Reading in between the lines of homophobia

Internalized homophobia is directly connected to many negative outcomes in both romantic and non-romantic relationships. Examples can include, but are in no way limited to:. The anxiety, shame, and devaluation of LGBQ people that is inherent to internalized homophobia is likely to be most overtly manifested in interpersonal relationships with other LGBQ individuals, creating intimacy-related problems in many forms. Empirical evidence supports these theoretical claims.

With regard to romantic relationships, psychiatrists Meyer and Dean showed in a study that gay men with higher levels of internalized homophobia were less likely to be in intimate relationships, and when they were in relationships, they were more likely to report problems with their partners than gay men with lower levels of internalized homophobia. There are endless stories about love lost and relationships of all forms destroyed over the issue of internalized homophobia. For more reading on the topic, check out the references section of this article.

On the self Internalized homophobia can prevent us from leading fulfilling lives. It can keep us in a place of perpetual shame, stress and anxiety. It can keep us from having close relationships with people, or ruin the relationships we do have. It can lead us down a path of bitterness, anger, and loneliness. It can prevent us from coming out of the closet and allowing ourselves the opportunity to be seen and loved for who we are. It can prevent us from ever experiencing love with another person.

It can contribute to long-term illness, mental health problems, substance abuse and self-harm.

Yes, Billy Crystal DID Just Make A Homophobic Statement (And Here's Why It Matters)

On others Internalized homophobia, when left unchecked or unexamined can harm people around the suffering individual. It can lead to judgmental and hurtful outbursts. It can break trust between friends and family. It can cause years of heartbreak and struggle within romantic relationships, it can lead people in positions of power to make decisions that harm other LGBTQ people on a large scale. It can provoke shame, anxiety and stress, and impact the health of others.

Most significantly, it takes the focus away from the true culprit, the main source of pain and struggle — which is heterosexism, enforced heteronormativity, homophobia, biphobia and transphobia — by keeping us shortsighted and fighting amongst ourselves.

Despite the few common experiences that LGBQ people share, we are a group that reflects the diversity of all human beings on this earth. And every detail of a life, large or small can affect the way that internalized homophobia takes hold.

For example, studies have shown that those who realize early in life that they are LGBQ are often more prone to serious internalized homophobia; they do not typically have the support of a community or access to information about their identities to properly shield themselves from parental ignorance or a homophobic society. By contrast, it is common for people living in regions with LGBQ equality to experience very little internalized homophobia if, unaware of their sexuality in youth, they realize they are LGBQ in adulthood.

Internalized homophobia is impacted by every aspect of identity, such as religion, race, class, geography, gender identity, family, friends, partners, as well all of the prejudices we carry. Additionally, many LGBQ people experience intersecting oppression, such as racism, transphobia, misogyny, and abelism, and thus are also vulnerable to multiple forms of internalized oppression. Think critically about how internalized homophobia could be impacting your life, rather than rejecting the notion outright. Read more about internalized homophobia.

While this topic has less written about it than say, coming out, there is still a lot of information out there, especially moving personal accounts. The compassion of other LGBQ people and straight allies can be tremendously healing. Others who are at a different stage in the process can often offer valuable insight and solidarity. Find role models in the struggle.

See all of the different identities and human beings it took to effect progress towards equality and justice. Find an LGBTQ positive therapist , counselor or psychologist who can guide you through the reparative process. Get away from toxic influences. This one can often be the most difficult.

Yes, Billy Crystal DID Just Make A Homophobic Statement (And Here's Why It Matters) | HuffPost

Typically, toxic influences include major players in our lives, such as family, religion, and friends. If your religion is not accepting, consider leaving the church even for a time, or find a new church. If you refuse to leave, educate yourself. Learn about whether or not your religion truly teaches the immorality of gays, or if it is the interpretation of your religious leader.

