The Death of my Mother

Morphine is a hell of a drug. I held her hand for most of it. Both my sister and I remember her hands in great detail. Perhaps because of the many times those hands soothed us by stroking our hair, holding our hands, and embracing us when we were sad or frightened. My mom and I used to do this thing were we would pretend her hand was a spider named Spider.

Spider was as close to an imaginary friend as I ever had. I thought of Spider as a separate entity from my mom, when I was little. Spider would dance, give me kisses, and play hide-and-seek. I watched as Spider became thinner, bonier, more veiny, dappled with red spots, as the years went by. I remember the first time my mom went into the hospital, because her lungs could no longer balance oxygen and carbon dioxide.

My sister found her face down in a pillow on her lap. Once we got her to the hospital and she was admitted, there lay Spider, at her side. The day my mother died, I held her hand. It was a jerking, seizure, kind of squeeze. Still, I held it throughout the movie, not sure of how much her mind was able to comprehend and hoping she knew I was near.

By the end of the movie, I felt exhausted. Probably due to the slowly creeping depression I was falling into. I told my sister I was going to take a nap. Her eyes still struggling to focus on anything, spinning around in their sockets, I could tell she was fighting to stay conscious. I kissed her peach-fuzzed cheek again and I lingered for a moment to feel her silky soft hands in mine. I kissed those, too. I released them, I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, I watched her breathe for a moment, then went up to my room.

I used to watch her breathe all the time. Even before she was admitted to the hospital. She had to get a chair, that would mechanically fold out into a bed, for our living room. I moved into the couch and, from there, would watch her breathe until I fell asleep. I think her and I both knew our time together was limited. My mom was dead. My sister, struggling to say composed, told me not to go downstairs.

My god-sister had brought her newborn baby to the house that day. Her and the baby sat with me in the upstairs hall way, in silence, as we listened to the sounds of the EMTs and paramedics taking her body away. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.

The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say. Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died.

I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated.

Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on? I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me.

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Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay. That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad. I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human.

After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it. Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her.

We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would.

I would say, I'm doing pretty well. Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh.

The Day My Mother Died

Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute.

I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us. At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Live like your mother would want you to. On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered.

She deserves to be missed. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I lost my beloved Mother 2 weeks ago. All that I have read here is exactly how I feel. It is comforting to know I am not alone. And I do know and understand that pain.

I too am counting the cost. I feel like I have one foot in heaven and the other in hell. Loving her so deeply. I heard a song on the radio called All of me. And I felt that was a message from her. I am her perfect imperfection. She was always my strength. She was my terra. For the 1st time in my life I can honestly say I no longer fear death.

Just to be with her and see her again. I find that reading poetry especially by Hope Edelman is comforting. All the other voices who are singing my words back to my heart is healing. Amen l lost my mother in February in life changed the moment i found out she was gone. I saw this very real but invisible umbilical cord that was attached to my back being cut as i saw my mother ascending upwards. I knew instantly what it was and wondered why I had never seen it.

I heard a voice say I would no longer need the physical her to go through life. Yes I miss my mother tremendously but everyday i hear her teachings. Thank you so lovingly My. My Mum passed away, suddenly, 3 weeks ago The numbness has given way and reality is slowly creeping in. I so miss her, and my heart aches. Despite studying psychology and reading many academic texts on grief I struggle with feeling totally alone, even though I have a husband and 3 children.

I know grief makes others uncomfortable, so I try to conceal my pain. I pray it does. I just lost my MOM yesterday December 10th at 2: I still cannot believe this is happening The pain is so deep. It's been 3 weeks today and it still hasn't sunk in that she's gone. Even though I was there when she took her last breath, I still go to her empty home and look around it as if she should be there.

Her shoes are right where she left them, kicking them off to sit in her favorite chair. At least not so she could here them. My mom was 84 and though her death was unexpected, I still spent the time prior wondering what it would be like to lose her someday. Nothing prepared me for this. It's the best description I could find. I lost my foundation, my safety net, my big sister in my adult years. I see and do things and my knee jerk reaction is to want to share it with her and the heavy sadness overcomes me that I no longer can.

