Hit those bullies

Republish our articles for free, online or in print, under Creative Commons licence. If your child is being pushed around at school would you expect them to take the hit and seek support later, or fight back? Most teachers agree that students should not hit back.

And for good reason. Hitting back may lead to an escalation in violence and can result in serious injury or fatalities. Schools and teachers have a duty of care to keep all students safe; they cannot condone hitting back because of the risk of students being hurt. Although most students agree that initiating violence is not acceptable , many recommend hitting back as a strategy to deter aggression and bullying. It is not uncommon for parents also to recommend hitting back. Even teachers , when parenting their own children, sometimes advise their children to do this. Apart from retaliation, hitting back includes elements of self-defence , which in Western society is generally accepted as legitimate.

But proving the act was in self-defence can be challenging. School policies and actions do not necessarily distinguish between initial aggression and hitting back in response to aggression. So students could well receive consequences such as suspension for hitting back, even if acting in self-defence. Research shows that boys are more likely to be both the victims and instigators of aggression. Like students, parents who recommend hitting back often justify it as a deterrent to further aggression:.

As a teacher, I have to look out for everyone. Provocative victims are at even greater risk of ongoing bullying than passive victims because their actions keep the conflict going. They get caught in an ongoing cycle of revenge.

Portrait of a Bully

In many ways passive and provocative victims are at opposite extremes. However, they do have one crucial thing in common: This inability to control strong emotions is the single most important factor for determining ongoing victimisation. Another factor also influences whether hitting back will encourage or discourage further aggression. And that is how competently and confidently the child fights back if they do go down this path. Nothing has to be worked out, because the bully always gets his way.

Aggression can either take the forms of violence or emotional abuse. Ask yourself this question: How many passive bullies do you know? They usually control others through verbal abuse and insults and by making people feel small. Bullying itself can come from a variety of sources. One source, as I mentioned, is bullying at home—maybe there are older siblings, extended family members or parents who use aggression or intimidation to get their way.

As children go through their developmental stages, they should be finding ways of working problems out and getting along with other people. This includes learning how to read social situations , make friends, and understand their social environment. Bullies use aggression, and some use violence and verbal abuse, to supplant those skills. So by the time that child reaches ten, bullying is pretty ingrained—it has become their natural response to any situation where they feel socially awkward, insecure, frightened, bored or embarrassed.

What to do if your child is being bullied at school - The Globe and Mail

Here is what an aggressive bully often looks like: He does this by putting somebody else down verbally or physically. A child who bullies might also throw or break things in order to feel better and more powerful about himself. The reality is that many adolescents in high school today are very abusive to each other. There are peer groups that will attack other kids verbally and emotionally, similar to a gang mentality.

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When these kids start calling other students rude names and questioning their sexuality, it is all done to dominate and bully them. And the threat of violence is always behind it. This trend in high school is prevalent today, and I think very destructive. In my opinion, parents and school administrators who ignore the way kids abuse each other in high school are kidding themselves.

This behavior is hurtful and harmful, and there needs to be a lot more accountability. Make no bones about it, bullying is traumatizing for kids who are the targets.

In fact, I think children should be taught about bullying throughout grade school. They need to learn what it means, how to resolve it, and how to deal with a bully. Kids should also be learning how to handle their impulses and control themselves when they want to hit, hurt or intimidate others. I think from a very early age, you have to teach your child what a bully is.

You can tell them the following or even post these words in your house somewhere:. Treating someone with respect means not calling them names, threatening them, or hitting them. I really think children need to have the concept of bullying explained to them numerous times. That way, when any kind of bullying is going on, they can identify it and stop the behavior, both in themselves and others. I think the most important thing for every family is to have a Culture of Accountability in your home. This means your child is accountable to you: Let me say it again: Having just one loyal friend cuts the risk of long-term consequences from bullying by 50 per cent, Volk said.

A good friend can be hard to come by, especially if a child has had a falling-out with a peer group or moved to a new school. Parents can encourage children to seek out new social relationships through extracurricular activities such as sports, theatre and arts groups, Swearer said. She recommends that parents listen to their child, without letting their own emotions run high, and calmly ask about the facts.

Children tend to tell only partial truths, especially in cases when they were the instigator, she pointed out. Conversations about bullying are often easier among parents who have known each other for some time, Swearer said. Since bullying tends to escalate away from adult eyes, it may help to ask teachers and schoolyard monitors to keep an eye out for your child during lunch hour and recess.

Some schools provide lunch-hour groups where vulnerable children can eat with others. Many school districts have adopted programs that address the broader bullying dynamic. One intervention, called KiVa, uses role-playing exercises, classroom lessons and a virtual-reality video game aimed at teaching bystanders to intervene in bullying.

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In a recent study conducted by Juvonen, Finnish kids involved in this program felt better about their schools and themselves, compared with children in schools without the KiVa program. This approach focuses on teaching kids how to manage their emotions, achieve positive goals, feel empathy for others and maintain positive relationships, which are helpful skills for all children. Teachers and parents can check out the SEL resource finder at selresources.

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Understanding Bullying Among Children -Why Do Kids Bully?

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