10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents (...when theyre only trying to help!)

And I was still up every 3 to pump an see her if I was at the hospital anyways. I think my MIL hurt me the most when she said, "You act like you're the only mom who's ever had a baby early. Tough up and quit complaining. I can relate to you both! People can be so dumb. I HATE hearing "well enjoy sleeping while you can! And I've been doing this for four months! I'm more exhausted than other moms I know with healthy babies at home. And yeah, those comparing comments are just plain ignorant!

Can u tell I've had it? You're so lucky you didn't have to get huge and uncomfortable!! Actually, I would have loved to be able to get huge! I despised hearing the Well at least you didn't have to get big and uncomfortable. I would have done it in a heartbeat had my baby been able to come home with me. I'm so done being pregnant". All I wanted was a carefree and full term pregnancy I wanted 40 weeks!!!! I absolutely hate people saying that I am lucky I didn't get huge.

I would have given anything to have carried my boys to 37 weeks today! I am so exhausted from pumping every 3 hours and juggling my time at the NICU or home with my two year old who I didn't get to see as much when I spent a month in the hospital on bedrest. This article is a composite of parents' comments, not merely the author's experience.

Smashwords – 10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents – a book by Carma Chan

Carma's 2-pounder thrived thanks to her dedication and the experts. As a backup plan, he is also majoring in Accounting to become a CPA. Kindle Edition , Kindle , 21 pages. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Nov 12, Jenette rated it it was amazing.

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This is a good read. The reactions and feelings that are present when your baby is fighting for it's life in the NICU are very real and very normal. I good resource for parents who spend a portion of their baby's life in the NICU. Unless you've lost or very nearly lost a child or had a traumatic childbirth experience yourself, you don't know what it's like and imagining what it Been there twice! Unless you've lost or very nearly lost a child or had a traumatic childbirth experience yourself, you don't know what it's like and imagining what it's like doesn't produce the emotions that NICU parents feel.

We cannot wish or rationalize away negative reactions like fear, envy, guilt, resentment, rage, or depression.

At best, we are able to minimize the intensity of these emotions with simple stress-relieving activities; such as going for a walk, taking a few deep, slow breaths every hour, and maintaining a balanced diet and avoiding excessive caffeine, sugar, alcohol, nicotine, and drugs. We each have our own way and pace of dealing with losses. Only time enables us to come to terms with it and learn to live with the pain. As much as you love us and want to make the bad feelings go away, you can't. What you can do is be with us and hold our hands so we don't have to be there alone.

From parents who've been there. Get involved in NICU activities and support groups. I am not sure if they think having an arts and crafts table would help. There were chaplain and charity volunteers that come round to offer you support. Maybe I should have, but those sort of things are not for me. Focus on the positives. Easier said than done, as I was in a very negative mind space. I was focused on something horrific happening after each bit of good news we had. Although Elijah was with me for 12 hours before he went to NICU, I was out of it for at least 10 of those, so I missed the first proper bonding moments.

It is then quite hard to bond with a baby in an incubator covered in tubes and attached to every machine going. I always held his hand, something we still do even now if he has a rare nap on me. Therefore it may not seem like it, but every minute you spend with your baby is building a bond with them.

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As soon as I could, I held him and we used to sit in a chair with him on my chest for what seemed like hours. The hospital actively encourages it. I had small knitted triangles the hospital gave me to keep in my bra so Elijah would be able to smell me. I used to leave a t-shirt of mine that smelled of my perfume in his incubator, and brought his teddies and dummies from home so it felt more like a proper crib.

10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents

I felt like I was being a mother doing those things, as silly as that sounds. Keep a written record. Some may find it helpful to keep a journal or online blog as each day passes. Some of the days I just did not want to remember. We have lots of photos. Looking back now some of them are very hard for me to look at, but I want to show Elijah one day what he has overcome.

10 Most Annoying Things People Say to NICU Parents (...when they're only trying to help!)

Whatever helps you, do it. If it keeps your mind distracted for just one moment, then in my opinion it is worth doing. It is natural and we should be accepting these feelings and not to be made to feel they are wrong. Isolate yourself from your friends and family. You may not even want to admit what you are feeling: Although I pushed them away, I had two amazing friends who did everything they possible could for my family when we were in hospital.

From feeding my cats, to driving Greg to and from the hospital every day and even bringing me and my baby home for the first time. Let your partner update one or two friends and let them pass the message on to everyone. It can get quite overwhelming repeating the same update numerous times to everyone and then seeing the replies coming in can be quite emotional.

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If you want speak to everyone and have lots of visitors, have them. I was clearly depressed, and dealing with a traumatic event. I dealt with it the only way I felt was right at the time, on my own. Become discouraged with setbacks. This is actually what some lists tell you not to do.

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Of course you are going to be discouraged with setbacks. All you want for them is to be healthy and to be home. Anything stopping or delaying that is a setback. If you want to cry, then cry.