50 Ways to Slowly Kill Your Marriage

He loves to control all the money. Sometimes I have to think what will happen if I work again. Everything will be back to old days. He will be released from financial stress and he will start his office-home life and ignore me as usual. I don't feel any happiness in this marriage, only responsibilities. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It must be very difficult. Perhaps you could gently suggest to your wife that she try to see things differently.

Make sure you are meeting her needs for emotional connection, and let her know that what happened to her friend is happening to the two of you. Maybe that could help. This is very true. I have just watched my wifes friend destroy her second marriage. From fhe outside all looked well.

Inside my wife was telling me they no longer had sex as she did t want it anymore and thought life would be ok without it. They had it once in last six months. He turned round one day and just said there was no spark anymore and left. Shocking as now she is out meeting other men. Now after having a baby girl, my wife has completely gone off sex. Our girl is now six months and only last night she said all we need is cuddles and kisses that dont need to go any further. I try to tell her, that is just foreplay to me.

Which keeps me getting shut off and feeling frustrated. Im naturally looking at other women and using porn. I wouldnt cheat but self gratification is not enough. Im hoping she will get her libido back like she used to have before pregnant. I know she loves me loads and isnt going anywhere else. I suppose ill give her time and im lucky i can see through it. I think there must be as many men as women cheating, because it takes two to tango.

Women aren't cheating in a vacuum. And both men and women do things that harm relationships. Well with so many women cheating nowadays, this doesn't surprise me one bit. I think that being in a relationship takes commitment from both people. With that in mind, I wrote two articles. One details common mistakes that women make, the other talks about common mistakes men make. That's not to say the other person isn't doing stuff wrong, but the intention is to help people become aware of how they may be contributing to the problems in their own life.

What a bunch of garbage, why is the focus solely on what the wife may be doing wrong? Perhaps she's adapted to these behaviors because the husband is a lazy,clueless, self -can centered ass?? I appreciate your input. Yes, women talk nearly three times more than men, and it can be used for good or evil! I am glad you found the information useful. You may use the information in a Power Point, please be sure to attribute the information to me, Deborah Demander.

I am dating and life coach and I learned a ton of new things from this article. Women speak an average of 20, words to a man's 7,? That means she has 3 times the chances to use hurtful words. But she also has triple the words to use towards making him feel good about himself and the relationship. Great article to reference! I would like to use this material in a PowerPoint presentation, May I please have your permission to do so? I would this material in PowerPoint presentation, Can I please have your permission to do so?

Robert Jones, Many people would agree with you. It's not worth the grief and aggravation to deal with marriage. However, this article, and other ones I write similar to this one, are in hopes of helping people create a better experience. Wow it is if you are living in my house and know my wife better then I do.

This is really an eye opener for both married people and should be read by both. I am 72 and from the beginning of our marriage all that you mentioned was happening to me. Now I know why my wife react this way, her father was an alcoholic and a very demanding person. This was the cause that he was sometimes out off work and things went very wrong in their house. You can just imagine what it must have been to grew up in a house like that.

Know I can understand why my wife re-act like this. We are surely going to work on what you wrote, its never to late to change things in your marriage. Thank you may God bless you and your family. I'm hurting on the inside and I want to the man I was caring for my family again like when I was younger I have never set eyes on like you because you are special one feels the reality life of marriage family size happiness and sadness.

It's hard to blend families, especially when you don't first come to an agreement on discipline and expectations for the adults and the kids involved. It's never too late to sit down and talk about how you'd like to see things happen. And if you don't tell her how you feel, she'll never know. All of the above and she has turned our two sons against me. It should not have come as a surprise to me because her four sisters have done exactly the same, two of them are divorced, another one is about to be divorced and the youngest one left her husband and their daughters to run off with a guy..

In any given situation, you can only control yourself. You can't change or control your partner. Have you tried talking with your wife? Tell her how you feel and how your children are affected. Beyond that, you can't do much but maintain your own inner peace, and help your children find a stable life. If you or your children are in danger, perhaps you should reevaluate your relationship.

Hi, what if a wife has 9 out of 10 of these bad habits. Unfortunately, I don't know what you should do. You can only control your own behavior. What do you really want in your life? Focus on being the person that you are called to be. John, thank you for that well thought out comment.

I appreciate you taking the time to write. I agree that marriage takes sacrifice, and it's not always easy. Far too many people jump out when things get a little difficult, rather than work through the problems and discover a much deeper and fulfilling relationship. I also agree that a life of unconditional love creates deep beauty and meaning. It requires great self-sacrifice, which most people are not willing to endure. Sorry to hear of your predicament. It is possible to stay in an unhappy marriage. I did it for nearly 20 years. If you choose to stay, you can only control your own behavior.

Offer love, kindness and forgiveness to your wife and to yourself. Show up as the best version of yourself, for your child and for yourself. Your marriage will benefit if you bring your A-game, in spite of your partner's behavior. Can you qualify your last item, with the reality that everybody has their own weaknesses.

Without this, this last item becomes THE escape and the excuse. In some situations, an escape is necessary, because you did marry the wrong person. If anybody wants the first outcome, they have to risk the possibility of the second outcome. BUT, too often, when outcome two becomes a reality, people tough it out sometimes for years, and then can't take it any longer and quit.

If entertained, it can become consuming. And once they allow it to become consuming, the damn will eventually break. Possibly into a divorce. Same as above, if they allow it to consume them, the damn will eventually break. This is the one justifiable reason for divorce, but it is still exemplary if somebody is able to tough it out by focusing on the true innate good in the other person.

And two people talking specifically how to react to "said abuse" might as well be from two different planets. I know those who were clearly in category 1 above, with the dream husband, who will rewrite their relationship with that husband as abusive. Nobody is perfect; but labeling common imperfections as abuse, is an insult to those who really do undergo abuse. In my 41 years, the evidence of what I have seen is mounting for the conclusion that: This need to cope with a crappy situation by changing your perception, means getting the truth is essentially impossible.

But when I look at a couple that stayed together for 50 years, and can still smile at each other and show concern and respect for each other. Here the truth is obvious, and extremely beautiful. However it is humbling, because it is beautiful in a way that the world doesn't really value. It means swallowing pride. It means possibly choosing to live for decades with unmet, or under-met needs. It means forgetting yourself to an extent that may feel extremely miserable for a time.

It means pushing through without looking back at regrets. It has to mean all of these truths for one or both in the relationship. We are all imperfect, so it can't be any other way. One of the big divides in peoples' opinions are regarding those relationships that clearly show one person who has sacrificed and forgiven more for decades on end.

The person in the relationship that is "the glue. Those in the other camp which would be me would look at that "better" person and say, WOW! And their reward will be equal to the incredible beauty they built through their trial. But I am okay with that. Thank you for this well written article. I really wish all women read this and understood the men in their live. Thank you for taking the time to read the article to to leave such a well reasoned and thought out response.

My deepest respect to you. Sorry to hear of your rough experience. Maybe you could let her know how you really feel. Why drag it out any longer? I have been married 5 years and cannot wait to be divorced. My wife is more ungrateful than any employer I have ever had. She is an expert at making a bad situation worse. Breely, I couldn't agree with you more. No woman should be a doormat to an abusive man. When a woman gives and gives, and a man takes and takes, then there is a disconnect in the relationship.

If a woman is in an abusive marriage, she should get out. Much easier said than done, however.

• The Last Christmas Tree: An Idyl Of Immortality;
• The Death of Me (Death Series Book 1).
• Interview mit einem Traummann (Baccara) (German Edition).
• MORE IN Divorce!

It took me nearly 20 years to leave my abusive husband. We each need to do our own part.

1. MORE IN LIFE.
2. Murder Will Out (Bello)?
3. Ten Ways to Ruin A Relationship | Goop!
4. How Women Hurt Their Husbands.
5. Related Stories.

In a healthy relationship, both parties are constantly evaluating their own contribution to the partnership. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on the article. Not to say I'm perfect by no means, but I did give it my all and think it's totally unfair to give in to your husband's needs when he disrespects yours. No woman should be a door mat to any man who is abusing her. I'm sick of women being blamed just because a man won't keep his eyes in his head, his hands to himself, and his penis in his pants. Why should a loyal, faithful, woman bow down to a cheater?

If she communicates and he doesn't what can she do? If she gives and he takes, what does she do? If she works hard on her relationship and he doesn't what does she do? If she gives unconditional love and he neglects her, what does she do? The abuse has to come to an end and when he chooses to cheat that's his choice and she should not be blamed for his actions. All of the ten things in this article should be analyzed personally and resolved. You did all you can do. It's time you do all you can do for you. With some attention and care, people could save their relationships.

Unfortunately, a successful marriage takes two committed partners. One person can't always do everything. But we can each do our own part. Well thought out and written article that certainly conveys the reality of how a marriage can be easily destroyed. I believe that the more a person explores information on how to protect their marriages from falling apart, a whole lot of marriages could be saved.

I appreciate your comment. If your argument is true, then a man shouldn't have to talk when he's not in the mood. Conversation is not just there for a woman's pleasure. As a couple, we sometimes make sacrifices for the better of the relationship. Women sometimes have sex to please their husband. Men sometimes have conversation to please their wife. Marriage is a two-way street. A woman should not have sex when she is not in the mood. If a guy needs physical release, then maybe he should take care of it himself. Sex is not just there for a guy's pleasure. I am at the tail end of a 15 year marriage.

The last few years have been pretty difficult because she just stopped being affectionate. Sex was just part of it. I could go on and on. It was a difficult time also because of mounting financial pressure and running a start up. I tried so many different things to become better but got cut no slack. Even marriage counseling didn't help.

Soon I ran out of gas and became suicidal. Eventually, after therapy and getting better control on my mental health, I recently told her I'm moving out. Affection, affirmation, acknoweldgement, and acceptance. I died slowly from lack of these. Deeply saddened by how things have turned out but also deeply relieved. CJ, Thanks for taking the time to read the article, and to articulate a well thought out comment. I appreciate your time and insight. We are all better partners when we try to remember that no one is perfect, and everyone has some bad days.

And I like your approach to educating yourself. Something we should do throughout our lives. I've been married to my wife for 11 years now and we have 3 gorgeous daughters. I find the truth is the underlyning theme of the article. Control what you can control and take a positive approach initially in any situation.

Pointing fingers at each other earlier in our marriage was a result of inexperience and youthful nonsense. As we have have bother move on from this we have discovered that you have good days and bad days. Learning to control your emotions in the heat of the moment, and looking at both point of views takes patients.

Just like anything else repetitive in your life you will get better. My only addition is a bit of an old cliche. To the women who have taken the time to read the 10 things I applaud you. Guys, don't just read this article and shy step away from the 10 things we could improve on. I'm 40 years old and have found peace and happiness through educating myself on well thought out books and article such as this one. Look in the mirror it may speak volumes of truth! Remember, this is t a game this is your life partner, mother to your children, and beautiful lady who choose to spend her life with you!

If the goal is to win the argument always then soon you will have nobody else to beat but yourself. These of course are my feeling, words, and life lessons that have applied to my situation. We all have different things to share so please take it for what it's worth. Well with most women sleeping around all the time with different men which will be the main reason. She probably won't change until she decides to -. That sums it up. Competitiveness is fine for the individual but screws up any co-operative relation.

LeuanD, thank you for taking the time to read this article and comment on it. It sounds like you are in a no win situation. I guess the best you can do is speak your truth with kindness and love. She probably won't change until she decides to, so you can make the situation bearable for you, whatever that looks like.

Wishing you the best. Thank you for that the article. It so accurately described my wife. I'd love to show it to her but I'm certain she would deny she behaves like that and turn it round to put more blame on me. She has the knack of twisting my actions and responses, no matter how positive or helpful I think they are, to being against her. It seems to be her way or the wrong way.

The worse is her absolutely certainty she is right when she clearly isn't. And even then I get blamed for either not asserting myself or not knowing she didn't know. Her answer to any suggestion is always no. She has a better idea, even if it turns out disastrously. When I challenge her about it, it becomes my fault for not understanding or listening. She has to be in charge and will take over. She can not behave participatively as that would mean she is not in charge.

The most important part of a relationship is good communication. It sounds like her attacks are mean, and coming from a place of anger, rather than constructive criticism. What is she so angry about? It sounds like you are unfairly criticized and attacked. Until you get to the root of her resentment, it is unlikely you will be able to do anything right. Remember, you can only control yourself and your own behavior.

Best of luck to you,. Don't really know how to talk to her about it either. She never cares about what I do, just focuses on what I don't do. I work full time while she stays at home with our 4 month old. I work, cook dinner, hold our daughter bc she is tired of holding her, clean off the dinner table, change the diapers, and help rock our daughter until she falls asleep.

My wife then will complain that the dishes aren't done, the house isn't clean, the grass is cut more than once a week if it's growing fast, etc. And that she couldn't do any of it bc she didn't feel like it or bc our daughter was fussy that day. Then if she wants to go out for a couple hours while i watch our daughter and comes home and i havent cleaned the house from head to toe then i am lazy and didnt do anything. She constantly tells me that I do nothing to help her around the house and tells her family the same. Thanks for your interesting and insightful comments.

It sounds like you have had some pretty rough experiences with women. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on the article. I wish you the best,. Peter, you ask an interesting question. Why don't women choose better partners? I don't think anyone is blaming the entire male population, and I do think it takes two people to make a relationship work.

Each person brings their own thoughts, perceptions and baggage into a relationship. The point of this article is to show women how to identify some of their biggest mistakes, and how to hopefully mitigate them so you don't ruin your relationship. This begs your original question. You actually asked why we don't teach women to choose more wisely. I'm not sure that's a skill that can be taught. I do think women need to realize that what they choose is what they get.

You can't marry someone and then try to change them into someone else. It's like getting a cat at the animal shelter, and then trying to teach it to fetch and sit and beg. It just won't happen. A cat is not a dog. Rather than get mad at the cat for not changing, one should pick a dog.

Pick what you want the first time around, and save everyone the trouble. Monica, It sounds like you've come upon a workable solution for you. With all this being said, I am happily single with not the slightest desire to marry, converse, fraternize, or anything with anyone.

No more marriage for me. I don't even care to date. Guess I'll buy a convertible and drive the rest of my life away!!!!! If women have this power then why can't we teach women to chose responsibly and carefully? Redman, Thanks so much for your poignant comments. It sounds as though you are in a very difficult and painful relationship. Sometimes, we have a responsibility to protect and take care of ourselves, especially when our partner becomes abusive.

I stayed for 15 years!!! I appreciate your points. Constantly comparing only causes frustration and unrealistic expectations. And sitting on the couch, totally unengaged, is a great way to destroy any relationship. Hopefully you could share it as a constructive tool to improve your relationship, rather than something that would just irritate your partner. Best wishes for you,. Not saying that men me are not guilty of contributing to some of these points, but wow, if you are looking for an awful marriage, these will do it for you.

I will add a couple more that probably fit within the points previously stated Never treat your spouse like just a paycheck. I could go on and on but the article really captures it. Just one more annoyance however immaterial. Don't camp on the coach - while you have 'the notebook' on for the 20th time, while you are surfing your ipad I have not decided to share this yet with my keeper Not only should you honor your husband and your marriage, but also your own health. If it works for you to wake up three hours after you go to bed, then do that. If that isn't working for you, then together you could explore some different solutions.

Perhaps you could have sex before you go to bed, or in the morning before heading to work. When you want to work things out, there is always a way to find a compromise that works for both of you. If my husband come to bed 3 hours after I went to bed, do I need to wake up to have sex with him? I want to honor him and our marriage, but I also want to get the sleep I need due to a medical condition. If only I could show this to my wife without her being royally pissed off and possibly threatening with divorce To quote "She does not see herself as sinful or wrong.

Mwate, I am so glad you found this article. The truth is that we are each in control of our own lives and our own happiness. Thank you for reading and commenting.

The Advice Marriage Therapists Give Couples Who've Fallen Out Of Love

Great article, i truely agree with After reading i quickly shared it with my husband because i realised that every little thing makes me upset and makes me unhappy for days. Thanks for helping me realize that i am my own happiness. The best suggestion I can offer is to first of all, speak your truth. Tell your husband the truth.

He may not like it, but if speak your truth with kindness and love, then you honor Who You Really Are, you honor your husband, and you honor your relationship. Is there something he can do differently to make sex more appealing to you? Is there a compromise you can reach? Work together to reach a manageable solution, without anger, blame or resentment. Finally, let go of the past. Today is a new day. There is nothing you can do to change the past. Forgive yourself and move forward. I am with a man who wants to have sex multiple times a week. He is 56 and I am Thank you for weighing in.

You are absolutely right. To enter into a successful relationship requires that we have addressed our own issues first. This means coming into things with healthy self esteem. Until we are ready to take care of ourselves, we can never expect our needs to be met my someone else. People can and do change. Change is the only certainty we have in life. Unfortunately, changing others to fit our own unrealistic expectations rarely, if ever, works.

People can and do change, but both parties have to be willing to change together and not expect that change should come from the other spouse! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment upon the article. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Having been in an abusive marriage for nearly twenty years, I can definitely understand what you are saying. An abuser will never accept their role in the demise of a relationship. An abuser will always blame and cast aspersions. You have a choice about your life.

If you are in an abusive relationship, then you can stay or you can go. It took me 19 years to get the courage to get out. If you choose to stay, realize that there will never be anything you can ever do to make him different. What if your husband puts you down, says hurtful things, expects sex, and then is angry when your not willing to oh and your crying? After reading this article I believe he thinks I withhold sex and "acts" unhappy to retaliate, but I truly am hurting emotionally.

I have poured my heart out and have done everything I can think of to get him to try to understand how I feel when he says the things he does. This article in my opinion is just what he needed to again put me down for not measuring up to what he wants and denies what he has done to me. Trying counseling and so far we can't get to the root of the verbal and emotional abuse and he says there is no abuse. In my case, the article undermines feelings that a woman could be having, it's not always as simple as her just being mad about something and then playing games of withholding sex and acting unhappy.

It is just a mirror. Only last point I may not agree that the character judgement of a man on the basis, whether he is watching porn or not. It happens many times, his partner dose not show willingness and he has to watch porn to calm down himself. TommyC, It sounds like you've had a bad experience and I'm sorry to hear that.

Hope things go better for you and your family. I can empathize with your frustration. The goal in any argument is to make sure nothing gets changed so you can revisit the subject and argue about it again and again. The two best ways to ensure a solution never arises in an argument is to either withdraw into a sulking pity party or escalate it into an opportunity for a dramatic door-slamming exit. Feel free to go off on tangents and dredge up past issues that have nothing to do with the matter at hand.

A kitchen-sink approach to arguing is the perfect way to bury your spouse in belligerence. Remember these quick tips: Never allow your spouse to finish a sentence. Cross-talk is kryptonite to real listening.



Sexual desire is one of the most powerful human urges that drive behavior. If you can manage to make your sex life truly awful, nature will do the rest in magnifying your marital misery exponentially.

Tips to Save Your Marriage

The easiest way to go from flirtation to friction is to screw up the sexual timing between you and your spouse: Always initiate sex at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong frequency, or in the wrong way. Any beginner can easily include one of these wrongs when approaching a spouse for sex, but misery masters use them all over the course of a relationship, creating lots of sexual frustration. Always want sex when your spouse is not interested or occupied with something else: Insist on having it on the living room floor thirty minutes before the kids are supposed to get home from school, or suggest sexual positions where you both can watch TV at the same time.

The bonus to screwing up the location, timing, and frequency of sex is that it adds a lot of rushed tension and stress to the moment, completely obliterating any possibility of intimacy occurring during your doomed interaction. To kill intimacy easily, always keep your attention on anything but each other during sex…if you actually get that far.

Other great ways to create a miserable marriage and sex life: Arouse your partner and then inexplicably lose interest in the heat of the moment—or never tell your partner what actions work for you sexually, then blame them for not being able to please you. Of course, this should only happen after years of faking orgasms, so sufficient frustration has built up between the two of you. Never miss an opportunity to use sex as a weapon and withhold it from your partner. Begin going to bed at a different time than your partner. Way to go, misery maker!

50 Ways To Kill Your Lover: Murder By Poison

Research shows that generally speaking, we tend to be drawn to potential partners that are similar to us except when it comes to money. Be creative and find ways to hide purchases from your partner. The impact will be much bigger when they get the credit card bill and it hits them all at once. Of course, though, hoarding your money and using none of it to actually enjoy your marriage goes a long way toward moving your relationship into the gray zone. Your children will be predisposed to choosing miserable marriage partners for themselves after subconsciously marinating in your resentment and bickering, day in and day out for the first two decades of their lives.

Even when you talk to each other, it should always be about the children. My spouse and I no longer serve any purpose outside our parental roles. When the kids are finally off creating their own relationship dramas in middle and high school, and there are no more diapers and croup to stress over, consider replacing the lost misery with an affair. The more intimate the relationship they have with this person, the better. Did someone say Best Friend? To recapture the spark, make an intentional effort to reach out and touch your spouse. Consider sex and intimate touch as a way to build love, said Melissa Fritchle , a family and couples therapist in Santa Cruz, California.

Many couples pull away from sex and physical affection when they are no longer feeling love, but working at rebuilding sexual touch and gestures of affection is a key piece to rebuilding love and intimacy again. Love is about the little things. To remind yourself of that, think back on small gestures that meant a lot to your spouse through the years, then reenact them, McFadden said.

When spouses feel safe being vulnerable with each other they are likely fall in love with each other again and again. News Politics Entertainment Communities.