallen in love with, both men and women but find myself drawn to women more than men. This was not always the case but perhaps I have allowed myself to awaken over time. I don't like to say I am bisexual; I'm just sexual. I have come across many lesbians and gay men who say bisexuality is a cop-out and that I am just not owning who I am; well, I've accepted that for some there is a gray area and I wish they would too.

I am happy to be in a loving honest relationship with my girlfriend. Nancy Schimmel left her husband after 17 years, not because she was gay but because the marriage no longer worked for her; she considers herself bisexual but prefers partners who are female and feminist. This may be the case with women who are only sexually attracted to women, but I am attracted to both men and women. She describes her views on sexuality: It is all about desire and attraction, not simply the act itself.

There are, of course, plenty of women and men who are bisexual but I am not one of them. They often underestimate the power of cultural 'norming. I grew up in a fairly traditional though politically liberal family with clearly defined gender roles. What I learned from my family and from the larger culture this was in the '60s and '70s was that I was expected to marry a man when I grew up. In the face of that insecurity, family and friends may question a woman's motives, her past, and the validity of her journey.

Laila Berrios , who divorced her husband after six years and two kids, explains, "Straight folk either assume I 'became' lesbian because something happened to 'turn me' or that I was lying to everybody all my life. None of this acknowledges the truth of my past, that I was living my life as honestly as I knew how but I only recently began to explore who I am.

I had no sense of identity until three years ago. I feel like a child. I wish people knew that I don't understand my coming out either. I cry over this. You don't get it? Well, neither do I. I truly lived my former life as a straight dedicated wife, mother, and friend. All I knew was that at age 40, something was missing.

Many of us struggle for years and years and many maintain the relationship with their husband yet still seek a relationship with a woman. I'm sorry for the pain I caused my husband.

Secret Life of a Lesbian - www.newyorkethnicfood.com

I thought I could maintain a dual life but it simply wasn't possible. And sometimes the process of coming out never ends. Andrea Hewitt, who came out at 44 while she was married to her second husband and blogs on A Late Life Lesbian Story , explains, "One thing that I didn't expect was how you have to 'out' yourself continually.

For most people, heterosexuality is the default norm, so that's what most people assume you are unless you are holding hands with your girlfriend in front of them! So, I continually have to 'come out' in places that I never expected -- at the doctor's office, at my kids' school, in new work settings. I thought once I came out, that would be it; but it's not the case at all.

32 Comments

Established lesbians have often fought long and hard to gain more acceptance and are wary of older newcomers, who they feel may be going through a phase or are not ready to fully embrace their newfound identity. Andrea describes it this way: When you come out, it's like you have to start over in many ways, and it can feel like you are a teenager all over again.

So, other lesbians can sometimes be wary of dating you if you are a newbie since you don't have much dating experience and you are brand new to being out. Plus, if you are still married to a man, they can be concerned about you getting out of that relationship and severing those ties.

And then there are some lesbians who are judgmental about women with kids if they themselves don't want any. Laila chimes in, "Fellow lesbians have trouble accepting that I'm truly a lesbian, because I hadn't recognized it for 33 years. I can't even say I was always attracted to women. I've got no 'les cred.

Then there are 'gold star lesbians,' lesbians who have never slept with a man; they often pride themselves on this and seem to think it somehow makes them superior. It's really pretty stupid. Later-in-life lesbians may not feel comfortable in the established gay community of their older peers and may have a hard time carving out their space. I feel like I should be a part of it, but I'm not.

Most Popular Videos

I'm on the outside looking in. My girlfriends have tried their best to educate me. The queer world is different. Queer people are different. There are two kinds: I can assimilate because I was part of it but I prefer not to. My girlfriends and our other queer friends don't either. Costine adds another dimension to this difficulty fitting in: Since I came out after getting sober, I don't go to bars or drinking parties.

It has been harder to create a group of lesbian friends without the initial party opportunity to help me meet other women. The lesbian community can have a hard time creating community when a bar is not involved.



• Willas Death (Obbligato)?
• Post navigation.
• Most Popular Articles.

My hope is that will continue to change and we find ways to connect to our special community without it involving a bar or a drinking-oriented party. They are not always out in the workplace, and often need to watch their behavior when they are outside their homes. Another woman a co-worker told me she didn't understand homosexuality but she was fine with it as long as I didn't 'try anything' with her. Also, there are many places and environments that I would not go to--or situations that I would not put myself in--for fear of something bad happening.

So, there is always a kind of quiet 'editing' that occurs as I live my life. Andrea says, "The saddest thing is how I have to be careful expressing affection for my partner in public in ways that I did not have to worry about when I was with a man. I never thought twice about holding hands or being affectionate appropriately so with a man when I identified as straight. Now when I'm out anywhere with my partner, I always have to think, is this a safe place to hold hands? Can I call her honey in this store without getting any looks?

I'm hopeful that this will change in my lifetime, but I just don't know. Where one lives can make a difference.