TIQ SLOW: The Making of a Modern Day Chief

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TIQ: This is Qatar

We didn't do it because it was the next appropriate stage or because Tiq "had to make an honest woman out of me. We got married because we loved each other. But you did complain in your Ted Talk about your husband's balled-up socks and sports games on TV. When I noticed all the balled-up socks on the floor, I said, "Tiq, I'm not into gender roles. I don't feel like cleaning up after you. That's important for me as a woman. I don't want to fall into this existing trope of being the little wife who picks up after you.

Tiq is doing everything: We've noticed that straight men feel they can't do these things because it makes them feel like less of a person. On my end, there's an awful lot of learning about what it means to be supportive with a partner who is trans. The few times that I've not been present when he's going for his doctor's visits, I've recognized that it's really not okay. Mariana, in you wrote that gay marriage had produced a new "respectable" same-sex couple: If people love to get dressed in a white wedding gown and gentrify a house and it's what they would have done anyway regardless of gender?

The unfortunate effect is that a lot of people with social capital were really pushing for marriage as opposed to focusing on other issues like state censorship of sexually explicit material, sex work, stigma and harassment of trans people by police.

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Years earlier, all of those issues would have been on an equal level. Marriage has benefited a very particular part of the population. When same-sex marriage was legalized in the U. For a lot of queer and trans folks of colour, that isn't part of people's purview. I've never felt any kind of pressure. I know so many people in interesting triads, or there are two dads and two moms and another gender-queer person who is part of the family: There are all sorts of different relationships in this community.

I've never asked anyone, "When are you going to get married? After same-sex marriage came in, I had to over-explain my own position on marriage.

Love and coupledom in the LGBTQ community, 12 years after marriage equality - The Globe and Mail

When same-sex marriage was legalized in Ontario, there was a gay male couple who lived down the street from us. One day, they were telling our daughter who was maybe 5 or 6 that they were going to get married. They were so happy about this. We got home and our daughter said, "Why don't you two get married? Our daughter wasn't trying to normalize us — not consciously.

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She had seen pictures of weddings and she's a very girly girl who loves fancy dresses. Fancy dresses and parties: You get to reclaim the fantasy that you were fed as a child. You don't have a queer wedding without outfits producing a lot of conversation. Ellen wore a white outfit with a flowy white waistcoat and Portia wore a white wedding dress. At the same time, same-sex marriage has also inspired a lot of young people to queer their weddings.

There are gender-segregated traditions like bridal showers and stag nights that force people to take on gender roles they don't want. The phenomenon of having a stag and doe instead: Queer people can take credit for loosening up some of those norms. Instead of "maid of honour" or "best man," we now have "best person. Are there other nuptial traditions queer spouses are shaking up?



Kim, you did not get a diamond ring but you took your husband's name. For me, the choice to take Tiq's last name was a very intentional one.

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My last name, Crosby, was my grandfather's name. He was a sugar plantation owner in Tobago where my family was born. He raped my grandmother. Since I have feminist values, people wanted me to account for this decision. It's how sexism plays out: I know what I'm doing and when I make choices I understand why I'm making them.

Tiq Slo'w, the Making of a Modern Day Chief

Even if we split up, I've told Tiq I'm not giving up his last name. After , some quipped that queer couples could now unite and later split up just like straight people do: What I see is a great embarrassment to be divorced. I have lots of heterosexual friends who say, "Getting divorced was the best thing I ever did.

That guy was so useless. A friend of mine was very proud of the fact that she and her partner were the first lesbian couple to get registered at William Ashley.

Those of us who are more feminist and critical of the wedding industrial complex thought, "That's a big victory, that William Ashley takes lesbian couples? When she got divorced a few years later, nobody talked about it: My partner and I are worried about getting married for these very reasons. Marriage requires that you make people invest in the future of your relationship, which then makes spouses accountable to their community in a strange fiduciary way: The fight for gay marriage galvanized many. Same-sex marriage or queer marriage is by no means the be-all end-all of everything that LGBTQ communities have been fighting for.

It's important for us to prioritize the needs, rights and freedoms of people who are particularly vulnerable: These people have been at the forefront fighting for access for everyone but they've not enjoyed the same kinds of gains that gay and lesbian communities of a particular class have. We need to make sure these people can access health care and work and are not experiencing violence on a day-to-day basis or going to schools where they feel they are suicidal all the time. This community should be fired up about the rising tide of xenophobia and particularly Islamophobia in Canadian public life.

There are ways that dominant gender norms in schools harm girls who aren't white and girls who veil, just like they harm queer kids and trans kids. Professor Mary Bernstein is a University of Connecticut sociology professor and a lesbian with twin daughters with her partner, who is not her wife.