People Skills

One twin may repress it, the other may express it belligerently. Many and maybe most of us, however, were trained in some very ineffective and destructive ways of relating. A vicious spiral has resulted where the communications faults of parents are visited upon their children. The spiral can be broken. You can unlearn those methods of relating that do not work well for you. This book can help you spot some of the areas that most need attention and help you learn specific skills that lead to more personal fulfillment, warmer and richer relationships, and greater effectiveness at work.

People are frequently fatalistic about their ways of communicating. They tend to think that their way of talking and listening, like the color of their eyes, is a "given" in their lives.

People Skill Science

To try to change one's style of communication, so the argument goes, is impossible. Or it leads to phoniness. As one physician said, "Relating to people is a gift. Either you have it or you don't. I don't have it and there is nothing I can do about it.

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We have noted major changes in our own lives and in the lives of trainees. Patterns that were acquired in childhood have been replaced by more effective responses. At any period of life, the average person of sound mind and determination can learn improved ways of communicating. The research of a number of highly regarded behavioral scientists documents the fact that adults can learn to communicate more effectively.

Of course, it is not easy to alter methods of relating. Years of habit have ingrained certain tendencies for so long that it feels unnatural to relate differently. Any "new" approach seems awkward, and people are tempted to abandon their quest. But once they gain increased awareness of how dysfunctional some of their typical responses are, many people become highly motivated to change.

After they have effectively used a communication skill, they often say with excitement, "It works! It really does work! Erik Erikson, Robert Havighurst, and others have pointed out that people go through developmental stages from infancy to old age. It is impossible to live the evening of life in the same manner as the morning. The world is changing, too. We speak of the everlasting hills, but in the course of time they rise and sink.

We refer to the eternal stars, but they too are in flux: Change has been an integral part of human culture from the beginning. Nicholas Murray Buffer insisted that in the Garden of Eden, Adam paused at one point to say, "Eve, we are living in a period of transition. With change continually occurring within us, in other people we relate to, in the physical world, and in our culture, it is impossible to remain the same. Even when we try to cling to old ways, they are different. Richard Niebuhr put it, "When we do today what we did yesterday, we actually do something different since in the interval both we and our environment have changed.

If they don't get better, they get worse. You not only can change the way you relate with others, you inevitably will change your way of relating. It is better to manage changes skillfully than to just let life happen to you. This book teaches skills that allow for and indeed foster the kinds of changes that are desirable.

When the change is as fundamental as basic ways of relating to loved ones and business associates, the stakes are indeed high and reworking patterns of behavior can be an act of considerable courage. When people begin to learn new skills of communication, they often say these kinds of things to themselves: Will these skills really work or is this lust another of those psychological fads that come and go every few years?

Suppose the skills are truly effective -- will I be able to learn them? I've never been especially good at learning new things, especially skills where I must break one set of habits and develop a new set. Gosh, when I think of the trouble I had trying to stop smoking But suppose I do learn the skills, and they do change my relationships: What I experience interpersonally right now may not be great, but things could be far worse.

These skills could get me out of the frying pan and into the fire! Then, too, there is always the possibility that these skills will make me a different person. Though I'd really like to be a better me, suppose I end up as a casualty -- a psychological disaster. Part of me is very leery of this whole venture. Many of us have more resistance than we realize because much of it is buried in the subconscious. We need to protect ourselves. Homo sapiens is a vulnerable creature in a dangerous world. However, some methods of protection arrest our development while others work positively for us.

One of the key elements in learning communication skills is to discover how to protect oneself adequately while reducing unnecessary defensiveness. Guidelines in various sections of this book will help you protect yourself from needless risk while you learn to use these new skills. These methods enable a person to really understand what another person is saying. They include new ways of responding so that the other person feels his problems and feelings have been understood.

When these methods are used appropriately, the other person often solves his problems without becoming dependent on you. These verbal and nonverbal behaviors enable you to maintain respect, satisfy your needs, and defend your rights without dominating, manipulating, abusing, or controling others. These abilities enable you to deal with the emotional turbulence that typically accompanies conflict -- abilities that are likely to foster closer relationships when the strife is over.

These constitute a way of resolving conflicting needs that satisfies all parties -- it is a way of solving problems so they stay solved. These guidelines enable you to decide what communication skills to use in any situation in which you find yourself. These are the basic communication tools required for effective human relationships. They are the fundamentals. Part of the strength of this program of communication training lies in the wide range of skills it includes. Many programs concentrate on listening skills, but do not teach people how to assert constructively. In recent years, people have been flocking to programs that help develop assertiveness, but ignore the need for attentive listening.

Courses that combine listening and assertion seldom give adequate attention to methods of resolving the conflicts and solving the problems that are inevitable in all human relationships. It is even more unusual to find a communication skills program that helps you figure out when to use the skills being taught and when they are inappropriate. It is futile to use a skill well but use it in the wrong situation. Our program includes what we believe are the most fundamental skills of interpersonal communication. What is excluded from this book, however, is as important as what is included.

Many books on interpersonal communication include such a broad range of skills to be developed and theories to be explored that the reader's energy is dissipated.

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Skill development requires a sharp focus -- a concentration of energy. In the teaching of basic communication skills, as in so many other areas, the guideline of a famous architect holds true -- "Less is more. People learn best when they are not overwhelmed with too many topics and too much detail. Low-level communication leads to loneliness and distance from friends, lovers, spouses, and children -- as well as ineffectiveness at work. Research studies indicate that, despite a tendency toward defensiveness, people of all ages can learn specific communication skills that lead to improved relationships and increased vocational competence.

