The Aliens Touch

Now, on its face — Laughter — this is impossible on its face, I realize — but it is absolutely true. It was opening night, naturally. I went with my friend Tim McGonigal, who sat on my left. On my right was the girl in question. She had long, curly black hair, a blue jean jacket. I remember, she had some sort of injury to her ankle, an Ace bandage, and she had crutches.

She was very tall, I would say. I was starting high school at the time. I would say she was a junior, but I had never seen her before. She didn't go to my school.

TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN

I didn't know her name, and I never will. She was sitting with someone who I presume was her mother, and they were talking about the novel, "Dune. They were talking about how their favorite characters were the giant sandworms. And then it got stranger. That's when she turned to me and said, "Are you looking forward to seeing the movie? First of all, I was embarrassed because I had not read the novel "Dune" at that time. I was merely a connoisseur of movies featuring desert planets, as I still am.

Laughter But it was also the tone of how she asked the question: I did not know what to say. I need not remind you that this was David Lynch's version of "Dune," in which all of the characters were sexy and deformed at the same time. There was a character called the Third-Stage Guild Navigator, which was a kind of giant, floating fetus-creature that lived in a giant tank with this orange mist of psychedelic spice swirling around him, allowing him to bend space and time. He could never leave the tank or interact with the outside world.

He had become, in his isolation, so deformed and so sexy, that he had to talk through a kind of old-timey radio to the outside world, and could never touch them. I mean, I liked him a lot better than the sandworms. The sandworms were fine, but your favorite character? When the movie ended, everyone seemed very happy to get up and get out of the theatre as soon as possible.

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Except for the girl. As I walked out, her pace slowed. Perhaps it was the crutches, but it seemed — Laughter — it seemed as though she might want to talk to me again. When I say it out loud, it sounds so ridiculous, but I can only come to the conclusion that it was what, in the alien abductee community, they call a "screen memory": And so I sure am glad I did not slow down to talk to her. I sure am glad I never saw her again.

In the mid-to-late '80s, the novelist Whitley Strieber wrote a book called "Communion," in which he described his own lifelong experiences being abducted by aliens. And he also described the phenomenon known in this community as "lost time," where Whitley Strieber would suddenly become aware that he could not remember the previous ten minutes, or the previous ten hours, or the previous ten days.

And would come to the conclusion that that was when the aliens were taking him and giving him rectal probes. This book became, naturally, an enormous best-seller. This image by Ted Joseph was from that book, and was his, sort of, police sketch of what the creatures looked like that Whitley Strieber had described to him.

And it was so successful that they made it into a movie. And in , the way I remember it, I was in Philadelphia visiting my girlfriend, and we decided, apropos of nothing, to go see this movie. And the way I remember it, the movie featured these details. Whitley Strieber was played by Christopher Walken. Does something seem strange about this to you? Something wrong with this picture? I had a girlfriend.

People Who Are The Reason Aliens Won't Touch Earth | TheThings

How did this happen? When did this happen? I remember walking out of the theater and becoming suddenly aware of this fact, as we walked hand in hand, and pondering these very same questions. And to this day, I have no answer for you. Some years later, I and this woman — we'll call her "Catherine Fletcher" — Laughter — went traveling through the south of Portugal together.

We stayed in old, crumbling, walled cities, in tiny little hotels, and we would climb up to the roof and drink Vinho Verde and watch the sun set and play checkers. Did we do this? During Level 2 you are guaranteed a win on each spin — and these come with multipliers. Although you can potentially get 15 free spins in total, more often than not, expect five or six. To give you an idea, in the first 10 times we entered Level 2, we only reached the Hive once.

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Because despite the hopes of big wins, this mobile slot game is really far more about entertainment. The free spins come far too often for it to be anything but. Take your budget, think about how much you have to bet to spin at least spins, and then start playing. We send out the latest and best casino bonuses when we get them. Don't miss out, Subscribe today! The Weyland Yutani Corp logo is the wild symbol And there are people like this girl who posted a photo of her debit card and provided the security code on the back without a moment's hesitation.

We have seen this story going around.

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She still didn't learn her lesson after her money was taken from her account and posted her brand new debit card right after. Don't post your credit or debit cards, driver's license or social security cards online. Just don't do it! This person spoke to a girl who thought Africa was a fictional city. For all of those out there who are confused, Africa is one of the Earth's continents. On the continent of Africa there are 54 countries, nine territories and two independent states.

Some of the countries that most of us have heard of include Egypt, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Ghana and Kenya. Madagascar is also part of Africa. All of this information is easy enough to find out about with a quick online search or by consulting an encyclopedia. But this girl never bothered to check and apparently never paid attention in geography classes at school. Does she not know that our calendar only has 12 months in a year? People are fascinated when numbers repeat like that, though.

That's why we get giddy when dates are repeated numbers. And we place some significance on repeating numbers and attribute supernatural things on special dates like these. But we should at least get the dates correct. There is no excuse for not knowing that our calendar only has 12 months on it. Aliens would get the wrong idea about us if ignorant humans like this are the ones to greet them. There is no hope for us. People create these life hack tips on Facebook that are not always true or accurate.

This is why we need to learn how to have discernment about things we read online. Sandpaper is rough and scratches surfaces. Imagine what it would do to a glass windshield. This person could have used reasoning abilities to realize that this tip would have been a bad idea. But noooo, they just had to follow the advice they saw online instead of thinking about it.

Now their windshield is all scratched up and will need to be replaced. We suspect that this person probably does not have that much money available to fix their windshield. And their insurance company won't cover damage caused by their own stupidity. Okay, for real now, why is this a thing? There's a whole hashtag on Twitter about sellotape selfies, and it makes us cringe so hard that we might break a molar. Imagine what sophisticated aliens are thinking when they see stuff like this on the WiFi signals they are getting from Earth.

Yeah, no wonder the aliens have decided not to touch Earth. We look so incredibly ignorant that they don't feel the need to introduce themselves. We would just try to destroy them, even if they were friendly and wanted to co-exist. Humans have trouble handling differences for some reason. That's partially why we can't have nice things. Then humans go off and wrap their heads in sellotape, which will hurt like heck when we take it off. This map is a flattened representation of the globe.

Yes, the Earth is quite round. We are just so small that we can't feel it, and there is this force called gravity that holds us onto the surface. If this map were folded into a tube, the distance representation would be a little more accurate. North Korea isn't that far away and could reach the United States with a nuke if they developed one with enough power. She never paid attention in geography class, and this is why we are here right now.

The aliens probably understand much more about the universe than we do and would be able to figure out a basic map. We're a bunch of bipedal idiots. There's enough people on this planet who think the wrong things about stuff that should be basic knowledge. What kind of monster does this? Pizza should be cut into slices and eaten by our hands. Maybe washed down with a beer or a soda. But it should not be eaten with a fork and knife. Pizza could even be the one thing that we could share with outer space aliens that they would understand.

Pizza could bring universe-wide peace! And here is this person eating it in such a horrible fashion that we could end up being destroyed by aliens if they witnessed it. We really need to do better, humans. First of all, why would anyone decide to take a bath in the washing machine?

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The spinning action alone could cause some serious damage. But this guy thought it would be a good idea to strip down to his birthday suit and take a bath in the washing machine. Then he got stuck.

Humans are not meant to go into washing machines. And if he suffered any injuries from this mistake, we don't feel that much sympathy toward him. Humans are an embarrassment to the life out there. If aliens had anything to do with our creation, they must be regretting it so much right now and have no desire to come back. We just can't continue to do things like this and expect to prevail for another millennia, folks. The end is indeed near. Somehow he fell through the floor while eating chicken nuggets and went right through the ceiling of the floor below.

How does that even happen? The foolishness of this is just too much for us. We can't even imagine what their mother was feeling when she came home. Well, maybe we could. Fixing the ceiling and floor is going to cost a pretty penny.