Widowhood 103 Tears and Grief (Widowhood Series)
This may reflect a dependent relationship with the dead person, or it may follow the loss of someone who was ambivalently loved. In the former case the bereaved person cannot believe that he or she can survive without the support of the person on whom they had depended. Some degree of ambivalence is present in all relationships. Doctors are in a unique position to help people through the turning points in their lives which arise at times of loss.
In order to fulfil this role we need information and skills. Not only do we seldom know what they know or think they know about the situation they face, we do not even know how that situation is going to change their lives. It follows that we need to find out these things and, where possible, add to their knowledge or correct any misperceptions, taking care to use language that they can understand. Above all, we should spend time helping them to talk through and to make sense of the implications of the information we have given.
If need be, we should see them several times to facilitate this process of growth and change. For most bereaved people the natural and most effective form of help will come from their own families, and only about a third will need extra help from outside the family. Members of health care teams can often prepare people for the losses that are to come. People need time to achieve a balance between avoidance and confrontation with painful realities, and we need to take this into account when we impart information that is likely to prove traumatic. Patients seldom ask questions unless they are ready for the answers, and they will usually ask precisely what they want to know and no more.
It follows that we should invite questions and listen carefully to what is asked rather than assuming that we know what the patient is ready to know. By monitoring the input of information, a person can control the speed with which they process that information. If we are breaking bad news box it helps to do so in pleasant, home-like surroundings and to invite the recipient to bring someone who can provide emotional support. A few minutes spent putting people at their ease and establishing a relationship of trust will not only make the whole experience less traumatic for them but it will increase their chance of taking in and making sense of the information which we then provide.
A visit from the general practitioner to the family home on the day after a death has occurred enables us to give emotional support and to answer any questions about the death and its causes that may be troubling the family. Newly bereaved people often feel and behave, for a while, like frightened and helpless children and will respond best to the kind of support that is normally given by a parent. A touch or a hug will often do more to facilitate grieving than any words.
During the next few weeks bereaved people need the support of those they can trust. We can often reassure them of the normality of grief, explain its symptoms, and show by our own behaviour and attitudes that it is permissible to express grief. If we feel moved to tears at such times there is no harm in showing it.
Bereaved people may need reassurance that they are not going mad if they break down, that the frightening symptoms of anxiety and tension are not signs of mortal illness, and that they are not letting the side down if they withdraw, for a while, from their accustomed tasks. As time passes people may also need permission to take a break from grieving.
They cannot grieve all the time and may need permission to return to work or do other things that enable them to escape, even briefly, from grief. It is only if they get the balance between confrontation and avoidance wrong that difficulties are likely to ensue. The first anniversary is often a time of renewed grieving, but thereafter the need to stop grieving and move forward in life may create a new set of problems.
People may need reassurance that their duty to the dead is done, as well as encouragement to face the world that is now open to them. The most important thing we have to offer is our confidence in their personal worth and strength. It is rewarding to see them through.
Annie Watson (Foreword of Widowhood Tears and Grief)
Later the help of a group in which bereaved people can learn from each other, as well as a counsellor, may be helpful. Organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Care and the member organisations of the National Association of Bereavement Services may be able to provide either of these types of help. The Compassionate Friends for bereaved parents , Lesbian and Gay Bereavement, Support after Murder and Manslaughter SAMM , and the Widow-to-Widow programmes that exist in the United States and other parts of the world provide mutual help by bereaved people for others with the same types of bereavement.
National Center for Biotechnology Information , U. Journal List BMJ v. Colin Murray Parkes , consultant psychiatrist. Author information Copyright and License information Disclaimer. This is the first in a series of 10 articles dealing with the different types of loss that doctors will meet in their practice. This article has been cited by other articles in PMC.
It was a trope I was curious about, it seemed like it had the potential to be heartwrenchingly, touchingly dealt with, and the summary sounded like it'd live up to what it promised. And I gave it a good old-fashioned try, but I am just not connecting with it. Compared to what I expected, it feels more like it is exploring the usual element of remarried parent, hating the stepmother for seemingly erasing the mom's memory, wanting to escape from school and live independently Maybe I'll try this again.
