Womble and the Double Honey Trap

I quit, I hate this game. Whenever you do something awesome, it's "Oh, look at me! That's how teamwork works! Does this one have ammo in it, Soviet? How does it feel, Cyanide? Why would you drop a gun with no ammo?! So, sorry, bear with me for a minute, are you saying you basically took an Englishman and German woman and forced them to partake in a Jewish Shotgun Wedding?

And did she say yes? It irritated the shit out of— Echo: No no no, no one said yes, it was just a glass smashed and a mazel tov and everyone said "Yep! You and I are gotta have a bit of a talk about cultural sensitivity. Oh, mine is quite alright, actually. Cyanide, you're fucking slurring yourself! I can pronounce the word that was difficult for him to pronounce just now "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" because IIiiii am not dunk. With the rule "take a shot of whiskey every time you die". Whiskey quickly became Tequila. I have made many mistakes in my life. And last night is clearly making the top I've just gone through the worst hangover a human being is capable of experiencing.

I don't even know how many units of alcohol I consumed. I'm being told I didn't even stop the stream, I just wandered off. I found a soggy and defrosted bag of peas in one of my cupboards that drunk me moved there for some reason. I've been going between bed and bathroom every 20 minutes to vomit anything I tried to eat or drink. And at it's worst point, I was head down over the toilet basin alternating between sobbing, puking, and swearing death on a packet of Nestle Whole Grain Clusters because I thought the title "Rise and Shine" was mocking me. Cyanide gets close and instantly gets killed Soviet: What's automatic voice gain control— Oh Can you guys all start speaking?

Move the mouse so this is on top of the person, and then click the button to kill him, okay? I find that I often do better at Counter-Strike whenever I really, really need to poo. I think there's a correlation there. So you're saying you need something up your bumhole? Well that doesn't really matter, you're always full of shit! The key to winning a game of CS: GO is to keep good positivity and trust each other. Shut the fuck up. Most of us met in DayZ and we've formed an everlasting bond of friendship and love and respect User left your channel.

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Not sure if he Rage Quit or ate the microphone Women and children first. Motherfucker, I will report you to my boyfriend, do you know who my boyfriend is? How do you spell "luscious"? I am not fucking And a tapir has the largest penis-to-body ratio of any animal! Did you know the whale's average penis size is about 8 metres? Would you be surprised if I said yes, I knew that?

Jonathan P. Tomes

You have unsubscribed from Cyanide Fun Facts! You have now subscribed to Cyanide Gorilla Facts! I said "moan seductively," not have a fucking seizure. They had communication trouble. Can I blow your mind? Look, there's an APC right over there. The things you notice when you have eyes. Just bear in mind, it will take me three days to respawn. Part 1 As Womble first introduces the game to the stream, Cyanide appears to be doing everything to sabotage his intro by making loud, annoying sounds into the mic during his explanation for at least ten minutes.

However, Soviet suddenly notices his mic icon is turned off, and when he turns it back on, Cyanide immediately stops. I was just waiting for you to come back. Wait, that whole time was my mic muted!? You said you were gonna go get a sandwich!

Men are over here! This is a Gaydar , isn't it? It's not a naked cowboy, these are my running pants, and this is my running hat. What are you running to, the Blue Oyster Bar? You're just going to have to hold it. Just don't think of like waterfalls Also don't think of urinating. Killed by a guy called Suicide. Clive's gonna go for the wounded guy. Clive says check your Man Tracker. I'm going for the fucking supply drop! Fuck your goddamn rock! Where are you going!? I don't have a knife, I have nothing! What are you doing? Are you doing this or not? I'm so - I'm so frustrated that I feel like crying now He's not very self-aware.

Kill the weak, kill the weak. Also, please never ever say "I'm riding you" to me ever again. That's gonna stay with me for a very long time, and probably in— Soviet: Y-you looked like you enjoyed it. He's gonna throw something at me! Part 5 ZF's attempts to loot a fire station using a helicopter to drop them onto the roof " Fuck being safe, we're ZF, right? Attempt number one is par for the course with ZF: The designated looter misses the tower he was trying to land on and plummets to his death. Attempt number two is Epic Fail even by ZF standards, with the helicopter touching the tower and crashing, the pilot leaping out and getting chopped up by the rotor blades and the whole building , along with the rest of the ZF team, going up in a fireball.

