The Right One For My Heart
He is not worth it.
Do not sell yourself short. He will not protect you. I know the temptation, though it may be for different reasons. You find comfort, security, acceptance. Affection and love that you fear you will never find elsewhere. Or maybe, he keeps promising you with empty words. You are afraid that without those pieces, you will never be whole again. Perhaps he is the temptation you are facing now.
He tickles all the intellectual nerves in your mind. He holds you until the waves of panic disappear. This indecision, this self-doubt, resulted in significant stress and anxiety —sometimes, to the point of feeling too paralyzed to act at all—as well as resulting in wasted time, lost opportunities, and regrets. Over the years, I worked in therapy on overcoming anxiety and other issues, and learned and practiced meditation and mindfulness, and yoga.
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Over time, and with consistent practice, I gradually learned how to find a calm center in the midst of those conflicted thoughts. I discovered that my heart would always tell me what I really needed. There was always one clear answer from the heart, about what was right for me in any given situation. And when I experimented with acting on those choices, the outcomes were always good, and I never felt doubt or regret.
There was a consistent sense of acting in alignment with my true self, my true purpose…my truth. The fundamental basis for this approach to making decisions is mindfulness. It means having a still center from which I can then be aware of the quieter, and subtler, signals in my body, my heart. I have learned to trust that this response from the heart tells me what is best for my overall, integral being, for my physical health, my mental health, my social relationships, my family relationships, and the unfolding of my life purpose.
Mindfulness is the basis from which this approach to decision-making stems, but making decisions this way as a practice also enhances my ability to be mindful in everyday life.
Imago Theory
Most of our stress, anxiety, indecision, and doubt around making decisions is rooted in fear. We fear unknown outcomes, or we fear negative outcomes that we project might happen. In his book The Biology of Belief , Bruce Lipton talks about how a cell is either in defence mode or in growth mode; it cannot be in both at once.
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The same is true psychologically. If we are—even just in our thoughts—engaged in fear, and trying to defend ourselves from negative outcomes, then the choices we make will be based in trying to protect ourselves from whatever it is we fear; they will not be grounded in hope, confidence, and faith; they will not be conducive to growth and thriving. Our brains are wired to prioritize safety; this means that the brain will pay attention to fear and let it guide our thinking. It takes practice and perseverance to find a calm center beneath and within the fear; it is the work of mindfulness, applied to actions.
Mindfulness is fundamental as it trains you to detach from the narrative of the fear-based thoughts. But making decisions to act in ways that challenge those fears takes the challenge up a notch. Part of the solution is reminding yourself of what has always happened in the past when you acted according to these fears. You will find that there is always some kind of dissatisfaction or disappointment, if not outright frustration, that resulted.
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I have come to make all my decisions in this heart-centered way, and I have never been disappointed. On the one hand, I can say that I have never been disappointed because the outcome has always been good. On the other hand, there is a feeling that comes simply from making a decision this way, based on a felt response in the body, where I physically experience my body saying yes or no, that allows me to detach from expectations about the outcome altogether, and to feel good and confident about my decision, regardless of the outcome. I feel good and strong simply because I am making the decision that I know is right for me.
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The outcomes we wish for are not always the outcomes we need, or that will be best for us. The outcomes we wish for are often based in a sense of lack, longing, or insufficiency. In my emotional heart I may fear, I may want to avoid something, or I may long for something, desire it. In my energetic heart , the response will not be based on any sense of fear, avoidance, lack, or insufficiency. It is based in a consistent, integral sense of Self, in relationship to others, to the world, and to life itself.
I used to be afraid of confrontation, or even of risking a confrontation by displeasing people. I had the usual reaction: What if you could live a life that would make YOU jealous? Open a page to start your day, frame a page that inspires you to keep living, share a page with a friend who needs support, or leave one behind for a complete stranger to brighten their day.
God Knows The Right Man For You, Don’t Give Your Heart To The Wrong One
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But in every person, you meet you finding yourself longing for the past and missing a person that only exists in your memory.
