The Struggle Within: A Book of Poetry

And now that we have Book 5 the end is in sight; the method behind the entire cycle has at last come into view. It is time to take stock. Surely if you swing a cat in many metropolitan areas it will collide with a few authors who have attained similar notoriety; still, it was a promising beginning.

In the next year excitement was building. People in the know knew: A deal was struck: The most important book review in North America gave Book 2 a rave. The Paris Review ran its first interview with him, this one on its website. And there I was with them, aching to put my love of Book 2 into words. To this day, having read five volumes of the series, it may still be my favorite of all.

One night I dashed off a blog post for a little website:. It alone makes the book stand out from the rest of the pack for me. That last is such perfect Knausgaard: I think I almost fainted. I wrote that little post knowing I was somewhat late to the party. I had not been among the earliest adopters of Karl Ove. I had demurred from Book 1 until the fall of Then, after I had raced through that book in a week, I kept watch for my galley of Book 2 , and when it arrived on February 6, , I was thoroughly enchanted.

By the end of I was firmly on board, as were the New York City literary establishment and numerous influential critics and readers across the United States.

Things were moving in an astonishing direction for My Struggle. The future was bright. But perhaps no one quite realized what awaited us with Book 3. In they again brought Knausgaard to America, but this time they did it big. Zadie Smith and about eager beavers awaited him at McNally Jackson Bookstore in Manhattan, the largest event the store had ever seen. I believe this was where Smith made her infamous declaration that she needed the next volume like crack. The New York Times style section asked Knausgaard to write an essay on the subject of his own fame.

At the end of the year, four separate New Yorker critics declared Book 3 one of their favorite books of the year. Everybody, it seemed, was writing about this book, including me. In I published a lengthy interview with him in Tin House , and I registered my opinions of the latest volume in the San Francisco Chronicle. While generally positive, my review was mixed:. Book Three is in many ways an enjoyable read and a solid addition to the series, but it is not up to the standards of the first two books. The original publication schedule of My Struggle saw the author pumping out Books Three through Six in a single year—something like 2, pages of writing in just 12 months!

So much for A year later, Book 4 ignited another media storm, but something was beginning to change. The wear on the runaway, diesel-powered Hummer that was the Knausgaard media sensation was beginning to show. For one thing, Knausgaard clearly was not the biggest translated author in the building: Did he really need to write down every last detail of his life?

Maybe some revision would have helped trim the fat?

The Struggle Against Language | Quarterly Conversation

In some quarters, a strange sort of feminist critique of Knausgaard was emerging: As a doomed effort to write himself out of a trench of his own creation, Book Four achieves a kind of success in spite of itself. I was tiring of My Struggle. I was not sure if I would even read Book 5 , and it did not help matters any that in my interview with Knausgaard he had told me that he wrote Book 5 in a matter of weeks and could not stand to read it any longer. Was it possible that it was even worse than Book 4?

Such was my mood that by the time a galley of Book 5 appeared on my front porch early in , I dutifully tweeted a photo, more out of a sense of nostalgia than from anticipation. I let the book sit for a month, and it might have sat much longer were it not for the intervention of a good friend. Regardless, pick it up I did, and as I began to read it something was happening.

The prose had gotten better—not to the polished level of Books 1 and 2 , but a clear improvement over 3 and 4. More than that, this felt like a book whose narrative was playing in a different league than the previous two volumes. This was a story with a serious sweep. At last we were witnessing a conflict worthy of this mammoth title. There were no easy answers. Yes, and in fact, Book 5 began to feel akin to that moment when one steps out of a thick grove of trees to see that a major ridge has been reached, suddenly beneath you stands the land you have just traversed, the hidden method to the trails you had just laboriously walked now revealed.

Without a doubt, any effort to write 3, pages in just under three years will involve a degree of chaos and intuition. Knausgaard has acknowledged this, but he has also consistently stated in interviews that there was a plan behind My Struggle. Books 1 and 2 deal with his present-day life, Books 3 and 4 go into his deep childhood, Book 5 connects back up with where we started, and Book 6 , Quixote -like shows the author seeing himself in the mirror of his fame. Nonetheless, a severe gap separates Books 1 and 2 from Books 3 and 4.

The former are all about the feeling of middle age. These first two books are also filled with essay-like digressions where the author works out his feelings on these subjects. Despite the philosophical tone, these books are page-turners because of the engrossing narratives that give these sizable volumes rhythm, structure, and a rakish energy. The case is much different with Books 3 and 4: Being episodic and immature, their efforts to capture the mindstate of childhood leaves little room for the philosophical riffs on things like the experience of time or the place of death in modern life.

By the time one finishes Book 4 , the series feels bipolar: It is not clear which Karl Ove will win out, nor how this dissonance will be resolved. And so it is a sizable achievement that Book 5 provides the connective tissue. For all the ignominious behavior, these are also the years where he begins to truly accept responsibility. Karl Ove begins guiding his life in a thoughtful and deliberative manner. Book 5 also has what feels to me like the most significant hinge of the series to-date. It is just two pages tucked in to the bracing final stretch of this page book.

His son has not seen him for two years. Still nursing this wound, Karl Ove visits out of a sense of duty, and his dad decides to tell him that he is going to die. Not of alcohol poisoning but of cancer. It is a flat-out lie. Karl Ove immediately realizes this is a sick joke, a pathetic attempt to wrest sympathy by any means. The subject is dropped. The son sticks around a few minutes more and then leaves.

In the spectacle of this grown man living in filth with his mother, this man who can barely unseat himself from the couch to open another beer for himself, and then this final, damning lie, something changes in the relationship. The tyrant who has threatened Karl Ove for his entire life is but a shadow. When Knausgaard stands up to leave in disgust, the power dynamic of the relationship reverses. The most terrifying and damaging figure of his entire life is no more.

It is just two pages, not imbued with any sense of greatness, a moment that derives its power from the hundreds—really thousands—of pages of angst that precede it. Book 5 is replete with this sort of subtlety. As the volume starts Karl Ove is enrolled in the Writing Academy at Bergen, where he expects to become a writer and fall in love with a young woman named Ingvild. What happens instead is that Karl Ove finds that he is the worst writer in his class, and Ingvild falls for his brother, Ygnve.

He routinely drinks to the point of absolute loss of control—the blackouts that have been foreshadowed since Book 1. When this happens, Karl Ove is fortunate if the worst thing he does is to steal a bike to pedal home, or fall asleep in the front seat of an unlocked car. But oftentimes he does unfathomable things that begin to build a boorish reputation for him. As if that were not shameful enough, his arrest falls on the day of the graduation ceremony from the Writing Academy. He instead spends that day and night drying out in a jail cell. There is great courage here, and a seeming masochism, on the part of Knausgaard the author to portray this enormous failing in such true and vivid detail.

Among the many reasons Knausgaard may have had for raking these coals, this scene is essential to the shape of Book 5: That he was in it for more than just sex. That he was desperate for my support. I literally hurt, Jayson. But when he told me, he blamed himself, God, that just killed me. What really got me, seeing him break down at the cemetery when he asked his mom to forgive him.

That poor man tortured himself. The similarities are uncanny, to be honest. You have to realize this is a struggle they can live with, but not cure. I always called it a controlled struggle. Pretty stupid I know. Focus on those, not where you think he went wrong. Some wounds may never heal. Let those scars be a reminder of how strong you are.

You survived, but most of all, you learned. You learned your worth. You learned your endurance. That it isn't as innocent as I thought it was! I've been throwing out the suggestion left, right, and centre, thinking it was safe to take the invitation at face value How the hell was I supposed to know "Netflix and chill" is a euphemism for sex?!!? That instead of meaning "let's watch a movie and hang out While I'm usually pretty fantastic at being on the up-n-up on societal jargon, I totally missed the ball on this one! This is not the story I expected. I wanted depth and emotion and I ended up with a sex fest.

The writing is choppy and in serious need of editing. Tenses all over the place and too many confusing changes of POV. View all 5 comments. Domestic abuse is one of the topics that effect me deeply. Wish all the survivors would have similar happily tidied up endings. I have seen many real life stories when I did some volunteer work and lets say it was not pretty.

But I have met some of strongest people I've ever seen. Taking that first step to save yourself seems like the hardest step. And sadly the road to "normalcy" does not get easier. So this story; this carefully, thoughtfully written story is quite impressive.

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However Domestic abuse is one of the topics that effect me deeply. However, not as impressive as it could be. I don't understand why this story shies away showing the messy things in present. Especially because it does not shy away when it comes to the flashbacks. I guess that is why this don't make it 5 star for me. But still, it is pretty fantastic read.

But also quite emotionally draining. Apr 29, Katy added it Shelves: Apr 23, Claudia rated it it was amazing Shelves: It can happen in any social class, anywhere in the world This is a story of trust going wrong and the struggle to overcome years of abuse They may not see their own strenght, but they have more courage than they can imagine. It's heartbreaking to see everything that Ryan went thru in the hands of his abuser, but it's heartwarming to see all the support he has in Michael his best friend and in the love of Jayson It's really humble to see Ryan struggles and really inspiring to see him getting back the reins of his life and destiny Carry them as the badges of honor they are - Because they are proof that you Survived!

This was such an emotional story about domestic abuse. We see Ryan trying to live his life after he struggles with mental anxiety, anguish, PTSD and much more. His emotional scars cut so much deeper than all the physical ones he's endured. He's out of his abusive relationship but we see flash backs of his life with his husband Calvin.

Ryan has such a great support system with his coworker Michael and his wife. He would literally be dead without Michael. Ryan meets Jayson and struggles with his emo This was such an emotional story about domestic abuse. Ryan meets Jayson and struggles with his emotions further. He's not supposed to want someone else ever again because he will not be controlled, vulnerable.

He will never love or trust another man but Jayson makes him want more. I enjoyed seeing all their perspectives- being a survivor of domestic abuse, helping someone that has experienced it, and someone trying to have a relationship with a survivor. Jayson was so perfect for Ryan! The author added some stories written by survivors that were very moving and sad but still hopeful! Story of abuse and courage I seldom review much on Amazon anymore. However, this book is important. For those of us that have survived abusive relationships, we look for courage in just about anything we can. This story is one of those things for me.

The story is haunting. The three different perspectives occasionally confused me in conversations. Nevertheless, it is a heartbreaking and uplifting story about abuse and a survivor. Triggers are a tough thing. I hope everyone lea Story of abuse and courage I seldom review much on Amazon anymore. I hope everyone learns a healthy way to cope. Hugs to the author. You did good, as we say here in Texas.

May 02, Mary Gresham rated it it was amazing.

• Summary for the book Dynamics of the Earths axis of rotation and the levels of the oceans.
• The Struggle Within: A Novel.
• The Struggle Within by Tyler May.

Writing a review isn't usually my thing, but I felt I had to with this book. In spite of what a few readers said, it is a very well written book. The author doesn't pull any punches about the abuse and while there is romance and sex, the main subject is domestic abuse. I'm really not sure why the other readers seem to think this is some sort of fanfic, because it isn't.

It's a story about life, a story about abuse, but it's mainly a story about survival of that domestic abuse. And for Tyler to h Writing a review isn't usually my thing, but I felt I had to with this book. And for Tyler to have both prologue and epilogue written by domestic abuse survivors was a great idea.

And, I'm damn glad those people are now safe, that they no longer have to live in fear. I do know what domestic abuse feels like, I've been there, although not to the extent that the author's friends have gone through. My short story is this, I married when I was 17, didn't really grow up in the most loving family. No abuse there, but it was a kind of indifference, I guess you would call it.

The Struggle Within

My parents really didn't show me the love that my older brother got, nor the love that they showed my kids. But, I was never neglected and very seldom ever got a spanking. I didn't know what domestic abuse was at 17, had never even read about it.

I might have saw that movie with Farrah Fawcett in it way back when, but it still didn't really click. My husband back then was lazy, he really didn't want to work much, he or someone else would get him a job and within 6 weeks, he'd either quit or get fired. I'm not even sure what started the argument that day, but it was about another lost job and for some reason, he slapped me, on my shoulder. It didn't even hurt, but it shocked me, a lot. I just looked at him for a couple of seconds, then told him to pack his shit and leave.

We were living at my parent's house, so he didn't have much choice. If I hadn't stood up to him that day, it probably would have continued and escalated to something even worse. I didn't hate him, but I refused to stay in a relationship like that. I could have been in the same situation as Ryan, one of the MCs, had I allowed him to stay. I was strong enough to put my foot down about it, but there are so many who can't do that and I truly do understand why. It's not easy, never has been and never will be.

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My dream is to one day win the powerball have to but them first, lol and builds homeless shelter in our area for lgbt kids who need a safe place, when they have no other options. As far as I know, there isn't even a shelter for adult lgbt people in a mile radius. Will probably never win, so it most likely won't happen, but I can dream. Speaking of shelters, I really didn't tear up until they were dedicating the shelter they built. Tyler, you wrote a beautiful story and don't let anyone ever tell you different. If they do, apparently they didn't read the same book I did. To the real people, the survivors mentioned, thank you for sharing your stories.

And to the people who helped you to get away, thank you as well, for possibly saving their lives. Apr 25, TracyG. I have to say this. Before I actually got to the book itself I didn't think I could actually read it. I read the note from the author and the true account from a survivor, that in my opinion is a strong brave man that opened himself to us all, and thought I don't think this is going to be for me because I was already crying so hard just from those few pages.

I read the book, it broke my heart so many times but as much as the abuse was there this story is much more than that. It show I have to say this. It shows the strength and courage needed to break free and start believing in yourself. I think the author did a wonderful job with this tough storyline to make it very real. All I can say is well done. You can only commend the contributors to this book on their bravery, their willingness to share their stories, the strength they show every single day.

They are an inspiration and I wish each and every one of them a lifetime of peace and happiness. Beautiful story of survival This was an amazing read the struggle people who are abused go through reading this and the extra stories were inspiring! An amazingly gut wrenching, heartbreaking and life affirming story.

So beautifully written, I cried as I read Ryan's story as well as the others sharing their experiences. Beautifully done with compassion and tenderness, Tyler took such care and it shows. May 15, Caroline Brand rated it really liked it Shelves: The Struggle Within deals with domestic abuse, self-harm and addiction and for the most part it is on page as it is integral to the story. Before and after the actual story there are true and very personal accounts from survivors of abusive relationships and the bravery of these men putting their stories out there is amazing.

The Struggle Within is Dr Ryan Jacobs story for the main part and is a harrowing portrayal of his life after he thought he married the man of his dreams but who in fact turned out to be his worst nightmare. Ryan is systematically abused and brainwashed into giving up his family and friends as his husband Calvin takes over all aspects of his life. But there is hope as Calvin is also the first person Ryan snatches his life back from but that comes much later and at a huge cost.

As he stumbled through the minefield that was Ryan he finds himself falling for the man who bears both visible and hidden scars. Michael was such a generous and caring man and his impact on Ryan from the moment they met was massive. It was just too slow, it didn't hold my interest. Apr 28, Natosha Wilson rated it it was amazing. I have to say that even though I read the description of this book before I read it, I was still not prepared for how some of the things that Ryan went through really hit close to home and honestly was an eye opener for me on a personal level.

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This could not have been an easy book to write in the least. This book more then touches on a subject that most Trigger Warnings: This book more then touches on a subject that most authors skim over when writing about domestic violence because of how horrible the ordeal can be. I applaud Tyler May for writing this book and even more I applaud the f t that Tyler May has incorporated in both the beginning and the end of this book real life people who have put themselves out there by sharing some of their experience with domestic violence.

This book is truly an emotional roller coaster. There are some good times but there is definitely some very difficult times that the main character Ryan had to face. But like this book shows domestic violence does not only affect the person being abused it also affects that remain close to them and then it will also affect future relationships also. I want to forewarn those that have triggers to this book that you will not want to read it because Tyler May does what I believe is an incredible thing by vividly describing some of what Ryan went through but also by describing vividly the lengths that family and friends will go to in order to help try and save someone in this situation.

I also applaud Tyler for writing this book because too many people believe that if it is a same sex couple that it may not be abuse. Also Tyler makes sure to let readers know that just because someone may not physically put their hands on someone, that does not mean it is not abuse if it is only verbal.

In some ways the verbal is worse then the physical because the verbal and emotional abuse weaves it way into your head, your heart, and your very soul and it does not go away like bruises will. I applaud Tyler May all the way around on writing this book because it is a subject that should be brought to light more then it is because this is an easy thing to hide from or turn a blind eye on seeing it happen. No one knows how truly bad it can be or how bad it can get, but Tyler is shedding the light on this subject and I believe that is an incredible thing.

Who knows, reading this very emotional read may just help save someone's life that one of us may love. Touching, heartbreaking at times and beautifully written Beautifully written. Abuse is something that a lot of people still don't take seriously and that is something that has to change. I remember once years ago watching a tv show were a young man was raped by a group of women. The next day I heard others at my work laughing saying that the show was unrealistic and that a man could never be raped.

To say I was appalled was the least of it I was livid. I had to take a break because I was afraid t Touching, heartbreaking at times and beautifully written Beautifully written. I had to take a break because I was afraid that if I said something I would end up making a scene and lose my job. To say that a man could never could never be abused or raped by anyone is to say a man could never lose a fight to anyone. Men lose fights all the time. This book she'd some light into how a man can be abused just like anyone else.

Abuse while it can be physical is more mental. While you make have bruises and broken bones it's the mental anguish that stays with you. The abuser makes you believe you deserve everything that happens to you and that they are doing out of love. Thank you Ms May for making that known. To those who gifted us with part of their story remember you did nothing wrong.

I am so happy you got out. Stay strong and remember you are so worth it, all the good, happiness and love, you are worth it. Apr 27, Tracy Perry rated it it was amazing. My aching broken heart Also that poor woman at the end: The Struggle Within is a must read! May 24, Victorias' KeepinitReal rated it it was amazing. There aren't enough words in the english language to express how this book has affected me. My heart is full and my mind further enlightened concerning the emotion and physical truth of domestic violence. Gay or straight domestic violence is totally unexceptable!!!!!

Thank you Tyler May for such a deep, amazing and exceptional story. To all the domestic abuse survivors who contributed by allowing you to publish their stories, poems and testi There aren't enough words in the english language to express how this book has affected me. To all the domestic abuse survivors who contributed by allowing you to publish their stories, poems and testimonials Thank you so much.

I have such a profound respect for you for writing this book I am so emotional right now. This book with forever be engrained in my heart. I have to say reading this book made me think of so many questions I will never get answers to, but that it opened my eyes that abuse of any form physical, mental or verbal, etc. No one should have to go through that kind of abuse.

So I hope with having a little saying at the end of the book about my sister Heidi Glass helps as many people who are dealing with this that there is a way out before it involves homicide and suicide at the hands of the Amazing writer! So I hope with having a little saying at the end of the book about my sister Heidi Glass helps as many people who are dealing with this that there is a way out before it involves homicide and suicide at the hands of the one person who you thought would love you for who you are and not a doormat for someone to take away from you, your mom and your dad and you siblings and your own children.

It means your life is worth more than anything false and not safe for you to be around with the person who is or has abused you! So in a few words this books is so worth reading!!!

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I love the structure it was written in, and the 3 person point of view changing added to the story for me. This books shows the true colors of friendship, hows that there are many different kinds of soul mates. Michael and Ryan were soul mates just as much as Jayson and Ryan were. This is about both physical and emotional scars. Abuse is a living breathing thing all on its own, and even when it's over and the situation has passed its not really over. We're all in this together, and your'e not alone. This is a tough read and this is a serious situation but it is heart warming and beautiful also.

I already want to re-read it. Another great one Tyler. Apr 24, Dara Nelson rated it it was amazing Shelves: How can I put this to make you understand? I'm just going to throw it out there because I need to get it out - this is not only a book that you need to read, it's a book that you should read, a book that you have to read - because it's relevant, because it's meaningful, because it's important.

But there is reward from that difficulty. Not the reward of getting through the book. I'm talking about the reward of learning something, something that will mean something to y How can I put this to make you understand? I'm talking about the reward of learning something, something that will mean something to you, something that you'll maybe want to help with or maybe not but at least now you'll know.

And the more people who know - the more there are who can and will help. This book will not only change your heart, it just might change your life. I was given an ARC in exchange for an honest review. This was a good but emotionally draining book. Please read the warnings before you read this story.