HOW TO STAY TOGETHER: WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT

Would you like to tell us about a lower price? If you are a seller for this product, would you like to suggest updates through seller support? This book offers a wealth of practical and simple guidance to help navigate through life's many challenges as a couple and sustain lasting and fulfilling intimacy. From courtship through the stages of mature love, this book gives clear and concise direction to help the reader grow through intimacy towards the next phase of maturity in a long- term relationship. Ambivalence is a normal part of all human relationships, and we can move forward by learning to accept it instead of running away.

If you want to learn a lifetime of relationship wisdom in just a few hours, read and apply the principles of this book to your relationship and your life. You will learn how to stay and evolve to your fullest potential through your relationship, instead of repeating cycles of self-defeating behavior. A loving relationship is by far one of the most rewarding fruits of a life well-lived. Give yourself the opportunity to learn to love, whether you want to or not. It is the most important thing you will ever do. Read more Read less.

Customers who viewed this item also viewed. Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. Customers who bought this item also bought. How to Heal Emotional Trauma: Here's how restrictions apply. About the Author Dr. Start reading How to Stay Together: Whether You Want to or Not on your Kindle in under a minute. Don't have a Kindle? Try the Kindle edition and experience these great reading features: Share your thoughts with other customers. Write a customer review. Read reviews that mention relationship gadhia-smith relationships reality anita wisdom. Showing of 12 reviews.

Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. You can just leave and move on. When ending a relationship—whether it went on for many years or was for just a few months—you should be respectful of your soon-to-be-ex and be honest with them. Set aside a time to talk in person and let them know of your decision in a direct manner. Try not to insult, blame or belittle them—instead, use "I" statements and explain how you are feeling. Afterward, they will surely have something to say. Listen to them respectfully, but don't take back your decision. You decided to break up with them for a reason, so don't get caught up in the heat of the moment and take them back.

Your personal health and safety are most important. Domestic violence and abuse is a serious issue that can affect anyone regardless of race, gender, or economic status. It is not restricted to acts of physical violence—partners can be emotionally and economically abusive as well. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline , domestic abuse is "a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.

You might be a victim of one of these forms of abuse, or you might be a victim of all of them. It could even be that, at certain times, your relationship seems perfect—you go on dates, you compliment each other, and you have fun with each other. These positive moments, however, don't cancel out the physical and emotional toll abuse has on you over the longterm, and it's important that you recognize the signs and get out of the relationship as soon as you can.

Whatever your score and however you are feeling, please keep searching for ways to simplify, dignify, and enhance your romantic relationship. We all have ways in which we can improve and there's help everywhere, so don't stop now. Whatever you do, remember that we are born to love and have relationships. However, sometimes people who were mistreated while growing up take bad habits with them into their love lives. This is why generations of families are dysfunctional. With all the information available today, people do not have to go on making the mistakes their parents made.

You can get help , move on, and stop having disastrous relationships. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. You're not stupid, selahbela. You got sucked in by a liar. You should forget all your feelings for him. He's just a loser. Make a clean break. I suggest over the phone because he is violence prone.

Narrow the reason down to something clear and quick. For instance, "I don't love you anymore. Stick to your point and then say goodbye. You have a hard choice. If you go through with the pregnancy you'll be reminded of him for years. I don't know where you live. But in many places a RU pill is available for an abortion--if you're between weeks pregnant before it's really a child.

I know this is hard to hear, but think about it. The pill is taken at home. Can you really raise a child by yourself right now? It's a hard choice and I hope I have not offended you. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. We started as a casual hook-up, he "caught feelings" much faster than I did. Originally I tried to keep it logical and straightforward, "this is just sex and we both know it" kind of attitude.

I was convinced he was just spinning the "soulmates" line so fast and dropping the L word because he was convinced I needed to hear those things to keep me around. The sex was great, so that was really unnecessary. However, over time, I started to develop feelings as well. We decided that we would become exclusive. That same week, he was calling a coworker at 3am for a booty call. He didn't know I had already blocked her number on his phone. It's the only reason he didn't cheat at the time.

