CHOOSE YOUR PERFECT PARTNER

As a culture, we spend hours upon hours developing academic knowledge, building physical fitness, deciding where to go to college or learning about finances. But we spend very little, if any, time teaching young people how to make the most important decision of their lives.

Because that's what it is — your choice of life partner will affect the quality of your life much, much more than where you go to college, what you do for a living or where you make your home. Grandma and Papa my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year, and two sets of aunts and uncles are celebrating their 20th and 30th anniversaries. Your father and I aren't quite that far along at 12 years, but we are very happily married, and those relatives would tell you the same.

Though to be fair, they would tell you this even if they weren't, as would a lot of people, which only adds to the lack of education on the subject. So when it comes to choosing a life partner and sticking together, I like to think we have some excellent examples around us. I'm no expert on love or relationships; I only know what I know through experience as I've watched partnerships around me succeed or fail.

So armed with that knowledge, here are eight things I hope you'll consider when choosing your life partner. While it's good to have things in common, like enjoying a relaxing sunny day or hitting the slopes, it's also a good idea to find a partner who's strong where you are weak. Have the biggies in common. Do you share the same desires when it comes to having kids or not?

At least two of your relatives got divorced because the answer to this question was no. Do you have similar attitudes toward religion or spirituality? Do you agree about general personal finance practices — debt payments, savings, splurge purchases? Lastly, and don't underestimate the weight of this one, as it has had a huge impact on your parents' marriage: When it comes to spending time with each other's families holidays, vacations and taking care of aging parents, are you in agreement on what's reasonable?

Find the yin to your yang. Those commonalities are important, but there's something to be said for having someone who's strong where you are weak. It creates a nice balance and a natural split of responsibilities. For example, I hate dealing with companies — cable companies, banks, electric companies. Meanwhile, he can't survive on just a few hours sleep, whereas I can, so I'm the one who gets up with you two and the pets during the night and on weekend mornings so he can rest.

Who Is Your Ideal Partner?

Some people may say that scenario represents stereotypical gender roles, but we both work full-time and have responsibilities at home, so it seems fair to me. You'll spot shared weaknesses fairly quickly. For example, when your father and I bought our two-story home with a small-but-high-maintenance yard in , we were overjoyed. However, we soon realized neither one of us had any desire to take care of the yard.

He grew up in high-rise condos where they didn't have a yard.

Which Personality Type is Your Love Match?

And I grew up in a home where my father did all that, so I couldn't even start a lawnmower. As a result, our yard is an overgrown mess, the neighbors politely but consistently ask if they can help us clean up, and each fall I comb Craigslist for someone to come bag up all the leaves. This may look like the perfect happy couple, but perfection is subjective. What I think is perfect may not be what you think is perfect, which is why there's no such thing. So don't expect it from a mate. Throw out the idea of perfect.

Don't make a checklist — mental or otherwise — of traits your future partner must have. You can't conjure up your perfect mate and go buy said robot at Target. If you must make a list, make a list of deal-breakers: Those are healthy boundaries to set. Throw out your checklist: Many people have extensive lists of what qualities and traits their ideal partner has to have. If you box yourself in to a checklist you may miss out on some great matches for you. It's almost impossible to find a perfect checklist partner, and when we think we have found it we throw all caution to the wind and disregard some not so desirable qualities.

A great relationship has emotional compatibility.

How does the person make you feel as opposed to what does this person look like on paper? Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw the tiny details out: The qualities of a person that help to build the foundation of a good partnership are: Empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, kindness and emotional generosity. If you find these qualities in someone, be curious about pursuing it further, even if they may not seem like your type on the surface.

Other criteria, like "sense of humor," "world traveler," and "good dancer" are nice-to-haves but don't necessarily have to be there for you to be happy in your relationship.

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Don't let lust be your guide: People have a tendency to put up with a lot of crap from someone they are dating when they feel a magnetic chemistry with them. Magnetic chemistry has a strong power because it isn't something that happens often. When we find someone we have magnetic chemistry with, not only is it an aphrodisiac that we can't get enough of but we also confuse it with the right person e. Magnetic chemistry is great but don't excuse bad behavior because of it. Don't confuse an "emotional roller coaster" with being crazy about someone: When someone isn't fully emotionally available to us or we don't know where they stand, it creates a type of anxiety.

The anxiety has a way of taking over our brains to the point where our thoughts are all consumed by this person.

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We're constantly thinking about where they are and what they are doing. Before we know it, we start planning our lives around them. Maybe you decide to keep your calendar open just so you don't miss an opportunity to see this person. When the person validates and affirms you, it feels great! On the flip side, when they remove themselves emotionally, ignore, manipulate or berate, it feels like the worst thing in the world. Soon the relationship has turned into a see-saw of high-highs and low-lows, which can make us feel a bit crazy or out of our element. Don't confuse these type of feelings with love.

Find someone you can be yourself around: This may sound cliched but it's true. Picking a partner where you feel like you can be percent yourself with no judgment and complete acceptance is a wonderful and liberating feeling.

10 Tips for Choosing the Right Partner

In life it can be difficult to find venues where you can truly be yourself. A relationship should be your safe and comfortable place where you don't have to keep a mask on. Don't keep waiting for something to change that obviously won't: