Cancer Doesnt Knock: It crashes into your life and nothing is ever the same

May God bless yr families as you minister for Gods Kingdom. I am anxious to sing it as my solo at church. We need this sooo bad! Thank you for hearing God and being obedient and faithful to what He has called you to do. I heard you on the radio last night- talking about your son who is Type 1 and how the song came about. I was crying on the way to meeting at church as my son is also Type 1.

He is 12 and was diagnosed 5 years ago. We live in Plano, Texas. It meant the world to me to hear you talk about the struggle. It is a battle each day and I love how real you were. It also makes this song extra special- and honestly tough to hear. Some days, I am angry and those days are hard. An athlete with a fighting spirit and a love for Jesus. He amazes me and God works through him- I see it all of the time.

Sunday I watched you for the first time or even heard your music…. I want you to know I love southern gospel music, but I love your band.. Thank you, MercyMe, for just being such an awesome ministering conduit. I often take your songs and use them as a way to minister, whenever I get the opportunity to share a message from the Word in our prayer ministry, and your songs have been delivered to those I share them with, with such a spiritual impact. I just would that they could hear the music that I have in my head as I share the words to the songs!

Kinda comical when I want to break out in song, especially knowing my voice is not to be broadcast in the LOUD mode! Love you guys so, so much…keep ministering, allowing GOD to use you through song. I recently lost my dad to cancer. But for those of us who have lost a loved one the pain is so deep and overwhelming at times it is difficult to move forward.

In my case I feel God let me down. This is, by far, the absolute most spirit felt song I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. It spoke to my spirit, in a way that was authentic, real and spirit-filled. I am connected to it in such a strong way, as I never have before to any other song. It is not a chorus filled song.

Thank you, so very kindly, for sharing your heart through your inspirational music. Thank you for being real and honest. We are all human and, no matter our profession, often find ourselves in circumstances beyond our control. Thank God, He loves us so much, to hold us up out of our stormy ocean of hurt and pain. He makes something good out of the bad. The first time I heard it on K-Love it touched my heart. Listening to the words lets me know that no what I go through in life, I still have to keep my hope and the Lord and give him all praise.

What an awesome song! The last three years have been a nightmare for me with one loss after another. I surely know what it means to lose and be broken and sifted. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! God bless you guys! But then I kept listening, and the words kept getting deeper and deeper into a part of my own soul.

The pain and tragedy of life, even for the Christian, is almost unbearable at times. Praise God for keeping you honest and real in your work that glorifies him, who alone is worthy of all of our praise, glory, and adoration. I love this song, brings me to tears. I was recently diagnosed with recurrent lung cancer after two and a half years being cancer free.

Thought I beat it but its now back and stage 4. Dont know how long I have and I have been going through alot of emotional turmoil, trying to keep my faith and trust in God , but sometimes its even hard to pray. I just want to get to the point of no matter what happens I will not lose my trust in God because even if God does not heal me , I will know he is still with me always and everything will be ok, like the song says , even if, it is well with my soul. Thank you for this beautiful song. Thank you so much for this honest song. In I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer.

I am now undergoing radiation for the aggressive cancer found during major surgery dealing with removal of cancer, impacting facial nerves. My motto has been: God bless you all! March my husband left me, and just when I was feeling shattered and angry with everything,…even God I came across this song. I was leaving the hospital after being there on the 5th day since my youngest son overdosed.

They had called me at 1: I just absolutely fell apart because I knew I was being faced with something unimaginable. She divorced him and we struggled hard. I never hated him. It was the depression and pain. I began to allow God back into my life when my grandmother became ill.

She had gotten sick in after surgery. Doctors told her she had 2 years to live. She passed away due to complications in February She was a testament of God. He was not done with her life. In , my mom almost died from Diabetes. She had been to the doctor twice before I made her go to the ER. She became unconscious 3 days after she was admitted. Her blood sugar was We both were out of a job, struggling to keep our house.

God was not done with my mom either. All I can do is give God all the glory because I could not live without him. This song by MercyMe is a testament to how I feel sometimes. It is easier to move mountains than to learn how to overcome the roadblock. All I can do is go with it because God is in control. Mom and I struggle now, we are trying to clean out the house and sell the property. She has 14 acres of beauty. The house is falling apart. I pray that we get out.

Keep the tips coming. I wish I had known how physical grief could be. I thought I had some kind of disease until I figured out it was literally the weight of the grief I was carrying. No one really understands how deeply we hurt for our loved ones, it makes you realize how alone you truly are. I watch her videos almost every day, I touch her on the screen, wanting to feel her soft skin and warm breathe on my face, her smell….. She passed on March 19, , I held her in my arms on the way to the hospital and kissed her and told her I how much she meant to me and to our other family members, she brought them up, she nutured them and helped to make them whole.

I told her that if she cannot breathe I will breathe for her. She is mine and I am hers and that will be forever. Such a great list. I really appreciate with this. I will must share it to others and also to my facebook page. Thanks fo rthe sharing such a informative article. I lost my brother in law, Chance, more of a big brother less than a month ago.

We were very close. I never knew I was going to feel crazy when Chance died. I tune out the world and hear songs and his voice so clear like he is sitting right next to me. I still send him messages telling him about my day and how his daughter is doing. I miss him and I will love him forever. I do wish I would have let him stay in my house where he would have been safe guilt. I told a close friend that I intended to create a page on instagram directed to other males that very close to their mothers.

Itreally a great and useful piece of info. I am satisfied that you shared this useful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. The dream always finds a way to rear its ugly head and you grieve it all over again. In 17 years, through guilt of being alive, I have systematically lost everything my beautiful husband and I worked so hard for, that I now have nothing. I ruined my relationship with my beautiful girls, and I am still so very lost.

I wish my doctor had visited me after my husband died… or someone had put me somewhere for my own protection from myself, until I could cope. I still cry everyday with grief for jom. I lost my son on June 24, I was devastated to say the least. That scared me because at that time I was doing good just to breathe. So maybe people should be careful on advice to a person who is in the beginning stages of grief.

I was afraid that if I was never going to get better then I may have to be placed in an institution. I know now logically what people meant but at that time I was not thinking logically. One day at a time and I manage to get out of bed, work and function. Just hold off on advice the first days afterwards. I lost my absent dad a few months ago. So when he died suddently I just feel like the restablishment of contact came too late, when things were just getting better he left this world.

It feels like a cruel ending. She was very functional and we had a loving life. We had both acknowledged that I would outlive her, so should have been prepared? No, sudden unexpected death of even a terminally ill person hurts terribly; maybe more so in the fact that we knew the end was nearer than we would have liked. People may mean well, but this is about YOU and what you need right now. It sounds like his toothbrush is important to leave where it is, so leave it, my dear. These responses really are as bad as we think they are. Let me assure you that there is nothing wrong with you at all, Dawn.

Please find ways via the internet or other, to be with people who can support you, and listen instead of telling you what to do xxoo. I am so sad for you that you believe you can do nothing about whatever wrongs you feel you may have done. I believe that you can do so, and I believe your wife already knows how much you love her, and the great sorrow you bear.

John, have you heard anything about continuing bonds? While this is a problem, it also suggests a solution, as you can seek resolution through working to make amends to her, just as you would have in life. He passed away suddenly at 53 and since then, I feel completely lost. He is the first thing I remember when I wake up, and the last thing before I fall asleep. I was crying all night and then I found this site accidentally.

But I think the only thing that gets better with time is your emotional control in front of others. It still hurts so badly and you miss that person so much. English is not my first language, but I hope you will understand me and some could maybe find yourselves in my words and feelings.

Suddenly losing a beloved has not only the grief but the shock too. Losing my mom was an ongoing affair…years of sliding down the path of dementia. Outbursts, and her struggles to stay in control, could be intense, sometimes with her striking out. But there were times of exquisite sweetness; I slept with her several times, to keep her safe when my father was away.

It always made her smile and the energy in our hearts would glow. I sang her Sufi chants several nights a week, while she was in bed at the nursing home in her finally year, readying for sleep. These memories of loving more then, have sustained me in her loss. She is Always with me! For some of us, writing thank you notes and letters after a death and funeral or memorial event is part of the healing process.

I wanted everyone to know how very much I and our son appreciated their caring thoughts and deeds. It is not always a cruel thing as stated in this list and is an incredibly personal decision whether to write them or not. As I read through these posts, my heart is broken for each one of you. Our grief is so individual and so real. My fiance, the love of my life, my soulmate passed away suddenly on March 22nd.

Like so many of you, we had so many beautiful memories and so many plans for the future. I find myself pretending to be okay. I go out to dinner with friends. I pretend that I am happy. I, too, have experienced this. I cling to the people who are there and who do their best to the best of their ability. So now I sit and I wait and I fear for the future. I know that I will never have another, I know that I will never love the way I loved this man.

My heart is broken. They do not know. How can one be strong when half of her heart is missing, one of her lungs is gone, half of her soul and spirit are gone… And the other half that remains is so deeply wounded. I do agree with all of the ideas you have presented in your post. They are really convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too short for newbies.

Could you please extend them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post. She was not diagnosed until weeks before she died. Im a ONLY child and Her 2nd husband passed in of a stoke and we did not know. We thuoght it was just a flu since he had flu like symptoms. We missed the arm not being able to lift up. Im not even a Christian anymore and this person just keeps on saying this stuff and it does not help me. No it does not. I miss my mom everyday.

Sometimes my days ate good. Mothers Day im with a friend and mother. And ppl expect you to be all gine and happy like nothing ever happened. May be if that person lost their brst friend and mother abd was her catetaker of 2 lsst years…. I lost the love of my life on January 26, he had turned 55 on Jan The dearest kindest man I have ever known. I was married to a Monster for twenty years then alone for 13 years before finally agreeing to date him hesitation being my strong suit.

I had four years , one and and half married to the best man anywhere before god took him home. I am so thankful for the people I grew up with it Oregon who truely understand. I feel changed, older, and have missed her since the moment my dad called to tell me. But it still feels unfair and too soon.

I want to talk to my friends about it, and I do to some extent, but the harder stuff.. I buried my best friend, soulmate, and husband of 28 years on March 5, He died two blocks from my worksite in a horrible car crash, coming to pick me up from work. He was only I was not allowed to see his body until the funeral service; the funeral director and my father said there was too much damage, I would regret seeing him like that. My brother had the car towed away, our brand new sports car, and I never saw it. My dad and brother said it would be too traumatic. And everyone around me is pushing me to pack up his things.

I cried for hours after having to wash the glass he left on his nightstand because it was growing mold. Has anyone else gotten angry at platitudes well-meaning people spout? I visit the cemetery every day, and my brother told me I needed to stop doing that. Nobody understands the depths of my grief; he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Will anything be right ever again? I wish someone had told me I would feel like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle. I also wish someone had warned me of this whole new culture of widowhood. Some wives act weird when I speak to to both wife and husband. I am thankful for this post and appreciate all of the comments. They have helped me! I lost my Dad on 28 April I know he had been really ill but he seemed to be defying all medical people and just kept going. The next couple of weeks went by in a blur.

When I finally got there I then became mediator between sisters and our mother who divorced Dad in I was always really close to Dad while my sister was closer to Mum I know they have always spent a lot of time together and I assume they still do. I still miss Dad every day even though when he was alive we could go for weeks without speaking at least he was there at the end of a phone.

I wish it was still that simple. My Mum had died at 32 with kidney disease…i was 9, my sister 2 and brother I became Mum…4 years later , living in a troubled N. We were rehoused about 3 miles away and I knew no one, Dad , bless him spent all his time working to keep us.. I wish that you could report spam comments. I enjoyed reading this list! Thank you for your time and effort you put into this! Its something I have never experienced in my life before and certainly a life changing experience. My Mother died four months ago now and I miss her so terribly.

Although she was old and her death was inevitable, the loss and grief goes deep into the core of ones soul. We just had the funeral for Daddy 1 week ago a Saturday- Feb 24 He was barely I am the oldest of the 3 children- My dad died unexpectedly while in the shower- he had a Tonic Clonic seizure. Among some other pieces of advice I will mention: I was at my DDS when my grandma called and told me. I was just about to get work done and letting novacain set in. I was all alone, feeling judged and hyperventilating.

I had to have my husband come get me. So then I had to start the planning of the funeral. I pretty much stayed awake from that Tuesday night til I crashed that Saturday evening. My Dad was my BBF. The first man who loved me, and adored me. We were so close that we would talk on the phone for hours times a week and constantly fb message. He ended up receiving over guests. He was much loved. He was a knockout-rockout musician of many instruments and sang better than any country singer, maybe only rivaling Garth Brooks.

And he could rock the house, impressing the most bitter critic doing Skynyrd lead vocals and electric guitar. Have barely cried since the funeral. But I know the thunder is rolling and the storm is due very soon. God bless each and every one of you. My husband died two years ago, it was his 38th bday. It was ruptured brain anuerysm, i only had 9 hours with him at the hospital.

I was just 29 back then. Two years later, hid clothes are still hanging by the closet, his bathroom toiletries are at pur cabinet, some of his things are still neatly packed just they way that he had left it. But most days are just too painful, i would talked to him inside the car and would visit his grave everyday.

It feels like i will never ever stopped grieving, its like i always end up on the day that he died. I lost my husband on He came in to my life 15 years ago after the trauma of an emotionally abusive first marriage and the subsequent parental alienation of my son towards me, fueled by lies and deceit. My second husband gave me love, comfort, and helped me renew my trust in others and rebuild my self-esteem. He had a stroke in bed next to me at 9: My grief counselor has become the most important person in my life.

I feel lost and untethered. I have functional days and very very bad days. My brother passed away in November of Sometimes I feel like I cannot think anymore…I wish I could talk to someone about how I feel but find it hard. I lost almost all of my family members after my mom passed. I have very few people left in my life. People I thought would be there with me and for me walked away. I feel like I am a different person now because of my grief. Every day is a struggle. This list helped me realize that its ok to be the new me and that some days are going to be awful and that is also ok.

My son had gotten a girlfriend at 14 and I remember my disappointment and the lectures about unprotected sex and how having children at an early age can halt your dreams. I actually woke with gratitude in my heart and on my lips. My heart and my stomach hurt so badly for weeks, and my only wish was to go be with him, in spite of having 4 more beautiful, deeply loved children.

I do believe I will get on with life, and that there is more joy to be had. God bless us all who love — and who grieve — so deeply. The Lord is close to the broken hearted. You should add to the list the fact that it is common for all of your friends and family to ignore you when you are grieving, expect you to get over it soon, and will never be there for you. Seriously, the silence is so much more painful than the loss. God this is the truth. Do not be surprised if in the period before, and for a while after, the death you find yourself saying and doing things which are very unusual for you and which you later regret.

This is your sub- conscious going haywire whilst it tries to adjust to the new circumstances in which it finds itself. It is not you. Eventually you will return to something like normal but it will be a new normal. You will truly be a different person — kinder, gentler, warmer and more understanding with other people. In my own case I even smile at babies and often get a smile back — a wonderful experience. I like to think that the spirit that was once my wife is now part of me. Two souls in one body is a comforting thought as I face the future alone.

The depth of your grief cannot be measured in proportion to your relationship to the one you lost…mother, father, sister, brother, friend, spouse, or any other loss. You will grieve more for some losses than for others, and for different reasons. I lost my sister recently, suddenly. She had a stroke while we were walking down the street. No health issues, no warning. How do you keep going with half a self? So many people grieving on here. My mother was killed by hospital negligence.