A pattern of behavior began to emerge: He is a self professed player, so none of this really surprises me in retrospect. He uses women like a security blanket.

Should I Go or Should I Stay? The Ultimate Relationship Checklist

The way I use food. We found out about a month ago that I was pregnant. Again, that same week, he left his phone in my car when I dropped him off at home that's right: Found he had made plans with another woman to go on a date that weekend. I called her and had a pleasant chat, i explained who I was, she said nothing had happened between them yet, they had just talked a few times. He got her number at work and said he wanted to get to know her better. Logically, I know that these are all just his ways of letting me know he isn't ready for a serious relationship, he's not really interested in me, and he's still looking for something better.

He claims that he doesn't know why he did it, why he got her number. But ever since I haven't been able to trust him at all. Every text noise makes me cringe, every time he touches his phone in my presence - my skin crawls. I started demanding to see the phone. Even tracked him with Google accounts to see if he was where he said he was spoiler, he lied!

I know that's not healthy. You may wonder why I assumed he was lying in the beginning when he said he loved me, and why I question it even now. He's an obsessive compulsive liar, it's like he MUST lie. When we first started up he told me he worked at a blood donation center. He would tell elaborate stories about his supposed day at work, and honestly most of the time he was just at home drinking and playing Xbox.

He said his lawyer told him to maintain appearances to look good for court, which obviously means like through your teeth about employment, I guess? The court date came and went with little fanfare, he didn't even have to go, charges dropped. So I don't buy that excuse. I just don't get why he'd like about that. Reading this you must think me very stupid or desperate to stay as long as I have and I would answer, perhaps. He is slick as a can of oil and can sweet talk his way out of just about any situation. Last week we got into a physical altercation over his phone, and refusal to stop smoking and drinking and he slammed me into a brick wall.

I was 7 weeks at the time, and I ended up going to jail because the police were called and I was determined to be the primary aggressor. I've never been arrested up to this point in my life. I tried severing contact with him after I got out but found myself too weak. I kept imagining us as a family with the baby, him getting his life together and being the man I need him to be. But now, just a week later, I find myself sick of him.

I hate his voice, his presence, his excuses, his lies.

The Healthy Relationship Checklist

Luckily we don't live together and I can have some space when I want it because he can't drive over here and harass me. My request for guidance is basically, I know he's a piece of shit: If he does love me, it's way less than he loves himself, booze and his xbox. The problem is I have used the break up card too many times and now he doesn't take it seriously. Weather you are "innocent or guilty" doesn't matter. What matters is that you are not happy in this relationship.

Make up your mind and tell your partner exactly what's bothering you. Dwell on it and find the main reason that bothers you. Like, "I'm just not in-love with you any more. Thank you so much for listening to my deepest thoughts and share with me all the tips and tricks. It means a lot to me. The only thing I would say is that I am not totally innocent, I always think that if I had treat all those indifference and problems wholeheartedly and find a way to use our joint effort better to tackle those problems, things should have turn out differently.

Lack of respect for your partner? This is really a deal breaker and negates the vows you have taken and the guilt you feel. If I was you, I would talk to people who have taken the initiative to get out of a dysfunctional marriage. Believe me, most all go through these feelings of guilt and fear of cutting the ties to a long term partner. I know it's hard to break the news the you're unhappy in your marriage--especially to those people who think all is well with you. But you've got to start talking about this thing. I know there is an urge to stay in a dysfunctional relationship that lots of people have.

Maybe if I give my partner another year things will work out. Things just feel worse. I admit it takes a strong motivator for calling it quits with someone you've known for years. But if there is no love and respect, the time has come to part. All the negative thoughts were on my mind for such a long period of time. At some points I really hesitate what I'm doing and why I still let myself to stay at such a bad position that I actually don't want it. After being together all these years I am unwilling to accept my husband as he is and as his family is.

Although I no longer love him, I feel responsible for the vows we made when we get married. I think this is the only things that really keeping me here is guilt. The more time goes time, the more I begin to dislike my husband and his behavior. When I am about to be around him, I get an empty feeling. The fact is I would love to leave but feel too hooked and addicted to the relationship, primary reason is the long time we have been together and also because we are married. There are no major conflicts and fights between us, however, my respect for my partner is practically gone.

I want to want our relationship to continue but I cannot say that I do want it to continue. Feeling very indifferent towards my other half that I have little motivation to try and work things out. I cannot understand why I put myself into this difficult position. Can I get some advice from you Dr. I really want to clear my mind and get out of the blue. It sounds like you've just about had enough of being controlled by your partner. You've "lost your power" in this relationship. You feel you and your partner are not in sync. But this spoiling your vacations is nuts. Vacations are a time for couples to travel and explore new situations and environments.

You have to decide: Do I want to settle for this? Or do I have too many needs that are not being met? Remember, your partner is not going to change. He came from a dysfunctional family, like your mum said. This leaves the weight on your shoulders to change your life--if that is what you need. Maybe you should go for a fresh start. Other people do it. I am currently 33 and my husband is There are two major reasons drive me to hesitate whether I should keep the marriage on-going, first one is the way we value and the way to spend money, my husband spend money very consciously which is a good thing so we work towards the common goal of buying an apartment.

But he is reluctant to really spend money on me, not a travel not any surprised gifts and he has no idea of treating meals for my family. I'd say he is not generous at all. We usually argue a lot when we travel abroad, mainly because we cannot align on the expenses goals. Literally we let my husband to be in control of money keeper and he decide the way of expenses during travels.

However, when it comes to very limited budget for hotels and meals, then I become upset and have a upset face. I know this is really bad but I just cant' help as I have an image in my mind that he is super discipline on money spending which makes me feel we are not sync and going different directions.

The above also related to his relationship with my family. My husband does not have the initiative to talk to my family aka my mum and my brother. I have always encourage him to feel more relaxed at my home and got to get into some conversations with my mum and brother. But it just didn't happen over these 4. Not just not to interact but he just say hi and bye literally.

When I talk to him about this weird situation then he just pissed me off by saying that he is tired.

How to Know When It's Time to Break Up With Someone You Love | Time

I am regret that I didn't manage the big family relationship well when we were dating, they didn't see each other often. Maybe this is the reason why the relationship between them just didn't work well. This is also based on my mum's idea that he is from a broken family and his character is not sociable enough to be good enough to take care of me.

Quite a lot of time that I feel like I didn't give it a good thought about how to manage our marriage before we got married. Cause these all years I just want a stable relationship and didn't think clearly if I am happy. I don't want to hurt him but part of me really want to get a fresh start of my life cause it's been so hard at times to get along well with my husband and also, the big family relationship.

If you do not feel like being your boyfriend's caretaker, get out of the relationship. But if you do not mind baby sitting your partner, stay in. This will of course go on for years. I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is I understand we are young and relationships this early in your life typically falter. However, my boyfriend and I have a lot in common. We listen to the same music, we have a very similar sense of humor, and we are both adventurers. We both are impulsive thinkers and have the same mindset and values when it comes to being in a relationship.

He notices when I am upset, even if I do not mention it. I love him and he loves me, but all of my friends think I am "too good" for him. I've also had a few of his friends tell me that as well. He was in rehab for a while, he has mental issues, and he has a lot of tattoos. I do not mind any of this, because he treats me very well and he is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. How lightly should I take the advice of my friends? I am thinking of breaking up with him because he smokes a lot of weed and drinks a lot of alcohol.

I do not have a problem with this morally, but I am in university and I am not sure if I should surround myself with someone who is under the influence so often. He is not in school at the moment, but he is studying to get his high school diploma. One of my best friends is a guy and he often gets jealous of him a lot, which is understandable, but I specified early in the relationship I am not one to get jealous easily and I expected him to do the same.