However, if your religious doctrine is perpetually in conflict with your identity, you may find the commitment more damaging than rewarding. Clarify your perspectives by talking to friends and allies. Heterosexism and fear can skew our idea of the threats we truly face. For example, a person with an open-minded family, LGBTQ friends and enlightened teachers might still be overcome by crippling fear and internalized homophobia.

Work to determine where you stand. Be aware of your negative reactions, critical self-talk and judgment of other. Each time you do it, examine the source. If you can do it safely, come out of the closet.

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• Meet the New Homophobia; Different than the Old Homophobia.
• Internalized Homophobia | Revel & Riot?
• 200 Powerful Positive Affirmations and 6 Simple Tips to Put Them to Work (For YOU!).

While it has potential to be painful, and most certainly will be repetitive and exhausting, this step can be immensely rewarding. Remember that internalized homophobia is not coming from inside of you. It was forced upon you, in a suffocating and violent way by a homophobic society. This article aimed to explore the meaning, causes and symptoms of internalized homophobia, and propose practical solutions to overcome it. Our information is based on many articles, studies, papers and personal accounts, but every LGBQ person has their own unique story, which results in the symptoms of internalized homophobia being varied and layered.

While recognizing the fluidity and intersectionality of sexuality and gender, it is important to distinguish that internalized homophobia and internalized transphobia are not the same thing.

Imitation and Gender Insubordination. Lesbian Theories, Gay Theories. That word is admittedly a scary one. Most civilized, sane people don't want to be called homophobic. Most people don't want to hear that they've done something or said something or thought something that could be construed as offensive to gay people -- especially when they're our friends and our allies. But, the fact of the matter is that we live in a homophobic society and it follows that most people -- including many gay people -- are going to fall victim to homophobic thoughts or feelings at some point, even if they don't always recognize them as such.

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We've all been steeping in this kind of thinking from the moment we arrived on this planet -- how could we not be homophobic? It doesn't mean that you're murdering gay people. It doesn't mean your campaigning to take away gay people's rights. It doesn't even mean that you're a homophobe. You can be the sweetest, kindest person and write checks to PFLAG and have six gay friends and two gay brothers and have officiated your workout partner's gay wedding but if you believe that gay people simply trying to live their lives on television or off are pushing a "cause" or if you think we're trying to force anyone to like our gay "lifestyle" side note: You're effectively saying that being gay isn't normative and that our "lifestyle" is something you don't want pushed on you.

You feel threatened -- in whatever small, specific ways -- by gay lives, experiences or expressions of affection and that -- say it along with me -- is homophobic. As far as having a problem with anyone trying to push a "lifestyle," -- I think we can all read between the lines there. Let's not forget that one of the great things about being straight is that no one is ever going to accuse you of pushing your "lifestyle" on anyone else because your "lifestyle" is already the status quo. You don't have to worry about your televised kisses or -- sweet baby Jesus help us!

What other "lifestyles" could he be talking about? People in relationships with balloon animals?

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Vegans who refuse to stop wearing leather? Whatever they are, I'm willing to bet my k he isn't talking about being straight as a "lifestyle. When I pointed out all of the above on my Facebook page on Monday, I was surprised to find some people -- gay men, no less -- challenging me. The responses ranged from "you can't just say someone is being homophobic!

But you can -- and should! And it impacts all of us. Not only do words have consequences and influence how we think about each other and ourselves, but a moment like this matters because it's a barometer of how far we've come and how far we have to go when someone who as far as I can tell is an ally can make a statement like this and then not only defend it but lash out at those who question it. And that's exactly what Crystal did later in his Xfinity interview when he addressed the fact that the gay journalist conducting the interview had been asked by others who attended the panel if he had found the comedian's comments offensive:.

We live in a very scary time in many ways. You can't say this, you can't say that, you can't offend this group, that group. People come up to you and ask if you were offended. I don't understand that. I understand it why everyone is watching out for the other person. That's offensive to me. What's offensive to me is that Crystal would be offended by "everyone