Part 1 - How To Discover Who you Are And How You Relate To Others (My Amazing Relationships)

Do they show compassion and genuinely care about you? A person who is trustworthy is able to demonstrate consideration and care of others. Each person in a relationship demonstrates their trustworthiness through consistency in their actions. The first behaviors you look at might be relatively small, like showing up for dates at agreed-upon times. Again, learning these things in a relationship happens gradually, as you both show that you are consistent with your actions not just occasionally, but all the time.

Another way a person shows they are trustworthy is when their words and behavior match up. When you love someone, you do not abuse them.

If you trust someone, you trust them regardless of who they spend time with or where they go. Being hurt by someone in the past may have affected your ability to trust yourself and your own instincts. Are you dealing with trust issues? So when we feel our partner has betrayed us by not meeting our needs, by not respecting our terms — the hurt that this triggers is, too — primal. In this feeling, you are not alone. Do not lose heart. A healthy attachment is two autonomous individuals who are complete unto themselves, coming together to share their gifts — with no strings attached.

You can see that you are being you, and that is not gospel. Now imagine if BOTH partners are able to see that process happening and are able to communicate around it. This is when you can solve for ways to change how you act based on it.

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If you are recognizing the differing perspectives in you and your partner and the loop of unmet needs is sounding familiar, then I want to invite you to go to the next step — together, on this quest. But try to do this together. Grab a piece of paper and draw a large circle with swoopy line across the middle. Ask your partner to do the same. Now you both write on one side — you can do the right side, they can do the left. Now write inside this space what attracted you to your partner initially.

It can be free flowing — phrases, adjectives, individual gestures. What are the qualities that first caught your eye? What did you love about them — how did you perceive their strengths? What did they do for you that made you happy? What you will likely see when you combine both sides — is one complete person. The things you wrote on your side of the page are the things you are lacking — that you need to learn to better give yourself and receive from your partner.

The things they wrote on their half — are things they need to learn to do more of. This two-sided circle can be a rough map for the growth you need to do as individuals.

It reveals where you both are compensating for one another — in a way that needs to be changed. The reason these conflicts arise is because we are placing the responsibility on the other partner — to complete our view of ourselves, with their response. We use our partners to maintain a particular view of ourselves: So this is why you might feel completely and totally justified — so purely right, in these moments of conflict. They are so wrong! For this to work, you both have to agree to all the rules ahead of time.

So here are the rules!

How Do I Build Mutual Trust in a Relationship?

Make a calendar event recurring once a week and set it to infinite. For one hour a week you are both going to sit together and listen intently as you talk about yourselves, one at a time.

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For the first week you flip a coin to see who goes first. The other person must listen but not respond in any way shape or form. In other words, no cross-talk: The last rule is no discussion of anything said during your hour — for at least the next three days. This might sound arbitrary or kind of pointless, but what actually occurs is both people are able for one measly hour — to stop relating to one another in their unhealthy cycle. You are suddenly forced to experience yourself minus the other person.

What you will likely find after doing this is that you both feel happy and closer as a result of it. You are experiencing a new version of yourself within the relationship, a feeling that is rewarding to both parties. This is an exercise for you to do solo, but you can invite your partner to do it too. I want you to take your couple-fights and freeze frame them: What are most of your fights about? What are the core values that seem to recur? What themes come up? Are there other parties who get brought into it? Which of you is the one to bring up conflicts most often?

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What are the tactics that are used? What are the fights usually about — in terms of needs and emotions? What are the kinds of words you both use — most often? Think about the last fight you had with your partner and take it apart in detail. Think about what they said or did that upset you. Think about what you said or did in response. Last and most important in this reflection: What is your role, most often?

Know it, name it, and wrap your head around how that role behaves — and the next time a conflict comes up, I want you to choose to play someone else. Because for both parties to return to intimacy, both have to REALIZE in the moments when behavioral loops are taking over your perception.

This is a way for you to stop the exchange of the imbalance and step outside of it, momentarily. This is how you can begin to actively guide your relationship and break bad habits. If your average reaction is to feel hurt and try and explain yourself, next time you should choose the opposite. Let the critique be of no importance and reply with no sarcasm.

What did you just say? This is a mantra I use all the time, for any relationship issue — romantic or otherwise. Try to witness this person in their pain or their unconscious loop.

Why good relationships suddenly go bad - HelloGiggles

Try to isolate their bubble of pain as this entity that lives around them, almost like a flu. An employee might ask how you built a successful business; instead of kissing up he might be looking for some advice--and encouragement--to help him follow his own dreams. Behind many simple questions is often a larger question that goes unasked. People who build great relationships think about what lies underneath so they can answer that question, too.

Outgoing and charismatic people are usually a lot of fun When a major challenge pops up or a situation gets stressful, still, some people can't stop "expressing their individuality. You know at least one person so in love with his personality he can never dial it back. People who build great relationships know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to be over the top and when to be invisible, and when to take charge and when to follow.

Great relationships are multifaceted and therefore require multifaceted people willing to adapt to the situation--and to the people in that situation.

People who build great relationships don't just think about other people. They act on those thoughts.

Why good relationships suddenly go bad

One easy way is to give unexpected praise. Everyone loves unexpected praise--it's like getting flowers not because it's Valentine's Day, but "just because. Take a little time every day to do something nice for someone you know, not because you're expected to but simply because you can. When you do, your relationships improve dramatically. Responsibility is a key building block of a great relationship.

People who take the blame, who say they are sorry and explain why they are sorry, who don't try to push any of the blame back on the other person--those are people everyone wants in their lives, because they instantly turn a mistake into a bump in the road rather than a permanent roadblock. A great relationship is mutually beneficial. In business terms that means connecting with people who can be mentors, who can share information, who can help create other connections; in short, that means going into a relationship wanting something. The person who builds great relationships doesn't think about what she wants; she starts by thinking about what she can give.