I will not get jealous unless he gives me a reason to be. I have a car and he does not. I drive him and his friends around quite a bit. Typically, this bothers people, but it only bothers me sometimes when I've been driving all day. They are all gracious about it and make sure to say "please" and "thank you" or buy me food every once in a while. I'm not sure if this is a problem, but a lot of my friends tell me to make a note of it. He also doesn't have a lot of money so I buy food for him very often, but he isn't able to return the favor very often. He makes sure I know he is grateful for my actions though.

I believe I have been spending too much time with him and my friends miss me. I live with three other people and our friend group is mixed pretty evenly with guys and girls. When I try to spend time with my friends at my apartment instead of interacting with them my boyfriend goes up to my room and waits for me. Since he is in my room, I don't want him to be lonely so I spend time in my room with him whilst my friends are downstairs.

I am not sure what to do. I've never met anyone like him. He is nice and patient with me when I am upset. He stops at nothing to make sure I am feeling okay. We are attracted to each other physically and we compliment each other all the time. I know he would do anything for me, but a lot of people are telling me he is not enough for me.

I'm not sure what I should do or what I should be looking for. Jealousy has many factors that are learned while growing up. It then becomes the most tragic of all parts of a relationship. Don't let your boyfriend monitor your phone and website. That just empowers him more and makes him more demanding. I realize that there are a lot of conflicts in our relationship. Granted I'm 16 and he's about to turn 17, I do know this will be something people see as "too young" or so on.

He tends to get extremely jealous. I have given him reasons not to, and I realize the consequences, but he tries to gain it back and I try to help and let him do what he wants to to get through it. I can see he genuinely does want it to work, but he struggles terribly.

When we are together, the first thing he does is pick up my phone. I'm his first serious relationship, for his others have been off and on. He finds retailers and salespersons that call me, and automatically thinks it's someone I'm having relations with. Its gone on from once a month to once a week. From once a week to a day. Now he looks for things and constantly asks "Who was it? He makes me really happy, and we have spoke about this multiple times. It's a reoccurring conflict as well as our only conflict, ever and he tends to keep things bottled up but always swears to me nothing is wrong.

He has called me names out of instinct in an arguement but also kind of hurts my feelings. He says things as a joke, but they hurt after time and I have told him about it and he does try with all his heart, but he's said it on accident and it would make me believe that it was true for a short moment. He says he wants to be with me and he does care.

He's everything I want and this is his only big flaw that I won't accept. I've deleted all social media, let him delete people off my contacts that I had past relations with I tend to get along with my past exes because we both understand that we would be better as friends that I quit talking to years ago, and I let him ask his questions and look for his things and go on.

His father was never around, and would only pop up when he needed money. My boyfriend has sworn to himself, God, and his family that he wouldn't be that kind of man, and he will accept the fact that it where he came from but he won't continue it. He lives in a home where he is the only male, but he sees his uncle frequently. His mom, his sister, and his grandmother. His grandmother runs everything, his sister won't do anything,refuses to ever move out and she's 19 and his mom constantly works to keep everything together.

His mothers relationships with men haven't been too great either. My boyfriend does his best to help when possible, sometimes working two jobs but he can never balance school too. The only person he ever was close to emotionally had a tragic accident at work and didn't make it. As you can see, we talk about a lot of things and our problems together, but he won't ever tell me what's wrong with him.

Please understand the difference I try to give him the benefit of the doubt, as he is everything I've ever wanted and I confide in him, but it's gone really far but we both only want to make it work and fix it together. Is there anything we can do or anything we can try to gain back the trust that's been lost? Ask why I would help this person who will not change and will be in a crises for years to come? Sorry about my bluntness.

But it's time to start working on finding what you need to do to meet the challenges of the post-graduate world. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. I'm in love with him, and I love him, it's the same for him. We're both 22, I graduate in May, and I am going to need to make some serious decisions where I will move, where I will work, etc whereas he once again has failed a year and will be in school for at least another three years because of a case of severe panic attack disorder where for a long time he was unable to attend classes and function normally, except that since starting our relationship he has started to feel much better.

