Being Single Is Better Than Being Married To An Unsuitable Partner

There are multiple reasons that motivate how we choose our partners and why we stay in dead end relationships—some of these reasons are conscious while others are unconscious. In order to understand what motivates our choices we have to be willing to work on ourselves and build awareness around our patterns.

I want to address some of the factors that may lead us into unhappy partnerships, and what keeps us in them. Once we have a sense of why we choose the way we do, we put ourselves in a better position to make conscious choices and to shift our negative patterns. We can all relate to making choices out of fear: Fear is one of the worst decision makers when it comes to choosing a partner.

Fear tells us that we better lock a partner down fast or we may be alone forever. In our culture no one wants to be the last single friend, or the really old parent, or be judged for still being single. However, what we should fear most is spending the rest of our lives unhappily with the wrong person.

There comes a point where we need to make a choice: Your partner cannot fill this void. We all go through periods of feeling high and low.

However, in relationships nothing interferes with the ability to have an authentic, reciprocal partnership like chronic low self-esteem. There are so many valid reasons we do this. Yet there comes a point where we need to make a choice: Depending on your life circumstances, the concept of valuing yourself may feel impossible. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem?

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Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Aside from having to deal with questions like this, single men and women also face the struggles of loneliness, insecurity and unfulfilled desires.

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May 17, Leigh rated it did not like it Shelves: Why I did not like this? Because for me it sounded like it came from "bitterness" or what. I'm single for a long long time and I could not connect with this book.

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Joey rated it it was amazing Mar 02, Michelle rated it liked it Jul 29, Cat rated it it was amazing Apr 17, Madz rated it really liked it Apr 05, Compare that to , when only That means that from to , I was always in a relationship or chasing a relationship. But underlying it all, even my passionate love for my work, was the deep-seated belief that I must have a partner in order to be a complete or worthy being. I never applied that thinking to anyone else. My constant pursuit of relationships stemmed from my own fear of being with myself.

I grew up with severe depression and anxiety, resulting in flare-ups of agoraphobia and even suicidal thinking. I grew accustomed to relying on the intervention of friends and family, as well as mental health professionals. It saved my life, but I felt in my core that I was broken and unfit for adulthood. I must need to be supervised at all times, right? Just in case it got bad again. Just in case the medication stopped working.

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Just in case my brain did what it does sometimes. The result was that I sometimes chose relationships that were deeply unhealthy. As long as somebody kept hanging out with me, I could endure emotional abuse, gaslighting, and all the rest of the fun that humans sometimes do to the ones they claim they love.