I also miss my mother very much. My heart yearns to feel her special sweet humble presents around me again. I hate that life has to be so sad. That people have to leave. I remember being small and feeling so safe with my mother. I wish it could be the same. I'm sorry mom I didn't appreciate your loving presents as I should have. It's just gone past the one year mark, and it felt like reliving those last 10 terrible days all over as if my mother died a second time. A year on my life is meaningless and perfectly useless. I lost my mother three months ago.

I am so sad most of the time. My mom and I had a strained relationship most of my life. She was a very religious person Baptist and she had pretty high standards, always trying to impress my pastor Grandfather. That made things hard with my dad, and they pretty much fought every day when I was growing up. She pushed me pretty hard, in order to keep up appearances. When I went to college and then married, I withdrew from her because of how small she made me feel. Over the course of my adulthood, I tried to understand her, and that made it easier. I lived in Oregon and she lived in Alaska.

I saw her maybe once a year, and talked on the phone about once a month. When my husband and I divorced, she actually flew down from Alaska to make sure I was ok. She purchased cute items for my apartment to make it easier for me to be there. She was there when I needed her. She passed away in September from a year's long battle from metastatic breast cancer. I didn't think that I would ever be this sad.

After all, we didn't really get along. I have never felt this way in my life. My divorce was not half as painful. My boyfriend of 5 years and my two sons are telling me that I am like a stranger. Always either angry or crying. I feel like they should show me love, but they say im acting like a crazy lady. I just lost my mother early this morning. She was dealing with some physical problems. I she will remind me. I have to continue to live but. I lost my momma nov 27th and dont know how to deal with. I took care of her 4 half years saw her everyday.

I numb right now and dont understand why this happened so fast. She was only suppose to go in hospital for blood transfutions and come home but everything went wrong afterwards and in three weeks in the hospital and three days in hospice i saw her took her last breathe. What i feel is she should still be here and im tired of people saying "shes in a better place". My mother told me she wasnt ready to go i heard this all the time from her.

I feel that im living a dream and i cant wake up. That this is not real. Im trying to accept this but im having hard time accepting it. I wish for all of us to have strength and love for us to get through this. I thought I was all alone She died at I just lost my mom 2 weeks ago. A big open hole in my heart. The experiences written in the article are the same I'm going through since I lost my mom. I miss her a lot. This article was just what I needed. She was the caregiver for my Dad with Parkinson's and Crohn's Disease for several years and now my sister and I realize how big of a job that really is.

Thanksgiving was the one month anniversary of her passing and now the holidays are here. I teach communication seminars, yet I am at a loss for words in the depths of my grief. What is more of a challenge is that I have two daughters. They are 16 and 9. I am trying to honor my mother while not taking away from my kids I'm not feeling very cheerful. I cry often and I feel like I am an emotional wreck. There are times when I can't breathe. I have upcycled every flower from her funeral into several craft memorials. I look at her picture throughout the day and just miss her voice, her guidance, and her hugs.

I realize there was a slow fade over the last two years, but she was only in hospice for 8 days. I try not to remember her gasping for air or writhing in pain, but these memories sneak into my mind. Thankfully, she was able to go to Germany with my sister and me in June and though she was tired, we had a great time. I am most challenged with now trying to deal with my Dad. He lost his wife, but expects me and my sister to "get his house in order. He has never done finances, so my sister has been handling that while I am in charge of his medical needs. I am trying to keep my cool and judge the illness, not my Dad, but this is just so heavy.

I don't expect people to identify with my circumstance if they haven't been through it, but, I would appreciate any words of wisdom as I navigate a new "normal" on many levels. How can I effectively grieve my Mom while parenting my daughters and my Dad? My mother was I was her caregiver until she was placed under hospice care at home for the final 2 months of her life. She looked at me with full of love and said goodbye at 3: I have cried almost every day since. I sleep in her nightgowns to feel her hugs. I look forward to being with her. I continue to be devastated. My dear mother passed away on 15 March She was 82 and I helplessly watched her taking her last breath in my house.

She lived with me. Yes, I was her so called caregiver but the truth is which I realised after she passed on was that she was taking care of me for almost 57 years. Never day went by without me crying for her. Sometimes I sleep on her bed, hug her clothes in her wardrobe and call out for her.

How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother | WeHaveKids

The day she died, she took part of me with her, hence I am existing and not living right now. I see no joy and am tired of life. Home is wherever my mum is! I lost my mum seven years ago and still I have times when I feel as though she only died last week, It is the most acute pain I have ever felt. I berate myself as to why I didn't cherish her as much as I should have. I am an orphan of sixty five years old now.

I want her to come back and wrap her arms around me and tell me how much she loves me. I love you mum and hope to see you when it's my turn to go. The overriding emotion right now is guilt. I could have made my mother's life more comfortable. A softer bed would have been so good for her.

I should have talked to her more often. I used to think my mother would live for a long long time. That was not to be. I am being told, i have to move on and that everything is temporary. But i cannot overcome this. I miss my mother very much. I know we are all feeling the same going through our first year of special occasions and holidays without our moms. I hold on to everything I can to be near her.

Mom and I are not religious but we did go to church sometimes. Hi everyone my mother past away its going to be 1 yr. But we MUST go on thats what our mothers would have wanted for us to go on. God bless everyone who has lost a loved one. On your good days listen to music on ur bad days try to let it all out this is what i have been doing for last 6 months i say 6 because the first couple of months i was numb and crawled into a ball pretty much.

We will never forget them and we will always carry this pain inside we will learn to manage the pain like the author Vicki of this article says we must give our selfs those bad days thats what we can do to keep our loved ones alive. On bad days i try to pretend shes gone on her trips when she would go when she was alive but then reality hits me again and i feel the pain again. Wrting to my mother on a journal helps some days or writing here in this webpage also helps.

Life is painfull but also beautiful just stop and look around once in a while you will see what im talking about. I miss you mom and love you with all i have. My dear mother made her transition November 20, at 6: There really are no words to describe how I feel. At one moment, I feel great sorrow, anger and guilt. Guilt because I feel as though I failed to do enough for my mother's comfort while she was still living, even though she always made it known to me how she appreciated my help.

But I still feel I could have helped her more than I did.

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I wished I hugged her and told her I loved her every single day. People tell me I shouldn't beat myself up. But still, I can't help the way I feel. Sometimes, I just cannot accept the fact that she is forever gone out of my life. I find myself believing I will see her again somewhere in another world. I guest that's just a way of finding comfort, to ease my pain.

I love you mom I'm 29 years old, single mother. My mom was 59 and my absolute best friend and support system. We got along so well, hung out just because we loved being around each other. We had a special bond, as I was her only daughter, and her youngest. On Oct 14 she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. On November 14 she died. She was a healthy, vibrant, 59 year old. She had a high-powered position and job and was the mother to my 8 year old niece, who she had adopted when her birth mother abandoned her at 3 months old.

She was young and vibrant, had no preexisting health issues, so no one saw this coming. And then she died just one month later and that entire month was filled with incredibly pain and suffering that even the heaviest doses of narcotics could barely relieve. To lose someone so quickly, so unexpectedly, when you thought you'd have more years with them, is devastating. But I've been getting by from the support of my family. I have my daughter, my niece who is like my daughter, especially now that my mom is gone , my dad is very close to me, and my brothers.

Aunts and uncles have been amazing as well. You have to have a support system around you. You can't go through this kind of tragedy alone. I miss my mom sooo. My mom and I pretty much did everything together as she too was single well a widower like myself. He said you had renal , kidney and heart failure. He scheduled for another visit the following Friday. My life will never b the same. This will b my first thanksgiving without her. I work all the time and offer to work almost 12 hours a day.

God help us through this unbelievable loss. Take care everyone especially through the holidays. We lived our moms like no one else and she love her children. I lost my mother who was 94 on October 1, I had just taken her to see her doctor 2 days before her death. I doctor told me he was concerned about be breathing and to keep a eye on her.

The morning of October 1 at 6: I knew when I looked at her about 2: She is at peace, I took care of her by myself for over 20 years with very little help from my family.



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Now I am alone. I will get pass this I know. I'm retired and thinking about going back to work. I will know when I am ready. I have learned a lot reading about other people experience. Thank you for sharing. I cry everyday and I miss my mom more than I ever thought but reading the comments on this site help me feel less alone. That was like a stab in the heart. She just wants her inheritance so she can move. To everyone, Hapoy Thanksgiving.

Be thankful you loved your mom so much it hurts. Really that is the best gift ever. It seems so crazy that a year has almost gone by when for me it feels like yesterday. She died 3 days after thanksgiving and I feel like someone is squeezing my heart each day the 1yr of her passing gets closer. She died from Liver disease. I was 13 weeks pregnant with my son when she died and I was so scared that everything I was feeling was going to cause me to miscarry.

Me and my husband tried everything for 6yrs to get pregnant and then it finally happened right before IVF treatment and then 2 weeks later my mom was diagnosed with Liver Cancer. My world was upside down. I spent the next 5 weeks by my moms side at all appointments and at the same time terrified of the stress I was feeling while pregnant. I wanted my mom to stay alive long enough to see my son. I have my husband, 13yr old daughter and now 5 month old son but I find everyday is hard to be happy. My dad died when I was 12 and all my grandparents are gone so being 35 with no elder family is such a tough pill to swallow.

I know I am not alone but I feel alone everyday. I am also extremely angry. I think it is part of my grief but the littlest of things make me so mad and I know its not far for my family, especially my husband because he definetly gets the worst of it but its stuck in my chest and I don't know how to get rid of it. This Thanksgiving will be a hard one.. I would do anything to talk to my mom one more time I lost my mom November 24th It was the day after thanksgiving. Now it is approaching the year anniversary. Also the last holiday of my first events without her which is thanksgiving.

The pain is crippling. As we all know especially from the article that grief has no timeline. Even with that being said it just seems so final. The last time that I can reflect on her presence being with me within this year. Just so strange and of course the expectation is that I should be ok by now. Ofcourse with grief you learn to cover up and mask your true feelings and just function to get by.

We have to go to work and take care of our children as well as be supportive to spouses. Inside I feel insurmountable pain. Hating everyday that moves closer to the anniversary. Cant believe its been a year. It all feels like it was just yesterday and my heart holds just as much pain. I lost my beautiful mother on May 18th to Cancer. We found out she had stage 4 bone cancer on April 5th I miss her hugs, our talks and her always telling me everything will be ok. I grew up without a dad so she was both my parents. She lived with me and everyday I think of her and miss her dearly.

I feel when she die I left with her. The pain in your heart is the worst ever. She was an amazing person the most loving and humble person. Thank God for all my family support and for him helping me cope with this and praying everyday that I trust his will. This is the most difficult thing I been through. Miss mom so much, house is so empty without her. Thought she had bad flue or something, according to first dr.



And before we know it she landed up in hospital, unable to breath, water on lungs, but the cause for that was cancer! All happend so fast. She is gone to soon, need her so much! I wish she can come back, always thought she will become She was only turned 60 the other day. Heart is broken, feeling empty.

I lost my mom two days ago after a long battle with cancer. I stayed with her the last five months as the disease took over. I thankful she's not suffering now but I miss her so much. I lost mine, 3 hours ago. I was at work. I played it off all day. And when I got in my car I broke down crying. I am totally lost. I have never felt sadness like this.

I am truly broken down.

Coping With Grief

I am totally with you on that, reading your post is like a mirror image of the relationship i had with my mum. I phoned her in the morning, saw her through the day and phoned her at nine oclock every single night to say goodnight and tell her that i loved her. Take care my thoughts are with you. I lost my mother on Nov. She was my best friend. We were inseparable since my father died in I have been in pain since she passed. Like you, my heart is broken. Every night we said I love you to each other and hugged and kissed.

I miss her so much. I Lost her September 30, I was taking my board exam not knowing she's gone. That was the day I really felt what broken hearted seems like. Life has suddenly stopped for me. My mom was my life, she was my motivation and Im clueless on how and what I do with my life. I was too excited to go home to tell her how was my exams but it wont happened. Im still grieving I withdraw my self to society. I dont go out. I spend all my inside our home.

Im depressed as what they say. I forgot to take care of myself. The lost of my mom was my greatest dowfall. Ill be okay soon, but not today. This is going to be really long so warning right here if you don't want to read an extremely long post. Anyway I'm basically going through the ssme thing, I think the situation is what makes it slightly different.

So my mother was not really there for my childhood, she was unfortunately in jail. Soon she came back after about I was 7 or 6 and everything was good. I basically lived in a crack house at the time so it was not unusual for relatives or friends to leave suddenly when they got arrested and I wasn't there. My mom got in trouble again and had to go to a parol or rehibilitation center.

My dad was there more than her though he was forced to become a firefighter because he did a crime. So we would visit her, it was confusing since when I was a kid I had no reason to believe she was a bad person and she was gone again. She came back after that got in trouble again and went to a different place, I can remember it clearly. She was on the very top floor of the building and had to yell down to me since I wasn't allowed inside.

It seemed like an endless cycle of where when I had her back she would disapear. Finally for one last time I she came back though she was different, she basically went insane from the wrong medicine the people at the place gave her. I was scared, I was 8 at the time. I soon became scared to even go near her or speak to her since she would see things and panic at every moment. She had asthma and we finally went to my cousin's house. She had an asthma attack, my uncle was there though he waited 10 minutes before he called She was unconcious by then. All I can remember are the screams of my dad and being totally confused on what was happening.

She went into a coma, they pulled the plug and sge lived. It seemed like a sick joke for her to continue suffering. Though at the same time you have hope she will live. She became brain dead, though was still alive. I was 8 then at the time. Soon 5 years later she dies 2 days after my birthday. I'm now a 13 year old girl who has a bipolar father and a dead mother.

I'm honestly not sure how I'm still living through my personal hell right now. Anyone else I think would've quit. There's a lot more to my life that was half horrible as this and only added to this pain. I guess diffrent situations can still have the same factors. I wish i could say or do something to help you.

How do people cope because I can't. My heart feels as though it's been ripped out. I just lost my mom July 17 She was my rock and I feel the emptiness left in her absence every day. When I remember it hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel shattered all over again. My mom passed away suddenly july Everyone said it gets easier as time goes on. Well here i am 5 years later and still struggling. Granted i dont have as many melt downs I miss her so much and need her so much Along with all the feelings i have about my mom.

Im just really confused. My mum died on April 15th She was 63 and full of life. She didn't reveal her true age to people, because she wanted to be young for ever. She barely accepted to be 40 when I turned 20, so this year would have been her accepted 50th birthday. She didn't make it, nor did she make her actual 64th. She died after just 6 days in the hospital, from severe liver failure. We didn't even know she had liver issues. The day after tomorrow marks 7 months since she passed and it hasn't gotten any easier.

I feel no joy in my life anymore, I am nothing but a walking shadow. I can put on my social mask and act ok, but deep down a huge part of me died with my mum. I don't have any children and I am terrified of becoming a mother without my mum. She was my only true friend and it's so difficult living my life without her. I have two younger sisters who didn't even get a chance to have mum at their side on their wedding day.

My baby sister just turned 23 and my heart breaks for her because she is without mum. I was sure we had at least another 20 years with her, I never imagined losing her so soon. She used to say she would live up to years old, and now I lost my mother on January 7, she had lung cancer but a stroke took her, at the age of Im 42 yrs old i feel so alone at times i feel like an orphan.

I know it sounds so silly but i feel like this. On my good days i give thanks to God for giving my sisters and I the privilege on taking care of her till her last day at my sisters house. Not a day goes by that my sisters and i think about her or cry for her. Most of the time i feel a big heavy pain on my chest i kniw our lifes will mever b the same. I lost my mother last May after a short battle with cancer. She was diagnosed only last January I was the one who took care of her, even when she was admitted for 16 days in the hospital.

I was the one who signed the consent for intubation, and ICU. I was the one who signed to hold all the pressors and intubation after she came out of ICU after discussing it with my family It is true that the first days were like you are programmed to do those things in the funeral.

I really miss my mom, I don't think anyone who haven't loss their mother can understand. My mum died when I was nine I am 10 now I live with my dad and sister and my cat she had a frozen shoulder but when we went to the doctor's well I was at school so I don't know what happened then a couple of days later we had to go to the hospital at three o clock in the morning and she was lining in the bed I dryer so much I had to leave then I had an really sore eat at 1 in the middle of the night. Im so sorry for your loss and the pain you are suffering. Your life will never be the same again but you adjust to your new life.

Even as time goes by there are occasions where you think "i need my mum and i cant cope without her". What you need to think is that you need to go on if not for you but for her, as in you she lives on. Elma i hope you are doing as well as possible at the moment. Ive not seen any posts from you for a while and just wanted to check in with you xx.

I lost my mother October 1, My mother was 94 and had lived a whole life. I took care of her for over 20 years. Since I retired 3 years ago we spent a lot of time going over the past. I miss her so much because I am in the house alone. The family that didn't come and see her when she was alive, have not been to the house since the funeral.