Asking For It
You know- in everyday life. I was interested to see her take on the clash of modern feminists like herself and other popular female influences that proudly display their bodies in all it's glory and support the idea that a woman shouldn't be labelled for loving her body or the choice of her clothes I am referring to pop culture , versus some other extremely popular feminist influences in modern culture like Anita Sarkeesian that say that by doing that women indulge in male sexual fantasies and are in fact not empowering themselves rather covertly trying to win male approval and by doing so perpetuate rape culture.
Do you see where I am going with this??? Modern feminism sure as shit sends some mixed signals and no matter what your opinion is — if you voice it - somebody will tell you what an ignorant backward imbecile you are for having it. When 50 Shades of Grey hit the shelves the world went mental, frothing at the mouth about rape culture.
They were getting ready to lynch E. James for writing BDSM. Here's the thing -her book was ok, but as far as written erotica goes not that innovative, groundbreaking, earth-shattering or soul-splitting. In fact written erotica has a full sub-genre dedicated to dubious consent novels. Some of those would make E. James herself scramble for her smelling salts. Majority of those writers -are women, and majority of the readers of those novels — are women. So there is a demand for such fiction.
A small example can be found here and as you can see the novel carries the exact same name as this particular work. The question I wanted to see addressed in this book was how far are people ready to push and limit freedom of speech, therefore the freedom of art itself for the sake of social justice? When you watch a TV show it is considered sufficient to have a warning of content at the beginning and people are left to their own devices. Nobody is judging your intelligence to process the content.
You know it's a show.
So why are other forms of art and entertainment held to different standards? It is becoming painfully obvious that some feminist movements want to ban certain way of depicting women. Sexually submissive, provocatively dressed or sexually healthy women seem to have no more space in modern popular culture as more and more pressure is applied on artists in various branches of art to produce the more politically correct, conservatively dressed heroines that don't offend the delicate little feminine flowers on the consuming end. If we continue on that road the world will get nothing but similar content, viewed trough pink tinted glasses and the true problem of rape culture will remain.
In fact it can only be worse because of limited speech. On the other side of the argument we have some truly important influences of young minds like pop stars, reality stars, movie and tv actors that seem to compete as to who can be seen in a more revealing outfit and proclaim that a woman's body is not to be shamed. Should we start burning books and demonizing creators of content that might possibly offend? Or should we work on educating people and allowing them the human courtesy by deeming them intelligent enough to understand what is in front of them and not openly assume that they are so limited in their understanding of right or wrong that they need someone e.
These are only a few of the questions I wanted to read about once I started reading this book. They all relate to rape culture and modern feminism. None of them were truly answered. While reading it I stumbled on more issues I personally would like to talk about in depth but this is not a confessional. The rating for this book is this low simply because I have expected the author to bring more of herself to the pages, as it stood it just added a little to other people's work and read like a report.
View all 6 comments. Sep 06, Marjorie Ingall rated it it was amazing Shelves: Don't even read my review, just go buy this fucker right now. Are you still here? I am old enough to remember the Madge the Manicurist "You're soaking in it! We really ARE immersed in it, with "it" in this case being a culture that devalues women.
And their stories of assault, yes Harding is a very, VERY funny writer, which helps make a difficult subject readable. Asking for It is a polemic that does not read like a polemic. Harding comes off as a reliable narrator as well as your most amusing friend. Full disclosure, I know her online but have only met her in person a couple of times. Asking For It is, for me, the first great bloggy non-fiction. It is rigorously researched, but delivered in a snarky voice that I think of as a blog-writer voice.
Usually over the length of a book this kind of voice wears thin for me -- too much, too snide, too self-impressed, too clever. And this voice makes Asking For It a great read for teenagers and twenty somethings, into whose hands I want to shove this book right this very second. Guys and girls both.
I also want to give it to older feminists -- including my own GenX cohort -- who default to "but WHY do young women today My friends and the prominent older feminists who use this phrase have not internalized the fact that no matter what the kids today are wearing, no matter how much they drink, no matter how dumb you think they are for being so careless Rape culture means blaming the victim, and that is precisely what you are doing.
What you have delivered should be a stand-alone sentence. Put a period there. Oh and dump the "of course" which implies a big ol' BUT. My year-old read this before I did and handed it back saying "This is the best non-fiction book I have read in a long time. Do not say "Let kids be kids a little longer!
Apr 03, Liz rated it it was amazing Shelves: The book discusses rape, sexual assault, harassment in a rather graphic manner and I suspect that it can seriously trigger some people, so while I recommend it - proceed with caution. This is a very important book, regardless whether you, as a reader, live in the United States of America, Canada, UK, or any other country.
Of course, it does concern itself with cases that happened in the USA and focuses solely on e. This is simply the reality we live in. But for now, about the book. It is cohesive, succinct, easy to understand because it is written in plain, non-academic English and partially even uses slang, and it features the most important issues regarding rape culture while also explaining, in a very understandable manner, what rape culture is, what encourages it and what we can do against it.
It addresses stereotypes, issues with the police and rape kits, and generally a variety of different topics linked to rape. All of them important. All of them deeply disturbing since apparently women are still oftentimes seen as objects rather than actual human beings. There are also digressions into topics linked to it like, for example, internet trolls and man's rights activist this shit is plain disgusting. Still, it was very enlightning. I think it's a must-read for everyone, nowadays. What I encountered when I ventured into the topic of rape in Germany left me shocked and deeply concerned about the future.
Jan 14, Ylenia rated it really liked it Shelves: Kate Harding started with something easy - what is rape culture? This book enraged me to no end, mostly because it was written a couple of years a 4. The way some people not only men! Ignorance mixed with privilege is a bad combo. This book was well written, full of sarcastic comments - sarcasm is necessary, otherwise we would cry from page one because the world we live in is so fucked up - and the basic concepts are well explained.
It's not a book I've read in a day but it took me a couple of months. I highly encourage you to pick this one up! Oct 18, Melissa rated it really liked it Shelves: These guys are telling you how they feel. Nov 14, Katie rated it really liked it. Equal parts angry, witty, and educating, Asking For It will force you to examine yourself, your bias, and your place in rape culture.
When you think of the word rape, what do you picture? Likely, a stranger violently abducting a you Equal parts angry, witty, and educating, Asking For It will force you to examine yourself, your bias, and your place in rape culture. Likely, a stranger violently abducting a young woman in an alleyway.
In reality, most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. Here are some of the discussions that I found most valuable in the book: It is either rape or it is consensual sex. Consent can only be given in the moment. A relationship, or even a marriage, does not equate consent. We also have to teach young men about consent. The only way we can change our culture is to examine it and then talk about it.
Reading Asking For It is a great jumping off point! Sep 03, Kelli rated it it was amazing Shelves: I need a hard copy to properly review this incredible narrative. Sep 20, Ian Wood rated it it was amazing. This is the complete review as it appears at my blog dedicated to reading, writing no 'rithmatic! Blog reviews often contain links which are not reproduced here, nor will updates or modifications to the blog review be replicated here. Graphic and children's reviews on the blog typically feature two or three images from the book's interior, which are not reproduced here.
Note that I don't really do stars. To me a book is either worth reading or it isn't. I can't rate it three- This is the complete review as it appears at my blog dedicated to reading, writing no 'rithmatic! I can't rate it three-fifths worth reading! The only reason I've relented and started putting stars up there is to credit the good ones, which were being unfairly uncredited.
So, all you'll ever see from me is a five-star or a one-star since no stars isn't a rating, unfortunately. The problem with this book is that the people who need most to read it will not, and if they mistakenly happen upon it, they will dismiss it as "more feminist propaganda". It's an uncomfortable experience to read it, but I think people need to read it until they get beyond discomfort and get downright angry that this crap not only goes on in , but that it evidently doesn't even cause widespread outrage. The problem is that when people are talking about "rape-rape" like it's a baby topic that no real grown-ups waste their time with , or about "legitimate rape" or about "the rape thing", then you know as well as I do that despite recent progress, there's still a hell of a long way to go.
What also outraged me is that this didn't show up in the first page of results on Goodreads. Asking For It it is evidently a really poorly-chosen title because Goodreads showed over screens of titles that were triggered when I typed that in. Even when I typed in the author's name it was second in a long list! The title is even one in a fictional series, which reportedly attempts to retro-justify rape - because she liked it in the end. What the hell kind of a fantasy that is, and how dangerous is it?
That's rape culture in all its shabby glory. The book explores the topic of rape in civilian and in military life, and how rape culture which the author defines enables rapists and does serious injustice to those who are raped, to the point where those who have gone through this horror can be even more victimized by the aftermath than they were by the original atrocity itself. Even to the point where survivors have subsequently been charged with a crime - essentially charged with the 'crime' of reporting it! That's not to say it was all plain sailing. I had some issues with the way this was written.
For example, the author does explore the wider implications of a rape culture, but nowhere near enough for me, and in nowhere near enough detail, especially for a book that is specifically about the rape culture rather than specifically cases of rape. She covers, for example, the absurd clamoring of celebrities to support other celebrities - such as those who came out for rapist Roman Polansky who ostensibly couldn't distinguish between a thirteen-year-old and a consenting adult, and others like Bill Cosby and people from other celebrity ventures like the sporting world where victims aren't even given a sporting chance in popular reporting.
Having said that, she fails to address the wider picture except briefly in passing, and tangentially of the whole culture we live in - the movies, the video games, the comic books, the novel, the TV shows. Yes, she briefly covers some of them, but briefly isn't sufficient in a book like this which is supposedly aimed at this very problem.
Rape culture isn't just rape victims getting a raw deal and rapists getting a good deal - it's the entire ethos of how women are treated and viewed in society and I felt this got short shrift. Another issue I personally had is that the author's tone felt a bit preachy and strident at times and thereby at risk of undermining a really strong case. In this kind of environment, lists didn't help as much as they ought, and her love of lists to me was counter-productive to her aim. I'm not a fan of lists and regimented structures because life is neither, and neither are personal interactions except in crappy rom-coms.
Once you start relying on a fixed list, you're in danger of missing things that are important but have failed to make the "official list". One list which I felt which was particularly confusing at best was the first one, on page Clearly the author fully expects us to answer "No", but the lists are full of ambiguity which, to someone who is not clued in and no rapist is, by definition is going to miss, or misinterpret.
This goes to what I've been saying about taking wise precautions, and about making a "No" quite clear. Yes, lack of clear consent means no, that's a given, and yes, even a clear and unequivocal no has indeed failed to stop rapists, but given the pervasiveness of rape culture, a lack of a clear "No! Remember, we are not dealing with an ideal society here. We're not even dealing with a rational one, much less a victim-friendly one.
Here we're dealing with one which facilitates criminals getting away with rape the bulk of the time. You simply cannot play fair in that environment. You're a fool if you think you can hold out any hope that a rapist will be reasonable, considerate, nuanced, decent, or amenable to argument or persuasion. I'm not even sure what the author was trying to demonstrate, but let's look at the list: I'd love to, but I already have plans. Sweet of you to offer, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it.
Oh geez, maybe another time? I so wish I could! Not one of these actually says no not that this means 'yes', understand! If you're sensitive, which rapists are not, you will suspect that this person does not want to be involved with you, but even so you may feel free to ask again at some point, because you want to be sure, and because the answers equivocated at best and invited a "return match" at worst. Indeed, three of them say the opposite of no: Einstein is often quoted as saying something along the lines of "You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war," which is nonsensical, but it's that kind of approach which is being pursued here.
Rather than give an unequivocal "No! Even those who are not predators are at risk of being thoroughly confused by such ambiguous answers. If you have no intention of becoming involved with a guy, you do not say you'd love to! You do not offer another what may be seen as an opportunity to stalk you. You do not utter wishes that you could be together. You do not use the word "afraid" in your response. If you like, you can soften it with "I'm involved with someone" or "I don't want to be involved with anyone here" or whatever, but don't omit the clear "No!
Having given that, you are in no doubt as to whether you "encouraged" someone, and neither are they - if they are even remotely reasonable. If the worst happens, you will be confident you made it crystal clear that your answer was no, and you will not be haunted with concern that you somehow "encouraged" this guy.
Rape is god-awful enough without bringing self-doubt and self-recrimination into it, on top of whatever other horrors you're going through. On this same topic, it bothered me that on some occasions the author appeared to be disparaging rape prevention advice and campaigns by presenting an anecdote which "proved" all the advice was wrong.
Yes, in an ideal society, women should not have to do these things. It's reprehensible that they're forced into this position, but the fact is that we do not live in an ideal society, and we're a long - probably impossible, I'm sorry to say - way from ever getting there, so until and unless we do live in that ideal society, the advice isn't wrong and people are foolish not to take it and follow it. It's like saying that it's foolish to wear a seat belt, because there are some occasions where the seat belt has been the problem - the victim died anyway, or the seat belt trapped them in the car.
Indeed, I was once trapped in the back seat of a car fortunately not due to an accident, but because the car was old and the seat belt was shitty. We had to find some scissors and cut me out! Did I give up wearing seat belts because of this fail? This doesn't mean that a victim who has failed to take this advice is the problem and no crime has been committed. There has still been a crime and the victim's lack of forethought isn't a mitigating circumstance by any stretch of the imagination, no matter how hard the police or the commanding officer, or courts might dishonestly pretend it is - because of this rape culture.
But there are nonetheless ways in which, regardless of whether we're talking about rape or any other crime, you can endeavor protect yourself from harm and it's just plain stupid not to heed them. They're not guaranteed, by any means, and they will at times fail despite the best efforts, but on balance, they will make women and men safer, and this author's single-minded focus on the need to address the rapist problem, not the victim non-problem, commendable and accurate as that approach is, did a disservice to prevention in a society where it is a real a present danger, as they say.
It's this evident inability on the author's part to separate the wheat from the chaff which for me weakened the message she was bringing - a message which is long overdue. By that I don't mean it invalidated it, but I think it served to tint water which could have been clearer.
For example, I would have liked to have seen the author outright condemn binge-drinking for an assortment of reasons, but because her focus was solely on rape, she tended to gloss over this problem because, it seemed to me, she felt it took away from her message that even if the person who was raped was drunk, she was still the victim of a crime and this does not mitigate the rapist's criminal behavior.
This is unarguably true to anyone with half a functioning brain, which rapists and anyone else who buys into the rape culture quite evidently doesn't have, but more instead of addressing the real and unarguable issue In the same vein, I would have liked her to have talked about educating men not to be criminals rather than zero in on the narrow field of educating them not to be rapists. That needs to be a distinct and pronounced part of such an education, but there needs to be a wider focus.
There are also issues with the prevalence of rape, which I admit is a doomed thing to try and calculate given how little of it goes reported because of the very fact that we do live in a rape culture. Numbers are tossed around without very much verification, so we end up with a one in five or a one in four number which then becomes folklore without anyone going back to see how that number was arrived at in the first place. Lisak's study was evidently flawed. The Sterret case is interesting not only in and of itself, but also because it makes it clear that not all cases of rape or in this case alledged rape are about power.
This one clearly was not. And neither is the power always with the guy - in this case the power to ruin his life was clearly in his supposed victim's hands. In a study, researchers at the Medical University of South Carolina set out to determine the rape-related pregnancy rate in the United States. They estimated that about 5 percent of rape victims of reproductive age 12 to 45 become pregnant — a percentage that results in about 32, pregnancies each year.
Even one is too many but over half a million is phenomenal and shocking beyond polite words. That's a far cry from ,, unless of course , failed to report the crime - but that's entirely possible. There is a yearly average of , victims we're told, but a rape every seconds comes to , This is good enough to fall in with that average, but it's a far cry from either , or , My point is not to belittle the magnitude of the numbers, which regardless of which number is most accurate, are appalling, but to point out that the numbers vary wildly, and this is the kind of thing which will be the very one that nay-sayers latch upon to try to call "the rape thing" into question.
Look," they will claim, "they're making wild guesses! No one knows, clearly they're making this all up as a scare tactic! A look, in this book, at the accuracy and sources of the numbers would have been appreciated, and while the author touches on this more than once, she never really pursues it as a legitimate topic in its own right.
We do not want to give those who would continue to try and sweep this rape culture pandemic under the carpet any ammunition even if they're firing blanks. I like that the author covers the fact that while the overwhelming number of rapes is indeed male on female, rape isn't just male on a female. It's very much cross-gender despite the British rather Victorian idea that girls can't rape guys. I liked the discussion of the focus on college versus focus on 'civilian' rape, but this was a relatively short book and the author obviously could not go into great detail on every topic.
Focus on college is important, but in one way it's a bit of a mis-focus because college female students are only about half as likely as non-college females of the same age range to be affected by violence: That doesn't mean it's not a problem, by any means, but it does mean we can be smarter, use better resources, and be more effective across all areas, instead of focusing on one and pretending we're addressing the problem.
I like that the author called into question some of the at best ill-advised, and at worst, situation-exacerbating ad campaigns aimed at reducing rape, but done in a wrong-headed manner. The problem isn't so much those, however, as the very effective ad campaigns which are aimed in the opposite direction, and which flood our senses throughout our lives almost subliminally.
Indeed, they are so pervasive and so common and so readily available that we don't even consider them, much less talk about them. This is why, for me, where this book most fell down is in its almost complete failure to address the far more widespread, and often very subtle rape culture problem: The author did cover, briefly and in a limited way, some movies and some TV, and even took a very small dip into advertising, but nowhere near enough. In my opinion, it's in these areas that rape culture is seeded, because it is all-pervasive and it hits men and women alike from childhood.
Note that I am not saying here that some guy watches a TV show or sees a commercial, and suddenly is filled with the idea that he can simply go out and rape him some women! It doesn't work like that. But when you have, for example in movies, been subjected to a lifetime of stories where the tough hombre battles the odds and is rewarded with the helpless "chick" every time, a "babe" not the infantilization in play here who pretty much literally falls into his arms, a wilting violet subservient to his every command, it's not hard to see that this cultivates a mind-set which takes only a weak will not to act upon.
Every time I'm in the grocery store waiting at the check out line, I'm bombarded with a host of magazines aimed at women, and what do all of these magazines have on the covers? Curiously enough, semi-naked woman. What text do the covers most often carry? Something about sex, about improving your technique, making yourself sexier, spicing things up, and on and on.
I rarely stand at the check-out without seeing at least one mention of sex on the cover of at least one magazine. These are magazines that used to cover the model's head with the magazine title, as if to make it clear that only her body was of interest - you can safely ignore the mind. Only a professional idiot aka a rapist would view this as a guide to your average woman's mind-set and inclinations, but if you're one of the idiots, this tells you quite unequivocally that women want sex, they're desperate for it, they crave it, they need someone to deliver it to their open door.
That's all the "consent" a rapist needs. These magazines, to me, are more abusive to women than actual pornography is, because they are much more pernicious and sly, and they're everywhere. TV and movies send the same message - a message that a woman is only waiting for the right man and she;ll hop right into bed and the hell with worrying about STDs. Books are just as bad, especially the ones showing a woman in a state of undress with a manly man on the cover, and even more-so, ill-conceived and misguided young adult novels.
The worst of those are ones which purport to deliver a strong female character the main protagonist, yet almost inevitably have this character wilt and take second place when a man shows up, as though she's really quite weak, if not outright incompetent, by herself and in truth needs a man to whip her into shape. All of this contributes to a comprehensive and overwhelming, if seriously deluded, view of women. I find ti a bit sad that this author who does so well in other areas, barely mentions these areas, if at all. Overall though, despite some issues one of which is the author's unilateral declaration that couples in happy long-term relationships are pretty much rapists if they wake their partner up by means of foreplay!
Apr 27, KelseAwesomeness rated it really liked it. I had thought it just meant victim blaming The author oftentimes calls out both men and women when they are furthering to perpetuate rape-culture. Now, to carry one with my review. I was shocked and a little embarrassed because, when I was younger, I used to believe some of the rape myths that the author talks about. At one point, I had believed that if a female dressed a certain way either scantily clad or extremely revealing that doing so would almost… invite negativity or unwanted attention.
The Numbered by Elias Canetti
No one invites unwanted attention and most certainly no one deserves to be sexually assaulted for any reason. I am horrified and angry about how rape or sexual assault claims or cases had been handled and probably some that are still being handled in the same way today in the past. It has definitely strengthened my awareness of how steeped our society is in rape-culture. Alternatively, another realization this book has made me aware of though… are all the ways that people are banding together to not only fight for justice for those who have been sexually assaulted but also the support and understanding that is sweeping over all of the sexism, hate, and automatic disbelief of female and male victims of rape or sexual assaults.
I could go on and on about this book, but then you would miss out on the great, and tasteful, way that Kate Harding writes about this topic Jul 20, Erin rated it it was amazing Shelves: ARC for review from NetGalley. I don't want to say "easy to read" but an excellent, largely non-academic look at rape culture in the United States. As Harding initially notes, rape culture is exists in many forms, "but its most devilish trick is to make the average, noncriminal person identify with the person accused, instead of the person reporting a crime," and we've seen this over and over again, from cases famous Glen Ridge, New Jersey and if you haven't read the incredible Our Guys by please do so , and Steubenville, Ohio to ones with which I was totally unfamiliar an eleven year old!
The defense portrayed her as a girl who had developed early, liked to wear makeup and didn't have much parental supervision One defense attorney even said, " 'Wasn't she saying, 'Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly? Tomayto, tomahto" this may be the point where I fell in love with Kate Harding. She then recounts the seven categories of American rape myths the book focuses primarily on America She asked for it. It wasn't really rape. He didn't mean to. Rape is a trivial event. Rape is a deviant event. Harding then applies these myths to various scenarios, but it's nothing that most of us can't do in our own heads a hundred times over.
Americans are perfectly willing to accept the stranger who jumps out of the bushes and attacks a young co-ed scenario, but when it's the boys on the local football team, or an aspiring divinity student the St. Paul case going on as I type , or a beloved teacher or coach or whatever our brains just don't work the same way. Another great point - we teach our daughters to protect themselves, but we must also teach our sons not to become rapists. Males, ALL males, from the time they are ready to know the facts of life, must understand the meaning and nature of consent So a woman at a bar should only be able to have two drinks because men just can't control themselves?
There's so much more to say.
Harding takes both conservative and those allegedly more liberal media to task and also takes a hard line on mens rights activists let me just say that these aren't the guys banging on drums in the woods , but my review might be as long as the book if I keep touching on every passage I marked. And before you lose all faith in humankind, Harding includes some reasons to be hopeful. However, it really all starts with changing the culture, and that requires that ALL of us examine our behavior - and it's not easy.
I have to read Jon Krakauer's Missoula for by book club, so I'm going to need some light reading between the two. Jan 30, Valyssia Leigh rated it it was amazing Shelves: I get that the subject of this book is off-putting. The situation is appalling. Still, this is something that every person of conscience should look into and try to fully understand. This book is an excellent place to start. It's well researched, argued and ordered. Really, the only thing about it I find less than acceptable, if not exceptional, is it's cover. Jul 16, Katie rated it it was amazing Shelves: This was truly brilliant and should be required reading for all humans.
I learnt a lot. Received for free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Feb 01, Andrew rated it it was amazing. Author, columnist, and all-around awesome person Kate Harding has written a book about rape culture and you should all read it. Their mothers must all be so proud.
Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do about It
But what Harding does, in a wonderfully detailed-yet-glib manner, is drop hard facts, and lots of them. Each chapter tackles another facet of the culture, of our culture, and its blind spots regarding rape, assault, and the treatment of victims. Her conviction was overturned; however, in a new trial, she faced the possibility of an utterly absurd sixty years behind bars, and thus entered a guilty plea in a bargain for just three years. For a fucking warning shot against an attacker. Harding goes on to tackle obvious necessities like safety tips, and calls for men and allies to be more direct in their support and willingness to confront those who would abuse, ignore, or merely shrug their shoulders at their own aggressive tendencies, or the illegal and violent actions of others.
Or simply disregarding the claims of rape or assault altogether. Harding wraps up her crash course in rape culture by turning the spotlight to the media and pop culture—continual presences throughout, but needing their own, more detailed analysis. On the media side of things, she discusses how, as has been previously mentioned, the press is only truly interested in such a story if the victim and perpetrator match what is deemed ratings friendly i. Similarly, film and television often do a disservice to victims and rapists by painting them with broad strokes—as perfect angels and vicious monsters respectively, when the reality for so many, especially when the attacker is known to the victim, is much harder to quantify in such simplistic terms.
Lastly, we come to online trolls, gamergaters, and other similar Internet shit stains like those mentioned at the start of this review. Harding sheds a stomach-turning light on the corner of the world, online and off, occupied by these individuals, and the very real threat their existence entails. In fact, Harding is a champion of men, and though the numbers of incidents are quite a bit lower than with women, she does touch on sexual assault and abuse faced by men in North America.
She merely expects, and not in any way unfairly, for men to be better than our worst stereotypes and cultural expectations often allow—that of the oversexed aggressor only giving in to his natural impulses. Harding knows it, and we know it too: Our daughters deserve better, and our sons are better than that. Feb 21, Barbara The Bibliophage rated it it was amazing Shelves: I listened to this audiobook in a few short days.
Harding clearly did her research, but she also has a stake in the story. And awareness is the first place to start. I hope you'll read my full review at The Bibliophage! Jun 06, Ashley Reid rated it really liked it Shelves: Most of the facts and statistics in this book are completely despicable. It makes me too sick to read it for too long.
Undoubtedly, this is an uncomfortable book to read, but I found it challenging and thought provoking. However, they consistently follow a pattern whereby, they blame the victim for their Undoubtedly, this is an uncomfortable book to read, but I found it challenging and thought provoking.
Lonsway, and Louise F. Fitzgerald expanded upon those four characteristic functions, identifying seven categories under which American rape myths fall: In her book, Kate Harding addresses these myths, one by one. Although uncomfortable, it is an important book to read. There are steps that as a society we can take to address the current situation, by speaking up, stop blaming the victims and instead supporting then. We could starting from the little things. As a reader, I noticed the inclusion of children abuse, rough sex or rape, in many recent novels.
Fictional rape, in books and on the screen, seems to be used to provide little more than cheap shock value and it normalizes criminal behavior, this is a common complaint of mine. This book is not perfect. Bars and clubs are loud places.
Asking For It
As long as we see rapists as average men overcome by lust in a particular moment, as opposed to the opportunistic predators they typically are, we will keep giving criminals a pass to commit more violence in our communities. Aug 30, Amy Gentry rated it really liked it. A much-needed primer on contemporary "rape culture" that should be required reading for anyone in an advocacy role, as well as anyone on the fence about the term itself.
Harding is an entertaining and accessible writer, but although her tone is chatty and even occasionally funny in a sarcastic way , she has done her homework. The most impressive thing about this book, and what makes it essential reading even for those already on board with the basic message, is her compilation of high-profile c A much-needed primer on contemporary "rape culture" that should be required reading for anyone in an advocacy role, as well as anyone on the fence about the term itself. The most impressive thing about this book, and what makes it essential reading even for those already on board with the basic message, is her compilation of high-profile cases over the past two decades, many of which involve social media, phone-recorded video, and other new developments peculiar to this century.
Harding came up on the Internet and has a thorough handle on the ways that its culture has enabled and amplified rape culture; it was especially interesting to see what the misogynistic Internet comments we are all too familiar with look like when printed in black-and-white on the page. It makes you realize how inured we have become to the most blatant evidence of rape culture all around us. There is one aspect of Harding's research into rape that I would caution has been recently undermined by further research: Recent studies have begun to debunk the serial perpetrator theory, which, it turns out, goes too far in pathologizing the crime and fails to take into account certain time-bound risk factors involved in men's sexually violent behavior.
While the "rapists rape" theory helps take the blame off rape survivors--an urgent necessity--it does so at the expense of effective prevention aimed at potential perpetrators. In fact, the most recent research here: Mar 16, Bookworm rated it really liked it. Painful but important read. I really wanted to read this book for quite awhile. Rape culture, the culture of entitlement, etc. Harder looks at the various aspects of rape culture in society, in the media, by law enforcement, at universities, etc. Harding looks at the various myths of rape culture and how powerfully they play in our mindse Painful but important read.
Harding looks at the various myths of rape culture and how powerfully they play in our mindsets. While she poises the rapists as being men and the victims women for the sake of simplicity, the author repeatedly acknowledges throughout the book that men can be victims as well, and that they face a stigma in coming forward such as say in the military, which makes it difficult for both men and women. It was an infuriating and frustrating read. She goes through cases and cases of rapes. I have to say, while I am no expert nor am I totally ignorant to rape culture, I found this very informative.
Painful too, sometimes I just couldn't bear to read about rape after rape after rape. Just today as I was finishing this up I read an article about how Jaycee Dugard kidnapped, raped repeatedly and held for 18 years would not be able to sue the state of California for failing to monitor her captor, Phillip Garrido. Apparently the reasoning is because the state had no way of knowing she'd be specifically targeted. As it was also reported he had already been convicted of a rape I just wanted to throw up my hands at yet another failure of the justice system.
Harding looks at pro-active-ness and asks whether further rapes could have been prevented if law enforcement had done its job and not blamed the victim. Or in situations where bystanders did not participate in the rape but would actively intervene either. Sometimes I felt the book could get a little too snarky, a little too ranty. Which is not necessarily wrong I feel like taking a shower after reading all the horrible things in this book but I'm very sure there are going to be people will find some way to be offended over something in the text.
That said, it made me think about how I behave: I've never been the type to go clubbing or frat parties.
I don't drink and don't like being out at night. Part of it is purely due to personality never a partier, not a night owl but part of it is because as the book says, some of us constantly think of our safety. Then there is the other side: Harding discusses how someone can do everything "right": All of that is extremely sad. There's a lot to digest in the book. People already really familiar with rape culture it might be a little basic for them but as a basic primer it might not be a bad place to start.
I got it from the library and that's about right for me. It's not something I'd really want in my apartment any longer than it has to be, but for the right person it could be a good reference or starting point. Jul 16, Hannah fullybookedreviews rated it really liked it Shelves: The book covers a range of topics, from assault on college campuses to MRAs, false rape accusations and online trolls. There are many, many paragraphs that I wished to quote from the book, but managed to restrain myself. In short, Asking for It is a really important read, looking at how we ourselves, and society as a whole, perpetuate rape culture — and how to change our behavior and perceptions to combat this.
Quotes taken from uncorrected proof and may differ from final publication. Jun 24, Sharon rated it it was amazing.
Review: Asking For It at Abbey Theatre, Dublin | Ireland | The Times
Every once in a while, I come across a book that I think should be mandatory reading for everyone in the USA. This is one of those books. Reading it, as I did, in the wake of Brock Turner's absurdly brief sentence in county jail for raping an unconscious woman the same judge sentenced a Salvadoran man to three years in prison for the identical crime Harding examines rape culture not only where it applies to actual rape cases, but societal attitudes, police attitudes -- and even the so-called men's rights activist and Gamergate movements and their role in the problem.
Please update your billing details here. Please update your billing information. The subscription details associated with this account need to be updated. Please update your billing details here to continue enjoying your subscription. Your subscription will end shortly.
Please update your billing details here to continue enjoying your access to the most informative and considered journalism in the UK. Click here to see more Tap here to see more Tap here to see more. Accessibility Links Skip to content. Read the full article. Start your free trial. Want to read more?