The Courage to Face My Inner Self; Bi-Polar Disorder

There is no easy answer on how to overcome bipolar disorder, and re-enter life, as it were. But if you are the person experiencing bipolar disorder and asking this question, you've already got part of it licked. Often the most difficult aspect is accepting you've got the illness in the first place. It took me over four years to admit there might be an actual disorder.

This doesn't mean the rest of the journey is a cakewalk though.

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Here are three steps that might help you on your way and create a gentle action plan. Learning to have a gentle compassionate attitude towards yourself and your progress, no matter how slow, will give you steam to carry on. Once self-acceptance has begun to grow, self-awareness can develop with much less resistance and self-criticism.

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For without the self-acceptance and self-love, honest and accurate self-awareness is impossible. Changes on the physical, emotional, intellectual, behavioral and even spiritual levels occur indicating something is afoot. Cultivate an attentive relationship with your body, your thoughts, your spirit. The sooner you notice discrepancies, the sooner you can jump into proactive action.

What are your particular red flags? I know I am heading for a down turn when I begin to sleep over my usual 8 hours and wake still fatigued and when I do wake, I cringe at the idea of having to get dressed and face the morning. This may not mean I will experience a full blown depression, but it does tell me to make sure I am doing all the things I know fortify my mental health and if I am not, to get my butt into gear and do them.

Or if I find myself talking in rapid fire pace as soon as I wake, I know this could mean a possible mania or hypomania. So I take all the precautions I can: These are but a few preventative health measures I take. What works for you?

To be exact, bipolar disorder. When we first met, I was euphoric. The sex was amazing. My entire high school and college career I never exhibited this kind of behavior. Maybe I had finally found myself. Maybe I had never been in love. Maybe I never realized I was manic. Very drunk and emotional. OK, distraught and out of control.

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You had to call the police, despite my tearful pleas. Only four months in, when we were still getting to know each other. You must have chosen me at this point. We found freedom and love when they let me out of the hospital nearly two weeks later. Sleeping in your van by the ocean. You had no money to spare. Lucky for us, I had a savings account. I gladly, so gladly, swiped my first ATM card.

Fighting Bipolar Disorder

My moods alternated from love to hate to pack your bags to move in. My red hair and freckles swayed you every time. Something about me made you choose me. But riddled with issues. Some in the forefront like bulimia and depression. Others later to be revealed: Still, you chose me. Sometimes, I sink into the couch. Sometimes, I roar from the rooftops. Sometimes you bring me extra clothes in the hospital.

Overcoming Weariness

You carry me more than I carry you. I do my absolute best when I can.