These more desirable ways of relating will be presented in succeeding chapters of this book. Would you like to tell us about a lower price? If you are a seller for this product, would you like to suggest updates through seller support? Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution. A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems.

He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations. People Skills will show you: Read more Read less. Add all three to Cart Add all three to List. Buy the selected items together This item: Ships from and sold by Amazon. Including the "Day… by Bento C. Customers who bought this item also bought. Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. Including the "Day Communication Challenge!

Working with Difficult People: I'm Stuck, You're Stuck: Secrets of Power Negotiating, 15th Anniversary Edition: Inside Secrets from a Master Negotiator. Communicating Better at Work and Beyond. Here's how restrictions apply. About the Author Robert Bolton, Ph. I have a step-by-step guide on how to make friends as adults. Would you consider yourself highly perceptive?

People who are good at reading people are exceptionally strong at knowing how others think and feel. Decoding people, having a strong sense of intuition and being very empathetic are the emotional intelligence aspects of interpersonal intelligence. When we look at interpersonal intelligence or people skills, there are 3 main branches. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses in different aspects of interpersonal intelligence.

Test Your People Skills

People who struggle with decoding:. One of the best ways to improve your decoding ability is to learn how to read the 7 microexpressions. We have a definitive guide to reading the face you can use to get started. When you have to pitch yourself or your ideas, can you do so confidently? Pitching is a very important people skills for professionals because it happens all the time — not just at networking events with your elevator pitch, but also during every meeting when you are asked your opinion, in emails when you introduce yourself and on conference calls.

Now, I know it is never easy to brag about yourself, but you should be able to generate excitement around your ideas. When you talk about yourself, can you get people excited to work with you? Do you have imposter syndrome? This is the biggest blocker for people struggling with pitching themselves. Make sure you conquer yours. Most people think that you have to be born charismatic. While I was doing research for our flagship course People School , I found that charisma is the perfect blend of two essential people skills traits: We talk about this more in the course, but here are the basics:.

My team and I developed a charisma quiz based on the charisma research. See where you fall on our charisma spectrum. You do not have to be leading a company or the president of an organization to be considered a leader. Leaders in both work life and social life are able to get buy in, rally teams and generate camaraderie. I do not believe the opposite of a leader is a follower. Start with the one that most resonates with you.

Do you need to get rid of some ambivalent relationships? Do you need to set a plan for yourself? Do you need to find activities that truly excite you? This is how you can become a leader. I have one bonus people skill for you.



I simply had to include this skill because it has come up for our students over and over again. When our students join People School , we ask them a simple question:. What skills are you currently missing that are preventing you from achieving your goals? Over and over again, our students give us specific interpersonal skills like the ones above — charisma, communication, confidence.

But our third most popular answer? Specifically, our students say:. I realize this is a bonus people skill because interpersonal intelligence takes determination, motivation and follow-through to hone. Developing your PQ, or people skills is just as important as your IQ. We need a systematic way to practice our people skills to be more successful and achieve our goals. People School is an intensive step program to advance your people skills. This virtual training is geared towards high-achieving professionals who want to level up their career success. When you have strong people skills, you are better able to: Pitch yourself Overcome social anxiety Communicate your ideas Influence others positively What are people skills?

Test Your People Skills Before I explain the essential people skills, take our People Skills quiz and self-diagnose your interpersonal strengths: People Skill Science Researchers define people skills as three sets of abilities. Socially Assertive Do you stand up for yourself in social situations? People with high social assertiveness have more focused social energy and have more clarity in their interactions: People with low social assertiveness: Feel out of control in social situations Are addicted to people pleasing Have more toxic people in their lives People with high social assertiveness are able to: Craft a Memorable Presence Are you memorable?

People with a weak presence: Struggle to get clients or make friends Frequently deal with people forgetting their name Feel awkward in many social interactions People with a memorable presence: Leave a lasting first impression Have a robust network Quickly build rapport Action Step: Be a Master Communicator Do you enjoy public speaking and presenting? Poor communicators tend to: Think they are unworthy of attention Avoid sharing their ideas Cannot get buy in on their opinions Are under-appreciated for their hard work Master communicators excel at: Public speaking Presenting Communicating big ideas to big groups Action Step: Sustain Lasting Confidence Do you ever feel socially anxious?

People with high social anxiety: Avoid social situations … even if they would be beneficial to career goals Feel awkward and trapped Get stuck in their own head during interactions and conversations People who can sustain social confidence: Are able to excel in most social situations Feel awkward and are not able to overcome it Feel more excited than anxious when socializing Action Step: Be an Excellent Conversationalist How do you get past small talk?

I believe that most interactions happen in three levels: Conversation is the key to moving up these three levels.

7 Ways to Improve Your PEOPLE SKILLS - #7Ways

People who struggle with conversation: Lisa McQuerrey has been a business writer since In , she launched a full-service marketing and communications firm. McQuerrey's work has garnered awards from the U. She is also the author of several nonfiction trade publications, and, in , had her first young-adult novel published by Glass Page Books. Skip to main content. Communication Strong people skills in the communications arena include the ability to take in information, clarify comments and participate in effective verbal and written exchanges.

Empathy Empathy is the ability to have a visceral understanding of what another person is going through. Conflict Resolution Having the ability to mediate disputes and resolve conflict among customers and colleagues is an important professional skill. Patience Patience is an exceptional people skill that is valuable in every profession. Tolerance Professional workplaces are made up of people from all walks of life.

References 2 Ohio State University: