How to Find Mr. Right: 21 Tips for Finding a Meaningful Relationship Now

There is no need to settle. You don't need to be content with a man who has no job, no interest in ever having a job or trade of any kind and who likes to play games all day and party all night. But at the same time, keep your list realistic. If you have such high standards that no one will be able to meet, you might end up alone forever. Remember, we are all human. Don't pass by a perfectly nice person just because you think you deserve a billionaire. If you're serious about finding the right person, you need to be the kind of person someone would want to have.

That doesn't mean you need to be someone you're not. But if you constantly have a bad attitude, a sour expression or are critical or clinging, no one wants to be around that. Nobody looking for lasting relationships wants someone who does nothing but party all the time or works all the time either. Try to be more balanced. A big mistake we make when it comes to finding the right person is that we look in all the wrong places. Grocery stores after work usually have long lines of singles buying meals for one. You never know Dinner parties and work functions work.

Don't miss an opportunity to meet new people. Murder, blue bottle stings and attendance at Durban beaches. This is not a character flaw in either party, this is a behavioral mistake. This is a great article and I identify with it completely. Best of luck to you. This is all good to hear. I am the same. I used to model. I am in my 30s but look 25, very intelligent and accomplished. When the whole time, I figured they did not like me for one reason or another and I only got approached by sleeze-bags. Or they are way older than me, looking for arm-candy. I am of course looking for a man who has taken care of himself; however I am not looking for Mr.

Most beautiful women are nice and just looking for someone who is nice and average-attractive and who will value her. Beautiful women learn early that attempting to date equally attractive men is not worth it, because they are making their way towards sleeping with every woman on the planet and tend to be ego-maniacs. Therefore, we only looking for average!!! Thank you for your comments, Julie. Your experience perfectly illustrates the dilemma faced by beautiful women. Perhaps you have given them hope by leaving this comment! Good luck, and I hope you find a man who appreciates you for who you are!

As many of your respondents have said, being too attractive is not a subject you can discuss with most people, least of all family and girlfriends. I still find the very few men who have the nerve to ask me out are indeed the egomaniacs who just want the status of a beautiful woman with them. However, my request to you is a little different. I understand so much more and am genuinely happy to be myself. I do continue to want a man to share my life with as an equal, but now I only want someone who is pretty far down the spiritual path as well.

Do you know of a group where like-minded spiritual people congregate? I did look into an online dating site that said they were spiritual, but it was filled with too many people who seem to have gone off the deep end, missing the simple essence of it all. Thanks so much for writing, Victoria! The point is, you have a much better chance of finding that special someone on whatever path speaks to your heart. If you do not belong to any kind of spiritual or religious organization, then, yes, it gets more difficult.

Online dating sites that claim to be spiritual are a good place to start. Another source would be Meetup groups meetup. Attending spiritual conferences is another way to meet like-minded people who are serious about their spiritual lives. If you live in or near a big city, there almost certainly will be some kind of conference or expo in your area.

Best of luck with your search! I now realize that I am not alone in the cruel world of dating. So many of my friends tell me to not be picky, to just go for it, to try but when I do it always ends up the same way, me being single and feeling worse about myself than before. It has been a struggle for me as I am a believer that it should be the man that approaches the woman and not the other way around.

Even though I have confidence in how I look and feel about myself, sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me and that if I ask someone out they will say no and I will feel bad. Both ended the same way with the guys saying that I would be better off without them. The turtle always wins the race! My fight is not yet over Phil, you have inspired me to think and act a little differently.

Those that are worthy will show themselves and it will be up to me to weed out the sheep from the wolves. Thanks for writing, Kay. Your experiences certainly support the theme of this post. You just said that you felt the very same way yourself. So the situation is: The guy is thinking the same thing about you. So nobody asks anybody out and each of you goes away frustrated and alone. The ideal solution is to meet men in non-dating social situations and stay open to the possibility of having good chemistry with someone you can start a friendship with.

Once a guy feels comfortable getting to know you, he will be less intimidated by the thought of taking the next step. Meetup groups may be worth looking into meetup. There are also lots of groups that offer non-dating social activities for singles. One of my friends met his wife that way. Good luck with your search. Now that you are more aware of the dynamics involved, you should be on your way! Thank you for your tweets! For years, I have been without many dates and seemingly lack of male interest. Men literally look the other way when they pass me by.

As I see other women of all shapes, sizes, levels of attractivenss receive male attention, date and move into relationships. But other minority women were dating. I also thought that there was some type of vibe that I was exuding to repel men. Some times I wonder why this woman gets male attention and I do not, except for online. This puts things into perspective. But I must disagree with you: I saw your Twitter photo and you are indeed quite beautiful.

I still get told that. I see women much younger than I am showing signs of envy. A few years prior to this a man around my age that I had known for a couple of weeks and had coffee with called me up and performed a sex act over the phone. This has been happening since I was a teenager. All I can say is that I find it weird. Perhaps I was a prostitute in my former life If you believe in that. Plenty of beautiful women have found good men and I hope the same for you. The more you love and accept yourself, the more likely that others will too. The world is a mirror of our inner life, and if you are able to reframe your perspective, great changes can occur.

I wish you the best. Thank you for your blog. After reading this, I felt a lot better knowing that other women experience the same problem as I do. It always happen when I am going to social events and weddings that other women would give me this look, thinking I am going to steal their boyfriend or husband.

I never even flirt or approach any of these men, but women have this crazy notion that I am after their man. I hope anybody reading this would back me up. When I tell my friends this, they think I am being silly or I should get off my high horse. Not only do men feel intimidated by them, but other women are often standoffish as well. Selfish, no personality or sense of humor, no work ethic, her day is ruined because she broke a fingernail, she has to have lipstick on when going out to the mailbox are just a few reasons why.

This assumption sounds suspect. I certainly understand being attracted to down-to-earth women but plenty of attractive women are also down to earth. As for women approaching men, yes, a lot of men would welcome that, but a lifetime of social conditioning can be hard to overcome. So true and so sad and so frustrating. I decided to approach a couple guys myself but they treated me like I was desperate for a relationship or just a skank looking for sex. All I can tell you is that plenty of attractive women have found wonderful partners, so the worst thing you can do is give up, because that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What I would tell both women and men is to stay positive and dedicate yourself to continual self-improvement in every aspect of life. The better you become, the better your chances of attracting someone else at that level, and the better the odds that it will work out. Above all, never give up hope!

Dreams do come true. A guy I know has a very cute wife—down to earth, and an all-around genuinely nice woman. He says that she struck up a conversation with him while at one of the stores in the mall. They just talked like two human beings having a conversation. She invited him to have lunch with her at a place she was going to that week, and she asked him which day would be better for him.

Only complete idiots would think a woman is desperate or easy because she simply asks a man out…. I agree with you, Perry. They need to get past that quickly. If they can, good things can happen. Thanks for your reply. That is definitely seeing the glass half full: Jenna, have you tried online dating sites? More than half of all relationships now begin online.

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You start conversations with women, right? Then hand them your e-mail address. As a female reader so succinctly commented: I never really wanted to do the internet dating thing, it seems a bit weird to try to narrow down the sort of person you want to meet, but it seems like it might be the only option left. And the right kind of guy will be much more likely to ask you out if he perceives you as positive and cheerful. Started on meditation this morning, working on changing my mindset: Thank you for your words! You can learn about it at http: I wish you all the best! I get this as well.

They look suspicious, frightened, vaguely hostile. I also think I was fired from a job because of my appearance. The owner hired me and his wife fired me. I ran into a former co-worked and she confirmed that this was indeed the reason. In fact, I prefer baggy stuff and flats. It I wore sexy clothing I would be under constant assault. Unfortunately, this dynamic is all too common, Elizabeth.

Beautiful women not only have to put up with unwanted, aggressive behavior from men, but vaguely hostile reactions from women as well. Many women do not want their husbands to associate with beautiful women in any way, and are deeply suspicious of women who are better looking than they are. Your last line is very telling. Yes, if you dolled yourself up, you would indeed be under constant assault. You would have to put up with aggressive behavior from men as well as withering looks from women. He comes right out for it. No same routine, same outcome and sane results just many more men than one would expect.

I can emphatically assure you that that is not the case. You just need to meet a better quality of men. However, I can tell you that if you continue to have the same attitude about men and about life in general, you will continue to attract the same kind of men and experiences. I wish you luck in breaking out of that cycle.

I understand that fully Phil trust me I do. I have standards and things I find is necessary in a person yet I still end up with crap. Which I believe is unfair. I still get ignored. Yet think they van fix it by finding another woman to make up for the slack. You and all the other men can disagree with me. All men are the same. I get nothing can be perfect. Never carried myself as promiscuous, even though there were rumours spread about me. Beauty Queen will give him an ounce of her attention.

As a man, I can unequivocally tell you that you are dead wrong. Your comments are drenched in negativity and you are clearly angry and bitter. For example, you trash beautiful women in the last paragraph and lump them all into a shallow stereotype to make yourself feel better about yourself. Do you not see the danger in this? This negative, bitter attitude is reflected in the way you show up in the world and affects how other people interact with you. Given that I know absolutely nothing about you or your situation, making any assumptions would be foolish on my part.

All I can tell you is that the best way for anybody to be happier is to reinvent themselves by adopting a more positive, loving view of the world. If that seems impossible or laughable to you, just remember: Nothing changes if nothing changes. ItzMzBunny, when someone talks like that, whether they are a man or woman, they are either exaggerating or they are the problem.

It might be an eye-opening experience! You know, like fellow human beings even. Not all men act like Neanderthals. As a man who has a number of caring, intelligent and enlightened male friends who honor and respect women, I know this to be true. And your comments as well as hers illustrate the truth of it. As for your criticisms of men with regard to their behavior in relationships, you are oversimplifying the issue and again assuming that most, if not all, men behave badly. THe way you characterize men is like a bad stereotype. Yes, many many are like that, but to give the impression that virtually all men are like that is disingenuous.

Yes, there are certainly many, many men who give men a bad name, but there are a lot of unenlightened women out there too. You all claim there are good guys and how women are the problem and are stingy and all want to be married. Maybe it should be stated that there are far more few than people say. Example oh there are good men but in actuality there are only or maybe even My father was a damn good man. But I do agree with M. I thought I could get the pick of the litter. Regardless if I change my hair style or color, buy new clothes or dress up I always get overlooked.

I got dumped by my prom date and when I asked him why he frolicked off like he just got a load of candy. I never did get a response but so the rumors said he did it because I was hideous ugly. There are sick men out there. Many women are left single, confused and damaged goods.

They are the alpha women. Same goes for women who whine and moan about all the good men, yet they have them in their friendzone. I want an actual result. Hearing that there are good men is like hearing unicorns are real over and over again. Our society says that men want a size 0 bombshell who has superhuman powers and does anything he asks or wants without a fuss who works, takes care of the house and kids and in some cases is the provider.

ItzMzBunny, I needed to edit your post because the examples you gave of men behaving badly with you were too graphic. The world is full of dysfunctional people, and you seem to have run into more than your share. The best chance you have to live a more positive, loving life is continuous self-improvement. Life tends to get better, and you tend to meet higher-quality people, as you become a better person. That holds true for women and men in whatever situation they are in life.

Look at my pic in my profile page that I send to newspaper and magazine editors. And all we are basically talking about is JUST starting a conversation with a man, just like she would with a woman. They are more caring and understanding, but starting a conversation with a man and then asking them out is not part of their—makeup. And deep down, they know it. Likewise, women obsess about their looks and attach their attractiveness to their self-worth far more than men do, although as you pointed out, those lines are blurring as well.

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A whole lot of research shows that men are typically attracted to women for their looks while women are often not always, to be sure attracted to men for their ability to provide security. I want to be able to sleep at night. Women HAVE been programmed not to approach men but the bigger problem as far as I can tell is that men have been programmed to be skeptical of women approaching them.

The type of man who usually approaches me? Yes, the type of man who approaches pretty women. I would encourage you to keep trying. Hopefully, your run of bad luck will end soon. Thankfully, from what I understand, the younger generation is already starting to level the playing field. Actually, Jenna, as a writer for singles, I do know how frustrating it can be—for both men and women.

Perry, I think you hit upon a useful statement that Jenna and other women can agree with: Men can be doorknobs. I get porno emails. My life has been something like that. One guy took me to dinner and thought it was OK to grab my hand and place it on his you know what. Am I just being prudish or is this stuff truly out of line? The very next man that was interested in me was the one who started sending porno emails. Elizabeth, what your experiences as well as the experiences of many women prove is that there is no shortage of men out there who give men a bad name.

I can only begin to imagine the frustration and disgust that you and so many other women have to contend with. I wish there were some way to distinguish the good guys from the bad boys, but alas, that is more an art than a science. I can assure you that this is not the case. But you may need to sift through a whole lot more bad eggs before you find the man who will be worthy of you. Yes, it sounds like this film vividly demonstrates the truth of what I wrote in this article: Elizabeth, I completely sympathize. In circles I used to be in earlier in life, I noticed lots of gorgeous women with not so good looking, and of course rich, men.

You should have seen the guy who sent me the porno emails. He looked so innocent. I liked him a lot so I was very hurt when I discovered what he was all about. Yes, there is something flattering about a man wanting you. Twice I was ambushed at night by women who were jealous of my relationship with a man they were interested in. In all three cases the man in question was just someone I knew…not someone I was involved with…and in all three cases the woman was not involved with the man either. For some reason she was insanely jealous of my past relationship with the guy. I had two public encounters with her.

In one she saw me walking in a mall and started following me. She eventually started yelling at me. Years later she saw me sitting in a restaurant. She came over to the table and, in a menacing tone, asked me if I remembered her. I thought she was going to throw hot soup in my face. Ten years after being punched in the face in the bar the woman who hit me was hired at my place of work. She was still hostile and I had to tell HR about it. Now, I keep a very low profile.

I really like men. The men I like just drool all over me and then go off to marry someone else. Elizabeth, I was cringing the whole way through this. I hope the second act of your life is happier and more successful with regard to men and relationships. I hope you manage to find one. Elizabeth, that seems rough! I was only threatened once by a jealous woman who was interested in a guy who was interested in me. When I was 16, I was terrible with women, so I got really deeply into the seduction community, reading books and going out into the streets practicing for 8 hours per day.

At 16 it was all about sex really, and I would never approach beautiful women because of the same limiting beliefs too beautiful, probably got a boyfriend etc… would always come up. The stuff I was reading was so messed up, that it translated into what someone already said: Over time I started to get more confident, and I started to really see what women wanted and what would work with them. But it was one particular interaction that really changed my view of the whole thing.

I was 19, and for the first time I decided to approach a very beautiful woman in the street, around the time I was completely immune to rejection.

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She was a Russian girl, about 5 years older than me, who was actually FAR more intelligent than I had expected. The first thing I noticed is how easily she opened up to me beautiful women, and this was a MASSIVE suprise when I found out, have always been more receptive to a man approaching than average women. We got into this topic I still remember, and this was 10 years ago , and she told me how lonely she was, how women were bitter to her, how the only men who would approach were sleazy bastards… She also said something interesting, which was that men wanted to be in a relationship with an average girl, and have an affair with a beautiful girl of course, she was talking about the sort of men that would approach her.

In general, I think that is somewhat true. Even though this is NOT true in most cases, the men that could possibly have the courage to approach may not want a relationship just out of the fear that the girl will eventually end up leaving him for some rich guy. In any case, that interaction with the Russian girl back in the day really opened my eyes. I had a massive connection with her, and she did become my girlfriend for a few years. BUT, after that, my conception of women in general changed.

Sex was no longer so important, because the feeling of being connected to a woman was so much more fulfilling. After that experience, and before my current relationship, I made it my rule of thumb to only approach beautiful women, because of how much easier it is to connect with them.

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An average woman will be defensive and it is very hard to get her to open up to you emotionally. Truly, I live giving value to the world more than anything. Experience has told me that beautiful women are emotionally unsatisfied, and it gives satisfaction to myself to go up to a beautiful woman and treat her like a real person. My advice to women would be this: The kind of man that you want is a man that is truly in touch with himself, and the kind of man that knows women.

Despite your social conditioning, unless you are EXTREMELY lucky to be approached by a man who knows what he wants and is willing to pursue it probably not going to happen … You should get over rejection and approach yourself, no matter how many men you have to wade through. Also, I have found that the men that generally know life and themselves are artists… Look at classical musicians, painters, writers, philosophers… That is where the gold is. Eventually you should find what you want. This is a fascinating confessional, Steve.

If you can change and leave your womanizing past behind, other men can get a clue and grow up, too. I value relationships with depth to them, so I try to establish emotional intimacy with women as well as men when I first meet them. Women are far more responsive in that regard. Thanks again for your comments, Steve. I expect that women who read this will be encouraged by your awakening. Well one day asked what kind of girl he was looking for since he claimed to be single. He basically told me not me in a underlying tone.

So then he said to me how I was the bestest friend he ever had and how happy he was. Then I wondered if I should ask him again or leave well enough alone. Well one day it popped up in conversation, he said I needed to find someone immediately because otherwise I would be lonely and unhappy.

I asked him how he figured. He told me that I needed a relationship like the one him and his ex has. Just like Jenna, Elizabeth and the other women has said. Theres just far too few of them and I know for a fact those type of men are married or taken where I live. But I agree with what the Russian girl said, men want to wife the average plain girl and sleep with the beautiful woman.

I certainly sympathize with your predicament, although I can tell you that the idea that most men want to be with unattractive women is not accurate. I sure hope you have better luck with men from now on. In fact, everyone has had me.

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One guy even went around telling everyone that I worked as a prostitute for tuition money. As a result nobody wanted to date me. By the way, I edited your comment slightly and other comments as well because I want to keep this blog PG I think I can speak on behalf of decent guys everywhere that the men you have experience with sound like juvenile aliens from another planet.

The guy must have read that book. I ask that because this sort of thing would work, I think, on a woman who has no real interest in the man. I thought it was incredibly gross. While something I have learned over the years is that women want empathy over solutions, I will still try to provide a solution and see if this resonates with anyone. I think that the solution is not really finding a man that has his own philosophical self worked out, because as ItzMzBunny mentioned, these men are one-in-a-million.

You probably have a greater chance of winning the lottery. The key, I think, is in the beautiful woman bypassing all the obstacles and social conditioning of those men that would be able to sweep average-looking women off their feet. For example, lets take the writer ItzMzBunny referred to. And, yet, something was stopping him from actually going out with you, even to the point of outright rejecting you.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to limiting beliefs. Say that the man has been conditioned all of his life to believe that beautiful women should only be accessible to elite football players and billionaires. We know for a fact that this is the case, and this conditioning has gotten to the extreme in a society of constant propaganda and objectification of women. Social tests have been done on this. They would rationalize thinking there is something wierd here, I think I better get out fast.

How to overcome it is the difficult part. You would have to make the man truly believe that you like him and that you are romantically interested without setting off any of the beliefs. It all comes down to comfort. It is your job to make him understand that you are attainable. Not through obvious flirtation like touching him sexually, non-obvious is smiles and whatnot , because this would bring up his alarm quickly, but through deep-connection. Those conversations you think about for days because of how good they make you feel. Essentially, you have to be friends with the guy until it is not really a big deal that you are a beautiful girl, and he appreciates you as a person.

At that point, romantic escalation, even after a rejection or two, would be far easier, as long as you make him understand that you can be achieved. Of course, the only way for this to happen is comfort, and comfort can only be achieved through equality. Men are very rational, and have step-to-step thinking, so verbalizing things will make everything smoother. He will get the message.

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I have rejected women in the past for this reason, which I am repentful of. Also, I forgot to say this in my previous post. Maybe it takes a few rejections before you get to the man of your dreams. I would try three times with a guy before moving on, always after building that comfort I talked about and letting him know you are attainable. But even so, you should immunize yourself to rejection, if it really is rejection just after three attempts. Imagine if you went into a room, and you were looking for some stuff, and there were 20 men in that room, and one of them had it.

How would you find the stuff? You would go up to every man and ask if he has the stuff. Once you find the guy with the stuff, then you have what you wanted. BUT, you will never find the stuff unless you talk to the men. Maybe you are lucky and the first guy has the stuff, or maybe you are unlucky and the 20th guy you talk to has it. Your explanation of why men reject beautiful women rings true.

Establishing a deep connection and friendship is indeed the most solid foundation on which to build a relationship. What Steve said makes a lot of sense. I liked him a lot and told him so but my words fell on deaf ears. I think he thought that I was out of his league. He clearly had some self-confidence issues. That one really broke my heart. Yes, his reaction is entirely consistent with what Steve explained.

Yup, this is my life. One of many examples:. About four years ago I began dating a guy. She ended up inviting him to her house for sex that weekend. She immediately called me the next day and confessed to it all. Being attractive has been an absolute curse for me. Not only do I have to deal with everything the article describes, I also have to deal with negative cultural stereotypes. Being a woman of Latin descent, I am constantly subjected to the following rubbish: In fact, I went out a month ago with a girlfriend.

We walked into a bar and within the first five minutes of being there, a guy walked up to me and smiled. For a split second I smiled back before he grabbed me by the hair, pulled my head back and tried to forcefully make out with me. I threw my drink on him and he walked away cheering. No one came to help me. Out of sheer embarrassment, I forced my friend to leave with me. According to her logic, I was suppose to revel in the fact that some stranger assaulted me. The last time I had a dated someone long-term five years ago , I broke it off because he wanted me to lose weight.

Meanwhile I weighed pounds and wore a size 3. However, I have stopped approaching them. I have approached many men, however, I find that none of those men ever respected me. People and things that come too easily often get discarded for other things and people that require energy because once obtained it is viewed as a reward.

In the latter, that type of man is emotionally damaged and nothing I say will ever change his mind. I am convinced that many nice guys may have approached me at one point or another. But living in such a large city where an attractive woman gets hit on times a day, its very easy to ignore everyone and walk around like a zombie just to protect yourself emotionally and physically.

There has to be someone out there who can accept and love me for who I am holistically. Beautifully articulated, Lonely Life. I cringe when i read of such insensitive treatment from jerks who call themselves men. Your stories as well as the horror stories from other women confirm that most men are operating out of a lower consciousness.

The women you describe are just as immature and self-absorbed.

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The challenge is where to find men who live at a higher consciousness. Both men and women who have raised their consciousness tend to congregate together. So the key is to come in contact with people who are kind, compassionate respectful and perhaps spiritually aware not a prerequisite but it may be a good sign. Do you not know any compassionate, self-aware people? Do what you can to seek them out. I just contend that it improves the odds in your favor.

I certainly hope you can connect with people who will value you and whom you will value, Lonely Life. My heart goes out to you. This is one that I can greatly empathize with. My current girlfriend is a stunner, and at the beginning of the relationship she told me this was the main problem she had with men. I guess I had to learn this the hard way and through experience, and I also suppose this is something most men never learn, but at the end of the day relationship dynamics work the same with a beautiful woman as they do with a more average-looking girl.

We as men should stop distrusting women. If a relationship dissolves, it is not because the woman was too beautiful and waiting for something better, it is simply because it was not meant to be. An average woman can leave at any moment aswell… At the end of the day it is her circumstances, not her beauty. Enjoy things while they last I suppose. Brilliant quote Phil… I see that most relationship problems, with beautiful women and not, come down to artificial behaviours, not knowing how to treat people naturally.

People will put on a fake face at the beginning and when the real person comes out of the closet, most times several years into marriage, everything dissolves. In this ridiculous society, she is the nice-looking accessory, the arm-candy, to be bragged about like a Ferrari. This view of women clearly translates into how they are treated by most men.

Not as human beings, but as something that would look nice on the arm. Believe it or not, I have met beautiful women that told me they had never connected with anyone, and by connection I mean that fuzzy feeling of trust and natural comfort towards someone. I guess you cannot blame them for having their defenses up. Kind of like people wishing they were rich only to find out that having tons of money brings with it all sorts of problems they never anticipated. But because of my outer appearance, I only get approached by loud, party-type jocks and guys after flings.

Or the kind of guys that have nothing to lose so they approach any women they see! And for awhile the only interaction I had with men was getting yelled and whistled at on the street!! I really think that if my personality matched my looks things would be easier..



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I think no matter how hot you are, if you have a bubbly and outgoing personality, it would help. Wear no makeup, tie their hair back, put on a pair of glasses, cover their body in a matronly outfit. Then again, Melanie, if you had a different personality, you would ultimately attract a different kind of guy. Authenticity is perhaps a stronger attractor than looks or personality. As I wrote in the post: Your comment about beautiful women making themselves less attractive brought to mind a friend of mine.

She worked out regularly, had a great body and long blonde hair. She started getting so many catcalls from men that she got fed up, cut her hair, stopped working out and deliberately gained twenty-five pounds. She ended up marrying a good guy and having two children with him. How does that explain me. I am glamourous not over the top, I wear respectable length dresses and skirts and I am confident. All the others want to be in relationships with me.

It certainly sounds like you are an exception to the rule, jw. DO you see your experiences with men as a good thing? Finally, I think I understand why my love life has been a shambles. I blame myself for going wrong but friends and family say that I pick the wrong ones. In the past, many times, I have felt used as a piece of meat.

I just want to be myself. It was so frustrating. I actually feel like I hate the majority of men because I have experienced so much pain from them. Your pain and frustration are palpable, sunny There have been some suggestions made in earlier comments about how to potentially break out of this cycle. I hope you find them helpful or at least encouraging. I wish you luck. Remember, to egomaniacal guys, friendliness and attention giving in many situations can be misconstrued in their whacked out heads that the woman may like them.

I personally prefer a stronger woman that acknowledges all men with some discomfort and restraint. A little bit attitude is attractive to me as it makes me feel more secure and comfortable in a relationship with an attractive woman… and I feel much more respected. To address some of the comments from some women here, yes, it is very true that if an attractive woman approaches me I have significant restraint because I assume that she approaches ALL good looking men… and knowing that makes her immediately less attractive. My only advice is if you know the guy you are approaching is pushing back and he is indeed single, keep pushing.

I know a ton of guys and I can tell you with absolute certainty that the most faithful men out there are the shyest men. When you find one you like do NOT be aggressive with them but be persistent. There is a very good chance the guy likes you but you would never know because of his strange and standoffish demeanor.

It takes a lot of work to land a truly faithful man. You have an interesting perspective, John. However, I strongly disagree with your statement that strong women acknowledge all men with some discomfort and restraint. An emotionally healthy and confident woman should be must be! I agree with you totally. Which for me, personally, I have a problem with.

But it made me think of this guy from high school. When I first met him he said he liked me and broke up with his then girlfriend saying I was the reason which started an unnecessary fight. Well he never asked me out, no dates, no nothing. So one day I got tired and asked him when we would start dating. Even though I was a lot more shy, when I mustered up the courage I would speak how I felt.

Well the guy told me he would ask me when he got ready. I asked him when was that going to be? I stopped talking to him and he eventually dropped out. The other night I went out for ice cream. This guy approaches me and said he wanted to ask me a question. Before I could answer he asked me if he could borrow a dollar to catch the bus. Then he asked to borrow my phone number and I said no. He told me I was pretty and asked if I had a boyfriend. I said thank you and told him no I was single. He asked to borrow my number to say hi sometimes. I told him no. Then he disappeared off somewhere.

They either want money, free sex or expect me to treat them. Like what John, I had one guy say to me that if I wanted to go to a family restaurant, I had to take him to fancy ones and pay for the date this would be 10 dates before he considers it. Still, I would hope that both women and men recognize when a relationship is unhealthy, and cut their losses earlier rather than later. Your situation with the guy who wanted to control you is very upsetting.

Your comments always leave me scratching my head—not because of your perspective but because of all the screwy men you come in contact with. Your reality is obviously filled with emotionally stilted and dysfunctional men, so you have to learn how to deal with that. Well as for that guy, I doubt he was interested in me in the first place. I think all he was interested was adding another notch on his belt. I will say yes the men are pretty messed up. I attract the worst kind. I met a nice guy that I thought would be a great fit. But the women make it just as bad slinging their legs open like an automatic door every time a man walks past.

However you must understand we have a limited number of years in our lives. It not so easy, not so possible and in my case like many others its financially impossible. The men expects women to do her job as a woman, do his too and when it comes to sex they still want her to do all the work. I met a guy a few months ago who I thought I had a lot in common and even thought it could work. But he automatically treated me as a friendzone candidate and then even acted like I was annoying.

But they ask for money or sex in a minute with no hopes or promise of a possible relationship. Even the married men are worst. One said I led him on and gave the impression I was going to have sex with him. But yet he was damned and determined to make me do what he wanted. That goes with a lot of men. But how can someone be good enough for sex and nothing more?? You know far more about this than I do. In spite of all you have to deal with and put up with, I wish you luck in finding what you want. I could tell you were older by the way you talk. You sound like my mom no offense lol.

That unfortunely is the dating landscape. I assumed that dating would be the way my parents always raved about it. But it never was. Going out for ice cream was a good date. Now I dunno about other places but here in Pittsburgh you get bashed for being single. But then men are selective as to who they marry and impregnate. You leave that goofball the hell alone. But they seem to like that. ItzMzBunny, my knowledge of the dating scene for twentysomethings in Pittsburgh is zero. From your description, it sounds like another planet. Heck even the singles groups and events are only meant for the and older crowd and plus you have to pay a membership!!

Pittsburgh is terrible as far as dating goes. This was an amazing and nearly mind-blowing article for me. I know a few girls from high school who have already become models, and I had already eliminated them from contention in romance — assuming there was no viable way I could get them to listen to me. Thank you for writing such an article as this — it has enlightened me somewhat, and hopefully it can help me to change my ways and ask out more attractive girls.

Back in the primitive days, the more attractive a woman was, the stronger the man she would be with. Approaching a high-value woman generally meant getting your head smashed in with a rock. But, mind you, not all is lost. Men are more logical than emotional, yet they still have emotional.



The only problem is that they have to suppress emotion logically, and that is not the easiest thing in the world to do. When I approach an attractive woman with romantic intent, I have a burning sensation all throughout my body, as if I were about to walk into a room full of psychopathic Russian mafia gangsters, but I have to logically remind myself: Feel your fear and do it anyway. This means one of two things.

What these men will do is go on the Internet and take advice from self-proclaimed male dating coaches that know less about women than they do. What works with women is genuine, authentic and unfiltered natural conversation. But, very unfortunately for women, men are not capable of naturally communicating with attractive women unless they have gone through a process of desensitizing theirselves.

An example could be a man who grew up around very attractive women, or one who has made a conscious effort to transcend his comfort zone and speak to these women regularly over a period of many years. Let me try to illustrate what the man was thinking in the ice cream interaction you provided.

The proclaimed objective would be to bring the beautiful woman down from her conceived pedestal. The woman just takes it as an insult. And, yet again, the woman takes it as begging for money. The woman takes it as an immaturity. After again rejecting his nervous proposal, things got awkard and he ejected to get away from the massive discomfort.

I think that interaction is a brillaint example of artificiality killing communication. The problem is neither of these are likely to happen. Women crave men who are compassionate, self-aware and emotionally available. Such men are rare until at least age thirty-five or forty. However he approached me asking a question which led straight him wanting a dollar and how he would only pay me back IF I lived in the neighborhood I was visiting. He willing accepted in the beginning.