My daughter was almost killed by hospital negligence. I watched them both. This is turning on my family. I do not want the company of anybody. I am strung out. My nerves are shattered. I have to look after a lot of people. People look to me, they depend on me. I will not go for counselling. One size fits all, a bloody insult. I will not go to the doctor and take his knockout tablets. They are an uncaring breed. My thoughts are more and more in the bad times. Your guts are knotted and your head is screaming. You are pleasant with people.

I could write forever. There is more and more and more. Why is it up to me? I just want to be left alone — to wallow. What does anybody know? They are not me. If they could all be just fine, because I worry, but just leave me alone. I lost my home and business in hurricane Irma in September. My mother died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. We suspect medical malpractice, but await the autopsy report. My invalid father will likely have to go to a nursing home, which breaks my heart, as Mom cared so lovingly for him in their home. Your words express my feelings exactly.

I thought I was doing quite well with my material losses, after all, things can be replaced. I believe I will get through this, but right now it seems utterly insurmountable. Thank you for expressing so accurately what I am feeling. VERY suddenly and unexpectedly.

Recovering from Mild Traumatic Brain Injury | BrainLine

One minute talking and 15 minutes later I went to check on him outside and found him. He was only 39 years old, and was very active and healthy. We had no clue that his asthma was even close to as serious as it turned out. I am even still waiting for his ashes to arrive there was a mix up with the address. And am also still waiting to be able to retrieve his personal effects. And every time I wake up I have to remind myself that it happened. I find myself waiting for him to come walking through the door several times during the day and night. And I am stuck, I have a hard time even leaving our bed because I feel like he is with me there.

Any advice on how to begin even talking the smallest steps in beginning the process of grieving? I am so lost, and unsure, seems like I am unable to take even baby steps without him. The heartbreak and the pain never goes away, you just eventually find a way to live with it, but it takes a long long time. Allow yourself the time and the ocean of tears that comes with the loss, these do let you start to heal even although it does not feel like it. They come back again and again and each time they are another step in the grief process.

But you can only see that when looking back, I personally have found that it never ends, it is always there. For me time does not heal, it just lets me find a way to live with the loss. I have also learned that asking for help to cope can be very valuable. Not just from the help received but the fact that you reach a stage of even able to ask for help is another step to coping. He was only 36 and it was the day before my 33rd birthday. He was healthy and doing great.

We were about to move into the next chapter of our life together and had started talking about trying for a baby. I woke up very early in the morning to find him getting ready to go have coffee with a friend. He told me he loved me, kissed me, and told me to go back to sleep. I remember going back to sleep thinking that when I woke up again he would be back from his visit with his friend and we could start our day together.

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2. The Important Role of Brain Filters.
3. 64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief.
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I woke up to my cat jumping on me trying to wake me up and I thought he wanted food but he was jumping on me for a different reason. I found Mike only if you feed away for me and he was gone. He had faulty heart valve. No one should have to face this kind of torture and you said that you felt so alone. I was surrounded with people but felt completely alone in my own way. That of course only made things worse. I wish that there was something I could say or some advice I could give you to make the pain go away.

Forging a new path, one that is different from the path we had planned together has been necessary but excruciatingly painful. The only thing that has gotten me through is knowing with all my heart in some way, he is still here with me. If you are open to it, I promise you that your partner is with you too.

I too lost my life partner. We were together 12 years, raising 3 children, and we had so many dreams and plans. He died suddenly 2 weeks ago at age Nothing feels the same. We were engaged but not married so I too found myself amounting to nothing when it came to and comes to decisions. I had to ask his estranged brother for permission to make the funeral arrangements. Everything has been a mess and I have been fluctuating in my moods trying to understand why this happened to us. Now I feel numb in a very closed off way. I think it difficult to find others who truly understand what this kind of loss feels like.

Just know you are not alone. And as already said it is so hard when people in your life do not know the person you lost, it only adds to the feeling of their existance disappearing as if they were never there. He was 2 weeks shy of Still learning the grieving process but someone should have told me that having photos of your loved ones from the past show up randomly on Facebook, etc are shocking and can trigger huge emotions.

We lost my father on the 25th of September at I took a week off work and that was the result, depression and anger. I called my gp and he told me to call the local cancer charity as they do counselling — they are over subscribed so I was told to call someone else, who never returned the call.

Recovering from Mild Traumatic Brain Injury

I feel so confused and low, I had one day back at work then a day off, work seems to pull me out of this. Anyone who can help, please help. When you wake up focus on getting to the shower. After shower I say ok what to have for breakfast? People do want to help. Only you can communicate that. I wish the best for you x. It will get better. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a little over a year ago and some days I still feel like I am missing half of myself and that nobody understands.

But, I have found great support online, on sites like this and through grief groups that the local Hospice has. I hope you can join one of those becuase you will feel like you are not alone and that is very comforting. It is hard when nobody calls, or talks about your parent that died. It just stops and that is so hard to deal with. I try to bring my dad up in conversation whenever I can, it makes me happy. The sadness will come in waves and you will stop thinking about their last 24 hours less and less. Happy memories will replace those thoughts as time goes on.

Hang in there and be good to yourself. I lost my mom on Dec 6th, too.

Hearing Problems and Hypersensitivity to Sound

I can relate to everything you wrote. I took care of my mom for 5 weeks before she died at home of cancer. I know it will get better, but any time alone is just so hard. I did everything with her for the last 10 years. She was the one I talked to and now I have very little support. My dad is grieving in his own way, separating himself. So I put on a fake smile and keep busy. I hope you are healing. My wife of 44 years passed away four years ago after a four year battle with the dreaded cancer. I have run the gamut of emotions, I have listened to advice, comfort, and thoughtful words from family and friends, and, like most of us, I found some solace.

She, like many others, was to me, a life-long supporter of all that I did, a comfort during loss, a joy in the good times, and my champion at every opportunity, but like most of us, sadly, I took all this for granted, thinking because I loved her, that was enough. Being sorry is my burden to bear and if God sees fit to grant me peace, then maybe someday this pain and regret will go away. Dear John, I really feel for your loss, especially the regret of things you did or said to your wife.

I lost my son, aged 29, following his mental ill health. I would tell him that he was the best and most valuable person in our family. And how much we miss him and love him. Sadly without that chance to go back and relive our life with him, where we would all do everything right and say all the right words, at the right time, we are all just here, in the present, and there is nothing we can change in the past.

So, what is the answer? I think you are spot on. He is the one who can forgive our mistakes, but we also, to move on, need to forgive ourselves. We get it wrong at times, but your dear wife and my dear loving son would have forgiven you. Thank God for the years you had together.

John, I too learned many things I never expected to learn when my darling wife of 41 years was killed instantly in a car accident not long ago. I would like to tell you just one of them if you will hear it. Love is not an emotion. Joy, sadness, anger, fear, all of them come and go; here one minute and gone the next.

Not so with love, because it is not an emotion. When it comes, it takes up permanent residence because, unlike emotions, it is not a reaction to circumstances, it is a very real thing; a gift from God, who, being love Himself, abundantly spills this commodity out of heaven upon us imperfect creatures to wonder at. The easiest way to understand this is in the love that instantly shows up when a baby is born. Both mother and father would now give up their lives for that which did not exist.

Love shows up with the baby and takes up residence among them. The same thing happens when a man and a woman enter into sacred union. Even though they may not recognize the source, God blesses them with a measure of love that abides between them. They can water it, tend it, feed it, and set it out in the sun and watch it grow, or they can let it die. But while it lives, it never fails. See 1 Cor 13 for all the attributes love has. The love that God loaned the two of you has gone John.

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She took it back to the Giver and presented it to Him for safekeeping. You will see it as it really is when you go. Your emotions have lost the object of their affections. Not just your wife, but the love that God gave you for each other. Pain and regret does not come from love. Forgiveness comes out of love. She taught you that. It is not honoring to your wife to live with emotional pain.

John, you have very eloquently put into words exactly what I am going through. It must have cost you to do that. My husband passed away on 2. Nov from an excruciatingly painful bone disease coupled with dementia. I am haunted by all the selfish because I could not emotionally control myself , hateful things I said to him when he was most vulnerable. And yet he forgave me just before left — a simple gesture he had used several times before.

His daughter said to me consolingly: I have changed since he left. I am trying to be a better person through the realization of all I took for granted over the last 42 years. If there is a heaven, I want to be worthy to join him again one day. People will prey on you after your loss. I wish someone had told me how very different each grief journey can be. I expected the same process when Mom died as I had experienced with Dad. But it was so different. I needed a lot more support the second time. It was like the first one was happening all over again.

I was told during a grief counseling group I attended that grief is cumulative. I found that to be very interesting,. I hope you find some happiness in the new year. I have come to realize we were so concerned strong for our surviving parent we didn t actually get to grieve. On top of that we are now an orphan with no parents. It is a very hard process the second time around. So much unresolved grief from our first parent that it is truly a different process and so painful. It will get easier in time, but will always leave a void. If you want to know how to make extra bucks, search for: I dearly loved a guy who was the loveliest, kindest and funniest person anyone ever was lucky enough to meet.

It was the first time I thought I stood a chance with him. I never saw him again. My best friend, his ex girlfriend of years ago, told him and our group of friends terrible lies about me. And that was the end of that. So I never saw him again. So, 19 years later, in March this year I heard he had passed away in the previous December.

I am completely destroyed. I married a lovely man and have beautiful daughters, but I am broken. Broken for a lovely man who deserved the world more than he got, broken for not having been in his life even just as friends and able to fundraise, to assist in anyway while he fought a terrible illness.

Broken for the time I did not get to share with him. Broken for the promise and potential that did not get to be explored. Broken for the most loveliest guy to go through something so horrible when undeserving others are still living good lives. I think I am being unfair to my husband and children as I am not the happy person from before, but all I can do is honour him by remembering moments we shared, things he said and did, and wish to go back and do things over.

I stumbled onto this site and your post. However, I believe had there been something there between you nothing would have stopped him from contacting you again. It was not meant to be. Neither of you sought the other and now that the knowledge of his passing has caused some grief in your life you have taken the time to express remorse.

I feel sad for your husband and children. If you feel as badly as you expressed then I must surmise that you married a man and offered him a consolation prize, only part of yourself. Your children too are being short changed by not showing them all the love that you have for their father. Children learn how to love and forgive by what parents teach them. I am sorry you feel so broken and suggest you also need counseling to understand what was never meant to be.

Not every person we meet in life will be the best of friends with or to us. Whatever her motives, or judgement is something you have put on her and may not have the same truth you believe. Forgive her, forgive him and most importantly forgive yourself. Either learn to be in your marriage with all your heart or let your husband go to be loved the way everyone deserves to be loved, Completely….

I wish you well. I lost my daughter on January. I have never left a comment on a website in all my 31 years of life. Your comment was sickening. Selfish selfish pity party selfish. I know how you feel, because I am in a very similar situation myself. Like you, I fell in love with him suddenly and unexpectedly during one long night of talking. Unfortunately, I had just moved in with that friend, and she was still utterly heartbroken over him, and I knew there was no way she could ever manage to stay friends with me if I dated him.

My story diverges from yours a little, because he sent me a love letter the next day, and asked me to be with him. Anyway, I told him no. There was a specific reason why we would never have ended up together, and we both knew it, so I felt like I had to choose a lifelong friendship over a temporary romance. We stayed in touch for years afterward, and hung out on occasion just as friends. But it was always a little strained, and we never had another night like that. And then I got married, and we lost touch all together.

Regret is a tough thing, with grief. I keep looking back and wondering what I could have done differently, and I mourn the time with him that I might have had. I hope it gets better with time. This past first year following the unexpected loss of my husband, I just plowed through, trudging along, marking all the monthly milestones, holidays, etc. Past — Present — Future… And how do you move on from here. I really wish there was a handbook and a neat and orderly way that some people passed over.

I had time to address my dads diagnosis. We laughed and cried together every day before. The time we spent together was the best and worst time of my live. I was expecting something otherworldly, angelic and a beautiful death. There was no heavenly light, no peace. A year on now, and the thought of the way he passed is growing smaller, his memory is still as large! We all have to go eventually. Wherever that might be. Just care, and love deep.

My brother and I took care of our parents for 12 years. My Dad died first after being with us for four years. My Mom got dementia. We took care of her at an independent living apartment complex for seniors where she and Dad lived. As her dementia progressed, so did her care needs. We were both with her each day of her journey.

We were with her when she had a stroke and was in hospice for a week. We were both with her when she died. One thing I did not see in the list about what I wish someone told me about grief, was reminding someone that the person lived a long life. Grief is grief and loss is loss—no matter if someone lived a day or years. I would prefer that someone just say, I am sorry for your loss. How are you doing? As a full-time caregiver, there are so many changes to deal with after your loved one dies.

I was busy taking care of everything for Mom. My phone rang constantly. I was around a lot of people everyday. We had caregivers helping us, so I had a lot of contact with them. After Mom died, the phone stopped ringing, and the people contact ended. I did not have a full-time job, because I was taking care of Mom, so I did not have contact with coworkers to lean on or to be around. My husband was still working, so I was with him at night. My Mom and I were very close. I treasure all the time we had together. As far as I am concerned, there would never be a time I would want to say goodbye to a loved one, a friend, or a pet.

Hello, I can relate to so much of what you said. It was difficult at the end, we had aides but I was the main caretaker. I was being pulled in many directions and felt like I was running 2 households. I almost feel more grief now that time has passed I I miss how we used to spend time together, lunch dates, shopping, etc. She was 90 when she passed but until the very end, looked and acted much younger. Reading about other peoples experiences with grief and death has been helpful to me.

Not knowing what their last hours were like. I have been crying for 29 days straight now, last night being one of the worst. Another strange thing for me and perhaps others is, that even in my first month of grieving, I have had women who knowing what I am going through, still have decided to kind of get their foot in the door to a future relationship now that I am single again.

And at first I thought it was nice that someone was interested but I told myself I will not enter any relationships with other people for at least a year. Getting distracted by their advances only made me feel more guilty and disrespectful to my wife, so I made it clear I was not interested. Lastly, for some reason, I keep expecting her to come to me, in a dream or a vision or some kind of way to let me know she is fine. In the entire past month, I have had no dreams of her still being alive with me, only a few dreams where I was aware that she was gone.

That is changing though to just the opposite. I know that one day I will probably love someone again and I will love them with all my being and never take a day or a tomorrow for granted again. Dave, I am sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. It is almost a year since my husband passed away suddenly and I still have horrible days. I believe in life after death. Your wife knows how much you love and miss her. She will always be with you. It continues into the next life.

In fact you may find that you love her more than you ever did before. I often feel my husband around me. I hear him talking to me. I still talk to him. I tell him every day how much I love him. I know he is waiting for me and I know there is life after death. Buy yourself a beautiful box. Every time you remember a memory you shared in your lives, write it down as if you were both laughing and talking about that memory. Just put it in the box. Eventually you will have a box full of memories that you can pull out and read whenever you want to have time together.

Sometimes you will cry and sometimes you will laugh when you read them. Whenever I start to get in one of those depressed and lonely moods I go to my box and pull out a few memories. They bring me comfort and help me never to forget. Find a church that you feel comfortable with. I was raised Catholic but I found myself a wonderful Anglican Church in my community and it has been a great help to me to reach out to god again in my life.

I wish you well Dave and I understand what you are going through. Just remember that she is always with you, now and forever. You will be with her again. Man, I am going through the same thing with the loss of my wife. You really hit the nail on the head with some of the things that you said. I am filled with so much guilt and everything I do has lost meaning.

Can you tell me how you are doing now and if you are in some way coping with the loss. I have dealt with similar issues of men suddenly pushing themselves on me after my husband died. I just passed the 1 year anniversary and still to this day get messages and friend requests.