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He doesn't seem like a bad person and almost all relationships have arguments, but if you still miss him and care for him, and he for you, try speaking about this and setting a few boundaries for future reference First time called crazy Reply from AMMS on Sep 26 at Because you've done TOO much with that text. If anything, you should UN-do. Just follow on text with 'Didn't mean that, ignore me, I'm still upset'. He's not the ONLY one who over-reacts when pushed past a certain degree of upset, then, is he.

I cant say that becoz he hasnt replied to my older texts. He appears to need time to sort all this out. And he may feel that you are incessantly texting him. You even call it "silly and irritating" Take some time out and take a REAL look at this relationship. I'm just having a difficult time why ONE incident of over emotional outburst has him closing the door. Plus, I advised sending the above text when unaware you'd already beat me to it with a whole, positive flurry. Positivity in place of negativity was the point. Now let him chew and digest it all.

Heard any peep yet or is he still holed-up in his sulk cave? Wat is he showing by doing this? My frd who was first advising me to ignure him is asking me to say sory for asking him to rethink abt relation n find a new gal he didnt apologised me fr calling crazy bcz acc to his thinking we still r best frds so y formalities of relations wht do u recmend in this case to me?

Quite possibly, this suits him because he additionally hasn't a clue what to say to you yet about his own behaviour. Sorry, but I disagree completely with your friends' advice. Look, this argument wasn't the first time he met and spent any time with you, was it? He does KNOW you, the normal you. He's just hurt and angry and having a giant man-sulk. Whether he has the right to be or not is not the point; he's going to have it anyway. Not nastily or noisily. Just go silent and motionless. Like you've ceased to exist! Anyway, you already did say sorry, in a way.

Sit on your hands, bite your lip, get on with anything possible with which to distract yourself from him and the passage of time, and you'll see. Nobody can stay mad and irrational forever. Save for the mad and irrational, of course, LOL. See him as a saucepan of milk that boiled over. Don't keep turning the gas back on or he'll only overflow again , let him go cold and grow a skin. I mean in front of him i shud ignore him completely?

This isn't a 'past' argument, it's a present, power struggle one "year and few months". New phase, new event styles, new rules. He's testing your patience to see what he can get away with, both in the foreseeable and non-foreseeable future whether he'll have to work fairly hard to keep you purring or whether he can be one of those lazy slobby kinds of partners who whoops-forgets your birthday, "no big deal" And - "Lol u r right" - so are you.

I mean, if that's not someone purposefully despite maybe not consciously starting a fight or at least creating the perfect conditions for one, I don't know WHAT is - do you?! Like I said - equally he could have told you, Poo, you smelled. It's just a fight, a necessary part of the mating dance within the entire, primitive ritual, common stuff for a couple with your tenure and evidently seriousness.

Half the time couples don't even realise they're doing it or how, let alone why. But it is a necessary part of the whole ritual at animal level, as I say, so 'communication' can wait. Anyway, who told you this doesn't come under communication?

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He was the one started it. Plus he's deliberately prolonging it. So it's not your job to end it. Or do you tend to play hostess and clean up after other people's parties? So don't do, as in initiate, anything or play his silly games. Just - if he catches your eye, nod a sad-looking hello. Don't you deliberately catch his, mind. If he snubs you in response - let him. Don't take it seriously and feel hurt, don't react, other than let yourself look like a mild mixture between confused, sad and resigned before calmly walking off message then being: The passive, ladylike approach.

By doing this you're forcing him to be the one to have to initiate any meatier interaction, conversation or olive branch proffering, and at the same time are provably demonstrating how you always remain a strong, reasonable and self-controlled person, even under negative pressure, granted, but are still a goddess, thank-you-very-much, and he should damn well remember that, NOT think he's top billing and treat you accordingly. And that's what this fight is all about, underneath it all: Are you understanding all of this?

If not, see this as an arm-wrestle for the quality of the relationship from here on in and the amount of respect and consideration you'll be able to expect if you and he become REALLY long-term. If you give up too quickly and dramatically you'll end up "his bizc".

If you beat him hands-down in two seconds' flat, he'll ugger off for thinking he'll end up yours. So the trick is to let him win ultimately but make him have to really sweat, to really earn any so-called victory. Obviously equality should always be your goal in any romantic union.

But some men's egos "I'm not your servant" are still VERY fragile and can't take a woman beating them at any so-called masculine games. I mean, shoving Feminism at them isn't going to actually re-wire their brains, is it. It's a slow process, human re-wiring. There'll be other battles you can afford to outright win, don't you worry.

Again, is this making any sense to you? Actually when i said to my frd that He my bf will post my student form in another city my bf replied me with this servant typ expresn. Now there were two reasons why he said this. So we behave as only frds infronta him casual. Also many times he leaves me by home himself. Now last time when we argued on something he said to me that whatever happens between us,u shud never forget telling me when u left and reached. I had ur suggestion in mind so i didnt text him yesterday but today on first day of uni i texted him when i left home and reached uni he was absent from class today.

Now am i doing right by only telling him this report daily? Is it still affective?