It might be just me, and not this book. But I got midway, skipped to the end and had some of my suspicions about where it was heading confirmed View all 3 comments. Oct 05, Cait rated it did not like it Shelves: I'm moonwalking away from this book muttering nope nope nope under my breath.
Jan 31, Amy rated it liked it. Suddenly on her own again, she is back to living with her parents and going to high school. She thought she had escaped. Now she has to remember how to live again. The concept of this book fascinated me. A 17 year old widow? I loved the idea of a "teenager" who has become an "adult" having to go back to being a "teenager. In some ways, this book lived up to my hopes.
Tam is a strong, unique character. The author does a good job of capturing her grief. The "Young Widows" group could have used some more development, but it too provides a sympathetic look at women from different walks of life struggling with their loss. Overall, this book does a good job of illustrating Tam's adjustment back into everyday life.
However, in the end it was still YA. Tam copes with her grief by becoming somewhat romantically involved with someone and though I found it understandable, even realistic, I did not like it at all. I felt frustrated every time they were together. He was too old for her and clearly emotionally not ready.
The components of grief
It was also frustrating how Although I came to this book drawn to the idea of a "maturer" heroine, I quickly realized that it would have been more true to her age to make her more of a teenager. I mean, yeah, she does a ton of stupid stuff from breaking and entering to underage drinking but emotionally she responds and acts like an adult.
I just don't think it would happen that way. It jarred the rest of the story and her actions. And while this didn't have a typical "happily ever after" ending, there was a sense that everything turned out okay. It was a little After all that, things are just going to keep on looking up? Overall, though, a nice addition to the YA world. It is good to see a different kind of heroine on the "opposite" side of her romance.
How do you both like a dislike a book at the same time? This is the quandary that is Young Widows Club. Review closer to release date. Maybe then I'll have a better sense of things. This review was originally posted on It Starts at Midnight This is a hard one, because there were quite a few things I quite liked about it, but there were also a few things that nagged me through the book. Tam short for Tamsen, which sounds like some kind of spice, not a girl's name has just lost her husband, at seventeen.
This is where I first was a little unsure of the story, of course. Because why is she married at seventeen? At first I'd assumed he would be in the military, or maybe even o This review was originally posted on It Starts at Midnight This is a hard one, because there were quite a few things I quite liked about it, but there were also a few things that nagged me through the book. At first I'd assumed he would be in the military, or maybe even one of those A Walk to Remember situations where she knew he was dying, so they got married.
Which kind of bugged me through the whole book. Noah the husband was nineteen and he died in his sleep of some heart thing that no one knew he had or whatever. Okay, that stuff happens. Obviously, Tam is devastated. She isn't in school because um Noah is was in a band, and I guess she planned on being with them. This makes me sad for Tam on an entirely different level, because who drops out of high school at seventeen and plans to follow a local band around? So Tam's plans for her life are basically derailed with Noah's death. She doesn't have a great relationship with her dad or stepmother, and pretty much clings to her old life with Noah.
She stays in the house they were fixing up on his parents' property, she spends countless hours with the band, and wants so much for nothing else to change. In this respect, I felt that while it was sad, it was incredibly accurate. I can't imagine a widow, especially one as young and lost as Tam, just leaving everything behind and starting over.
The problem was, Noah's band was moving on, and Tam wasn't really part of things anymore. Eventually, Tam is forced yes, forced, this isn't her choice to return to school and to attend a widow support group. The widows aren't all young, as the title suggests. Tam is by far the youngest widow. But the group is a great mix of people with different experiences, and I think it added a lot to Tam's story.
School does also, as Tam starts to realize that she can have friends and interests outside of Noah. There's a bit of an additional romance too. It's another widow, though he is nine years Tam's senior. That didn't really bug me, because they obviously share a lot in common that most people of either of their ages would not understand. So at times, it was a little weird, but it was also not a fast moving romance, so it didn't seem wildly inappropriate, given the situation.
Tam's dad and stepmother seemed so unfeeling and unsympathetic. Though I guess for people who okayed their daughter's marriage at seventeen for no legitimate reason, it fit. Noah's parents were amazing. I loved them, and their love for Tam was evident. Even through their suffering, they looked out for Tam. Here's the problem I had: I didn't care about Noah. I mean, sad that a young person died, of course, but other than that? I didn't get any sense of who he was, honestly. And because of that, I felt like his death actually did Tam a huge favor. She'd never have gone to school, met new people, or really even had a chance to find out who she was.
I enjoyed Tam's story and evolution. I wish I'd had more insight into why she'd given up her identity for Noah to begin with, but I enjoyed watching her grow without him all the same. I probably would have felt more if I hadn't been as apathetic about the loss. Aug 06, Tee loves Kyle Jacobson rated it really liked it Shelves: Okay first I have to say that this book was both crazy and maddening for me.
I loved to love it and I loved to hate it. I mean getting married at such an early age was a new one for me. I have been married for many years and it took me a lot to get married because it is a serious matter and when Tam got married she was happy until tragedy happened to her. She is only 17 years old and she loses her husband. After losing her husband she knows she has to start her life all over again. She does not w Okay first I have to say that this book was both crazy and maddening for me. She does not want to go back to her home town because there was nothing there for her so why go back to nothing.
But she knows she has to do something to move on. Be fore she does she will go through a series of ups and downs and decides she needs to start a therapy group called The Young Widows Club. This club will help Tam and others heal from the pain of the loss of a spouse. This book will have you both yelling and crying because it is so emotional. Oct 04, Kristen rated it liked it. For a book that's about a variety of emotional subjects the death of a parent, the death of a spouse, the stages of grief, therapy, learning to love again , this was disappointingly unemotional.
I had a hard time connecting with any of the characters and the story lines seemed to be quickly addressed and wrapped up without any development or drama. Don't get me wrong--I don't think this needed to be some melodramatic soap opera, but it definitely needed more than it gave. Dec 31, Kelly Simply Kelina C. Started off with so much potential, then went down hill. I ended up skimming to the end. Jun 21, Mimi rated it liked it Shelves: I saw this on the shelf at the library and picked it up on a whim. I found Tamsen's journey through grief worth reading.
I also thought it was interesting to see her pick up the pieces of her life and plan a new journey when the first one she had chosen so clearly didn't work out. I liked the relationship she developed with her family. I liked the descriptions of island life. It made me think of maybe Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard. There is a little swearing and a little bit of a sex scene but I saw this on the shelf at the library and picked it up on a whim.
There is a little swearing and a little bit of a sex scene but not too detailed. Here are some excerpts I found interesting. The tutu was a gift from Albie, in the sense that Juliet bought it and wrapped it and made Albie give it to her first thing this morning, an attempt to ward off any sibling-birthday envy. Apparently this is something Juliet and her three sisters all did growing up. The kid with the birthday gives the other kids presents before opening up his own. I was an only child, at least until Albie and Grace came along, so maybe I just don't get it, but it seems like a weird and unfair tradition to me.
Her pencil is poised above the black and white boxes, and she rolls it gently between her fingers and thumb. You drove us all nuts. Unfortunately, each book only covered a few letters, and it was hard to be curious alphabetically. The judge taps the steering wheel with the eraser of her pencil. Even when she obviously had no idea what you were talking about.
Where do words come from? Why is the moon following me? She'd make something up. Nobody should have to know the things you know already. But you can't un-know them now. You don't get to pretend. You don't get to fake your way through this.
This is your life. It's the beginning, and what happens next is up to you. There's something about standing at the sink, warm water running over my forearms as I stare through the window, that's sort of meditative. It falls softly out of its bun and I comb it away form my face. He pulls his arm back and scratches a spot on his elbow, as if maybe my head had just gotten in the way, en route. My favorite it "One day at a time. Is there a way to get through it faster?
Because that would be awesome. Hoops to jump through. It feels like something that might actually help. I sort of wish it was true. I wish a part of me died when Noah died. And everything's still so screwed up. No matter how many times I promise to change, to be better, to do better. At the end of the day it's still me trying to figure [it all out]. Like I should get a pass or something. She seemed so together. And I was so lost. In the intro, Albert says that this book will be about Ruby, China's best friend- "and it's about time, don't you think?
This was by far the weakest book in the long series I think this is book The ghost part was annoying, the connections to the bank robbers far-fetched, and China was not up to snuff. I am glad I got it out of the library and didn't buy a copy, as I would not be able in good conscience to loan this out to anyone as a good read. Apr 16, Granny rated it it was ok. It was nearly impossible. SWA took forever to tell any of the story. To be truthful, I am not a big fan of Ruby's and I downright dislike her self-centered sister who was given entirely too much story-telling time.
Apr 29, Karla rated it it was ok Shelves: Although this is an addition to the China Bayles mystery series, it is really a ghost story centered around China's friend Ruby , not a mystery. I am not a fan of ghost stories and psychics and was disappointed in this one.
Oct 27, Moondance rated it it was amazing Shelves: Rachel Blackwood got up early that morning. This book focuses on Ruby more than China. Ruby has been asked by a friend to come "clear" her new inheritance so that she can turn it into a bed and breakfast. The house was built by a survivor of the Galveston hurricane.
Ruby's life is in a state of turmoil and she accepts the invitation hoping to get clarity in her own life. It is not often that I cry while reading a cozy. This book was so beautifully written that I didn't want to put it down. Th Rachel Blackwood got up early that morning. The storyline starts with Rachel Blackwood on June 8, in Galveston. The townspeople are aware that a storm is brewing but have no idea of the devastation that is to come. The children's nursemaid, Colleen O'Reilly, has "the sight" and leaves the family before the storm hits.
However, she returns to help Rachel with the children just as the water begins to rise. Ruby's ancestors are intertwined in the story and we see a glimpse of where her talents begin. More emphasis is placed on Ruby's psychic ability in this story as well. Ruby has mentioned letting go of the Crystal Cave and letting her sister take over. However, Ramona wants to be a full partner in all of the businesses. This is something that China will not tolerate. China stumbles upon a bank robbery that ties into other portions of the story.
Her need to discuss the future with Ruby puts her in harm's way when she sets out to confront Ruby. Rachel's story is so incredibly sad. I simply could not imagine the pain she lived with for sixty plus years following the hurricane. This book made me do some research on the storm and the facts are horrific.
I can see why her spirit remains in the mansion that she built as a replica of her Galveston home. This is a wonderful series and I highly recommend it anyway. This book blew me away. I know that I will come back to it to savor a little slower when I have some quiet time to myself. Apr 29, Sharon rated it it was ok. My least favorite of the China Bayles mysteries. She thinks it is haunted by the ghost of Rachel Blackwood who lost her husband and children in the Galveston Hurricane of and hopes Ruby can use her second sight to rid the house of the ghost.
In Pecan Springs a bank teller is murdered just before China is about to make her nightly deposit.
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The murder myst My least favorite of the China Bayles mysteries. The murder mystery is very much secondary and at first I wondered why a murder had even taken place but Ms. Albert manages to tie it in neatly with the goings on at the Blackwood house. She also uses China as the skeptic to all the paranormal activity which was a good touch but I still didn't like the book.
I did find the historical information on the Galveston flood extremely interesting. And I do enjoy Ms. Albert's intelligent and folksy style of writing. This just wasn't my cup of tea. Jun 23, Anastasia rated it liked it Shelves: China's friend and partner, Ruby is asked by a friend to help investigate ghostly phenomena in a mansion she had recently inherited.
I was very disappointed in this book. There was no real mystery at all and with the book jumping around from the past to the present, it was disjointed and distracting. China played a very minor role. The herbal information was interesting but seemed out of place.
Not of the standard I have come to expect from this series. May 02, Ann rated it it was amazing Shelves: I have always liked Ruby, she is China's friend and she has a spark and a zest for life along with perceptive powers to see beyond the ordinary. Widow's Tears is partly Ruby's story, but the real story is the devastating hurricane that devastated Galveston Texas on September 8, Told in flashbacks, that part of the story drew me in deeply. It is hard to imagine the size of the storm that struck Galveston that day, and a mind boggling thing to realize; they had no idea it was coming.
In the I have always liked Ruby, she is China's friend and she has a spark and a zest for life along with perceptive powers to see beyond the ordinary. In the world of September 8, , the residents of the barrier island just looked out to the Gulf and said, we are having a tropical storm as it was making land fall. No predictions of storm paths, no evacuation orders, and in some cases, no, or pitifully inadequate, preparation or defenses.
The tone of this book was just right, a touch of the contemporary, a grounding in the familiar of the series, the tea shop, the Crystal Cave, the Herb Shop and Thymely Gourmet. Daily life, the joy of friendship, the beauty of nature and the sadness when tragedy strikes, serving to remind us to pay attention, to appreciate, to love deeply and tell the ones we love often. And for what we learn about the horrific storm, the 8, to 10, people who lost their lives in what had seemed an idyllic island paradise, it was a story that needed to be told, and remembered.
I want to read more about Galveston, a city rebuilt with a stronger sea wall, determination and less hubris, and a place that has more meaning to me now than the haunting lyrics of the Glen Campbell song that has been running through my head as I read. May 02, Susan rated it really liked it Shelves: The book opens with a scene in as the infamous hurricane is approaching Galveston, so I wasn't sure what in the world Albert was doing.
However, the story focuses on Ruby's getting in touch with her phychic gifts and with her grief over her loss of her much-more-than-boyfriend two years before. Ruby, China, and Ruby's friend Claire end up helping a ghost who inhabits Claire's house in Round Top, Texas, and for a person like me who normally abandons ghost stories, paranormal, and fantasy before they start, it's a tribute to my enjoyment of China Bayles books I have read before that I kept reading, and I did enjoy it immensely.
I don't want a full fare of this genre with China, but I love the idea of Albert rounding out the character of Ruby with Widow's Tears and providing more substance to her and to the business end of Thyme and Season, Chrystal Cabe, and the tea room that the women operate in Pecan Spring. And I love mysteries - and set in Texas with gardening and herbs thrown in Apr 24, Lynn rated it really liked it. I have long been a fan of the China Bayles herbal mysteries but this one, I believe, is my favorite of them all. This time out the tale is really Ruby's. She gets a call from a old friend who needs some psychic help with a house that she has inherited.
Ruby, feeling torn in too many directions with business, family, and her grief over her lover's death thinks taking the time to go to her friend's assistance might be a well-deserved vacation of sorts.
It turns out to be nothing of the kind. Runni I have long been a fan of the China Bayles herbal mysteries but this one, I believe, is my favorite of them all. Running parallel to this storyline is the compelling account of one Rachel Blackwood's experience during the Galveston Hurricane of , the deadliest storm in US history. And then there are is the recent rash of bank robberies, and a murder in Pecan Springs. China, needing to talk to Ruby and unable to reach her by phone or text, drives out to the strange old house in the middle of nowhere just as a storm that promises to pack a wallop descends on the area.
The creepiness reaches it zenith as the stories converge. Will China or Ruby ever be the same? Apr 06, Beth rated it liked it.
Young Widows Club
Deep dive into the supernatural in this one The best thing this book had going for it was the background for the story: The flashback chapters that described the tragic destruction of all but one of a family's members, while fictional, certainly happened for rea Deep dive into the supernatural in this one The flashback chapters that described the tragic destruction of all but one of a family's members, while fictional, certainly happened for real to hundreds of actual families.
Historians still don't know how many were lost, but the estimate is somewhere between 10, and 12, The sad ghost in this story wasn't scary, but even if she had been, the real horror was what actually happened so many years ago, and how the arrogance of weather forecasters, the vanity of an architect whose buildings proved completely vulnerable, and the lack of foresight on the part of the city planners combined to help doom Galveston's chances of being the most important port city in Texas.
Nov 29, Helen rated it really liked it Shelves: I have loved every one of this series that I've read, but this is the first that I've recommended to my husband. The book combines the narration of the Galveston hurricane of with the fictional story of a family that went through that horror. It ties into the China Bayles series through Ruby, who is asked to help a friend to decide what to do with a haunted house she has inherited.
We don't experience a mystery as to the ghost or a probable reason for the house being haunted because a minut I have loved every one of this series that I've read, but this is the first that I've recommended to my husband.