The pedometer joke, in three parts: First, Cyanide refers to it as a " pedo meter " despite Soviet's corrections. Then in the intro cutscene, the player character is in a plane with a child sleeping next to him. The brief moment of frightened confusion when Soviet and Cyanide's characters fade in looking at their bloody hands, but spawning with their models clipped into each other.

Soviet, Cyanide and Quebec, after running away from enemy cannibals, hang out in an open hill trying to figure out how to start a fire: Oh, I did it, I did it. How did you do it? I pressed E on it. Oh, there's something walking towards us from behind you guys! I dunno if you — Soviet: I just pressed C and my screen just went black. I think we just had sex, man. Hey, Quebec, you're a single parent at the age of I'm a single parent? Yeah, are you a single parent at the age of whatever you are? Oh, fuck you, Cyanide! He was selling me this fucking story about how you managed to get a chick pregnant at 16 and she abandoned it, and you kept the baby.

That's why you were AFK, because you had to take care of the kid? I was eating a Pukka pie! Part 1 Womble's attempts to create a real-life accurate version of himself in Grand Theft Auto V leads him to making "a hairy Ricky Gervais with lipstick. Despite him only having a "pea-shooter" pistol , he takes one shot anyway As the gang hangs out in an apartment, Womble decides to take a shower, to which Cyanide and Gambit hang outside the bathroom door like bodyguards, which ends up trapping Womble inside.

Oh look, what does this remind you of? You've locked me in my fucking bathroom twice! And with a gaydar, you have a gay countermeasure which is where you throw glitter in the air, like chaff. Soviet, I'm sending you a present! Did you just throw Kanye West at me!?

My cab driver's name is Juan. My cab driver's name is Dopinder. During a game, Cyanide asks Siri if she wants to get dinner sometime. Her response is barely audible, but his reaction says it all: What does that — what does that— what? What did she say? Did you just get turned down by Siri? I think he did. You were, were you?

Short stories

You were fucking turned down by a robot! Siri just keyed up for some reason. Siri in the background: Trying to continue the rhythm to Laurence Fishburne just sort of just talking was quite difficult. I don't understand sex. Yeah, no no no. I just want someone to touch my pee pee. What, about my pee pee? No, not your pee pee— Cyanide: Well, its average girth and length is— Soviet: I will start my three-part apology by saying you're a wonderful man— Cyanide: I'm coming to Brighton.

And I'm going to skin you alive. I believe in you, Edberg! Two four six eight, who do we appreciate! You wanna say a few words for him?

www.newyorkethnicfood.com: Jonathan P. Tomes: Books, Biography, Blogs, Audiobooks, Kindle

He was a cunt. Aero's, the chocolate bar with the bubbles in it? Where the hell was the D and the P!? I'm with you, Nevil! He's got a shotgun! Oh, I'm no longer with you! I'm no longer with you, Nevil! No longer with you! You're on your own! Good luck, man, I believe in you! Sorry, I just get carried away! Hello, OH, speak of the devil, Tobiwan! We were complementing you on the fine work Womble, I agree with you, I wish I was hearing-impaired right now. You don't know that song? I think Gambit knows that song judging by his snigger.

Why are you in the back? Just in case any of you get any funny fucking ideas. What, about us shooting you?

I think that means "yes. Once he's phased into being. You are a total fucking moron and I hate having met you to be honest. If you want a translation for that, it was "Fuck you, Edberg, I gave you the 8X, motherfucker. Edbug camt aem potato aeem. Edberg misses a shot Wow, neiaigh, edbug! Whydufuc he dun aeight? I'm fluent in idiot, I can't help it! Howmny fupkin fwashbabs doouav? Just as many dicks as your mum takes.

Womble and Cyanide laugh Nevil: Yes, we got that, Cyanide. Was someone— what was that sound in the background? That , what is that? Oh yeah, that was my girlfriend, she wants brownies. She was having a food orgasm , I thought it was something else there. Yeah, she was tapping my hand begging f— JoinkStreams' girlfriend: The rule of dibs is a fucking mockery in and of itself. Don't disrespect the rule of dibs! The rule of dibs is a time-honored tradition ever since Julius Caesar wandered into Rome and said "dibs"!

How did that work for him? Well, he kinda got surrounded by about 20 guys and stabbed , so It's the Roman Empire, weirder things have happened. What do zombies sound like? Womble is a faggot! Part 1 The opening Failure Montage of Soviet hunting animals — most of which are glitching out uncontrollably — set to "The Gonk. They then proceed to lock him in the "Fight Club room", and force him to partake in a cage battle to the death against another prisoner they had actually Rotary with rocks. Rotary is victorious, and everyone else shoots him down as well. I want to take him home. He got burnt by a fire the other day so he turned around and emptied an entire mag into it.

It also prompts this conversation: The rose and the drowning man are two random people who came by and we invited to draw. They didn't know who you were, but they were like "Oh yeah, okay, we'll draw. What do you mean? Uh, this rose and the picture of the drowning man. No, I mean what do you mean they don't know who I am? You're not that famous, Womble. Hello, can you talk? I'm so sorry, I can't answer you over the sound of the gunfire! Did they just fucking Jon Snow me!? Okay, I'm making a ruling here! To anyone who says "Womble is a faggot", well after that, your arse is mine!

It was a legitimate medical procedure, it is normal for a man my age — nearly normal for a man my age to have a prostate exam. Did he wake up at 3 A. If not I will take this image, remove the logo, then zoom right in and set it as the new 'new video available' notification that appears on your phone! Do the right thing! Because I sure as shit won't! Part 1 Soviet introduces Cyanide to the game, and in particular a very large, crucifix-shaped hole that naturally spawned in an asteroid.

Build inside the cross, "Jesus Space Station". Yeah, because you're using science to build it, that's nonsense. Everyone knows science doesn't exist. Sorry, I mean "arse. I do remember when the second or third bullshittery came out, when you started making it into kind of a series, with the DayZ ' bullshittery thing, the amount of shit Cramps and I gave you was just incredible, and I'm so glad that you did because German babies, they're smooth then, are they?

What do you think they line the autobahn with? Part 1 The entire party spends an entire bit at the beginning of a mission teabagging a wounded civilian outside the building Soviet's run-in with two pairs of enemy ragdolls who pile up rather suggestively. The ending where upon discovering in-game graffiti reading "Deb is whore", Soviet slaps down the game's manual to find a "Deb" in the credits, then sends an email to "deb irrationalgames.

I will count them! The word of the day is: Now you know why the door is locked. Viscera Cleanup Detail Bullshittery. ZF Tom's manic obsession with the bucket spawner, leading him to filling up an entire hallway with buckets as the rest of the clan's back is turned. Wait, woah woah woah, did we leave Tom alone with the bucket machine? Yeah, Cyanide's talking to his girlfriend, I reckon. I also talk to Cyanide's girlfriend!

And by talk, I mean send penis pictures, and I get penis pictures ba— Cyanide: We Were Here Bullshittery. In the game's lobby room, with Soviet and Cyanide picking their roles: I get to be the Explorer because I'm the man with the big jaw and the lovely, sexy body and I'm the one that's adventurous and Indiana Jon— Soviet: You're also the one on the floor, and I'm the one picking you up, presumably, 'cause you're rubbish. I think you've got to help me using whatever resources you have in your library—I presume you're in a library, are you in a library?

I'm a casino, it's like full of hookers and slot machines, it's awesome, in fact! It's much better than your room, waaayy better. So the backwards "Z" according to the chart Oh shit, I think we're talking over each other. I can just cut you o— zzt Soviet: I can just cut you off, it's brilliant. I can hear you— zzt Oi! You're just saying "Over"?

I thought you were being sarcastic, do you have a message or not? No, you dickhead, I said it's done! I got through the fucking door! Ah, I didn't hear that bit, over. I'm sorry, we are experiencing higher traffic than usual.

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He's promoting himself over the hold music!? I hate this man. I actually hate this man, and I can't do anything about it because he's jamming the damn radio! Thank you for your patience. You will now be connected with our customer service representative, Jeffery. You are a massive, massive, idiot. Help us improve our Author Pages by updating your bibliography and submitting a new or current image and biog.

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