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You can look approachable, sure, but he has to be the instigator. But what do you mean this friend isn't aware you and he are in a relationship? Is it just this one, particular friend? And is he both of your friend or just his, or his originally? Can't be just that one guy, surely?

He'd hear about it from other people, wouldn't he? What's the reason for keeping it hidden? Sweet that he's so protective over you, btw. But if I don't have an opinion on something, usually it tends to be because it's harmless. After all, he hasn't told you it's over; nor have you; no-one's mentioned 'break'; nor has he said to you, 'And don't bother sending me your usual whereabouts texts, either!

So fine, do that. After all, you never said YOU were in a sulk, did you. This is his and his alone. You're the calmer, more rational, more quickly back-to-normal one goddesses are, you know. But - back to the fight: For some reason I'm suspecting it was less about revealing your relationship and more about you letting "the great public" know how hard and enthusastically he runs around after you and possibly his perception in a way that made him sound in front of another man like you have him under your thumb?

Men are very status orientated. That would have grated majorly, I imagine. Absent from class, eh? As in, Damp Pillow-itis. You need to stop fretting, though, or you're liable to lose your willpower and fall straight into his hands the ones that are watching to see if you soar or fail. You can contact him IF he doesn't try him although they always do - because men are do-ers, not done-tos , but only after you've given him enough time to sweat, as well as enough time to calm down and think rationally again. No, I don't mind you asking, not at all! I do mind answering, though. That's the entire point of this.

And that you respect that he's in charge of this little show; you're not a pushy woman who years later has developed into an all-mouth-no-trousers harpy, the type that never reacts apart from with her helpless, naggy, whingey mouth because that's all it took to make her parents jump-to. This is the type I call the secret doormat. They SOUND, and possibly appear superficially, like they wear the trousers but the harping never achieves anything because years earlier she taught him there were zero real consequences aside from a bent ear for his behaving badly towards her.

So anyway, my point is to be prepared for this to drag out for days or a week or maybe a couple of weeks. If you can be prepared for the worst, you won't panic and crack prematurely. That's not a clue by the way. Meantime, you might want to read a thread called Silent Break-up. Same stage production, different co-stars.

There are lots more than that one, as well. Moreover from our past experiences as frd i know about his mood swings. He used to get moody and alone sometime and then i leave him alone he gets fine and normal the next day. We text and call enormously normally. Whole day we are together in uni and then in evenng he calls me when i reach home.

He talked noirmally to me with frds but no separate time as bf. After about 10 days i was there weeping and then he got normal. You cried and he just came back, same as ever? Clever boy, He knows how to get what he wants. He is still in his home town ,he talked to our mutual frd on fone and told him that he wil come next week when clases will start regularly,he also asked him after the classes twice whether i came today or not? IS he a clever boy who knows what buttons to push to get you to at that point instantly forgive and forget, with his then getting to escape any consequences whatsoever because you're just too grateful to have him back?

Or does you eventually folding into tears have HIM rushing to apologise or at least willing to apologise for his part, listen to your side and get it all sorted? It does get worse before it gets better and becomes a thing of the past, certainly. Fair enough if you don't want to continue with the "I am here" texts. That would certainly be ONE consequence he'd be forced to undergo worry. And yes, his enquiries of his friend is indeed a good sign. He's monitoring you to make sure you're not dealing with this by jumping into the arms of any other man or, worse, any competitor of his hence busying his friend with PI duty as automatically sends the signal not to try his luck with you himself and, at the same time, is trying to gain some impression of your emotional state at this further-on point so as to know what to do next: But don't think that's ALL he's asking or all this friend is reporting back to him - there will be a zillion-and-one other questions aside from whether you were present or not.

Plus, he was well aware this friend would tell you the bit about his aiming to come in next week, whether he asked him to tell you or not. So that bit's encouraging as well because it's a message to ensure you don't do anything silly or premature. It's a fine balance, this one. I advise you, therefore, to look as neutral and unreadable as possible so that his dying to know one way or the other is what forces him to have to do the approaching to find out.

Still, if that's ALL they are which, as I say, tends to lessen over time you're not doing so badly. One i am regular student second i dont want him to feel i am dependent over him i dont know if this favours or disfavours me right nw hmm First time called crazy Reply from SOULMATE moderator on Oct 2 at That's what they do when they care "TOO much".

And he didn't miss two important classes JUST to rub ignoring salt in the wound. Like I said - Damp Pillow-itis. He's still only human, he's undoubtedly just as upset as you or even more so - more so, definitely more so. And embarrassed and without a clue what to say or how to start. LOTS of reasons and agendas going on. Call it test-driving and going into a bit of a skid around a hairpin bend. And by the same token, with things that heated at the time, he'd also end up with his tongue in knots if he tried to argue against you.

YOU may have loads of practise at having a blazing row whilst freely, outwardly showing your tears and emotion, but men flood then go into Fight or Flight mode - his case, flight. If the woman gets overly upset even beyond any level SHE'S used to, to be capable of pushing her point, then cease to push her point she will, ergo flight has become a way to fight and stand a chance of winning. One of his aims right now is to put your 'barrister' brain and mouth out of action, to even the playing field or even tip it slightly into his favour. Ref his missing his exam, he sounds VERY emotional thus apt to impulsiveness.

You went to school because the rest of the world doesn't come to a grinding halt just because you and your fiance have had one of possibly quite a few to-come humdingers. And that probably bothers and upsets him mightily through his taking it to mean that you can't be as fruit loopy over him as he is over you.

You're too cool, calm and controlled for a woman in love so he mis-thinks. It's not his experience. So here's the ultimate strategy: But it is just a normal, phase-related fight. And you've got lots more of them to look forward to, too! That's the downside of a relationship, particularly an intense and passionate one. During this priod except for last 2 days i was v activ on fb posting pics n relatinship quotes etc while he was totally quiet means he came online but no activity at all.

Should i also act as if i dun exist there too? Yes, of course you're emotionally dependent on him, and he you. That's what love is think about it. If you didn't feel your emotional safety and happiness relied monumentally on each other's continued presence in your lives it would be too easy to cheat at the drop of a hat, etc. And I know, this phase is horrible. Mr Soulmate used to do that in the beginning until I gradually slapped it out of him , plus I've been through it vicariously loads of times with other men and women in that same boat, and with other exes.

Oh, aye, women do this too, you know, not just the men. It's whomever is the least assertive, usually. If you let yourself, you become too easily convinced it spells the end, whereupon your mind triggers the grieving process to RUN. Or certainly needn't be, unless the two of you are too busy perversely enjoying the drama to eventually sit at the re-negotiations table and end up going too far, adding more and more unnecessary but un-doable damage. In fact, when relationships are truly over the one to call the halt tends to phone and, sounding scarily unrecognisable, inform you they've got something important they need to talk to you about so can they pop round, etc.

If they shout or sneer it's over during the heat of an argument or its aftermath or on the back of one that never got resolved, then what they're actually doing is superglue-ing a piece of elastic between you both as they basically insult and upset you enough to make you WANT to give them a wide berth for a good few days or week.

And this is so that they can recover themselves a bit and not be put in a position where they might blurt something unforgivable. Yours isn't the end - too obviously. Someone who's gone off you and is done with you for good, doesn't appoint a "private detective" to monitor your moods and movements.

So, unless it's just because you miss him, you're weeping for nothing, complete waste of saltwater, although I appreciate this undoubtedly feels far too "dangerous" for you to be capable of placing any faith in what some complete stranger on a forum is telling you. Haven't you done it yet? The rebound ex tried this nonsense on me, too. Six is my dealbreaker, btw, which he knew, so - how "uncannily coincidental", eh? Anyway, I just got on with my biz and ignored his silly circling attempts which included silent calls, trying to gauge my state of mind from my tone of voice as I picked up , drive-bys, then leaving pertinent love songs on my answerphone , as well ignoring any low moments and shakes in faith of mine.

Fast forward to me opening the front door and saying a cool, crisp, breezy but friendly, 'Hi! He - at least half a stone lighter, massively dark shadows under his red eyes - nodded Hi back, stepped meekly over the threshold, 'forgot' to mention a thing about his jacket and just followed me into the living room, sat down beside me on the sofa, took one look at me and then literally flung himself at me, sobbing and snotting, 'I mished you sho mush, aaaaagh!!

And then - him somehow managing to refrain from kicking my shins or pinching me, lol - we talked it through. This ex, however, was too much of a stubborn ugger, must have been using this childish tack right from childhood, meaning he never could or never chose to stop the habit of running off and sulking, even if he did lessen it to anywhere between 3 days and 2 weeks, meaning, I finally reached the end of my tether and dumped him for it amongst myriad other reasons.

Ever heard the saying, Relationships are hard, hard work? Well, this is it. So if you want to abstain, abstain completely. This is how you behave when opinions clash as call only for a bit of an uncomfortable pow-wow involving attempts to find a compromise? What are ya - five?! Should I be talking to mummy, can you fetch her for me? Don't say any of that, obviously. But that's the gist So the point is.

Although, to be fair and realistic, he has actually "spoken" to you - through that mutual friend - because he knew darn well said friend would relay it all almost all to you. He's coming round, slowly but surely which will imperceptibly increment in batches with each passing day or 3rd day , but you do have to have SOME patience and tolerance. After all, this is crystal-clearly a hard HABIT of his, no easier to give up than a-day smoking habit.

Would you expect him to pass the point of never again hankering after a ciggie after only one short week albeit I'm not suggesting this would take as long as giving up ciggies? For starters, he doesn't even KNOW he faces having to give up this bad habit, does he. That's the point of this marital-grade test-drive you and he constituting the car: But, anyway, I'm reckoning that, next week, his eyesight and nose and libido will let him down, as in, one look and chemical whiff of you and he'll be incapable of resisting the temptation to come over and say something.

If you're getting a temperature then [withdraws shins] that's your OWN fault. After all, you could be right now relying on your faith in this relationship and his strength and tenure of feelings for you and future hopes , as well as on the evidence from Terry's thread and everything I've told you, to the point where you're not really all that concerned Trust me, once you and he get back to normal biz you'll positive KICK yourself for having wasted this golden, last-ditch opportunity to enjoy a 'Mancation'. Nice try at an excuse to force his hand prematurely, though.

It'll take as long as it takes. And you'd do well to LET it. At least for as long as you can humanly manage. I mean, I take it you want a husband and future father to your kids, don't you? Not an extra toddler, frozen at that age and behaviour? Give him the floor to show you what he's made of before you however much come to his rescue. Albeit right now, granted, he is Cheetah.

And unfortunately, Nature chose "wimmin". So that means you, then, doesn't it. Didnt understand these lines,sorry could u kindly rephrase them" Translation: Or, if you want to use your fiance's present preferred dialiect, it's this: Becoz the last texts after which are not talking,i also evicted himof male dominance however i do know that he is a total feminist and is against all his family membets whi are over dominant on women and yeah he never actially tries to dominate me even in the houae he is constructing for us,he prwfered All my opinions and yea i shudnt hav sakd that i ws too upset u knw But ya big ego,he often has lost classmates and frds due to his ego First time called crazy Reply from AMMS on Oct 3 at When you say 'evicting him of male dominance' did you mean, accusing him of being a male chauvenist pig despite in actual practise he's nothing of the sort?

Well, there you go, then: That's given me an idea for next time you argue and he calls you something ridiculously nasty: Well, whichever - you can start the trend, can't you. Plus then, to any follow-on insults, you can just reply, 'Gosh, thanks! With any luck, he'll bust a blood vessel out of total frustration! LOL In other words, he wants childish? And that taking the mickey , actually, is the best way to deal with them when they get like that.

Tends to have them seeing sense and coming back down to earth quite quickly. But do you know what? So again there you go: Too much testosterone and not enough places to put it bar you once it becomes a fuel source for negative dealings. WHO only told you when you asked? You mean his go-between friend?

What, you think he wouldn't KNOW you'd be bound to ask? Course he would and course you would. No, not Cheetah as in big cat. Cheetah as in Tarzan's chimpanzee. Hence the monkey screeching sentance. LOL, is there an interpretor in the house? Go back and read it again and it'll suddenly make more sense. Re him minding you telling him he behaves like a big kid sometimes: But not enough to cease the behaviour, eh actions speak louder. Nope, it's simply that this whole reaction of his, going by evidence, has always managed to work beautifully on other people close to him, including and especially exes.

They'd probably have folded within 5 minutes and tried to batter down his door, wailing, 'Speak to me, oh-please-oh-please, why aren't you speaking to me, what have I done, I'M SORRY!! But you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Said mutual friend could just be saying that to make you panic and believe you should urgently take him out of the indirect communications equation and do the speaking to bf yourself.

Ignore it, certainly for now, because these boys stick together when it comes to Crunch times and can be very attempted-manipulative despite in this case obviously for the power, ultimately, of good, i. Quickly, however, is not your friend right now. BF has more sweating to do because, I repeat, you want him to newly see this childish tack of his as no longer being something that works to get him what he wants without cost to him, and instead something that backfires.

That way, next time he'll think twice before he insults, flounces off and then sulks because he'll see it that it only makes things worse for him especially. That's how you do it. Well, then - you'd better hope that you at least made the results of his behaviour far more hassle for him than anyone else ever did.

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You're not his emotional punchbag. And, saying that, I know all he did was say something snarkily hurtful but, if you don't nip this liberty-taking in the bud then it could all too well become a habit that grows, meaning, any time he's upset or tired or whatever - BAM! What - they want to risk a grandbaby with birth defects?! What nationality are you, by the way? Is that TRUE or is he just making up stories because he thinks it'll make his behaviour seem more forgiveable to you?

You just haven't ever learned adult conflict resolution skills and instead deal with clashes like you're still in Primary school! The fact it was made-up nonsense is why, the minute you replied that in that case maybe he and you should solely be friends, he suddenly 'had something burning under the grill'. Anyway, what does you and he having perfectly natural fights have to do with his parents wanting him to marry some cousin?

Is he trying to claim that if he did, he and said cousin would never ever have an argument? Pff, he's in La-La Land if he thinks that! Nah, load of rubbish. Where you are now is him hoping the need for him to promise to control himself better next time you clash will become buried under the rug, never to be mentioned again Just wait until he's back and you and he are finally in the same room together, whereupon you can say something like, 'I just want you to know that there's never ANY excuses for that kind of childish reaction.

Plus, not only do you trigger ME into acting like that in response if you push hard enough, you should bear in mind that I find it a bit of a turn-off, frankly.

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So if you want to spend the next year or whatever kicking the admiration I normally have for you right out of me - you carry on like that. If you'd rather keep me keen, next time employ a bit of self-control like the rest of us have to. You can't have it both ways - consider yourselves the bosses just because you're the men but then behave like chimps the minute the going gets tough. Don't leap on him with this conversation the minute he walks into the room. And whatever you say, say it all very matter-of-factly with zero emotion in your voice think Mr Spock from Startrek.