He has a really hard time talking about the future, even talking about the near future as in three months from now. He has feelings for me, he loves me, he cares about me, but I wonder whether I should stay in this relationship or not especially when he says that talking about staying together forever is "a scary thing to think about". He even had a female best friend for years who eventually abandoned him when he got sick and eventually stopped talking to him and it seems as if he cares way too much about her even when it is obvious that she doesn't care at all about him, and they even had nicknames for one another "man of my life" "woman of my life" that apparently "meant nothing" when he ended up still using it after we had already been dating for a couple weeks.

I was getting more and more aggravated by this girl whom he hasnt seen in over a year because it was like he couldn't let go of her and finally I put down my foot and said it was either me and her and that he had to choose which one to keep in his life especially since he kept saying that he didn't care at all about her and so I said that in that case he shouldn't have any problem cutting all ties with her on social media and via text since they hadnt exchanged any words as in texts since months ago and so he threw a huge fit and eventually afterwards promised me that this one girl would disappear completely from his life but also said that I didn't deserve him doing this for me, although it has been me who has been there for him these past 8 months while he's been going through his mental health crisis, his various problems with school, appartment, etc.

I have been there for him every day, I have supported him and cared about him, tried to help him and encourage him, have done nothing to make him jealous etc. I know that my own extreme jealousy and controlling nature are my own bad qualities and that I need to work on them but I cant help but ask myself what is the point of me continuing in this relationship if he doesn't know if he wants me for the long run.

I would want to be able to move in with him in about another year or so, but at this point I'm not even sure what his answer would be. Sometimes I wonder if it's just the fact that his present and future are so uncertain and because hes under a lot of stress because of school and his mental health and not that he's uncertain of me. But I don't want to, for example, be with him for another year or 5 and then have him say that in fact I'm not the one for him. I'd be left feeling that I have wasted my time and life for him.

I feel so hopeless and desperate, and I just don't know what to do. Without him I would feel brokenhearted and extremely hopeless and sad. I just want our relationship to advance and to not argue every single day over the phone and to not stress out every single time he leaves his house, sees his friends, goes to school, etc.

• Are Your Relationship Needs Being Met?;
• How to Know When It's Time to Let Go of Someone You Love?
• Should I Go or Should I Stay? The Ultimate Relationship Checklist | PairedLife.
• Deciding whether to leave a relationship | Relate;
• I am the wind that brushes across your face: Night of the vampires 2 (Night of the vampies the vampire chronicles).

I know he loves me and I dont doubt that and he has done a lot for me but I think I love him much more than he loves me and I am willing to sacrifice a lot more than he would for me although he vehemently disagrees that I love him more than he loves me Is this relationship worth it? The biggest relationship problem is the woman you are working for. She wants to keep this relationship ugly.

That's her relationship style. The tears and the pain you feel so often can only be resolved by quitting this job. Yes, it will be a very painful breakup with the horses. But it's better to go through that. At least you'll be in charge. I've had horses, and yes, they are like dogs that one gets attached to. But I still suggest you move on with your life. I have a relationship of a different kind but I feel like you are the right person to give me advice on this and it is still fitting for the test. I've been caring for a horse his name is champ for the past 5 years that is now very old and sick.

We trust each other a lot and we know each other very well. I love him with all my heart but sometimes I am scared that I've just convinced myself that I love him that much because i am afraid of change. I don't get a lot out of this relationship because i cannot do anything with him anymore because of his arthritis.

We only go on walks together that usually have some very short moments of enjoyment for me, tho. I do not believe that he owes me anything or that I should want anything more from him at this point than just his company. His owner is very abusive towards me. One day she showers me with love, the next day she gets very angry with me for small mistakes. She has people spy on me regularly that report back to her exactly what I've done and when I've done it while I'm at the stable and she has the ability to watch me through cameras that are set up at the arena.

Whenever I'm at the stable I cry several times and this has been normal for at least years now.

I don't enjoy anything about being there besides some very short and fleeting moments with champ. But i also know that the owner will never EVER let me see champ again if i quit or even just change anything about our arrangement. I will probably move away early next year and if i stay in this arrangement tis then i could probably still visit him but i think the mental breakdowns that i have every time I'm there twice a week might not be worth it. Do you think it is worth staying in this relationship? Do you think I really love champ? Is it worth putting up with all of this?

