Negotiations on the Edge

The investigative squad had reported that at least three heavily armed fugitives were holed up inside. Several days earlier the fugitives had used automatic weapons in a shootout with a rival gang, so the New York City FBI SWAT team was arrayed behind me, and our snipers were on nearby rooftops with rifles trained on the apartment windows. In tense situations like this, the traditional negotiating advice is to keep a poker face.

Until recently, most academics and researchers completely ignored the role of emotion in negotiation. Emotions were just an obstacle to a good outcome, they said. But think about that: Especially when they are scared people with guns. Emotions are one of the main things that derail communication. Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out of the window.

After six hours talking through the apartment door in Harlem that afternoon, all three fugitives surrendered peacefully, hands out first, prepared for handcuffs. How did my team and I secure a peaceful end to a high-stakes, life-or-death situation—as we had in hundreds of other cases in my 24 years with the FBI? Getting to this level of emotional intelligence demands opening up your senses, talking less and listening more.

You can learn almost everything you need—and a lot more than other people would like you to know—simply by watching and listening, keeping your eyes peeled, your ears open and your mouth shut. Repeat the last one to three words your counterpart just said back to them. This is one of the quickest ways to establish a rapport and make your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal themselves. The beauty in this is the simplicity.

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