Though he is v strong in his stance and decides not give up any way. I didnt go to uni today becoz of my frds wedding. Well no masg today from his side though he was online on fb. He told me on cal yestrday that we have still to discus many things i ll talk to u later. I ll go tomorq hope so he is there. He sd why are u impotent? But, hey, you're a bit uniquely fiesty for a Pakistani woman, aren't you?

And I don't just mean you using the flat of your hand, I mean about your assertive attitude generally. In which case, no, I can't say I do find it surprising. But it's not a very clever thing to do, is it, even in fun. One, it can start you both onto a slippery slope and, two, that's probably precisely why he feels entitled to take his moodies and frustrations out on you. See how that works?

A slap to the face or wherever, a slap to the mind - same thing, just different body parts. Well, anyway, given that you've come clean about that bravo for your brave honesty there! It's supposed to be 'us against the world', not 'us against each other But the precise wording doesn't matter. Communicating the gist is the important bit, and the gist is called Challenge men love challenge. Blimey, talk about desperate is as desperate does?! Who was it a photo of? You sure this guy with the trigger ego is intelligent and mature enough for you - in the long run, I mean?

Do you think perhaps he wonders the same thing? Could that be why the minute he temporarily doesn't like you he suddenly resorts to trying to master-servant and out-fox you? Were you and he always very competitive as friends? And do you think you and he made the mental switch sufficiently enough from friends to lovers? Do he and you both have siblings that you grew up squabbling frequently with?

LOL But, oh, here we go - here's his root insecurity waving hello: It's called, fishing for compliments. Like, washing your hair - THAT kind of urgent work? That wasn't a talk, was it, more like half a one. Never mind, at least it was a start. Next time, though, either try to avoid the incendiary situation known as trying to reconcile that bit too soon, or before you open your mouth think TEAM.

If you think it and remember that's what you both are, it'll come out automatically in your whole vibe and behaviour. If it comes out in your vibe and behaviour, he'll automatically join in and do the same to compete. But a relationship still shouldn't be a case of leader-follower, it should be leader and leader teamed up. Because it's a three-legged race albeit, not a race in the conventional, competitive sense; more a challenging but beautiful and rewarding walk with a prize at the end.

You try to execute a three-legged-race with one of you going faster and harder than the other and you'll just BOTH end up flat on your faces in the mud. And ain't that the truth! Is he good at anything s that you're not? If I were you, then, I would spend the next few weeks very subtly reminding him of his own particular strengths that he brings to this team. In order to get that current inferiority chip off his shoulder. That would help the present and future climate a lot, I imagine.

That's the main thing - that you pick yourselves up immediately. Can't learn how not to trip up together unless you get up and do more practise at walking tied by the ankles again, can you. Glad you got through it without too many 'bruises'. P though our classmates are often jealous of us and even ask us are u people fighting? Later he told me that his friend sent him a pic of some gal and he even asked him that i am not interested in unknown girls's pics so kindly dun send Pay a geneologist to look into your family tree; I'll bet you're NOT, you know.

I'm guessing Italian or Middle Eastern blood in there somewhere and same for him. No, don't start a new thread. It's all related, keep it here in one spot. I think what you're trying to say, then, is that you and he can get very child-LIKE not 'ish' and love bantering verbal ping-pong. WHICH friend sent him a pic? The one he made the lopsided go-between?

If it is or even if not then that'll be this friend's oh-so-helpful attempt at getting your boyfriend far away from you so that he can pounce. Work that could be done solely in your home, meaning not at his? Actions said, 'Don't really'. You've got to watch your actions as well as your more important words because more than anything it'll be this that he notes and reacts to. Next time, therefore, in the event that you indeed need to be at your place to get any imperative work done, offer to let him accompany you and at least sit and read a book in your company as you do so.

Undoubtedly he'd end up declining, but that's not the point. You won't have to have him around your ankles forever, you know. Just until he feels safer and relaxes. You're obviously more independent-minded and complicated than the average female. Yes, you're right, it's perfectly possible his friend offered seeing his chance rather than was asked.

What do you mean 'cleared that'? I was going to suggest - if you haven't done it already - that the best time for getting him to let slip what exactly he was up to behind-scenes during that or any hopefully less severe 'sulk-off' in the future is to bide your time, wait until the pair of you are firmly re-ensconced on cloud 9 - e. You got your friend to play go-between that whole time, didn't you, you sneaky wotsit.

Yeah, you did, I know you did, go oooon, admit it. I'm not mad or anything! Quite impressed in a way, actually. But you did, though, right? Female Cold War spies knew a trick or two when it came to getting men to spill secrets, oh aye. We also have been cut off from whole class becoz of some previous hot arguments betwn our classflows n him,now i dun want to lose some of frdss left in clas First time called crazy Reply from AMMS on Oct 14 at Previously one or two times i prohibited him from being possessive like this but see today he said this again.. Not a problem if you're equally "too" into him as well.

I think you meant alienated, not isolated. But why is that a problem at this early stage? Don't you know there are only two seats on Cloud 9 and for a very good reason? The solution is to see your friends at all other times or just phone them more, after having explained to them 'the science bit': This programme 'runs' whether or not a baby results. Good, understanding and patient friends should already know and be able to appreciate that this is how newly in-love then newly decidedly committed couples behave the world over, meaning, friends have to by whatever degree graciously take a back seat for a while, same as any one of them in your same situation would do to you better believe it.

Furthermore, he's protecting his territory. HE knows what men are like where other blokes' women are concerned even if you don't because they present themselves as more civilised and female-friendly to your gender. Any 'brotherhood' and code of ethics where men seeking a mate is concerned is rare; it's mostly "All's fair in love and war", "them's the breaks", etc.

And since you come with a built-in recommendation your boyfriend's as regards your fertile female status and value having been tried and tested, that makes you even hotter property than were you single, ergo successful attempts to steal or lure you away seen as carrying extra kudos "Stolen fruit tastes sweetest".

Added to that is the male-to-male competition aspect, getting to prove they're a better, cleverer hunter than him and his grade, with you the trophy to show for it Gorging doesn't last because at some point they hit Full. That's the point where you and he will start socialising again more. Hence, it's pretty futile to complain about what won't last unless a woman really isn't as into the man as he is she. Plus, if you tell a man of that age he can't, he'll want it even more and in greater quantity.

So the clever thing to do, along with foreshortening its duration, rather than create an issue riddled with stored resentment that you might well later regret once you catch up to his own, slightly ahead level of keenness is to foie gras him so he hits Full sooner. Shouldn't you have a better idea of which side your bread is buttered on when it comes to things that last as opposed to those that are about to end, possibly for good? Trust me, you and your friends can have all the good intentions you want on that keeping in touch score.

But life nine times out of ten typically tends to get in the way and puts paid to such plans, because none of you know what developments could occur after you've all left and gone your daily separate ways. So what you're suggesting is that your short term future takes precedence over your longer-term one As for lately not getting to be alone with these mutual friends I take it you mean only the women? You need to get with the programme or concede that you're not ready for engagement with anyone or him specifically: Given that you're actually betrothed, then you are, across the board, no longer a singleton living a single life under singleton rules, rights and privileges, meaning, all such past habits CHANGE to a large degree, certainly during the Honeymoon Period where exclusivity and commitment features.

This means even friends that used to be yours alone become friends of your two-personed unit. It will, however, if you do things that drag it out. So this is a conveniently opportune as well as low-cost test to get to put them under, wouldn't you say, when it comes to getting PROOF of just how solid and loyal they are thus whether worth keeping and worrying about?

Are a few of them starting to complain at you about this natural relegation phase? You've just said yourself that you enjoy them less when fiance isn't present. I take it that doesn't work the other way, as in, enjoy him less without them around? Or, as I say, you always have the PHONE to fall back on for keeping in touch with these women and re-filling their patience tanks. I have to be honest, though, missus: I'm now getting a sense of WHY your boyfriend grabbed that fairly innocuous comment of yours as his golden opportunity to vent pent-up frustrations and resentments and hurt you BACK.

You're playing it far too cool - which could be said to be making a bit of a mockery of your having already agreed to be his fiance, his let's tell it straight wife-for-life to-be. As a woman, it's great if during the most important bonding period you're always one or two steps behind the man because that then presents the perfect conditions for getting to see how he deals with tricky challenges and obstacles to whatever it is in life, now and into the future, he wants and tries to attain like a pay-rise when said item means more to him than ever before, like in this case, you.

But no man wants to keep trying to crack a nut encased by actual concrete. But if you're a nut that demands far too much muscle-power for too long, he will either abandon mission in order to avoid what now feels inevitably like the indisputable label of "loser" reject you before you reject him , coming away from the whole exercise with painful muscle strain to-boot, or - if he's the really determined type unused to thus hell-bent on not failing at anything - will start to exert TOO MUCH force to your shell, maybe even bringing in some over-the-top cracking mechanism s.

It's called treating her mean to make her keen er. That translates in reality to being alone with your fiance roughly four times in a row before you then have a girl's night out. And if you want to be really clever about it in a womanly way, you can always say to any objection of his, something along the lines of, 'To be honest, I find it REALLY helpful to get to talk about you and our relationship in ways I couldn't do in front of you lest I wanted you to end up with a really big head [ha-ha]!

Plus, spending an evening without you makes me MISS you which leaves me more keen and enthused than ever. Plus, when we gals are all together, the conversation tends to feature the type that would have you guys falling asleep or puking into your beer I can't talk to YOU about gory girlie problems and all-round girl stuff, can I, or we'd end up more like sister and brother or you experiencing off-putting 'flashbacks' at precisely the wrong, cough!

And always send him cute little texts when you're out without him including to tell him you've reached home safely so that he knows he's still very much "with you" as your constantly no. If you give him enough of the sorts of signs and symbols that you don't mind handing over yet which hold meaning to any lover, you'll be less inclined to have to give those that you DO. None of the above is rocket science, now, is it? An instinctual if not always precisely articulable knowledge. So why have you been yielding with your mouth "I will soon take this man to be my lawfully wedded husband" whilst holding back too much with your actions in terms of the smaller but still important, confirmatory details?

Is this parents issue niggling at you? Do you think they're going to be able to dissuade him from seeing the engagement through when it comes down to it, as makes you feel there's insufficient point in reality of throwing yourself more into the relationship? I do think I'm right about this because, look: We went to aa shopping mall where my csn saw me here keep a bf is not seen as respectable i was so worried i asked him we shud take a bus now. I said u dun undrstnd oh fool i usually call him jus as a frd or in fun this word he even knws but he reacted and left me alone in road and said u shud go hom alone i was standing aline frightened i rarely go alone n in pak young gals rarely go outside without men i was crying and everybody was watxhing me on road i called him then he came bak..

He didnt hit me.. Tears again began to come down.. He said this is ur last trick to cry.. I got so hurt by his words he didnt cared even abt my tears? Aftr sometym i reminded him we had a plan of icecream he said no i need a brek i need space i also said sorry i sd i want to sort thngs out he wasnt lisning i sd we can sort things ryt away he said no, it cn extend to two Months n u wont find anybdy like me No i dun enjoy him less without frds.

I was trembling crying on road bcoz i was alone i even forgets roads i was so angry when he came bak bcoz i was thinking if something happnd to me today here who would hav been responsble? Also want to tell u that not only me even he smtyms slaps me in fun but this tym i was serious,it was my emotnl outburst,n it was nt a ful force slap just a light hand sideways,i didnt want to hurt him but i didnt know wat to do First time called crazy Reply from AMMS on Oct 18 at Or i shud behav norml i am so fed up frm his running away from situation habit , that now i feel angry and want him to feel his own taste, but i ll prefer ur advice pls be rational and give an unbiased answer, anxiously waiting for ur reply First time called crazy Reply from SOULMATE moderator on Oct 18 at In fact, when men react like that yep, it's not just him - aside from it being testament to an immature and female-ignorance streak, it's because your tears trigger a huge sense of shame and guilt as well as injustice his feeling like HE'S the victim of the piece yet there you are, trying to manipulatively turn the tables , it produces a horrid sensation, "you've made him" feel bad so, emotionally overloaded to the point where he loses cognition, he kneejerk reacts as he might towards another man "stop your blubbing, you wimp!

Deep-down he does know you're not another man and aren't deliberately faking the tears, but this hot-headed 'thought' is the only thing that explains and justifies his feeling quite so wretched. Next time take no notice at what is just him losing his head and melodrama, and either walk away or 'slap him' only with your tongue.

Again, I repeat, this is the trouble with allowing no-nos like slapping into your garden just because the weather at that stage is sunny enough to take it. Those habits feel a whole lot less cute during any inevitable storms. Remember that - everything has a flipside.

He felt betrayed, basically. But I don't think you two should be trying to have such a serious relationship under such testing conditions going against tradition plus the relationship Conflict stage of testing and pushing each other's boundaries if one or both of you can't manage the adult self-control and resolution skills that should accompany it.

It's just going to be one drama after another, otherwise, rather than what it SHOULD be - serious but calm, quiet and dignified sit-down talks towards finding compromises that you're both happy with. Maybe a mutual code word would help snap you both out of it? Something meaningful and positive, e. Okay, so the pair of you are learning an increasingly more comfortable fight modus operandum a deux.

Well, that's fine, then, that's the main thing. It might stick at 3 for a while or go straight down to 2 or 1 or mere hours depending on how fast a learner he is. But don't lose heart if ever it suddenly goes back to weeks because it could just be a blip - a falling back to bad habits due to lack of energy tiredness, illness, other stress.

I feel i have weak nerves. I observed this while i did a job after my college. I avoid to take responsiblity and feel pressurised. Another thing is that if i have any problem with my any loved one means any relationship issue i am unable to do any of my routine work means i lose my concentration level. IF somebody scolds me i get badly hurt not a strong personality what i feel Any suggestions regarding this mental health issue? Also i feel lonely sometimes though my family n HIm loves n giv me tym..

Previously i felt counselling by my frds or self counselling helped me and this has decreased with time but it is present and still VEry MUCH. Everybody feels like that, save for the naturally confident. But what do you mean, frightened of your workplace? Again, quite common, perfectly normal It's just not something most people are brave enough to admit out-loud.

Also, normal hormonal changes severe peaks and troughs at your age can change how you perceive and feel things until they settle down, including making you more neurotic. Maybe an idea to talk this over with your doctor and get a blood test to check your levels aren't too out of kilter and needing intervention, e. I was so hungry whole day.. I wanted to go out in a hotel but my bf ordered in uni cafe ignoring my opinion to go out..

I got angry n kept quite, he ate his lunch then left some of it and took me n my girl friend to hotel.. But he was cold and didnt even eat with us.. I am ignoring this, and dun want to put argument buti feel my opinion has an imp too and it should be respected our uni food is not that hygeinic n hate our department food First time called crazy Reply from AMMS on Oct 28 at And i didnt hav a plan to take her but since she was with us i couldnt hurt or ignur her feelings.

I felt bad but kept qute so he asked whats the matter i sd nuthing.. Then he said i can care only for u not others, i sd ok but didnt agree from heart.. However, the 'cramming' part - storing up calories - indicates it anticipates the odd shock-wave thus another 'famine-ette'. And there it was: You must have sensed that if you let it go good.

Plus, don't ever be in such a hurry to get your opinion taken into consideration at every opportunity because what actually counts is not the When but the Whether, meaning, you need only stand back and examine whether the getting-ones-way score board is OVERALL pretty even. I expect he'll return to respecting and honouring your dislike of the canteen food once the sun comes properly out again.

Third item, being especially sensitive and lacking a back-burner, referred to: Were that the case you'd have chucked him by now for being just too high maintenance, too knackering or, simply, due to the combination of the two of you together in a relationship being too HM. But, listen, if you're not getting enough mental stimulation and enjoyment out of your job then your under-used mind will be BOUND to make a bigger meal out of any challenge elsewhere.

Knitting being the romantic domain. I'm not saying any issue isn't bona fide or doesn't demand addressing, but you will react more forcefully than entirely necessary or over-complicate and delay things. So what you've got here is carrying on the argument but with it now switched to under the table surreptitious little kicks in the shins at each other. Although, he is more than you are, because, look - despite it took him a day he at least plonked his beef ATOP the table in honestly telling you why he's angry.

And did you return that teammate-like courtesy? Even when he prompted you to speak your mind. You're not cooperating, are you, not sharing thoughts and feelings, when it comes to ensuring this can work. Or you're indulgently playing with fire because work's boring, helped by a taking for granted that the fire won't ever actually BURN you.

He wants to have you more to himself. So sue him for feeling like lovers in-love do! If YOU don't want that, don't find the thought as appealing as him, then EITHER get better at acting in order to bide time until your strength of feelings catch up more to his and not give him cause for a wobble and a fight , or let him go so that he can find someone who's as ready as him to do more the real thing. Until you choose whether you're all-in or all-out, considering you've clearly coupled up with an All Or Nothing merchant, then this is going to remain an uncomfortably stressy roller-coaster ride rather than a pleasing punt down a mostly gentle river.

Instead you got your 'revenge' by asking a third wheel along. I understand the imp of privacy n 99 prcnt of tyms we are alone.. But wat if sumtyms we are with our old frds? I mean after coming in a relationship have our group broken? And how to say our best frd gudbye when we are all making plam sitting together? He told me that i need more time alone with u.

He sd we can go out with frds but fst we must had a coordination ourselves. Then we both agreed on it. You wanting sometimes to be with friends or you two having been with best friend at the time is neither here nor there when his beef lay specifically with the fact you just suddenly sprung it on him without any warning. That's not good relationship etiquette - a team of two pre-consult one another wherever possible before any decisions get set in stone or, this case, invitations issued. So where did you get the idea that you could offer it round like it were yours or like he's your personal chauffeur?

Have you forgotten that respect is supposed to go both ways? Or are you actually TOO sure of him, despite the impression to the contrary when you were experiencing that sulky stand-off? Again, be careful with that assumption because I sense another blow-out or actual dumping looming. For example, you could simply have said to this bessie mate, something along the lines of, 'Listen, I'm afraid fiance and I have to get going now because we have somewhere we have to be, but I'll give you a ring in the next day or so to arrange a proper get-together if you and any of our crowd fancy that?

Would something like that have really been so hard to have thought up? I'm here to help identify, towards rectification, whichever team-member is being a numptie and when.

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As per your tacit request your actions. And if one is in it to win it, then whomsoever's turn it might be to fix a bonding blocker isn't anywhere near as important as the blockade or obstacle getting removed so that the path can continue a lot more smoothly. You do want the path to be more smooth, right?

Last time he was the numptie. This time it's you. Although, at least the two of you are taking it in turns, LOL Fair enough?

Little Rhino

Now, you said you were fully committed. To what, though - yourself first, the team second? You being thin-skinned yet insensitive at the moment, in other words. Is that a fair observation? If not, if you really DO lack that awareness and instinct of what is good versus bad etiquette thus put his nose further out of joint merely out of simple, innocent ignorance, then the thing to have done was just apologise to him for your mistake rather than have rushed too readily into your corner of the boxing-ring, all defensive and ready for a fight. Is THAT a fair observation? You come across out-of-kilter, AMMS.

You have to start realising that whenever you endeavour to please and make happy your boyfriend assuming it doesn't demand you harming or disrespecting yourself in the process , you prime him into wanting to please YOU, with that back-and-forth rally building trust and strengthening feelings. Kindle Edition , Hardcover. Add to Wish List. Order in the next 16 hours and get it by Friday, December Book 2 of 6. Kindle Edition , Library Binding. Order in the next 12 hours and get it by Friday, December Book 3 of 6. Order in the next 13 hours and get it by Friday, December Book 4 of 6.

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