You are having the typical problems teenagers have as they move into adulthood. This is a confusing time for a lot of young adults. In school you will find people like yourself who want to discuss the deeper aspects of life. As I see it, your number one priority is the study of neurology and neuroscience. I've done this, and I could not do both having a stormy relationship that interrupted my thoughts and do neurological studies at the same time. Therefore, you would not be an "asshole" for ignoring this young man. Your second priority is establishing a social support group.

If it is possible, find people in your classes to work with on problems together. I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 months now and things have been very unstable. I met him at my high school during the first days of June. We flirted with each other for weeks before beginning to date, but then I graduated. I went off to New York to study neurology and neuroscience while my boyfriend stayed in California.

I also recently turned 18 while my boyfriend is going to turn 16 in 4 months. Before leaving, I asked him if we wanted to be in a relationship, despite having to go off to college in New York. He said yes and I agreed to endeavor in our experiment. I noticed that while I spent my final days in high school, I found myself being perpetually annoyed by his persistent lack of focus and constant mental fixation on a video game we both played. The only thing he wanted to talk about was leveling up in this video game while I wanted to talk about more deeper, philosophical conversations.

This made me feel that we were incompatible despite respecting and loving each other through the long distance process. When we spent time together in school, we would be funny and joke around. I feel that he never got to see the more relevant side of me that is more focused on reality and questioning the world. This largely differs from his perspective that I'm a socialite who keeps things simple.

I'm pretty complicated and like complexity in things I do. I found myself getting bored of our conversations during the summer long distance because all he wanted to talk about was the video game. When I wanted to discuss my day or other things I was interested in, he would largely seem uninterested. I recently discovered he's interested in science and can talk hours on that, but he suppressed this interest to fit in with his friends.

Aside from talking science, it frustrates me when he doesn't pay attention and at times can be really immature. I could be trying to explain something to him when he goes off on a tangent, completely forgetting what I was saying. I am medicated as he is too, but we both have our moments when we get moody and can't control what we say or do. In large part, my frustrations came about from long distance and not being able to see him. It felt so much more exhilarating to talk to him in person than over the phone where things are lost in translation. I took the quiz and nearly got a perfect score subtracting the sex questions out, though.

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In short, I feel lost because I know the things that annoy me about him are related to his age and disorder, but I don't want to be an asshole and leave because I can't handle them. Also, I want to be able to communicate about other things, but it's a lot harder for him to focus on the phone and therefore I get angry. What do I do? You are relying on a decision you made at Sometimes it takes 5 or more years to feel like an adult. He has no interest in growing up.

Deciding whether to leave a relationship

This leaves you emotional and sad. But you want to break out of this teenage relationship and explore all the possibilities! Mothering is all he wants from you. Be honest with yourself, you really are tired of this whole thing. This stage of life brings new questions. You need to make a list of what you want to achieve in college. Are you studying the right things? Or is it time to find a more fitting major? Now stop for a minute and think about this: Now is the time to discover who you are and work on your goals. But all young adults are facing the same thing. I am currently 18 and my boyfriend is But now that we are in college and work together and are majoring in the same major, I feel so emotional and sad.

I keep feeling as if I am always there to push him to always want him reach his goals to want him to succeed to make him happy. I have to wake him up for work I have to pick him up to go to school. I feel like a parent rather than his girlfriend. I get to work late due to the fact that he really doesn't care much for being early to work when in fact I do. Lindsay Chrisler, a New York-based dating and relationships coach says you should take stock of how your trusted family members and friends feel about your relationship.

Of course, when two people are in love and have spent years together or have started a family together, there is a stronger incentive to work out the problems, says Chrisler. But she caveats that you should set a time limit of one year. The key, she says, is to listen to the logical part of your brain, instead of submitting to the euphoric chemical reactions that love can cause. One in four women and one in 10 men have been victims of intimate partner violence, according to a survey conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Contact us at editors time.

By Carly Breit August 27,