The Mother of All Toddler Books: The Ultimate Guide to Your Childs Second and Third Years
Despite its seemingly inclusive name, attachment parenting literature is always directed at the mother. I first encountered attachment parenting when a handful of friends started following it a few years ago. Not yet having children myself, I nodded vaguely when they talked passionately about breastfeeding and co-sleeping. To be honest, I thought the whole thing sounded unhinged.
But when I had twins last year, I understood the appeal more. Parents have never before been subjected to so much advice from so many unqualified quarters, thanks largely to — of course — the internet. When all around you is hormonal fog and existential fear, attachment parenting offers clarity and promise: It puts its thumb right on the maternal pressure point, by asking how much of yourself you are willing to give up for your child, mixing things most mothers already know babies need human interaction with their worst fears anything less than constant devotion will cause your baby emotional harm.
I wondered whether attachment parenting had actually helped anyone — and whether this was really about parenting, or something else. So I detached from my own babies and spent two months meeting women and advocates around the country, in an effort to find out. Since the s, attachment parenting has evolved into a fully fledged school of thought, with official organisations spreading its word: Lest anyone think this is largely a metropolitan trend, the biggest group is in Wantage, also in Oxfordshire.
Derby has a thriving group, too, while those in London are relatively small.
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It is easy to see why attachment parenting is being embraced in Britain. It takes adages familiar from NHS leaflets and gives them extra oomph: McHale, a full-time mother, discovered attachment parenting in , when her first daughter was born. So why did she take the same approach with her second daughter? I ask if she has a background in this area. No, she says, but she has done an online course with the US attachment parenting branch to qualify as a peer support group leader. How would she describe it?
They want to carry their baby and wake up to them and feed them from the breast. A few weeks after our phone conversation, I go to Exeter to meet McHale in a hotel restaurant, with four other mothers and their children. The five of us talk over tea while the toddlers breastfeed and play in the sunshine. But they doubted themselves, and later felt the sadness of not responding the way they wanted to.
There is no doubt that babies thrive when they are loved. And when they got to school, they were given labels like ADHD [attention deficit hyperactivity disorder]. Does she think their ADHD was caused by not having an attachment? So we started giving parents simple advice, like, sit down with your children after dinner and read to them. They need the connection with you. At times such as these, AP mutates into a form of parent-blaming — the downside of a theory that promises parents total control, and full responsibility, over how their child turns out.
Julie, Sylvie and Martha are members of an attachment parenting group in north London. They are all warm and sparky, and the loving bond they have with their babies is obvious. Sylvie and Julie both opted for attachment parenting because they liked it, or, more specifically, hated the alternative. For Martha, it was a reaction against her upbringing: For Julie, co-sleeping is as much for her as her eight-month-old son.
I find it difficult to mix with people who do sleep training, because they get defensive. The judging goes both ways. Attachment parenting, on the other hand, can invest its techniques with not just efficacy, but morality: Then there is the bond they form with each other: McHale had told me mutual support was one of the main appeals of attachment parenting, and this was clear in every group I met.
When I discovered other people were doing it this way, that was a huge reassurance. But there are times when attachment parenting seems to have made some women feel worse. She was about to return to work, with great regret. Of the dozens of mothers I spoke to, only one had returned to work full-time; Julie was the only one with a small baby considering it. I ask Julie, Sylvie and Martha if they feel attachment parenting is a rejection of feminism. Absolutely not, they say, with the weary eye rolls of women who have heard this criticism before.
So we see this as a maternal feminist issue. We should be able to stay home for three to five years, without being ostracised by fellow feminists and the culture at large. Sylvie had told me: There are times when the underlying message sounds more like emotional blackmail: Although attachment parenting now appeals to the liberal, middle-class woman, it started from an anti-feminist place.
Guilt In The Age Of Natural Parenting , the Sears are fundamentalist Christians with eight children; attachment parenting is modelled on their deeply religious view of the family, with the father at its head and the mother the devoted caretaker. Your child can also start relating to comparisons, and can also point out action pictures, and emotions.
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He can also start expressing his own emotions a bit, working toward answering questions such as "Why are you crying? Your child's annual checkup will include measurements for weight and height, a look at immunization records, and an assessment of hearing and vision.
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Most toddlers gain about four pounds and grow about two to three inches. Have your child wash his hands before he leaves school or immediately after he gets home. Make sure your child is brushing twice a day. According to the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry, these kids have a better chance of overall health because disease in the mouth can affect the entire body. The typical portion size for a 3-year-old is one-half of a full-size adult portion to a full portion such as a whole piece of toast or one piece of fruit. Your child should be getting about two ounces of protein per day one ounce from meat, like a slice of turkey; the other from eggs, milk, and cheese.
Because kids are often starting preschool , breakfast is an especially important part of the day, says Amy Marlow, a New York-based registered dietician and certified nutritionist serving as an advisor for Happy Family, the nation's leading premium organic baby and toddler food maker.
Breakfast doesn't have to entail cereal and toast. This is a good age to get your child in on helping to choose the foods and preparing them at home. The average 3-year-old needs to sleep for 10?
Physical Development
Parents need to inject discipline into bedtime but still keep it warm and cozy. Be sure to keep a consistent nighttime routine. Limit bedtime routine to a manageable length.
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Now it's time to go to sleep,' and stand your ground. If you say, 'Last time' and then give in, you're sending the message that he'll get what he wants. This is when children will join in play with others, says Jessica Mercer Young, Ph. This is a great age for dress-up and a fun activity for a playdate.
This is also the time that children may develop close friendships at preschool. Making playdates outside of preschool may help your child feel more comfortable as she starts school, says Dr.
Parents can help their children with any new situation by modeling comfortable social interactions, says Jason Gold, Ph. If parents are aware of their anxieties, they can take steps to be more at ease and help their children. Prepare children by talking about what situations will be like, bring something that makes them relaxed, and have frequent playdates and social interactions. You might find your toddler is quite the storyteller and can speak in simple six-word sentences.
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He will continue to develop motor skills such as using a fork and spoon and drawing circles and squares. He will also start counting to a few numbers and knowing some colors. If you haven't thought about preschool yet, now is a good time to start looking at options.
Ask family and friends for their recommendations and be sure to take a tour of a few schools. Not sure you want to send your child to preschool? It's your decision, but keep in mind that it's a great way for your child to develop social skills and to get adjusted to a routine and to being in a classroom before going to kindergarten. Research shows that children learn easily and well at the ages of three and four, and preschool can set the foundation for years of academic learning.
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