Past Regrets

Over time I have found that one very effective strategy is to ask key questions. These help move people toward thinking and behaving differently about their regrets. I often start with this question: Responses typically indicate the negative influence of regret, such as losing confidence, not wanting to be around people, and being more self-deprecating than necessary. If you were to ask yourself this question, you will probably realize that you did what any person in your shoes would have done given your background, circumstance, and the information you had.

I have always found that people who are drowning in regret take complete responsibility for their mistakes. This may not be easy to answer. It can also make you reevaluate your current choices and take actions move toward goals you regret not having moved toward earlier.

Excessive regret is often linked to not being OK about making mistakes. So the solution to not experiencing regret is to not be perfect. I have continual regret. Simple things and choices, some of which I cant say that I would or could have handled in any other way. I cant quite understand where it comes from.

Thanks for the article. Thanks for your comment Dan about regret. It is a very bad habit of mine that I struggle with from time to time. I think the Answer really lies in trusting your gut feelings concerning decisions you make - for me if largely seems related to travel and later regretting not having seen a particular place, even if at the time it didn't Even occur to me. Crazy I know but our minds often play silly tricks on us. Go Easy on yourself is Also key. Be Good to yourself and orhers and Just chill is so important. This makes me have panic attacks, continually.

Coming from a matriarchal based family, I feel lost and alone.

Thank you so much for this incredible exercise. Instantly boosted my mood and helped me reason a feeling of deep regret for having wasted time and not preparing for my Masters. I did not give a positive answer to any of these questions. Unfortunately my regrets were instances in which I made a bad decision despite common sense. Most people would not have done the things I've done, which have sent my life spiralling downward. I have learned nothing of value because what I have lost in time, money, self respect, and opportunity was far greater and cannot be redeemed. I too did not get a positive result from these questions, How are you dealing with it and has it gotten any better?

So hard to get better, most articles are about normal regret on things that really are not bad or your bland. If you cheated on your boyfriend after one too many margaritas, you probably wish you could go back and show more restraint. Unfortunately, what you should have done is now irrelevant. All you can do is move forward from where you are. This is an invaluable skill because it empowers us to take positive action instead of falling into a shame cycle. Everything in life is impermanent. There are no guarantees in life—even if I make very few mistakes.

You have to do some major life restructuring to rebound from whatever you just experienced. Are your friends there for you, offering forgiveness and support—even if it takes them a little time to get there? If not, this may be a perfect time to remove unhealthy relationships from your life. This may also give you a chance to strengthen your relationships.

Dealing with Regret: 8 Ways to Benefit and Move Forward

If you hurt someone else, take this opportunity to discover what really motivated your actions and then let yourself get vulnerable with them. I know many people who would sooner donate their organs to science than take responsibility. I realize mistakes oftentimes present challenges, but ultimately, you can only move forward if you find opportunities in your reality, whatever that may be. The crazy thing about regret is that it seems imperative sometimes—as if we have to indulge it like a bed we made and now have to lie in.

The only thing that keeps us stuck in lost possibilities is the refusal to focus on new ones. Life is now, and we always have a choice: Do we drown in regret over what never came to be, or use our energy to create what can be? Today, I am choosing the latter. Her latest book, Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal , which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available.

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This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Write down the decision or situation you deeply regret. Reflect on why you regret it. What about it do you regret? Did certain negative consequences cause problems in your life?

A Powerful Exercise for Moving Past Regret

From the perspective of a compassionate friend, write down why you made the decision you made at that time. Try to empathize with yourself.

You were overwhelmed with being away from home, wanting to fit in with new people, and managing the academic load. When your parents suggested you move back home and take some time off, you thought they knew best.

You were struggling and you made the decision you thought was best at the time. This is understandable, considering your father behaved that way towards your mother when you were growing up. Write down your response. Focus on what you can control about your regret today. If you regret not completing college, can you go back? What can you do to address your self-consciousness at work? Write down one or two changes you can make, along with the steps you can take to achieve them. You also examine the boundaries you want to set in future relationships and read a book on how.