The Faith of the Pastors Wife: Surviving in ministry yet remaining in love with God and His people
What do I love to do?
When given a list of activities to accomplish, what do I gravitate toward first? What do I love to do any time for a long period of time? List your ministry-related experiences and ask: What activity was the most fulfilling? Most likely, some activities will be more inherently comfortable and rewarding than others.
In these areas others may admire you and, yet, you do not feel as if you are doing anything difficult or particularly special. You succeed in these areas because God has given you gifts and character traits to fulfill His purpose in your life. There are various tools to help people discover their strengths. Clifton, is a user-friendly tool accessible on the Web. These kinds of assessments often confirm what one already knows but may have been reluctant to admit. In the end, what one learns from using these tools can be empowering and motivating.
The pastor plays a big role in supporting his wife in whatever role she chooses to take in the Body. If the pastor publicly supports his wife in using her gifts, his support will go a long way in encouraging congregational support as well. He can do this in many ways. He can refer to her contributions in ministry in a positive way from the pulpit.
He can express his admiration of her strengths. When she is functioning in her gifts, he can be present in a positive, supportive way. He can refer to her in positive ways in social settings. For example, if she is known to evangelize neighbors by helping them in distress, the pastor can refer to a specific event in an admiring way: She is so good at breaking through those barriers. This is an area of potential conflict in a marriage relationship.
What if a pastor expects his wife to entertain frequently, but she cringes at the thought of cooking a meal? Christine did have a degree in early childhood education, but she also had two toddlers and an ailing parent she was helping care for. Her resistance seemed to fall on deaf ears. Her husband believed she was the logical person to step into the void. It is best to approach this kind of conflict as one would approach any other conflict in a marriage. A ministry wife must also deal with her own tendency to take too much responsibility for unmet needs in the church.
She must make peace with her limitations. Christine should firmly, but calmly, state why she does not feel she can fulfill this role at this time. She may negotiate a lesser role she can take. She might suggest other options her husband could consider to fill the void. Something needs to be done about the larger issue.
Marital difficulty is a destructive element in ministry. When a ministry marriage breaks up, the ripple effect is astounding. These women have made a personal choice to pursue a career they feel passion for and are more likely to report positive feelings and a sense of well-being. Others must work because of financial concerns. Women in this group are more likely to struggle with the demands on their time and the frustration of unmet expectations. They may grow discouraged by their sheer lack of ability to address the many needs around them.
They may also feel disconnected from other women who do not work and have more time to socialize. She must keep in mind time is fixed and finite. Taking on the world requires more than she is capable of. She must turn her attention to things she is equipped to handle. The rest she needs to give to the loving Savior who can be trusted with the concerns of the world. Essentially, it is necessary to give up control and let some things be undone, and trust God to fill the void in His time.
For those who like to control things, this is a challenge Job Family should come before the church, personal satisfaction, and finances. Placing them first means monitoring three specific areas of family life in relation to the job: Availability means being emotionally and physically accessible to the family. Stress level refers to the extra internal pressure and anxiety the job brings.
Family functioning refers to the overall health and well-being of the family and its members. Do I feel connected and available to the individual members of my family? Do I know what is going on in the lives of my children? How much stress does this job add to my overall sense of well-being? How is my family doing? How are the individual members of my family functioning?
Family meetings help bind a family together and bring a shared sense of responsibility. In any case, those who juggle various hats must be diligent about personal stewardship. Stewardship extends beyond financial responsibilities. It includes taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally. In other words, wives should take care of their bodies and their minds. Healthy self-care and rest are important requirements of stamina and resilience. Allison was becoming increasingly disillusioned about the ministry. A series of church-related problems had taken their toll.
She dreaded Sundays because she felt unsafe and vulnerable at church. She dreaded church social events. She felt as though she was pretending while underneath wanting to run screaming from the room. The congregation became the enemy that threatened her well-being, her mood, and her stability. She felt more and more comfortable in her own home, concentrating on the needs of her family and avoiding the neediness of the people in the congregation.
She fantasized about leaving the church and about changing occupations.
- Learn to Preach Like Jesus!?
- Enrichment Journal - Enriching and Equipping Spirit-filled Ministers.
- 20 Confessions of a Minister's Wife | HuffPost?
- Ransomed: Loving Yourself From The Inside Out Study Guide.
Knowing this was unlikely to happen, she felt stuck and frustrated. The stress and challenge of church life can take its toll and lead to discouragement. Stress and depression become inevitable partners. Inevitably, reality hits somewhere along the way: Stress takes its toll, and sometimes depression is a result. Depression is a recognizable ailment. It includes symptoms such as sadness, lethargy, lack of motivation, forgetfulness, sleep issues, and isolation. It can be treated. More and more resources are becoming available to help Christian leaders deal with emotional and challenging situations.
Reaching out for help becomes the first step in the healing process. In many cases professional Christian counseling is available. When it is unavailable, a caring confidant or mentor can be an invaluable resource.
In the middle of prolonged pain, people desire relief. Number of times I peed my pants thinking they were people: We didn't meet in college or in seminary.
Pastors' Wives Just Between Us
We met through mutual friends at a dive bar with fantastic pizza. A year later, we were married and I was sitting in a pew, staring at a hymnal, thinking, Dear God, they sing every verse to every song. And, I don't think I can leave after communion. A photo of us in our early dating days.
Loving (Almost) Every Second of Life as a Pastor’s Wife
As I categorize myself as a novice preacher's wife 10 years in , I am still learning, growing and navigating my way through this very unique role. I still really don't know what I am doing and just strive to be my authentic self. However, there are a few things that I have gleaned along the way that are worth sharing.
People flip out a bit when they meet me.
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People are in a state of disbelief when they find out I am a pastor's wife. They are either surprised, flustered or think it's "cool. Individuals get awkwardly nervous if they used profanity, mentioned Jesus or said they drank beer. They are also taken aback when I say "shit. I like to use nicknames when describing churchy stuff.
I came up with little monikers and nicknames for special holy days, meetings or sacraments. No, I don't like to sing. Congregants automatically think I love to sing. I sound like an animal dying when I sing.
You don't want me in the choir. Church members think I know everything about everyone.
I truly don't know all the dirt on Bob, the Watsons or the organist. Confidentiality and privacy are pretty important to me. Church luncheons are not just cold cuts and community. So far, ham balls and chicken pies are on an equal playing field with caviar and truffles. Some Sundays, I prefer my bed and PJs to a pew and bible. People expect me to be at church every Sunday. We go most Sundays, but there are times when the kids and I can't seem to get it together and get out the door in time. Who am I on Sunday morning? Every seven days, I go to my husband's place of employment and literally watch him work.
This unique dynamic is hardly inimitable. Obviously her husband has a calling, but what is hers? How can she get involved when she is home raising the children while her husband is with the people all day and most evenings? We are standing alongside you, and have heard you and the thousands in your boat. Our articles are written with you in mind. Sometimes we listen in confidence, then write an article on that topic, because we know for every one person who shares, there are double the women who struggle silently.
We listen, we encourage, we pray for you. Please browse our articles and contact us if you need support or have ideas. Coping strategies for when unemployment in ministry hits home. Remember, God loves you for just being who you are, not for what you do! As significant as ministries seem to be, the most important ministry is that of praying for your husband. Jill Briscoe has spent her life being a friend to women around the world and drawing them nearer to Jesus.