Poetry Blindness: Alexithymia and Metaphor

They will absorb all the deficiencies of their partner when, in reality, it is up to the deficient partner to do the repair work that his or her behavior has caused. They have to meet us halfway. So, part of stopping that pattern is sitting down with a trained therapist and deciding what you will and will not tolerate from a partner and read Should I Stay or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft. Here are some posts I wrote when I was starting this process with my therapist that might help you. I was deliberate in documenting my early visits to my therapist so that anyone in this type of relationship would have a roadmap.

I wish you all the best as you continue moving forward. You are definitely not alone. Please keep in touch should you need to. Yes, they can do exceedingly well depending upon the functionality of the child. I would have never known had he not told me. His parents did right by him for sure. He had early intervention and was given a lot of opportunity to learn. Or just a jerk. You are missing something. If you took the time to post the comment, then take the time to ask yourself why this comment bothered you enough to cause you to engage in such behavior.

You wrote what you did to accuse and judge. Why bother to write anything at all then unless you like being inflammatory in which case then you really are missing something. I do not qualify this as parentifying someone, though I understand why in the context it might come across as such. However, I think one should be very careful with categorizing behaviors and crediting them to a diagnosis, when they might also just be normal behaviors from a normal person.

I am a woman in a relationship with an Alexithymic man, and I know very intimately the pain that it can cause. However, I think one should be very cautious about ones own analyzis of various behaviorisms — in your case, why did the curling up disturb you? Because that is not something I understand at all, for me it is entirely normal for a partner of either gender to curl up and look for safety and intimacy.

A type of attention seeking that, by the way, is considered to be normal for a woman in a heterosexual or gay relationship. If that is the case, then I would rather see it as a bit of sexist or normative thinking, because a behavior that is not frowned up in women, should not be frowned upon in men either. I am not sure if you wanted to come across like this, but it is the impression I have been given.

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Perhaps you have not healed to the point yet where you can distance yourself in a manner where this kind of self critical thinking is relevant yet. You can hang onto these ideas for as long as you need to — as I have with ideas in the past that I have later come to re-evaluate and discard. I personally feel like there is a danger in ascribing negative experiences and negative flaws to a diagnosis, when those might in fact not be linked. But I understand the temptation and the tendency, it is human nature, after all. Alexithymia is not a DX. The comments left on this post are all entirely experiential in nature.

Common experience is validating. People are trying to figure their experiences out in order to reorganize past and present emotional experiences. It takes bravery to share very personal information because fear of judgment on the Internet is very high, but all the people who have left comments on this post have done that.

And for that alone, I admire their courage. You are incorrect though, my partner IS professionally diagnosed with Alexithymia, it does exist as a stand alone diagnosis, he has no co-morbidities. The DSM defines it as a personality trait and not a mental health disorder or diagnosis. So, I am not incorrect in terms of where I live. I understand your points, and they do have merit.

You are talking about perspective taking. Partners often fumble about quite awkwardly with each other learning what works and does not. That was my final point. That is my ultimate point. I was not saying she was sexist, I was just sharing that from my perspective it could potentially come off that way.

If I was sure it was sexism, I would not have asked for a further explanation. Where do you get that from? People are diverse and prefer diverse ways of intimacy, that is normal. For instance, my partner, while childish, does not curl up next to me that way when we sleep, he never has, we sleep an arms length apart and in different rooms when he snores.

One of my exes of five years, who was not Alexithymic they were an extraordinarily empathic and compassionate person , had the habit described above. So this will be my last post here. I am defensive of my commenters because this particular comment has been viciously attacked in the past. I am not trying to put words in your mouth at all.

I did say that your observations have merit. You observe something important. That is the issue at hand. Or, is it two questions? That happens quite frequently. Attributing this to her larger experience in her relationship with alexithymia? But, sexism and gender stereotyping are almost synonymous terms, and that was something that was insinuated. Also, that is a possibility. There are all sorts of possibilities because humans are complex.

It can be important but difficult to discuss the topic and just how complex all the perspectives are. How can it be done while making sure everyone is validated? That is my largest concern. That is why I defend the people who disclose so much in the comment section. I had a similar moment. He always asks me to scratch his back. It made me sick to my stomach. Holding a partner is normal and healthy. Nurturing behaviors are normal and healthy. If one is the parent while the other absorbs or takes.

I think, for me, that felt…well, it made me feel funny inside. I had no one to turn to when I was in pain. I felt emotionally exsanguinated. There was no mutuality. That became very, very hard. Does this make sense? I have a friend whose son is autistic, quite brilliant, yet he shows empathy and caring in how he behaves with his family.

My husband often seems unaware of his emotions, feelings, why he does things etc. There is cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. That is where there is a breakdown. Emotional empathy, however, is usually present. Emotional empathy is that knee-jerk response to suffering. Someone is crying and you can respond to it.

You want to make it better. Little children have this. They bring other children a stuffed animal. They go over and pat a crying child on the arm. He definitely has emotional empathy. Combine emotional empathy with cognitive empathy, and this is where there is the breakdown in the relationship.

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For example, when I was pregnant with one of my daughters, I went into the basement and found a mountain of laundry. I was so overwhelmed I started sobbing. He heard me sobbing and came to see what was wrong. He asked me what was wrong. I pointed to the mountain of laundry and told him how overwhelmed I was. Theory of mind asks: What do I think the other person is thinking? Second-order belief asks What do I think that person believes that person over there is thinking?

You have to look at contextual clues, read social cues. It requires intuition that is not a skill that ASD people have. Neurotypical people absorb social skills through intuition and observation. ASD people do not. They memorize the skills and learn them as they go often through skills classes now and social thinking groups. That throws a spanner into the works. I started typing more before I read your last response.

Unholy cow… too much to resonate as you explained. I had to sit and think of my responses and I realized that when you responded that I was trying to communicate something, it might presume that? Your post stirred up more questions for me. Question after question started up inside of me. The fact that I was starting to wrestle with the questions which is fairly typical for me falling on the neurotic end of the spectrum probably felt in hindsight disturbing somehow. And they are working their asses off in therapy. They are addressing their psychiatric disorders. They are learning HOW to communicate properly.

They are seeing exactly where they are screwing it up, and they are keeping their promises. We all have our limitations. Everyone can learn validation. Everyone can learn to be more mindful. Even ASD people can develop cognitive empathy. You can develop better ToM.

They already have that. IT takes enormous commitment. Hell, yes, accountability applies here, too. I saw the words passion and desire above. My brain almost fainted with futility and fell with a thud. Back to business here, but I wanted to quickly add that I appreciate this conversation, and your time to explain and share. And you are more than welcome.

I understand that sense of despair that comes and go particularly when you think about your relationship. It feels like if any sort of meaningful change has to come through them, then settle in for a long, cold winter. But he knew the lack of communication distressed me so it was an effective way of punishing me for expecting him to take responsibility. How can you tell how much of this is deliberate distancing?

That is a great question. My other half is capable of empathy. He gets angry all the time being the bleeding heart liberal that he is. That is emotional empathy.

There are theory of mind tests that are done in neuropsychological testing. The most basic ToM test is the Sally Ann test. I suppose the first question to ask is: Is he trying to punish you? He might know that you find it distressing, but does he take the leap and do it with intent? I am the first to admit that I have accused my husband of punishing me. Finally, a name to the curse of our marriage! I immediately sent it to my husband and he agreed it was all too familar. All of those experiences!

I cant express in full my gratitude for your sharing and eloquent depiction of life with these experiences. I feel like I can breathe!! Well, I am beyond pleased that you found validation and relief in coming here. This post is one of the most read on my entire blog. Finally after 16 years of marriage my husband was diagnosed with Alexithymia. The pain still exists for me. Thank you for making me feel that I should not be placed in a straight jacket and left to rock alone in a chair. For everyone thinks that I have a problem. I share with you words in times of complete despair……….

You yell back at me Of course with no empathy.

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Your words are so brave. Thank you for sharing them here. Of all my posts, this post is the most widely read. It is the most popular one. It is read every day by so many people and few comment. What you share is uniquely yours, and, at the same time, it is part of a common experience. You are not alone, dearest. I offer you a warm hug and encourage you to do whatever it takes to care for yourself and know that you are worthwhile and worthy of love in both action AND words. Hi, Been reading these comments and your poem struck many past experiences for me.

I would like describe my relationship and any I sight would be wonderful. I found love of my life truly. I love her in ways I never knew possible. You know, just staring at her makes me smile. Sitting at table not talking is enjoyable.. When I tell her I love her she says she loves me but is not in love with me. She does say I have nice body and she sexually attracted to me but does not love me. She lives with ex husband who is in love with his first wife.

He is fifteen years older than my gf. She spends more time at my house than his but lies to him about her whereabouts. She gets mad easily and its over this time and usually followed by silent treatment for couple weeks. Later she said I have told u that u have nice body. Never initiates touching or cuddling etc. Its always about past and love her life 25yrs ago no future no plans no hope.

I got so desperate I lied to her said I had tumor inoperable in brain had six no this to live. Not once did she touch me or say any caring words.. I would tell her I was picking out my gravesite and she would go off about her day. Then told her truth and got silent treatment. Later I did go to Dr and he saying g I was showing early stages of ms. I told her and said I could fight and beat it.

She said people that fight it die too. I said geez thanks. Her excuse was she knew I was lying. I have cried and cried in front of her and not once has she cried but says she does alone. Always always about her no matter what event has happened. Claims to have a big heart and cares so much. Years of wondering how to connect with this man who likes to speak in monosyllables, rarely makes eye contact and is mostly focused on his needs and his needs only.

Not to therapy mind you because he would have to expose himself emotionally and that is his Fort Knox of highest value. I am so glad I never put the house in his name and funded my own retirement before I got married. If I ever meet another Aspie again I will run in the opposite direction. I have paid dearly for my children in the form of sacrificing my needs to get along with this man. So much loneliness and crying myself to sleep..

Everything I read tells me that an aspberger has a knack for a high conflict divorce. Hopefully my attorney will shield me from him and hang tough on my behalf. With any luck I will be divorced before the end of the year! Something to hope for…. I was on vacation! Thank you for contributing to this ongoing conversation. I think that every comment added helps broaden understanding and increase validation. Thank you again and all the best…MJ. I can sense the enormous frustration and finality in your post. Your description of your husband sounds eerily like mine. I have recently verbally made the move towards divorce as well.

I have also recently brought it to his attention that I have suspected he was ASD for some time. It is indeed a reprieve to communicate with others that share in this experience. Thanks so much for sharing, Robin. I am doing very well. It has been 2 years, and it was the right decision.

I think that everyone is happier. We are not on bad terms. Most communications are through text. My health has slowly turned around. I went back to grad school. My kids are doing much better. The first year was rough in terms adjusting because all the damage done came home to roost. Therapy is a must. I was married for almost 20 years. Support for re-entry as it were matters so much. But, I have no regrets. MJ, So glad to hear the tide turned and life has improved for you. I feel very grateful and fortunate that over the years I have invested in my education, completing graduate school as well, and can at least survive and feed myself.

That was not even an option for me as his the husband lack of emotional experience and sourcing seemed to effect his discernment in others around him. Simply put, he is a very poor people judger! It is as if the filtering and sensing of the intentions or trustworthiness of others is completely absent. So in that sense, any kind of interaction or relationship with others is really one sided. I had developed a day to day way of distancing myself from my husband and putting all my energy into getting my ducks straight for the very near future when I walk out the front door.

Having our son home and the re-triangulation of the 3 of us has been stressful. I intend on a strict no contact rule when I leave that he has no idea about. I totally get the preparation period—getting the ducks in a row. I just went underground so to speak and started building out something that would sustain me.

Does that make sense? The living in limbo is very hard. One eye on the door while having to sustain yourself in the present in a reality that no longer fits or makes sense. I wish you every good thing. All the best, MJ. Oh my God, does it! I have tried to verbalize this to him so many, many times.

My experience was simply that every single aspect of emotional, social and verbal exchange we ever had was determined by his wants, needs, and abilities. The length of our conversations, the topics, the level always shallow of intimacy and emotion shared, and the togetherness we could enjoy. I have told my sister at least times in trying to describe the nature of my marriage, that I get exactly what the cashiers at the grocery store gets.

No more and no less. Ring a bell for you? I divorced my ASD husband 10 years ago after 16 years of marriage. The problems in the marriage were hard enough as described well in all the previous writing. What was hardest for me was the lack of validation. To the world he was smart and funny and kind.

That was the man I married. But then the honeymoon ended. He was also anxious and clueless and sometimes just plain mean — in that laundry pile kind of way. I made him go, the appointment was terrifying, and then he tried to leave me — sobbing my heart out in the hospital parking lot — because he wanted to get back to the office.

We lived 5 minutes away — he told me to catch a bus or a cab home. No one outside our home would have believed him capable of such behavior. At the time I never told a soul what was happening. I was embarrassed to be in this predicament and I protected him. But I was really protecting myself. But there I was with a 3 year old and, god willing, another on the way. Yes, baby 2 made it. Everyone who writes about this talks about the isolation.

I felt like I was losing my mind. How could he do such mean things and not even realize they were mean? Now our two sons are 24 AS and 21 bipolar. Raising them has been harrowing because their father, who really does love them, refused to participate in their diagnoses or treatment. If something was wrong with them it was a failure on my part to parent them correctly. And anyway, if I was right about them.

Affective Deprivation Disorder and Alexithymia in Marriage

I begged him for years to get help or go with me to do so, but he refused. But it was too little too late. Ironically his therapist told him he lacked empathy and he made me invisible in our marriage. Which he came home and dutifully reported, but he lacked the ability to do anything meaningful with that information. I get that now, but it was pretty weird at the time. The day he moved out he said three things to me: But HE did sleep with a good friend of mine while we were in marriage counseling.

Sometimes I wonder if I had understood more about him, would we have stood a chance? I needed a partner. At the very least, I think the information would have made it possible for me to stop beating myself up for not making our marriage work. Because, after all, we NT spouses are the project managers of our marriages.

It was my job to solve our marriage problem. I have spent most of my adult life trying to keep my head while those around me are losing theirs add my sons to the list now. I compare it to carrying a heavy rock everywhere I go. When I was married and the boys were such a worry, I wanted my husband to help me carry it.

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So I go through life carrying this rock. Reading all of this made the rock seem a little lighter. Boy, did this hit home for me. I could have written this. Your husband and my soon-to-be ex husband are cut from the same cloth. I am amazed at how similar the stories are, and it just drives home the point that we need to tell our stories. What you said about fearing disbelief from others really resonates with me. That was something I felt very recently. What you enduring during your pregnancies and the lack of support.

I so want to see people struggling with this coming forward into the light for support, but this will drain a person of life and bring illness in its wake. It would get a whole lot lighter with other people there to share the burden. I firmly believe that this is how it is supposed to be. We were never meant to walk alone. Thanks so much for your honesty and willingness to speak up.

I am hoping that it encourages and validates others. It certainly encouraged and validated me. Shalom to you, MJ. Thank you SO much for putting all of this out there!!! Now where do we go for support? You have asked the magic question. Where do we go for support. A reader asked me to start a Facebook page so that others could start a dialogue there. I actually did do that. This is a hard one to answer. I ended my marriage about a year ago, and healing from almost 20 years of this has not been easy. There are therapists who have never heard of any of this which shocks the hell out of me.

I guess I will keep posting resources. And let people know that the FB is open for online discussion. Connecting people together who can start supporting each other is really important. Knowing that you are not alone. And connecting with others. May I ask the name of the FB group? For now I know I just need to take care of me and take care of my kids.

One day at a time! And connecting with others in similar situations would help too! I completely understand the fear of being vulnerable again. With an empathetic and kind partner, so much is possible. Thank you Shalom for your lovely response and your hug believe me I felt it and I need as many as I can get!

I just thought his behaviour was a male thing for most of the early years. Then came along our first child who is now However he is a good father just not on an emotional level. Along came our second child 6 years later and by this stage our relationship was far from normal. I was working, pregnant and just not getting any emotional support, zero. Two days before our daughter was born I was advised of complete rest due to an unstable pelvis. This led me to tears of complete disbelief. This was really the start of the realisation that this was not normal. A few years later I ended up breaking my ankle and really needing support.

It was during this time that I was sent to the depths of despair by his total lack of empathy. My son 9 at the time showed me more caring and empathy than his father could. He refused to take time off from work to look after me when I was upset he would just leave he just had no idea how to deal with the situation. During this time I ended up very ill and was then subsequently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I sometimes wonder what caused the rheumatoid the accident or my emotional state from the complete lack of empathy from my husband which I may add at the time was soul destroying.

Last year enough was enough I said to Hubbie that I felt he may have Aspergers and to see a physcologist. I said I would leave if he chose not to as I could take no more. We were told that in physiological terms they call this Alexymthia. This word stuck in my head and left his within a second. I have googled the hell out of this word desperately trying to comprehend and or understand maybe more about me and my sanity than his diagnoses.

Thank god I persevered as finding this site was finding my prescription! We were told that his was a learnt behaviour due to parents that did not express their emotions or have their children explore their emotions when they were young. His sister who is 60 was interviewed as part of the assessment. She explained to me that she could only ever remember their mother saying she loved her twice and that she has struggled also In relationships. Conversations about our future our dreams, plans and so much more. As long as I have the strength to continue to start the conversation create the plans give the cuddles we may make it…….

Your situation is familiar to me. It seems that there is a pattern of behavior where there is alexithymia. Alexithymia seems to be a symptom of a much larger problem because it sounds like there is impaired empathy present. This is the same here. Your grief is healthy. And you have such great insight into yourself and your own process. It all just feels like pain. But, that is what is going to save you.

Have you been able to take care of yourself at all? See a therapist for yourself? Yes albeit only a couple of sessions with a counsellor. These sessions focused solely on me and controlling my emotions which is extremely difficult. We have been advised that Hubbie should have individual sessions to help develop more effective communication skills his had a couple so far. We should then continue with marriage counselling to work on our relationship together.

Then if I can fit in some sessions alone for me would be most beneficial. A recent post mentioned how old they feel even though they are relatively young. This is how I feel. Today is a new day only I have the emotional power to make it a good one. Some days this is tough really tough. Thank you Shalom I will continue to read your posts and really encourage others to share. It took me a long time to post my feelings I am so glad I did. Emotion is a feeling just is support and your comments and those of others have given me a comfort of not being alone.

Your a beautiful plant that gets a sprinkling of water every so often but is that enough. I just need to keep topping up the water can. This is not an easy journey. I am glad that you are seeing a therapist even if only a few times. It is so easy to become so focused on the other that we forget who we are. That we were once people, too, before we met them.

We have dreams, hopes, and the ability to make plans for a future that has the potential to bring us joy even if our feelings tell us otherwise. We can build a life for ourselves outside of our marriages that is rewarding and fulfilling. That is what I did, and that is what helped wake me up to myself. How is it that our ex husbands are unable to understand our emotions, but seem to have no trouble doing so out in the world?

Mine would come home from work and tell me all about everyone in his office. And we lived together! I could have told you what they ate for lunch, where they were going on vacation, who was having marital difficulties. My husband NEVER once asked my how my day was when he walked in the door including when I had a full-time job out of the house.

I finally told him that as long as the appropriate amount of money was deposited in our joint account every two weeks, I could be walking the streets to earn my paycheck. He had no idea who I worked with, what I worked on, or who I worked for. One night I came home very distraught after a difficult day and I tried to talk it out. He fell asleep sitting in the chair across from me. Talk about soul crushing. I always found this very confusing and it just seemed to prove how little he cared about me.

The world revolved around him. I should do a post on this. This is the case with my husband, and, in fact, one of the reasons I held on for so long. My therapist and I went round and round on this. My husband is not autistic, and the tell was this. In an ASD, lack of skills are generalized.

My husband is a secret schizoid with a comorbid anxiety disorder. The alexathymia fits well here. Looking at it from this angle, it comes down to skills learned. Where are the investment of skills? So, all of the energy is put forth into an investment of a persona which is high functioning, skilled, and perceptive. This is the Nice Guy persona. At home, there is no need for a persona.

The lack of interpersonal skills is evident. The utter cluelessness, entitlement, and dysfunction is also evident. This is often what a secret schizoid personality looks like. He loves a solitary existence and it has been 30 years, yes, THIRTY YEARS of trying to interact with him and dealing with; Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities Does not desire or enjoy close relationships, including family Appears aloof and detached Avoids social activities that involve significant contact with other people Almost always chooses solitary activities Little or no interest in sexual experiences with another person Lacks close relationships other than with immediate relatives Indifferent to praise or criticism Shows emotional coldness, detachment or flattened affect Exhibits little observable change in mood ALL of these are exact descriptions of him, with the exception of indifference towards praise.

He does seem to respond to that. Thank you so much for your serendipitous brilliance! Ooooh, yes, I see. They are the same across the social situations. That is a distinction. From one woman to another, there is a sea of life, adventure, and opportunity out there waiting for you. The waters are choppy at times and you might get sea sick, but there is nothing like the fragrance of the fresh sea air and the ocean breeze of hope blowing through your hair. Alexithymia and the Secret Schizoid Out of the Mire. I relate to all of this with my husband of 40 years.

There is Asperger Syndrome in his family. I suspect one of my sons may be Asperger but he is very intelligent especially at Maths. My 5 year-old grandson is also super intelligent. Twenty years ago I found out my husband had been having an affair. I was devastated with the cruel things he said to me at the time. Could not understand that this would upset me. When I try to talk to him about my feelings about it, he gets angry and goes and sleeps in another room.

He has got violent too. I have a very serious chronic illness and suffer depression. Life is getting harder and harder. I am too sick to work and no longer drive. Thank you for sharing your story here. I am very sorry for what you have been through and what you continue to endure. You will find other women here who can empathize with you and, hopefully, comment and offer you validation. I know from experience how hard it is to live within the parameters of these circumstances and a resultant physical illness.

My thoughts are with you. This sounds a lot like my ex. Living with him became progressively more and more unbearable; still he would never communicate with me. He was humorless and always was occupied, not at making money, but at projects like taking his VW buses apart, cleaning every tiny part with a toothbrush and then reassembling the whole thing.

He spent every waking moment on this kind of stuff. He never never communicated anything resembling a feeling. He was very passive aggressive, also abusive in many ways, always punishing me and the kids for imagined minor infractions. He deliberately kept us in the poorhouse, although he has many talents and abilities, he basically refused to work or to give anything whatsoever to me or the kids.

He took up all the space to himself in the house, the garage, in the yard. My daughter and I had to park our cars elsewhere since his collection of vehicles took up our 4 parking spaces. I could go on infinitely about his refusal to give anything to any of us, even down to a smile or a hello. For the last 7 years, I believed I was dying, finally I had to run away from my own home and my own children to save my own life and my sanity.

While he sat in his chair on his computer for 7 years, never lifting a finger, I had to come every day to the house to do all the work and take care of everything for all of us. I have been struggling with not enough money the entire time. Yet, as you said, the outside world perceives him as normal. The stories are strikingly similar. You do not deserve that.

I hope that you are in a better place now. Best to you, Lili. Thank you for your kind words MJ. I am rereading this blog and I just noticed your response to me and it brings tears. Yes you are right, no one deserves being stuck in a marriage or in a family home with a person who brings nothing but misery. Sometimes I used to think he represented all the misery in the world: For now, I plan to stay out of relationships, try to find myself, try to move forward with work and self-sufficiency. One point I might make is that I think both my mother and my father may have had this emotional problem that you describe.

My mother, to this day, and she is now 83, is always positive. She is much better now, but in the past, it felt like she was unable to be there for me. Especially since I suffered from depression and trouble pretending to be positive. I think my dad was narcissistic and abusive…. My 3 oldest kids are basically grown and doing well. My 4th is16 and lives with me. Do you know that?!! How do you find it moving forward? Do you find it exciting, or is it difficult? Or a bit of both? But, I like it. The hope is such a welcome change. Thank you for your compliments.

Relationships are not easy. The good ones are so worthwhile. I really love being in relationships. But, even the great ones require a lot of us. The first was abusive and the 2nd was emotionally absent. But I was madly in love with each one, which was exciting and fun. Recently I broke up with 2 since all along I was in torment. He is always positive like my mother. Are we still friends? I realized I needed time and space to heal from all of these relationships which date all the way back to the abusive boyfriend I lived with when I was in college and only Yes I have many passions. I love to write and can spot great writers.

I am a thinker who reads philosophy. My favorite philosophers are all French: I love to walk, jog, bike. I love making love. I love flowers and trees. Do you have passions? Probably while i was still with x passions were suppressed. Thank you for giving me hope. I have felt so little preference for anything other than making sure everyone else is ok.

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I hope in the future I will find some passions. Oh, this I completely understand. Being so other-focused that the idea of even thinking about yourself is utterly foreign. If you can find one thing to do that pleases you, then do that. No matter how small. A nice smelling soap in the shower. A hot cup of something that you love. A certain meal that you have always liked. Or, something very personal maybe? A nice pair of underwear that only you know you are wearing but that makes you smile. Starting small is very meaningful AND it is sustainable.

Plus, once you have built the habit of doing something small for yourself with just one thing, you will find that you like it. This is what I did. I found it much easier to add to it from there. Hindenburg's march into London , being a translation from the German original trans. Louis G Redmond-Howard, The vulgarities of speech corrected: One of many 19th century "me-too" prescriptivist grammar guides - but the social subtext of anxieties about grammar that led to prescriptivism is blatant in this one. Upper limb disorders in musicians. And Assessing the Instrumentalist Interface: Modifications, Ergonomics and Maintenance of Play is scary too.

Poetical letters tu es brither Jana , and A witch story, tha old humman way tha urd cloke, ur tha evil eye, in the Devonshire dialect, by Nathan Hogg [pseud. Hathi Trust page for Henry Baird's book. Interesting, but I'm not sure what to make of it. Its general thrust is that you have some cognitive disorder if for instance you don't see metaphorical meaning in Walt Whitman's line "Shut not your doors to me, proud libraries".. The Dennis Wheatley Project: