Close but No Cigar: Humor and Homicide with LP Cinch

During that time I lost not only the desire but the ability to write. My imagination and my sense of humor went on vacation. Last week I attended a bachelor party on Put In Bay Island and did some drinking, had a great time but don't really have a desire to drink like I used to but I miss writing this blog. The way I remember it I tried either to educate, entertain or inspire with this site so today I figure I owe you one of each. Read on and you can decide for yourself which category each falls into.

It was shipped after it was dried to reduce the weight but at sea it became damp and heavier and often fermentation would begin again which produced a lot of methane gas. The stuff was stored below deck in bundles and the first time someone came below with a lantern, BOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this matter before it was determined what was happening. After that the bundles were always stamped with the term: Thus evolved the term "S.

T" , Ship High In Transit which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. He calls his Grandson to his bedside I wan' you to take-a my pistol so you will always remember me. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead? Somma day you gonna be runnin da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple bambinos.

Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and say 'Times up'? Tell us what you need and we'll tell you how to get along without it! Friday was more than we anticipated but our hard working crew pulled together and we handled the crowd very well. Lot's of new faces and I hope they come again. I give credit to our regulars for all the newcomers because word of mouth is our main form of advertisement.

For that I thank you. Saturday was pretty much a replay of Friday but we had no entertainment due to the 7: I apologize to people who showed up looking for a band or DJ. Early Saturday we realized we had a dilemma - they'd eaten everything in the place, including the food we'd ordered for Mother's Day. So Shar spun into action and shopped everywhere there is quality food including LaLonde's Market where she picked up an additional 5 raw 15lb.

Her, Ray and the entire kitchen staff then prepped enough food for Mother's Day. We had lots of reservations and the walk-ins throughout the afternoon and early evening turned Sunday into another Friday. That's the good news. There's also some bad. I realize many who passed through our doors were first timers and when you're as busy as we were and eventually burned out there were longer waits for tables than usual, longer waits for food than usual, and sometimes things aren't up to par when rushed. I recall maybe three minor complaints all weekend and I credit our staff for that. We'll see how many returns and how long the upswing lasts.

There is very little profit margin for us in Keno sales so that means little to us a lot to schools. Not necessarily in dollars and cents but in percentage. I'm sure no one would be surprised to learn that smokers are also big on gambling and 'drinking' I mean that in a good sense of the word. And to their credit they are normally big tippers. And I'm sure most people realize that the bread and butter in a 'licensed' establishment comes from the sales of spirits. This is due mainly to the fact that it takes very few employees to serve very many people a profitable amount of alcoholic beverages.

And those beverages need not be prepped, heated, cooked, nor do they ever spoil or become outdated before they sell. No matter how you handle them or store them there is no fear of illness or disease and you never worry about ordering too much. So with the ban comes change and as much as people despise or fail to cope with change, I find it a little exciting and, hopefully, just maybe, a little profitable. I'm one of many from the Michigan Licensed Beverage Association lobbying for our businesses, actually for our survival. Of course for many tavern owners the smoking ban is scary and couldn't come at a worse time.

And I'm a believer that in the long run businesses such as mine will actually do well. But back to 'out of touch'. A bill is pending to allow earlier Sunday sales. We suggested this added license fee as an alternative to raising the current license. So the bill gets sponsored by someone and what is the fee? Now how out of touch is that? What, do these people think there are weeks in a year or something? You could never, ever make that up.

And all this comes after a minimum wage hike and the smoking ban. I could go on but you get the point. I also found out who lobbied hard enough to ban smoking on outside patios or decks - the Michigan Restaurant Association. Their wealthy members, the big chains, wanted no part in changing their floor plans to accommodate smokers but didn't want to lose their business so lobbied no smoking across the board ANYWHERE!

Non smokers can delight in this but smokers, remember this next time you go out to eat. I remembered you while I was lobbying and tried to compromise on an open air exemption but you weren't worth it to them.

This Saturday is one of those days. The smoking ban begins. My niece is getting married. I'm supplying the beer - and the CO2 - last night she reminded me I agreed to video tape the ceremony. The Kentucky Derby is that day. The Nascar race is in Richmond that night. Tigers play in the afternoon. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good thing I'll be gone the first few days of the ban or a bad. I hope the rumors are true - that a lot of people who normally don't eat in establishments with smokers will now come out in droves and spend money in places like ours.

I will say this, those people have some big shoes to fill. Many taverns have their 'regulars' and they are people 'regularly' sitting at the bar spending money and, you guessed it, smoking. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the scary part is how much control the government has, even over private businesses. I laugh when I hear members of 'clubs' thinking their rights are being violated - they are simply that, 'members'. I own this place. I bought and paid for it. If the government can make a rule for my private, solely owned business they damned well better make it stick in the clubs.

As much I'm amazed the power that the government has over private business I'm equally amazed it took this long to pass the bill. I thought it would be law several years ago. For us it was time to eliminate smoking, according to my customers. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and heads for the register.

There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on. She asks him about the rod and reel. He says "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything about it just from the sound it makes. She didn't believe him but drops it anyway. He said "That's a 6 foot graphite rod with a Zebco reel and 10 pound test. Of course she's amazed and deciding to buy it, bends down to get her purse and farts. At first she was embarrassed but then realizes there was no way to tell it was she.

He wanted a list of employees and their compensation. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally. To which I replied, "That'd be me. Most of us can discuss or relate to one another about the basics of our jobs but everyone knows that one guy or gal that, when asked, only confuses you when talking 'work'. The conversation might go like this - "So what do you do for a living? Then broke for lunch and played 18 holes at the country club.

That place couldn't operate without me! Well, keep it up. Don't 'work' too hard! They are especially foiled by people who are polite and appreciative and don't understand a good prank, especially if they are the brunt of it. Remember the good old days of beer specials when actual 'beer' was on sale? I'm not talking the 30 packs of 'Lite Light' you get today. They do nothing but keep you close to the urinal. I'm talking full fledged, normal alcohol content beers like Boyne Falls, Falstaff, Wiedeman's ,Goebels, etc.. One time a Midland Party store was running a special on quarts of a previously unknown beer from Texas.

I can't recall the name but it had 3 red x's on the neck so we just called it 'Triple X'. It was warm when sold, was in clear bottles, not a good thing and apparently aged because it had become the epitomy of skunky beer. Naturally, there is no return on beer but it was elegantly packaged so we decided to have some fun. We chilled the hell out of it and went about giving it to friends as a gift. The problem was our timing was bad and no one wanted to crack open a quart bottle of beer but we had ranted and raved about it so much recipients wanted to keep it for a special occasion.

So we'd go on our way and laugh like hell hoping we'd hear all about it. Later that day we were driving down a two track in the woods and we came across several trucks 4-wheelin and one was buried. They didn't have the trucks nor the necessary equipment capable of extracting it and we had both. So what do you do? These guys had had an awful day and maybe it wouldn't be wise to serve them god-awful skunky beer.

Are you kidding me, we popped open that cooler of triple x quarts and handed one to the heaviest, sweatiest guy there. He tipped that quart up and never quit sucking on the bottle till it was gone, which sorta backfired on us because it made us sick watching him drink it. We gave them the styrofoam cooler and all, pulled their truck out of the swamp and left.

We didn't want to be there when their taste buds kicked in or one of them died from some yeast poisoning. As for the rest of the guys we gave it to not one ever said a word, knowing full well, I imagine, that they'd been had. It couldn't have fallen on a better day. Our pool league banquet was yesterday and we had the pleasure of hosting it. That drew around 70 people and I got to pretend they were there to celebrate my birthday. The highlight of the day was that last second victory by Michigan State which drew every ass in the place out of it's seat and sports fans screaming in unison - every bar owners dream!

There are 40 more days til the smoking ban and I've got to start putting a plan together. I've heard over and over about companies working overtime making canopies and shelters that bars can purchase for their smoking friends. Other than rainy days I don't see this as a problem until fall and may not worry about it until then. My biggest worry is filling the back area.

Once smoking is banned customers are going to want to sit up front. And let's face it, due to the awkward design and poor planned additions over the years the bar has 3 sections - the lounge area, the center, and the back. Will anyone want to sit in the back? For logistical reasons we'll have to have names for these areas.

Will customers feel welcome or rejected when we say 'Ive got a table in the back'? We're going to have to give clever names to these areas that make customers feel comfortable with. How about the swearing or non swearing section? Or the loud section and quiet section? Certainly no one would want to sit in the booger-picker section. A shirts section vs. I've always figured that's why the gals at DeJaVue are so thin.

We could have the Junkyard Section but where would it start and where would it end? If you have any ideas for names for our sections submit them by e-mail and we'll consider your ideas. Have a good day, friends! The word, though simple, is powerful, more powerful than I previously imagined. The word is "only". Yes, the simple word "only" has recently caused me grief. I could go back in time for years but in order to make my point quickly lets start at the beginning of the year.

A salesman who for months had been trying to sell me a new computer system for the bar called in January and whined he had no sales for the month. The system that he'd given me a quote on previously he now could part with for "only" a fraction of it's original cost. Couldn't turn it down. But now I needed internet service at the bar to operate it and for "only" ten dollars a month extra I could have a secure network.

Then for "only" a small investment I could have a wifi hotspot for customers to use. It seemed stupid not to spend "only" a few more dollars on software so I could monitor the new system at home so for "only" a few more bucks I got wireless capabilities at my house. And I can really promote business, "only" I have to buy a lot of paper and ink cartridges. I'm sure you get my point.

The "only" consolation I have is after observing employees and customers I realize I'm not the "only" person caught up in this craze. Patrick's day is on a Wednesday which means it's really St Patrick's week. We always have our annual party the Saturday before St. At the risk of sounding vain, last night we served up the best corned beef and cabbage dinner money can buy topped with carrots, potatoes and a scoop of green mint ice cream for dessert. Most customers take about half of the huge portion home with them.

Serving so many satisfied customers and getting so many compliments is a real treat. The boys in the band 'Triple Play' kept the dance floor full as three people celebrated birthdays and one couple with the help of 25 relatives celebrated their 50th anniversary. A great night, and St. Pat's day hasn't even happened yet. Some people showed up today hoping for leftovers-on-special but we're saving the rest for Wednesday. They said they'd be back and I'm taking their word for it. So for any of you readers who missed out Saturday, come see us Wednesday and experience this huge, delicious meal.

Today I had the good fortune of seeing a friend who, years ago, was wrongly accused of a minor crime. False testimony against her, a lawyer who robbed her of a small fortune and incompetent representation and overzealous federal marshals robbed her of a piece of her life by sentencing her to some time in a federal prison. It was awful and unjust. One day I flew out of state to visit her. My intent was to spend the night and do some sightseeing the following day so I acquired a map of the area and slipped it in my back pocket.

At the facility I was padded down and frisked and had to empty my pockets and leave everything at the lobby. She had other visitors that day and later on I was talking to them about directions and such as they had become familiar with the area. Then I got stupid. The map in my back pocket had not been detected so I pulled it out, unfolded it across a table and all of us began studying it.

Now what do you think happens when a guard spots an inmate and several visitors planning travel on a map. Actually, Im sure I don't have to tell you.

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Basically, all hell breaks loose and your visit comes to an abrupt end. I'm sure no one thought they'd foiled a prison break as much as they feared for their job.

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Looking back on that incident and remembering how easily she'd been railroaded I'm surprised I wasn't convicted of plotting an escape. I must admit that was a move so stupid it's funny, yet this may be the first time I've laughed about it! The band did a great job and I enjoyed their music but when you have entertainment on a hit-and-miss basis like us few people know about it and the crowd was light.

Consumer's Power had sent post cards out notifying our area that they were shutting the power off from 2am till 8am so we cut one 'set' from the band and did last call early.

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I have a big generator but didn't want to use it for the short period. The power never went off. The card said if they didn't shut off as planned they would do it the next night. So the next night we followed the same routine and again the power never went off. So much for that. As we have in the past, this year our St. Pat's party will be the Saturday before the actual day, which means we are having a big bash this Saturday. Shar will be cooking up lots of corned beef briskets and boiling potatoes, cabbage and carrots for the best Irish dinner around so please stop by.

Fabiano Brothers are doing a Bud promotion from 8 til 9 then the local boys who call themselves Triple Play will entertain into the wee hours. It's usually the biggest night of the year so come party with us. Yes, we'll have green beer but again, Shar's dinner is to die for! If you can't make it Saturday we'll be serving the same dinner Wednesday, the actual St. Last year it was so popular we sold out but we won't make that mistake again. If we cook too much we'll be pushing Reubens for the rest of spring.

I'll never forget our first St. Pat's party 22 years ago. The only people here were my employees, myself, Sharlyn, and Butch and Kellie Smith. The place was decorated, we dressed in green but no-one showed up. It was a lesson well learned and prepared me for failed promotions in the future. Sometimes they just happen. I'd had a similar experience before that.

Before I bought the bar I lived in Merrill across the street from the Jonesfield township hall. About 10 of us met at our house to 'pre-party' and get into our costumes. We kept looking across the street, waiting for the parking lot to fill up so we could make a grand entrance. We waited and waited. We told them we were waiting for a crowd so we weren't the first one's there.

They told us we were the only people who had tickets so we headed for the party and ended up being the only guests. I don't really recall what happened the rest of that night but we left with a lot of prizes! Hope to see you this week-end. We've all accused someone or been accused of a particular behavior that totally shocks the accused. Not long ago I had dinner with an individual who grunted, groaned and moaned with each mouthful.

When I confronted him about it he was taken completely by surprise and denied he'd made any sounds. Yesterday I was not well and helping someone on a brake job when he asked "are you gonna be O. Obviously I was making enough "noise" to concern him yet didn't realize it. Now what's really amusing is when two people with the same trait meet and compete without knowing it. I had two dear, dear friends who thoroughly enjoyed conversation.

When you met up with them you had better have some listening time available. I knew them both but they had never met each other. They had a hobby in common - woodworking. One afternoon I convinced one of them to visit the other at his woodshop so they could become acquaintances, swap ideas, talk tools, etc. The next morning I ran into one of them and asked how the meeting went. He said he'd been impressed with the guy's shop and knowledge, enjoyed the tour but may not return for a while. I agreed the fella like to talk and had felt that way before. Later the same day the other guy caught me in my front yard, we were neighbors , and without mentioning I'd seen his new buddy, asked him how the encounter went.

I wasn't sure he'd ever leave. Just about the time I thought he'd said everything there was to say he'd start in on something else. I loved that story. And I bet I know the only thing that finally parted them was a daily ritual that seems to exist only with older, married people today. They were from a time when everything stopped at a specific time known as dinner, and you were never late.

Today dinner just means food with no designated time or place. We were up at 6: Neither Shar nor I had a fishing license so we stopped at J. What a faithful employee! The only excitement fishing-wise was when Shar insisted I put a new minnow on her hook. As I knelt down and grabbed a minnow my bobber went out of sight and by the time I got to my pole the fish was gone. The awards ceremony and lunch at Rumors was great. Nice of them to have recession type prices for the fisherman during a recession.

The highlight of the day was the crowning of the Crappie Queen - the beautiful and always cheerful Sarah Mose. We now owe her the honor of referring to her as Your Majesty for the rest of the year. The problem was guests for a funeral dinner were arriving we opened early for them. To me it wasn't an emergency due to the fact that the ovens we cooked in for 18 years are still in the kitchen and operational. But you know human nature, and a last minute change like that using equipment that doesn't do the work automatically and requires some concentration and monitoring had everyone in a tizzy.

So I left the party and came back and fixed the oven while they started the food the old fashioned way. I didn't really say it because I knew they didn't want to hear it but I was thinking "if you only knew the food we used to put out in those old ovens, and thought nothing of it". But I was able to empathize with them thinking how people would react after using indoor plumbing for years and years and suddenly having to use the old outhouse out back on a 10 degree morning.

Friday, of course, was the first Friday of Lent and people were looking for fish. Sharlyn put the walleye on special and the filets have been awesome the last few weeks. Although perch was still a big seller we sold 70 walleye dinners that night. Saturday was a real test for me. The alarm company woke me up 5 in the morning still not sure what set it off and when I got home from that I couldn't sleep.

We had Pizza there and it was real good. Then someone said the Juicy Bone had reopened formerly Yackey's so we stopped in there on the way home. The place looks great and I wish them well. The new owners have a lot of combined experience in the business and I predict will do well.

Back at our bar we were crazy-busy and stayed until 2: The kitchen magician Ray came back to work this weekend after a vacation in Jamaica. When we landed in Jamaica I noticed no-one was in line at the money exchange. I figured I'd hustle right over there and beat the crowd only to find out why there was no crowd. I exchanged several hundred American dollars for their currency and received what seemed like a grocery bag full of money. And try and get rid of it. No one wants it. Then we picked up our rental car. Steering wheel on the right and drive in the left lane.

The roads are as wide as one of our lanes. After a few miles I turned the car around and took it back before we were killed or killed someone else. But that turned out to be a good thing. He made the trip wonderful and showed us lots of things we'd have never seen. He kept us from getting ripped off by souvenir salesmen, got our laundry done and took generally good care of us.

He also helped us unload the bag of money at a fair exchange rate. But, as with almost all my trips I found Jamaica a good place to visit but have no desire to go again. I'm not looking forward to pool that night - Crappy Fest can wear you down!!! Valentine's day was sort of split into two days due to it falling on Sunday and we sold lots of specials, especially crab legs. My son-in-law and I then worked on it and then took it for a test drive. We met Uncle Dougly at Frick's for lunch because once again he could not log onto the internet and for some odd reason everyone else could.

I love the look on his face when in seconds it's up and running knowing he's tried for hours. There is a vibration in the front end which I'm sure is a wheel bearing on the truck so I'm going to replace both front hubs and the serpantine belt idler, all bearings that were never designed to be under water for several hours. Other than that the truck runs great. I changed the engine oil 4 times and its clear, power steering fluid 3 times, front end oil, rear end oil and transfer case each once.

The transmission was made easy by making a fitting that I installed in the outlet of the radiater and just poured fresh fluid into the trans until the fluid running out of the cooler cleared up like new. That took about 5 gallons. Of course I then changed the trans filter. Meanwhile there have been window fans running non-stop inside the truck for two weeks. Everything seems to work, for now anyway, with the exception of the door locks. They act very lazy and a couple of them don't have enough power to actuate the locks. So I'm making progress and still getting a lot of guff about it.

Here's something I'll share with you which I found funny being raised on a farm in Merrill. Hope you can relate. It's a letter from a redneck farm kid who joined the Marines. Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a. Tell them all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to start.

Men got to shave but it's not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc. Their food, plus yours, holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on route marches, which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.

If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.

I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what is called hand-to- hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys.

I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beat him once He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6 and pounds and he's 6'8 and nearly pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellas get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Things went soooo smooth and everyone seemed to have a great time. The free hors d'oeuvres were a big hit and I think most people were able to make a tasty meal of them.

We discounted the draft beer prices and they were the best sellers. When this big event comes around again next year we will do things the same, as everyone seemed more than happy. The cooks always do a great job with this special. This Wednesday is Mike Wood and Nate Lawton's birthdays and we will be shooting pool at the Red Oak Lounge so stop by and wish the boys a happy birthday.

Hopefully she and our customers will be happy with the addition. A lot of family and friends have been retiring lately. With all the trouble I get into while still working I can't imagine what would happen to me if I had any free time on my hands. After reading the following letter I think I'll hang on to my job for now.

Dear Citizens, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

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Special Help After Forced Termination. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not recieve enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. K - here's the story you've been waiting for since Saturday.

Yes, I was the idiot whose truck went through the ice on Sanford Lake. Now I'd like to explain how I accidentally ended up in a spot with thin ice and I'd like you to know that most the area I drove on was fine with 12in. After the constant questions and deserving ribbing at least now I know what people really want to know.

The water was about 3 ft. Problem was the water got deeper and the ice much thicker as we sawed toward shore, flooding the truck worse that it originally was. There was nothing frightening about it. I knew the water was shallow and even when I got out of the truck and saw the rear tires had broken through there was no cracking noise and I walked away feeling it would be a cinch to pull out. I never dreamed, even then, it was going down. We live in a world where friends are more than willing to give a hand and the help kept coming and coming. I harbor no bad feelings toward those who had a good time at my expense.

It's always funny when it happens to someone else and no one gets hurt. It's nice to know people can trust me - I still haven't got the wrecker bill. Yes, at least with Auto Owner's insurance and full coverage, a vehicle is still covered regardless where you drive and how stupid you are.

Yes, a cell phone can sit under freezing water for 5 hours and still work if you disassemble it and set it on a furnace register for 3 days before turning it on. No, you don't get a ticket for being a dumb-ass Yes, a small ravine with a small amount of water flowing can create a very large area of unsafe ice. Yes, chainsaws can cut a remarkable amount of ice at a fairly rapid rate.

And finally, when taking risks always do it alone so you can make up a good story that covers your ass and makes you seem like a victim or you'll regret it for a good long time! Having a laptop, Doug, of course, wants wireless in his condo. I purchase the stuff he needs, hook it up and get on the web.

In order to activate his Charter account and set up a Charter e-mail he needs a pin number off his cable bill and the account number. He has an envelope with the bottom "pay portion" ready to send out in the mail but the number needed is on the top of the bill. I tell him we need the upper portion of the invoice which he says is in the garbage. He claims he hasn't taken the garbage out since detaching the stub so it has to be close by. He digs through one of those plastic bags from a grocery store through lots of junk mail, empty envelopes, newspapers and lots of that type of dry paper stuff.

I go to his closet and pull out his garbage can but it has lots of trash in it so I hold off hoping he hits the jackpot. I soon become impatient and start digging through lunch scraps, down through bits of breakfast, lots of coffee grounds and whatever rotted before he devoured it. Now I'm swearing and telling that this was way beyond what I had agreed to. The number was where they had described it and we entered it and now he is a bona-fied, totally discouraged computer user. He is in that stage where he not only wishing he'd never bought the thing but also wonders if he does learn it what possible good will come of it.

We all went through that. Like the rest of us, in a year he will not be able to live without it but there is no way of explaining that to him right now.

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Well, it was just his brain that wouldn't work. Then he said he didn't know he had to hit enter once he did remember it. That's what we're working with. Friday he showed up at lunch, I easily logged on his laptop then hooked him up to our wi-fi so he could surf the net. Then Mike Wood proceeded to give him a 2 hr. He still hasn't got through his head why he needs an internet provider at home to log on but is becoming aware the high cost of technology. He has gotten several e-mails all from the same person and has no idea what he is in-for in the future, you know, the hundreds of e-mail jokes, porn and unwanted solicitors.

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We are going to get him hooked up at his house Monday, I've given several people his address so soon the fun will begin - if he can figure out how to turn it on!! Uncle Dougly, Kohlschmidt decides it's time he owns a computer. He's seen me on one before so thinks I must be an expert. He cons me into surfing the web for a deal and we head to Best Buy shopping. Fortunately while there we were waited on by a nice young gal with a great sense of humor and just enough smarts about computers to seal a deal on one, I insisted he get a wireless mouse due to my inability to use the mouse pad on my laptop.

We then discuss what tavern with wi-fi we are going to go set this up and try it out. We ended up at Frick's and the fun began. We initially booted up the computer and getting Doug to think of a password he could remember took an hour. I thought I set it up like mine, where no password is needed to log on. I made him start entering the info after a long bout of frustration for both of us and after several cocktails and a burger both of us were blaming each other for "the fine mess we were into".

Apparently typing and spelling are not like riding a bike. He claimed he was the best speller and fastest typer in his class. It was comical watching him lay his fingers across the keyboard like a typewriter then realize that was the full extent of his typing abilities.

I tried to show him the one finger method that I have mastered but he was too bull headed to follow suite. Anyway, time went on, he sent a couple e-mails, surfed the web a little, then I showed him how to shut down and boot up. Everything worked fine, we parted ways and I assumed he would head home for that first night of computer frustration where you lose your soul regret your purchase. I realized hoe right I was when he called at 8: He couldn't remember the password.

I blew about 50 ideas at him and finally told him to bring the damn thing up in the morning and I would help him. I know it is case sensitive and needs a symbol or something but I don't get why it asks, I'm sure I set it up to boot without one. This could be bad. I'll let you know what happens. You know, instead of A lot of changes ahead this year. Everyday someone comes in the Bar and asks me "What do you think of the Smoking ban? Some were doomed from the start, many did well, others seemed like they'd found a niche in the bar scene then abruptly went out of business.

One thing for certain, times are nowhere as good as they once were. I believe our food business will increase after the ban. I know many people who don't frequent my place due to the smoking issue. Or one member of a family or people with kids may avoid us due to smoke policy. The problem is when you enter our tavern you walk through the smoking section to get to the non-smoking - not smart. Not of that will matter soon. What the hell is next? American's have to be careful what we wish for when it comes to laws.

• Translation of «cinch» into 25 languages.
• Meaning of "cinch" in the English dictionary.
• Cigar Closed.
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• Translation of «cinch» into 25 languages;

That's all I'm saying. Now the good part? Well, I should be remodeling the bathrooms, painting a lot of areas, replacing a lot of carpet and replacing a lot of ceiling tiles but now I can say "I'm gonna wait till the ban so my new stuff doesn't smell like a bar. And smoke does do nasty things to nice stuff. So cleaning will be easier. Also, it will be a good time to enforce employee "break rules. Maybe some will be able to quit smoking. I'm not sure how they afford it now.

I've been looking into how the law will work and I've found some surprising things. Here are some basic questions and answers. What do I need to do when the Smoking Ban goes into effect? The Smoking Ban requires you to: Clearly and conspicuously post "no smoking" signs or the international "no smoking" symbol at the entrances to and in every building or other area where smoking is prohibited. Remove all ashtrays and other smoking paraphernalia from anywhere smoking is prohibited. Inform individuals who are smoking that they are in violation of state law and subject to penalties.

If applicable, refuse to serve an individual smoking in violation of the law. Ask an individual smoking in violation of the law to refrain from smoking and, if the individual continues to smoke, ask him or her to leave the establishment. You are not required to call law enforcement to report violations of this law, though it is your right to do so if you wish. Can customers smoke on my patio or outdoor seating area? The MLBA is currently examining all aspects of the new law to determine the legality of outdoor service. Due to conflicting interpretations, we are awaiting more information regarding whether or not smoking will be allowed on patios and outdoor areas that are licensed for foodservice.

There is agreement that a patio that DOES NOT have a food license extension would able to allow smoking, but no food or alcohol service can be allowed this includes prohibiting individuals from bringing alcohol onto said patio. Please note that the determining factor is where your business is licensed to serve, so simply deciding not to serve food on your patio does not mean your patrons may smoke there.

We are working around the clock with different state departments, attorneys, and other interested parties to ensure we are giving our members correct information regarding all aspects of the new smoking ban, and we will update members as soon as a final determination regarding outdoor service has been made. Does my business qualify for an exemption? The only exemption for liquor-licensed establishments besides the three privately- owned casinos in Detroit is for "Cigar Bars.

You must have a built-in Humidor on the premises for inventory and rental space. Cigarette smoking must not be allowed; Only cigar smoking can be permitted. The exact guidelines and process for obtaining a "Cigar Bar" designation have not yet been defined. Please check this space often, as soon as more detailed information is available, it will be posted here. As with patio and outdoor service, there seems to be conflicting messages in the legislation on this issue. The MLBA is working to develop a final interpretation of the law with regards to all outdoor areas, including golf courses.

Are Private Clubs and Country Clubs exempt? Private clubs, Fraternal organizations, Veterans clubs, Country Clubs and other establishments with Club Licenses are subject to the same restrictions as all other licensees. Smoking is not allowed at these establishments. Is smokeless tobacco allowed? Smoking is defined as the buring of a lighted cigar, cigarette, pipe, or any other matter or substance that contains a tobacco product. You are free to set your own policy regarding smokeless tobacco products.

If they go outside, do smokers have to be a certain distance from the door? There is currently no regulation that dictates how far from the door smokers need to be. It is possible that a guideline will be put in place as enforcement rules are determined by the Department of Community Health. Will people be able to smoke in their hotel rooms? Smoking is prohibited in all hotels, including bars, dining areas, common areas and guest rooms. The gaming floors of Detroit's three casinos were specifically exempted from the ban, however bar areas and restaurants will be smoke-free.

The smoking ban has no effect on the many Native American casinos in the state -- as sovreign tribal entities, they are not subject to this law and can continue to determine their own smoking policies. As I said earlier, I'm going to get through the next few months before I start worrying about the ban. I'll keep you posted. I'm one of those type that wouldn't want anyone I'm responsible for to do some of the holiday stunts I did yet I don't regret most of what I pulled when I was younger.

The reason I say I don't regret is because one would think that every time I see a Christmas tree I'd recall the time I knocked over the Schoenherrs tree in , but only think of it when my wife reminds me. I, not single handedly, am the perfect example of why the drinking age went back to 21 and probably should be Straight was not used to describe your sexuality.

Straight kids didn't drink or smoke pot or tobacco and did well in school. Every once in a while a straight kid, due to peer pressure, would do a night-out with the normal kids and the normal kids were always reminded why you don't let straight kids in your element. By midnight a small amount of smoke combined with a mix of beer and liquor and they were either puking or passed out. I'm also partly responsible for closed school campus. At 18 I was a senior in high school and as soon as the lunch bell rang we would climb in a car and head for the Downtowner Saloon. We'd order a pitcher of beer and a burger to go, pound down the beer then return to school and eat the burger in study hall.

That's what was so cool about it. That type of behavior brought me to what I was initially writing about. One day I spent the entire afternoon at Chris's Bar and we were celebrating the holidays and enjoying shots. I caught a ride to Sanford where Sharlyn was home waiting for me. When you walked into their house you immediately turned right and went down two steps into the living room. I was thoroughly wasted. Did not negotiate the steps. Body slammed the Christmas Tree. Couldn't get up, hell, they wouldn't let me up. I'd already destroyed enough. Anyway, a few hours later I awoke. Still on the floor.

Bucket next to me. Very few clothes on. No one in the house except a very angry future Father-in law. The rest of the family went on to obligations and left him stuck there with me. It wasn't that he cared, he just wanted to make sure I died of natural causes. There was no Would I want a kid of mine to act like that? Would I be impressed or amused if my Son-in-law did that? Would I think my Grand-kids would behave in such a fashion? Yet I seem to have no regrets and can almost chuckle thinking about it.

That means we made it another year and still in business. Up until two years ago I never really worried that we'd still be in business, just regrets I didn't work a little harder and a little smarter so the rewards would be better. That was called operating a business, seemed like the sky was the limit. Now we don't operate, we survive. Over and over people ask me about the smoking ban. It takes affect in May. My answer is simple - I'm going to put all my efforts and thoughts into getting through January, February and March.

Then in April I'll starts planning for May. The affects of our economy are far from over and more fat has to be cut to stay in business. To put it plainly, I predict it will take two more years to be back to the "success" I enjoyed 5 years ago. I no longer feel the need to have so much or spend so much. And I understand the two basic ways our economy works - Y ou want more, you work more. You work less, you gotta settle for less. Taking on a little responsibility goes a lonnnggg way and gives you leverage. The first definition of cinch in the dictionary is an easy task.

Other definition of cinch is a certainty. Cinch is also a band around a horse's belly to keep the saddle in position Also called: Educalingo cookies are used to personalize ads and get web traffic statistics. We also share information about the use of the site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners. Tonight I am going to take a party to the headquarters of the fire department, where I have a cinch on the captain, a very nice fellow, who is unusually grateful for something I wrote about him and his men.

They are going to do the Still Alarm act for me. Meaning of "cinch" in the English dictionary. Synonyms and antonyms of cinch in the English dictionary of synonyms. Examples of use in the English literature, quotes and news about cinch. The second mystery featuring Georgiana Neverall, plumber's apprentice extraordinaire. The chief reason for this is that riders believe they get in the way when a latigo saddle strap is placed in the cinch ring and that they have a tendency to grip the horse's hide, causing it to wrinkle up ahead of the ring when a rider is cinching up Two hundred one-liners focus on the more humorous aspects of being a senior citizen and growing older.

A saddle's riggin' is the middle leathers attached to the tree and con- nectin' with and supportin' the cinch by latigo through the "riggin' ring. Ramon Frederick Adams, In this mystery laced with intrigue, humor, and high-stakes crime, a probation officer struggles with a life-changing dilemma as he finds out once and for all if he again comes close but no cigar. To be effective, a back cinch should make contact with the horse's belly; otherwise, it's only for looks and even can cause problems. Working cowboys generally ride with snug back cinches, yet many trail riders have a bad habit of riding with Cinch Anchoring Specialties threaded.

Pin at each end Pin excess tie length in center Step 16 16 With the right side of the patchwork Cinch Front facing up, lay each of the raw-edge ends of the ties at each end of the Cinch Front and pin in place. Fold and pin the excess tie lengths Anna Maria Horner,